I honestly don't know what came over me. One second I couldn't move, then the next my hands were reaching up to him, fingers threading through his hair just like his were in mine, and I was pulling him closer until we were kissing again. He didn't respond at first, from shock I supose, but recovered himself quickly and was kissing me back. 

I honestly, never in a million years, would have thought I'd do something like that.

Since it was my first time kissing anyone, my mouth had landed awkwardly on his. When he came back to his senses he tried adjusting his lips so we would actually be kissing properly. Realizing this time I really had done something wrong, I tried pulling away, only managing to pull my head back a few centimeters to take a small breath before he pulled me back, catching my bottom lip between his. But this time it was different; it was better. It was much better.

My mind turned blank as I got lost in the feeling of his lips on mine, but I forced it back into action so I could fully comprehend what was happening here. It was hard, my head was so full of Kai when I got it started again that it was hard to focus on anything else, but I made my brain pull back up other details that had fallen away. When I remembered we were in a book store, in a public place, I moved my hands down to his shoulders and pushed, breaking away from him, suprised he let me this time, and admittidly a little dissapointed.

Kai's eyes were hooded, lips parted, and he did that thing again where he looked between my eyes and my mouth, except this time it was different. I realize now that when he did it before he meant it as a warning, letting me know he was about to kiss me before he did so I could stop him if I wanted to, or at least if I had been in the right frame of mind to. This time, though, he wasn't warning me about anything, he was telling me he wanted to continue what we had been doing, that he wasn't finished.

I was seriously thankful we were already on the ground, because I was sure my knees would have gone weak and given out from under me if I had been standing.

"We're in public," I said breathlessly, trying to hide that I wanted to keep kissing him too, very much not taking a leaf out of his book and glancing down at his mouth.

I was honestly so shocked at myself. I hadn't really thought much about kissing him before, we hadn't even hugged yet and holding hands was only just beginning to lose it's novelty. So when this... desire ignited in me I was suprised to say the least.

Kai didn't move for a second, just looked at me, but then he pulled back and took his seat again next to me looking about as stunned as I was sure I did. At least, as stunned as I felt.

I glanced around and was glad to see that there was no one around us, and I hoped no one had popped in while we were... busy. That would be so embarrassing. I honestly have no idea what had come over me. I could barely ever picture myself kissing in private, let alone in public. And it wasn't even that I had just let it happen. I had kissed him. I had pulled him in.

What was wrong with me?

"Well," he said after we had sat in silence for a couple of seconds.

"Well," I echoed, not sure what else to say.

"I gotta say," he began. I turned my eyes to him, trying to steal a glance to gauge his reaction to what had just happened before he even said it. I was suprised to see him with a big smile on his face that he was trying, and failing, to tone down, and had his arm up trying, and failing again, to cover it up so no one else would see it. "I didn't even expect you to let me kiss you, forget you kissing me."

My face flamed up instantly and I heard myself immediately trying to give an explanation, spluttering out sounds that were probably supposed to be words. When he turned and looked at me, I jerked my legs up, shoving the book that had been in my lap aside, and hugged my kness, turning my face the opposite direction and putting my head down on one of my knees so he couldn't see my face.

I heard him laugh as he put his hand on my knee that my head wasn't on, the one closest to him, and I felt him lean closer again.

"You don't have to be embarrassed." His voice was low and quieter than usual, causing a shiver to crawl up my spine. "I liked it. It made me happy."

He didn't have to say it, I could hear it in his voice.

I hesitated before turning back around to face him, not being able to calm myself down much despite what he said, or rather because of it, I guess. When I had turned, his face was closer to mine than I had expected it to be, and I was startled enough to lean back a bit, trying to make sure there was some distance between our faces. He was still smiling, but the way he was looking at me was like earlier, right before he took my hand. I was still having issues figuring out what that look meant when he rested his chin on the top of his hand on me knee and said:

"I really like you, Soo Young."

And I got it.

It suddenly made sense, and I felt stupid for not realizing it earlier. He was looking at me with affection, like he really cared a lot about me. If he hadn't been looking at me, and this expression had been another guy's face while he was looking at another girl, I probably would have seen it right away. I probably would have even assumed the guy was in love with the girl. But seeing it on Kai's face really took me by suprise. Then again, everything Kai had ever done or said to indicate he liked me or was attracted to me had taken me by surpise.

Still, the intensity of it was what caught me off guard. I knew intellectually that Kai liked me, but I still had trouble believing just how deep that feeling went, especially the more I got to know him. He really was a great guy. He was kind, considerate, he stood up for people, and all those other things that just made him amazing. I still didn't understand what it was he saw in me. Even though he had explained why he had initially taken an interest in me, it didn't really seem to carry over to now. So he liked my taste in books and thought some things I had said to someone else before we had officially met sounded like wise words. I still didn't think that really constituted his initial attraction, and I didn't really think I was the kind of person who got better the longer you knew her. As if I had all these good traits that were slowly revealed over time. I was just plain, boring old me. Not a bad person, just not someone whom you'd typically take an interest in, because I wasn't very interesting.

Kai was a better person than me, like a deluxe version of a human, better in every conceivable way. He deserved someone like that. Someone that was much... muchier than me.

When I looked back at him, though, and I saw that look he was giving me, a surge of selfishness spread through me. If he was content with me, who I was to tell him differently? Maybe one day he'd figure all this out on his own, but until then I should enjoy this, enjoy him. I should make him happy while he's mine so maybe it will take him longer to have that realization, and right now the thing that would make him happy would be me telling him that I like him.

But did I like him? Like the way he was saying he liked me? I didn't when we first started dating, even though I liked him well enough, but my opinion of him has changed and shifted shape over the past few weeks. Thinking back to how I've been feeling around him, and how I was feeling now, I felt the answer was pretty obvious, and I was a little angry that I was only realizing it now. Then again, I had been so worried about making myself like him that I had never really stopped to check if I actually was, if my romantic feelings for him were actually changing.

"I-" I began, the words hard to say even after realizing they were true, and even after kissing him, like they were more finite, more permanent, more real. Probably because I was entirely concious of what these words were saying, and when I was kissing him my head was a muddled mess and I was acting on pure instinct. "I like you, too."

His grin grew even wider, and suddenly he was hugging me, holding me close to him, his arms wrapped around me. My face had been shoved into the area where his shoulder and neck meet as he tried to get closer to me, and I had to adjust my head in order to breath. I managed to shift my face up enough that my nose was free, though the lower half of my face was still crammed in the same spot, and I in some air. When I let out the breath I had taken I felt him tense up for a moment, and then pull away. I was a little suprised, both that he had pulled away so fast and at how upset I was that he had, like I had been cheated out of something I deserved. I probably felt like that because it had been a long and arduous journey to figure out that it was something I wanted.

"You shouldn't do that," he said when he had pulled back and was smirking playfully at me. He had one hand holding my shoulder, but the other he pulled back to rub at the junction of his neck and shoulder where my face had been. "We're in public."

"Do what?" I asked. Hadn't he been the one to hug me?

"Breathe on my neck."

"You're the one that put my face there and practically smothered me," I said, crossing my arms, not understanding this conversation. Was his neck ticklish or something? I didn't understand what the big deal was. Why did he always make me so confused?

He let out a breathy laugh and looked away, his smirk dissolving into a smile. He looked back at me and bit his lip, and I was again struck by the desire to kiss him.

I had to blush and look away myself, slightly ashamed by how vehemently I wanted to kiss him now that I knew what it was like. It was then I noticed some people walking into the section of the book store we were in. They shot us looks that ranged from confused to annoyed as they took in the sight of us, which now that I thought about it must have been quite a sight. Both of us sitting on the floor so close to eachother, books tossed to the side, my face flushed, his body situated so it was facing mine.

I blushed harder and reached for the book I had shoved out of my lap before trying to get up. I stumbled a bit, an act that was ever so helpful with maintaining what little pride I had right now, and then I saw Kai's hand in front of me. He was already standing up with the book I had handed him earlier in his hand. (Where had that come from? Had he brought it with him?) I took his hand, not looking at him as he pulled me up to my feet.

"Thanks," I mumbled, now very aware of the fact that we were in public and he was still holding my hand and he was still closer than he probably should have been.

"There was somewhere else I wanted to take you today," Kai said as I resolutely stared at his chest, refusing to make eye contact. "Have you finished up here or do you want to keep looking?"

If it was any other day I would have wanted to keep looking, I hadn't even made it through half of the stuff I had wanted to see, but after what had just happened I wanted to leave, get some fresh air in me. Maybe that would help calm my brain and keep it from wondering back to the kiss, or kisses, I should say, and also to stop imagining more.

"Let's go," I said meekly, feeling myself clamming up at other people being in the room, judging us while I was feeling so open and vulnerable with Kai.

"Are you buying that?" he asked, and I looked down at the book in my hand, only vaguely remembering what I had read, just that I had liked it, and nodding an affirmation.

"Okay, then let's go," he said before he leaned in and kissed my forehead.

It was like all my other nerves had turned off except for the ones in my forehead, with all the power being redirected to that spot, making my senses there more powerful. When he pressed his lips to my forehead, my heart started thumping again and the butterflies came back to life. It wasn't nearly the same as when he had kissed me on the lips, but still, it was nice.

He pulled back and started walking towards the front where the cashregisters were, pulling me right behind him. It wasn't until he turned to take the book I was carrying from me so he could pay for it that he saw me smiling.