" you did that on purpose , you're such a bastard " i shouted with teary eyes after my hand slapped his face    he froze shocked at the sudden insult , his hair fell on his face from the slap covering his eyes ..    i got a shock too once i got aware of what i did to him .. he left the place quietly ...    my whole body was trembling in fear , it's my first time to slap someone !! i didn't even know i could do that ..    as a result the photo shoot was canceled for today after my manager told them about my stomach ache , i took the van alone to the hotel since yonghwa already left the studio earlier ..    i kept thinking about it in the van , it's my fault from the beginning reacting to this photo shoot seriously and engrossed into it with my all emotions , body and mind .. if i didn't take it that seriously i wouldn't have reacted this way , and i wouldn't have slapped him for doing his job ...    suddenly i remembered his husky voice whispering those sedative things in my ear , i got shivers across my whole body again ! and my heart raced at the thought , i gulped as my throat went dry .. him ... was he that ... ? does he have any feelings left for me ? or was he just lost in the heat of the moment !    i pulled my hair in disbelief , i'm not gonna fall in his trap twice anyway ..    i called changmin that moment    " hey "    " hey baby " changmin said excited    " i just finished my schedule for today "    " you've worked hard "    " what are you doing ?" i asked him to keep the call going , i need him ..    " just with my friends , are you okay juhyunii ? "    " i am , just that i miss you so much " i said with a low tone trying to breath regularly , i was afraid i would start crying any moment   " i miss you too .. i really do .. let's spend a lot of time together when you come back "    " changmin .. will you hold me tightly when i meet you ? that kind of embrace that will suffocate me .. can you do it for me " i said and a tear escaped my eye .. i'm such a crazy women    " i'll do it , and anything you ask too , get enough rest as your voice sounds tired "    " i'm not tired , just a little lonely " i said and laughed later , how pitiful i'm now    " just think of me , and how much i love you .. how much i want to embrace you too "    " ok , i'll end the call now , good night "    i ended the call once i arrived to the hotel .. i walked to my room and glanced yonghwa's room !! should i apologize ? i'm at fault and he looked shocked too .. what if he's having a hard time because of me now !!    i entered my room and walked in circles across it thinking about it .. after a while i took the decision to apologize to him and invite him to dinner    i took a slow steps toward his door , knocking it for the first time , my heart raced waiting for a reply , what if he's still sad or shocked , what if he slaps me or something ?    the door of his room was opened , a woman was the one who opened it for me .. i checked her out and she was dazzlingly beautiful , she was wearing a strapless y red dress , too short and tightly showing off her y body , i stared at her body amazed although i'm a woman too !!    " ehm , is yonghwa there ? " i asked her stuttering trying to keep my eyes on her pretty face instead of her body    " sorry ? " she said in english as she didn't understand my korean but she looks asian anyway   " is yonghwa there , can i talk to him ?" i said in english this time    " oh yes he's taking a shower right now , wait a minute " she said as she went to the bathroom , i'm not sure why am i still here , i should have ran away and forget about apologizing ..   two minutes later and yonghwa finally came wearing his bathrobe and his hair still wet , i stared at him a little checking out how the -just showered yong - feels like    " ah juhyun , what's the matter " he looked at me wondering , i think he didn't really expect my visit    " you look totally fine " i said as i glanced the girl behind him sitting on the bed    he frowned questioning my intentions    " about earlier ... i'm ... " i said but i didn't want to apologize to such a bastard after all , looks like he's just that type of man    " you're already here , but you think i don't deserve an apology after all , right ? " he said boldly looking into my eyes .. wow he got it all right    " yes , that's what i'm thinking exactly "    " it's okay .. " he nodded assuring closing the door gradually    " wait !! " i shouted as i held the door open , that was hell embarrassing but i did it unconsciously as i thought about ; deep in my heart i don't want him to spend time with that girl in red dress !!    i'm not sure why i should care about this , but ... i don't want him to be with her alone .. " what about a dinner together ? " i suggested in a hurry    " as an apologize ... " i continued before he misunderstands the situation    his confidence builded up in a moment and i'm the one to blame , he had a smirk on his face before he turns his head to look at the girl on his bed and looked at me again ..    " ok , give me 10 minutes to wear something , and apologize to natacha "    i nodded at him and went to the restaurant .. i was a little glad that he chose me over the y girl .. it would have hurt my pride if he chose otherwise .. the hotel got a really classy restaurant , the table i chose got a really beautiful view of Beijing city , the night view of the high towers across the city .. the restaurant lightning depended mainly on candles which gave off a warm and romantic vibe to the place , wow !! i should try out such a restaurant with changmin ...   waitress stood at every corner waiting for any command, most of the tables were occupied by classy couples who were wearing formal and lost in their love lines , although the restaurant wasn't private but who cares , since i'm doing work with yonghwa so it's okay if we were seen together ..    i waited for him .. 10 minutes he said but it was more than 35 minutes passed , i was already irritated and regretting every single thing i did tonight ..    ************************************************** ( flash back )    " i don't want to do that anymore , i can't keep playing that game on her " i shouted angry    " i want to tell her the truth " i said with a broken voice    " your lie got already big , telling the truth will not help you " han said as he rested his hand on my shoulder    " she deserves to know .. "   " she'll leave you if she knew the truth "  han said sighing    " i'll ask for her forgiveness everyday , but i can't keep going on with this lie "    i murmured under my breath " i already kissed her too " , as i said it , i remembred her face , our kiss , her promise too to love me always , my heart was literally broken , it was so painful i felt like i'm having a heart attack , but who cares if i even die now , i deserve it    " if you tell her , you'll lose everything you have now and what you could have in the future too " han said    " i don't care anymore .. " i said as my eyes got teary from the pressure builded inside them, my hands trembled too   " plus she'll hate you forever , and your members too will hate you for destroying cnblue " han said shaking his head    " it's all because of you .. " i said glaring at hi