"Soo Young, I have a problem," Jin Ri said from my bed. 

She was laying on her back, her head hanging over the side. She had gotten home from school today a little later than usual, and during dinner something seemed a little off about her. She had tried to cover it up and still laughed and joked with us, so it was hardly noticable, but there was just something that wasn't clicking about it. Jin Ri  is the kind of person that likes to hide her problems because she wants to take care of them herself, so I decided not to ask knowing I wouldn't get an answer. If she wanted to talk about it, she would come to me. She usually does, anyways.

So I wasn't suprised when a little after dinner was finished she had walked into my room and laid down on the bed without a word. This was usual behavior when something was wrong. I had turned away from her back to my compter for a few moments before she had finally spoken.

"What's wrong?" I asked, turning to face her in my swivel chair.

"Well," she said hesitantly, seemingly unsure if she actually wanted to say or not. "You know how Xiumin's been back, right?"

"You like him again," I said, hoping if we just got it out in the open it wouldn't be so hard for her to talk about. I tried not to sound judgemental or unhappy about it. I didn't know the full situation, and I didn't know how she was going to handle it, so I didn't want to jump to any conclusions.

She heaved a sigh as she sat up before turning to face me, legs crossed, face troubled. She looked at me for a moment before responding.

"I don't know," she answered evenly.

I remained silent, suprised by that answer. I had expected a confirmation, and even if she had denied it, I'd figure it would be a lie, and I can usually see through her lies fairly easily. I hadn't expected that response, so I didn't say anything, hoping she'd elaborate. 

She remained silent for a few moments, and then sighed again.

"We've been hanging out a lot, just the two of us, so it feels like we're dating, but I'm not sure," she began, looking down at my bed. "He's never really said specifically, and I've never asked. The way he acts makes it feel like a date, too. He's always considerate and friendly. But then again, he's never said specifically and I don't want to assume."

She paused for a moment, and I waited. 

"The thing is, I do like hanging out with him, but I'm not sure if I actually like him like that. Part of me thinks I do, and part of me thinks it's because I liked him in highschool. Like he's the one that got away, and I just like him for that reason. But then you throw in that he may like me and it's even worse. I don't know if I'm perceiving his actions as him liking me because that's how I want to see them, or if that's actually the case. And how should I act if he really does like me? Since I don't even know how I feel, I don't know whether I should encourage or discourage him."

At those last words, Jin Ri grabbed one of my pillows and pulled it into her lap, burrying her face in it. I thought for a moment, wondering what I should say. I didn't really feel quilified to give her advice. I had sometimes before in this area, but now that I've actually started dating, I feel more like a fraud who really shouldn't be doing that now than I had before. Even if I had wanted to, though, it was hard to lean one way or another considering I didn't know how either of them felt.

We sat without saying a word for a little while, before I finally decided to ask:

"So what's he like now?"

She raised her head from her pillow and looked a me questioningly, pouting at my apparent lack of interest in what she had just said.

"I just want to know. I don't really feel qualified to encourage you one way or another on this if I don't even really know him."

Jin Ri pulled the pillow up, hugging it to her chest as she rested her chin on the top edge. She looked off thoughtfully for a moment, presumably to figure out how she wanted to describe him.

"He's..." she began, finding the right words proving the be difficult. "He's pretty similar to how he used to be. He's matured in a lot of the ways most people do after they start college but..." here she dropped off again. I could tell she was trying to say something specific, but it was hard for her. That only made me more nervous as she continued on. "He just seems... sadder now."

Again, not what I was expecting her to say. 

"I don't really know how to explain it better since it's not something I completely understand, either," she continued. "I can just tell. It's something in his eyes and the way he interacts with everything. Even when he doesn't, there's a difference. It's almost like something heavy is wheighing on him, but I just don't know what it is."

Hearing this made me want to advise her to stay away. I know, that makes me sound terrible, but it made me nervous thinking of my sister being involved with someone who is so sad. I didn't know the reason behind his actions, which meant anything could be going on to upset him so much. Or even something that happened over seas. This boy could have some serious problems going on in his life, and it was only out of protectiveness that I wanted her to stay away, even as my heart went out to him. I couldn't help but think that someone else should be the one worrying about him the way Jin Ri was. That there should be someone else who would want to help. Someone else to take care of him, if he even needed it.

Looking at Jin Ri, though, I felt that even if I voiced these feelings she wouldn't listen to me. Whether or not she liked him romantically, she did care for him. I was beginning to get the feeling that her feeling that way was something that was never going to change. It had remaind a part of her heart over these years, cemented into place. It would take something big to shatter that.

"And I guess you don't know what's made him like that?" I asked, resigning myself to the fact that she was already all in on this, even if Xiumin didn't know about it.

She shook her heard, sighing again.

"I'm pretty sure it has something to do with why he came back," she said. "When I asked him about that, he said he just wanted to come home because he missed his family. I didn't really buy it, but I asked that the first time we went out for coffee together, so I didn't really think it was my place to pry."

"Have you tried talking to him about it recently? You said you guys have been spending a lot of time together, so you've gotten closer, right?"

"Sort of. We never talk about anything serious, though. He doesn't confide in me."

"Have you confided in him?"

She looked up at me perplexed, thinking for a moment.

"That's a weirdly valid point coming from you."

"Hey," I said, slightly offended. "I understand people better than you think. It's just interacting with them that I'm bad at."

"I think it's more that you're just out of practice," she shot back. "Anyways, you are right. I haven't confided in him at all. I just feel bad doing it because I can already tell he has his own problems and I don't want to put anything on him. Not that I really have much to complain about," she added quickly when she realized how that had sounded. "Really just the usual college issues; stress and stuff. On that side, though, I feel like complaining about that stuff to him would make him less likely to open up since they're such small things."

I thought about this for a moment, trying to think how someone in his position would react to that, what I would do if I were him. It was very hard to do since I still didn't know what was wrong with him. I tried coming up with different scenarios of what it could be (I'm not very imaginitive in this respect so it was rather difficult) and thought about how I might feel in each sitution, but it was still hard to come to a decision on that front. 

I could see her side of the argument; that he would get annoyed with her for complaining about something so small when he was (or could be) going through something worse. That thought of "why are you so upset when you have it so easy?" kind of bitterness that occompanies tragedy. On the other hand, it could be extremely hard to open up to someone, to be the first one to take that step. Especially if you have a lot of heavy baggage. Talking about it could be hard, or he might not want to be a burden to the other person. Maybe he deals with it enough at home and with his other friends that Jin Ri is the one person he can spend time with to forget his problems. Maybe, to him, their time together is a fabricated fragment of a life where whatever has been bothering him doesn't exist, where he can pretend everything is okay.

Thinking along those lines, it made me feel even guiltier than I already had been about wanting to keep Jin Ri away from him.

"I think," I began slowly, double checking my suggestion again even as I said it, "it would be good to try and bring it up, but not push it. If he doesn't want to talk about it, then just drop it. After that I think you might should try confiding in him first. It might make him more comfortable talking to you about it." I paused here, rethinking over the reasons against this plan. "From the way you've always described him, he doesn't sound like the type to get mad at you for complaining about small things, so I don't think you should worry about that."

"You think?" Jin Ri asked, uncertainty plain on her face.

"Based from what you've said," I answered. "Do you think it wouldn't work?"

"It's not that," she said, stretching out her legs in front of her, crossing them at her anckles. "I just wish I could be sure. When you watch movies with this kind of stuff the right way to handle things seems a lot more obvious. But when it comes to real life everything just seems like the wrong choice."

"I know what you mean," I said, thinking back to only just a few hours earlier when I had ice cream with Kai. Looking back on it now, I realize I should have told him much sooner how I felt, but it was so hard in the moment that I tried other options anyways. In the end it had worked out because the oppertunity to fix my mistake kept popping up and I finally had the brains and guts to do it, but it probably wouldn't be so easy for Jin Ri and Xiumin if she approached this wrong.

"I guess I have no other choice but to try and hope for the best," she said, heaving out one last sigh. "We're going out for lunch tomorrow, I can ask him about it then. No point in pushing it off."

"That's right, jump straight in!" I said, not for the first time a little envious of my sister's ability to take hard situations head on like this. "Go! Fighting! You can do it!"

"Right!" she said, pumping her fist into the air with a regal look on her face. "I'm coming for you tomorrow, Xiumin!"

"That actually sounds a little weird."

"Shut up."