Thankfully, the rest of the evening was unneventful. Jong In and I stayed in the kitchen for a few more minutes while he finished calming down before we moved to the living room to join everyone else. We all stayed in there for a little while, just talking, but it didn't last long since we had school tomorrow, and Xiumin had early classes.

Not too long after they left, my parents told me how much they liked Jong In, just like I knew they would. Of course, they also gave Jin Ri their aproval of Xiumin as well. Not too long after this, I got a text from Jong In about how he liked my parents, and I was happy. Things were going really well for us. Better than I would have expected when we first started dating.

I was still suprised by how happy that made me.

I liked him romantically, and I liked him a lot. I wasn't sure if it was nearly as much as he liked me, but the feelings were definitely there. 

"I like you."

I blinked up at Jong In owlishly, ice cream still raised to my mouth. We had a test in class today, and so that meant ice cream. Jong In had taken very well to this tradition, always managing to remember it even when I had a test and he didn't. So we were seated in the ice cream shop, eating away in silence, when he had suddenly said those words.

I was so suprised I honestly almost said "thank you" back, but managed to catch myself before I made that blunder. 

"Um..." I said after a few moments of silence had past and I felt I really needed to respond, but for some reason didn't know what to say.

It was as if my brain couldn't process that I should just say the words back. It was a phrase I still wasn't used to hearing, so even though it was a feeling I reciprocated, it wasn't a knee jerk reaction to say it back yet. I hadn't even said it again since last Saturday at the book store, and still had issues thinking about those feelings in words, as something definite and concrete that had finally come into focus after spinding so long being blurred out. They were still something alien to me, liking someone, and it felt odd thinking of those words in reference to me, that I like someone. That was why I didn't think to say the words back.

Because, believe me, it wasn't that I had issues believing him anymore.

He was leaning on his elbows which were placed on the table between us. His face resting against his hand, which was curled into a fist, as he looked at me with a serious expresion. Nothing somber or heavy, but he wasn't smiling, and it was enough to show that he wasn't saying it just to tease me.

"Why don't you say it back?" he asked, frowning now.

"I'm just suprised, is all," I said, letting my flustered feelings leak into my words so he'd understand that I was telling the truth.

"Why is it so suprising for your boyfriend to tell you he likes you?"

"It's not something we've really said a lot to each other..." I could feel my cheeks beginning to heat up again.

One day, we'll be able to talk about these things without me getting so embarrassed.

My cheeks turned another shade darker and my heart sputtered then picked up fast in my chest as the thought crossed my mind. Somewhere along the way I had made the subconcious decision to stay with Jong In, which really only made since anymore now that I liked him, but I hadn't really felt the weight of it until just then, when I thought about our future. I thought about our future like we would have one, like it was a definitive thing. And my thought hadn't been about something that would happen next week or the next few weeks or even next month, it was something more far off than that.

Thinking about a future that was ours and not just his or mine made me feel like someone was pouring warm water into me, and it was spreading through my body reaching all the way to my fingers and toes. The idea of our futures being conjoined and not independent of each other filled me up, but it made me feel light, not heavy.

"Well, then we should fix that," he responded, looking petulant.

I couldn't help but smile at him, that warm feeling not wavering yet.

"I like you, Jong In."

His eyes widened, lips parted, and his cheeks took on a subtle shade of pink, all only making my smile grow.

"Are you finished?" he asked me abruptly.

I looked down at my ice cream, while it was mostly eaten, there was still some left. I really wanted to finish it, and meant to say so when I looked back up at him, but when I saw the look in his eyes I found myself saying that I was indeed finished.

"Good."

He shot out of his seat and grabbed one my hands, hauling me up. He was in such a hurry to leave we almost left our bags, but I managed to hold him back long enough to grab them before we tossed away, quite sadly on my part, the rest of our ice cream. He grabbed my hand again and pulled me outside, looking around, still in a hurry. He started walking down the street quite quickly, pulling me along behind him, but only made it a little way before he stopped again, looking around, and he swore under his breath. I was a little suprised, having not heard him do it before, but it ony made me more confused as to why he seemed so flustered and in such a hurry.

"Jong In, where are we going?" I asked, a little concerned.

He turned and looked at me, and there was something in his eyes that I wasn't sure if I had seen before. I didn't get a chance to really look at him, though, because he glanced around again. He started walking again and picked up the pace. It wasn't long until we reached a local park that had a lot of trees in it, but I didn't really get a chace to look around at it with him pulling me along so fast.

My concern only grew as he pulled us farther in, off the beaten path and away from other people. Eventually, he came to a halt, looking around again but this time it seemed he was making sure we were alone. My heart pounded from the exertion and also from nerves. Why would he go to such extreme lengths to get us alone, and to do it so fast?

I continued to breath heavily as I watched him, not being in the best shape as I spent all my time launging around while reading. When he finally turned around again I saw that look in his eyes was still there, and then the next thing I knew he was coming towards me. I was suprised and started backing up, and I ended up backing into a tree, my heels and calves bumping into the tree's root. Jong In's hands had reached up and grasped my arms to steady me, that look still in his eyes, and his face getting closer. I stood frozen as he leaned down to me slowly, too stunned by what he was doing and how rapidly everything was happening to respond with anything but compliance. My mind must have still been working to some degree, though, because when his face was only centimeters to mine something clicked.

That look in his eyes was the same one from when we kissed at the book store.

Not the same look he gave me right before he kissed me, right before our first kiss, full of nerves and questions, but the one after I had pushed him away the was devoid of any shyness or reservation. The look he had that told me he wanted to kiss me.

He hesitated right before he kissed me, his eyes on mine. He wasn't so much as asking permission as giving me a few seconds to respond, to tell him no if I wanted to. Similar to the last time he kissed me. While I managed to catch on in time to act before anything happened, I still did nothing. 

If he wanted to kiss me, I didn't want to stop him.

And then he was.

It wasn't like last time; my mind didn't blank out on me. I closed my eyes and was able to feel everything, my senses on overdrive. I felt the pressure from his hands gripping my arms, the cold in the air, and most importantly, his lips pressed on mine. Mine pressed against his. 

We stayed like that for a few moments before he pulled back slightly, seperating our lips. I felt him bump his nose against mine before coming back, capturing my top lip and kissing it. Instead of remaining still as he had before, he kept moving his lips, though. And it was different. And in a lot of ways, it was better.

I had no idea what I was doing, so I just let him lead, trying to follow him as best I could. A fear flittered through my mind while we kissed that I was doing it wrong, that I was going to mess up like I had last time, but I didn't let it take root; the only reaction Jong In had to my kissing him back was to kiss my harder. Not that he was kissing me particularly hard, he was actually being quite gentle. It was a telling juxtaposition to his grip on my arms, which was tight. It was like he was holding himself back.

I was a little confused when my mind had the simultanious thought of being flattered that he was trying to be considerate for me and annoyed because there was a part of me that didn't want him to hold back. I wanted his hands where they had been last time; on my neck, my face, in my hair. I didn't want to pull away and tell him that, though, one reason being I was too embarrassed to, another being I just didn't want to pull away. I raised my hands to his face, touching tentatively with my fingertips first before gathering my courage and cupping his face with them, hoping he would get the hint.

I was afraid he hadn't when he shifted and I felt him stepping closer, his face twisting and pulling back slightly, though not seperating us. In the back of my mind, I somehow figured out it was because he was too tall to stand that close to me and still be able to kiss me, at least not comfortably, and definitely not the way he had been. Before I could think it through, I broke away from him, turning to look at the tree roots behind me. I stepped up on them, my height increasing quite a bit, and turned back around to face Jong In, whom I was now almost level with, and then I leaned back against the trunk to keep my balance.

He was watching me, and the way he was looking at me was the same as before, only more intense, much stronger. 

And then I realized what exactly the look was; desire.

He wanted me. Not just in a physical way, though that was definitely part of it, clearly, but deeper than that I could see the affection. Like on his face was that affectionate look that I sometimes see on him, the one that I didn't understand at first, but layered over that was the look he gave me after our first kiss, the one that showed he hadn't wanted to stop. Another version of the desire, I realized.

Jong In was looking at me with affection and desire, and I felt my mouth fall open slightly and my eyes widen as I then realized that Jong In's feelings for me were much more than I had originally thought they were. While I thought I had been catching up to him with my blossoming feelings, he had actually been racing much farther ahead of me. Thinking back to Saturday, when I realized he was looking at me with affection, I felt like an idiot. At the time, I had the thought that if the expression was on someone else's face, directed at another person, I would have thought they were in love, but since it was on Jong In, and he was looking at me, my brain couldn't even take the idea into consideration, that it would mean that exact same thing. Like my brain subconciously had reasoned, because it's us, it's impossible.

But seeing that look on his face I couldn't help but wonder; was Jong In in love with me?