I stood alone by the tree in the park where Jong In and I had kissed. I had called and asked him to meet me here, and I was thankful he was free and coming straight away. 

I'd left Kyungsoo in the tea shop not too long after I'd reached my decision, as there was nothing else to do but act it out. My stomache was in knots, though, and I was a weird mix of wanting Jong In to get here soon so we could get this over with and hoping he wouldn't come. I wasn't very good with resolutions, I typically would backtrack halfway through acting on them, which has lead to some awkward moments.

"Soo Young?"

Jong In.

He was here.

Now was the time.

I turned to look at him and saw him standing there, beautiful and confused. My heart contracted.

"Hey," he said, smiling at me as he moved to stand in front of me. "Is something wrong?"

Of course, something had to be wrong for me to be the one to call him and ask him to meet me somewhere. Because I never do that. Why would he assume anything else?

"Earlier this week," I began, wanting to jump straight into this before I could back out, "you said you loved me." His eyes widened, his body stiffened. He looked like he was almost trying to make himself look smaller while he waiting for my next words, which was just absured with how tall he was. "Did you mean it?"

He swallowed as he studied my face with his wide eyes, trying to find what answer I was wanting in my face, I guess. I'm not sure what he saw there, but I hoped it wasn't anything to sway him one way or the other; I wanted to know his honest answer.

He nodded.

I bit my lip and looked at the ground as I tried to formulate my next words.

"I love you, Soo Young," he said, suprising me and causing me to look up at him. His eyes were determined as they looked back at me. "I love you, and I'm not sorry about that. I am sorry for when and how I said it, though."

"You mean for leaving right after?"

"No, well, that too," he ammended. "I didn't mean to say it then. It just slipped out."

"So you ran away because you were embarrassed?"

"No." He shook his head. "I ran away because I knew you didn't feel the same way."

I was caught off guard by that. Jong In had always seemed so confident that I liked him, or that I would. It was strange to hear him say something like that.

"I didn't think I could handle hearing you say that, though, so I ran. And then you didn't call or text or even mention it the next day, and you started acting so distant, I took that as a confirmation. I wanted to tell you I was sorry for doing that, but I felt like I was walking a thin line already, that if I brought it up it could ruin everything. That I'd moved too fast or over stepped some boundary and it'd be too much and that that would be... it."

As he spoke he looked so pained, it hurt me too.

"I wasn't acting like that because of what you said, not entirely."

"Then why were you?" he asked, looking up at me, a mixture of hope and fear.

"I was thinking about how Tao was leaving us, and that someday you could leave me."

"Soo Young," Jong In said firmly, stepping closer to me, reaching out to grab my arm. "I'm not going to leave you. I can't."

"Maybe not by choice."

"Soo Young."

"So I was thinking about what I should do about that," I continued.

"What you should do?" he asked, confused.

He stared at my eyes for a moment, before something clicked in his eyes and he dropped his hand.

"You've been thinking about-"

"Yes, but I could never come to a decision," I said before he could wander too far down a path I didn't want him to go. "I liked you too much to do anything, but I was scared that if I didn't do anything then it would hurt much worse later on."

We stood in silence for a moment.

"So why are you telling me this now?" he asked, then seemed to figure out the answer on his own. "You've already made your decision."

"Yes," I said without hesitation.

"What is it?" he asked, anxiously.

"What do you think? I told you to meet me in a secluded park, instead of in a tea shop," I said before smiling. "Or an ice cream shop."

He stared at me confused for a moment before the meaning of my words hit him.

Before I could think too much or he could react, I reached up and grabbed his collar, pulling him down so I could reach his face with mine, and kissed him. It was awkward, and far from perfect, but I did it. It was only a beat before he reacted, wrapping an arm around me, a hand in my hair. He kissed me back harder than he ever had before, and I couldn't say that I didn't like it. I burried my fingers in his hair, holding his head close, making it just as hard for him to escape as he had for me.

Unfortunately, I eventually ran out of breath and had to pull back. Not wanting to be seperated from him, though, I wrapped my arms around his neck to keep him close. Catching on, and apparently feeling the same, Jong In wrapped his arms around me, pulling me so close that he actually lifted me off the ground. I laughed from the shock of my feet losing purchase. I felt like I was on a high from the relief of not worrying about having to say good bye to Jong In, at least not yet, and his general happiness. I was always happiest when he was happy.

I couldn't help the words that came out while he was holding me up like that. They were the truth, and he deserved to know.

"I love you, Jong In."

~

GRADUATION DAY

I couldn't quite get used to the idea that I had graduated, that highschool was over. I kept trying to imagine what it would be like to start college, but my brain couldn't conjure anything. Strange, really, since I had an older sister who had just graduated from college and lived at home for most of the time she attended. You'd think the idea wouldn't be so alien to me, but it was.

Speak of the devil.

"Excited to be starting college?"

I smiled at my sister who had just apeared out of the crowd of other graduates and their families. The ceremony was already over, and I had been looking for them. 

"Apprehensive, actually."

She rolled her eyes at the word while behind her our parents broke through the sea of people as well, Xiumin and Ga In not far behind them.

"You know college students don't actually talk like that, right?"

"So?" I shrugged. "It's how I talk."

"I think it's cool," Xiumin defended me as he grabbed Jin Ri's hand, a ring glinting in the sunlight.

"Nerds," Ga In said, shoving her hands into her jacket. She had already gone through graduation last year, and had wasted no time in buying new clothes to show everyone she was now a "woman". She constantly turned heads everywhere she went.

"Where's Jong In and the others?" My mom asked, searching the crowd.

"We're supposed to meet by the big tree," I said, leading everyone back throuh the crowd.

We pushed our way slowly through before finally coming out by the tree to see Jong In and his family, Sehun and his family, along with Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol.

"There you are!" Chanyeol exclaimed. "We were beginning to wonder if you guys just left once you found eachother. You know, because you're always so embarrassed to be seen with us."

"Well, I tried to talk them into that, but they started talking about 'memories' and a bunch of other nonsense so I decided to come since it means so much to them."

I waved my hand before crossing my arms, pretending like it was some huge chore to hang out with them after graduation. I felt Jong In stand behind me, his hands grasping the fabric of my robe at my waist. He wasn't really touching me, but he was holding me in place, right in front of him

"I knew it!" Baekhyun exclaimed. "Sehun has turned you to his sassy ways! I was afraid this would happen when you were taken out from under my wing."

"Hey, I didn't have to do anything," Sehun cut in. "She joined the dark side on her own."

"So you admit it's evil!"

"Of course." Sehun shrugged. "It's more fun."

"Oh, Soo Young!" Baekyun said dramatically, turning to me. "We must work to restore your tainted heart to it's pure state!"

"I'm pretty sure my heart is still purer than your's."

"You cut me deep," he said, placing his hand over his heart as if I had actully hurt him.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes and smile at his rediculousness.

"Okay, you three, get together for a picture," my mom said, motioning for me, Sehun, and Jong In to stand together while our moms all came to stand together, phones out and ready. It was really almost scary.

"Yes, yes!" Chanyeol called, pulling out his own phone and joining our moms. "Work it! Work it!"

"Be quiet," Sehun's mom said, shoving Chanyeol out of the way.

I glanced up and saw the proud look Sehun was giving his mom before I faced forward again, not having to try so hard to keep my smile in place this time.

"Why is everyone against me?" Chanyeol whined.

"Because you're in the way," Kyungsoo said from behind Chanyeol before shoving him in another direction.

"Come on Baekhyun!" Chanyeol said, grabbing Baekhyun's shoulder. "No one wants us here! We should just go!"

"No, no," Baekhyun said, brushing Chanyeol's hand off his shoulder and taking a step away. "Today is my friend, Soo Young's big day, and I won't abandon her on it!"

Here he took another step, bringing him closer to Ga In, and turned to her.

"So, how are you and Lay doing?"

"We're doing great, thanks," Ga In answered slightly exasperated. She had answered this question plenty of times over the past couple of years from plenty of different guys.

"Sehun," Jong In's mom said, "would you be a doll and take about five steps to your left?"

"But if I did that I wouldn't be in the pictures," Sehun said, confused for a moment.

The next second he was walking away over joyed that his pictures seemed to be done for the most part, not seeming to be offeneded in the least at how he was dismissed. I got a sort of sick satisfaction when I saw his mom stop him to take individual picures of him so Jong In and I weren't the only ones still suffering.

"Okay, stand close together," Ms. Kim said as she and my mom moved a little closer towards us. "Act like you love eachother."

My cheeks heated a bit, and I heard Jong In heave a sigh at his mother's teasing. I loved that his mother had always been so supportive of us, but it still was a bit embarrassing when she made comments like that even though Jong In and I were the only ones who got uncomfortable from them. My dad had gotten used to idea of me dating not too long after the first time he and Jong In had met, while my mom was beginning to pick up Ms. Kim's bad habbits. Even now I could see her trying to supress a smile as she took pictures.

I really liked that our parents got along, but this was one thing I had hoped they'd differ on.

At his mom's prompting, Jong In slid a hand around my waist, pulling me closer, while I tilted my head towards him.

"I do love you," Jong In said quietly so only I could hear.

"Let's not get sappy in front of all these people."

"One of these days," he said as he leaned in a bit, kissing the top of my head. Instead of pulling back, he stayed that way, though. For the pictures, I realized. "One of these days you're going to get over your fear of showing affection in public."

"I do not have a fear," I argued. It felt fairly petulant, though, as my face had heated up a bit from his kiss.

"Sure you don't," he said, wrapping his other arm around me, turning me to face him. My hands raised up instinctly since I was so used to him hugging me, but then I realized that wasn't exactly what he was doing, and we were in public. Instead of letting them drop to hang awkwardly at my sides, I grabbed the sides of his robes, immitating what he had dane earlier. "You just happen to never be in an affectionate mood when we're in public."

"I just don't like doing it in public. It's not a fear thing."

"Mmhmm," he hummed dismissively as he pulled me in a little closer and pressed his lips to my forehead.

My face got even hotter, but I didn't pull away. I wanted to prove to him that I wasn't afraid of it, that I just thought it was a bit rude. I know when I saw it, before I started dating Jong In, anyway, I always felt uncomfortable when I'd see people getting too close to each. I didn't like it for two reasons; one was that romantic actions had always seemed so personal to me, so intimate, and I felt weird being able to see them. Like I was some ert peeping in on something I shouldn't be seeing. The other reason was because it was always a searing reminder of the fact that I was single. Not having a boyfriend had never bothered me so much until I was reminded of all the things I was missing out on.

I thought about sharing these things, but decided against it. I didn't like spending too much time sitting on something that wasn't very pleasant was in the past. It was useless, and only upset me. I prefered spending my time thinking about how, now, I had a boyfriend, someone I loved. 

Admittedly, though, now when I saw couples in public being affectionate, it didn't bother me as much. Instead, I found myself being happy for them. 

"We're in the middle of taking pictures," I said after he kissed my forehead but made no other move, not even pulling back.

I felt him turn his head towards our moms, and I did the same, only to see that they had turned their backs to us and were now comparing photos.

I turned back to face him and saw that he had pulled back and was now smiling down at me. I couldn't help but smile.

He pulled me closer to him again, wrapping his arms more securely around me. As he did, I caught sight of Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Ga In all standing around together in conversation. It made me happy to see all the guys together since it was pretty hard to meet up with them since they graduated and started college last year. I was also still very happy that Ga In seemed to get along with them all very well. 

I accidentally caught Kyungsoo's eyes while I was watching, and he flashed a smile my way before turning back to the group. 

"Are Lay and Ga In really doing okay?" Jong In asked me suddenly.

"Yeah." I leaned back to look questioningly at him, suprised by the question. "Why?"

"I was just thinking..."

"About what?"

"It doesn't matter if she's seeing someone."

"Jong In, what were you thinking about?"

"It's just that Kyungsoo has never had a girlfriend and I was just trying to think of... options for him."

"You have got to be seriously desperate for options if you thought Ga In would ever make a good match with him."

I didn't mention the big reason it wouldn't work, that Kyungsoo was gay, so it wouldn't have worked out even if Ga In had been single and had a more subdued personality. Kyungsoo had still yet to tell anyone about his uality, and so I continued to stand by my promise and not tell anyone, not even Jong In. Kyungsoo had actually planned on telling everyone after he graduated, but ended up chickening out of it.

"I know," he said. "I was just thinking."

"He'll find someone on his own eventually."

"True," he said, then gave a quiet laugh. "If you can find someone, so can her."

"Hey! What excatly is that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you used to be the most reclusive and obtuse person I have ever met."

"I was not that bad."

"You're parents had to force you to make friends and while you were doing that you accidentally agreed to date me."

Curse Ga In and her big mouth. About a year after we had started dating when we were all hanging out, everyone started talking about what all had happened then, and Ga In let that little secret slip, claiming she had forgotten it was a secret at all. At first Jong In was a bit upset, but ended up laughing it off with everyone else.

"So I'm not the most observant person in the world," I said.

"That is the most truthful thing you have said all day." I glared playfully at him as he continued to smile down at me. "But you've gotten better about all that." He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss. "Except for with that."

He was, of course, referencing my burning cheeks.

"It's because I just don't like doing that in public," I said again, obstinantly.

"Sure it is," he said, leaning in close to me like he might try it again, causing me to lean back a bit to create some space between us. "We'll just have to work on that."

"I just feel so awkwrad acting intimate with my boyfriend in public!"

"What if I was more than your boyfriend?" he asked me, his eyes direct and firm.

"What do you mean?"

He pulled me in even closer and said in my ear:

"Marry me."