(HA. i know almost all of you didnt think i would ever update this again, and honestly i didnt think i would either. but this is to thank all of you who continued to subscribe to this, and all those new suscribers, even though i labelled this as completed, or even when i didnt make it available only for subscribers. 

even though i dont know what subscribing to a story means to you, to me (yes, i do read fan fics too) i subscribe to a story even though it is completed, because have thoughts of reading it again some day. i dont know what it means to you, but i would like to think that we think the same way. 

so here you go, enjoy. for those who didnt read the star children, the setting is that Jihyo and Gary are married and she is now pregnant with twins, but her body condition isnt very well and she has been fainting due to the pressure. and the doctor have adviced her to let one child go...)

Jihyo’s hands lay protectively over her tummy. Gary was staring at her anxiously until she finally woke up. He looked at her face and her stomach. She was so skinny, for someone who’s pregnant with twins. It pained him to see her constantly having no appetite, but still forcing herself to eat for the sake of the children. It pained him to see her suffer so much because of him. He gently caressed her cheeks. She blinked her eyes opened.

“Oppa…” she mumbled.

“You’re awake! How are you feeling!” he asked, fussing all over her.

“How’s the baby…” she asked, without replying to Gary’s question first. Like all parents, their children take priority over them.

“They are fine.”

Jihyo heaved a sigh to relief. Gary could feel how tensed she felt.

“Jihyo-ah… how about we let one of them go?” he asked her, as he caressed her cheeks gently.

Angered at the suggestion, she pushed his hands away. “What are you saying oppa! How could you!”

“I’m serious, you know your body well. This is the third time you fainted!” he said, his voice raising. He couldn’t help it, he does so whenever he’s anxious.

“I’ll be more careful in future,” Jihyo pleaded, knowing full well that her husband is serious. “Please…”

We can always have another child later, honey. Your health is most important now,” Gary said to her gently.

“You aren’t carrying the baby, you don’t understand how I feel,” she retorted, pushing him away. “You don’t understand how it is to have something so precious is growing inside of you,” she said, her voice cracking. “You don’t understand how I feel, to have my child taken away from me because I’m too weak. How would you feel! If your child has to die… because of you?” she broke down, face buried in her palms.

Gary hugged her, tightly as she sobbed.

“Please,” he pleaded, “I don’t want anything untoward to happen to you.”

“Please,” she pleaded back. “I don’t want to give up either of them.”

“Don’t you understand? Your decision will make everyone worried for you. Please don’t be so selfish!” he yelled back.

Her eyes were filled with hot, angry tears. “You’re calling me selfish?! It’s your child I’m carrying, your flesh and blood!”

“I… I didn’t mean it… I just…” he stammered, not realising what he had just said.

“Just get out,” she said, her voice laced with hostility.

“Jihyo…”

“Leave me alone!” she yelled, frustrated. She wouldn’t mind if anyone asked her to abort the baby. But Gary. Why even him? Can’t he understand? Why?

Gary sighed. He understood. Of course he understood. It’s his own flesh and blood too. He can feel the pain, even if he wasn’t the one carrying them. And not to mention they were bonded. He feels her pain, her guilt, her helplessness as much as her. But what can he do, other than to suggest to let one of them go?

Unable to do leave her at times like this, Gary hugged her and kissed her neck. Her tears flowed down uncontrollably, so did his.

“If I could do anything to relief your pain, I would. I’m sorry… I’m sorry I can’t do anything Jihyo. But I really don’t want anything to happen to you. I wouldn’t be able to live if….” He left his sentence unfinished, sobbing into her shoulders.

They stayed like this for a while, crying in each other’s embrace, until Gary spoke up again.

“I love both of them a lot, I really do. But what can I do? I love you so much more than them. I… I… There’s no choice, Jihyo ah. I don’t want you to take any more risk. Having both of them… having both of them can put you in danger. Even the other one… please… Jihyo please…”

Jihyo rested her head on his shoulders. He pulled away, looking straight into her eyes.

“Please, listen to me for just this time? Jihyo please…”

Unable to argue with him, unable to see him suffering so much because of her, she finally relented. She knew, she knew whatever he said was true. About her risking both herself and the other child, about her making everyone else worried, and even about her being selfish.

She agreed in tears, to abort one of them.

The night, Gary stayed with her at the hospital, until the next day when she was discharged. Both of them spent the next few days at home. The atmosphere at home was gloomy, neither of them wanting to talk much. Gary always stayed close to Jihyo. Their silent presence comforted each other. Gary knew Jihyo could sometimes wake up from crying at night, and then she would mumble, “It’s eomma’s fault… eomma couldn’t protect you….”. He would snuggle close and she would cry into his chest. He knew it pained her so much, and it hurt him so. To watch her cry like this every night. It really, really hurt him badly.

Jihyo knew she hurt him too, and she felt really bad about it. But she can’t control her emotions.

The night before the abortion, Gary couldn’t sleep. He packed the belongings of his unborn child. He kept the baby’s clothes, milk bottles, shoes and mittens into a box. His tears fell as he kept the hat. He sewed it for the baby, together with Jihyo. They had so much fun doing it. He was so bad at needle work that he kept pricking himself, and even though Jihyo pitied him, she couldn’t help but laugh at his plight.

He smiled sadly at the fond memory, and tears started to fall. His heart ached so badly.

“Mianhae, agi-yah. Appa’s no good… I don’t even have the chance to see your pretty face, or to hold you, or even give you a name and I have to…. You haven’t even had the chance to see us yet. You haven’t had the chance to wear this…” he mumbled to himself as he caressed the baby hat. “Mianhae…”

“Oppa…” Jihyo called, as she sat beside him. She dried his tears with her thumb and she slipped her hand into his.

In the hospital, Jihyo had her ultrasound. Initially she didn’t want to look at the screen, because she was afraid that she might change her mind about the abortion. But eventually she looked. It was lucky she did.

She saw them holding hands together, the two foetuses. Their fists tightly clenched together. And then she knew. She knew she couldn’t let either of them go. It’s either both, or none at all. She has to risk it, for them, for Gary, or for herself. She knew, if she let one go, the other would regret it for life. So would she, so would Gary. It would be an inerasable mistake, a blemish to their lives. She has to have both.

“Oppa… I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to keep both of them.”

She didn’t have to explain further. He read her thoughts. And he felt the same way. And if there was anything he trusted more than himself in this world, it was Jihyo. As long as she’s determined, she could achieve anything and she knew it. If she wanted to have both, then he knew, he knew that against all odds, she would and could protect the two children, until she gives birth.

Gary nodded, not protesting anymore.

She hugged him, glad that he understood. Glad that their minds and souls have woven as one; glad that they could breathe, live and think as one. 

hohoho. okay im sorry this is a pretty sad one, but i think it ended off nicely. and it was too good an 'episode'  for my authory blood to keep it just a small segment of the other story, so there goes.

and on a side note, here's a short story about my life i want to share. so today, i was (re) watching running man ep 74, yknow the super power episode. and HaHa was the time controller, if you remember. ok so, my  mom was watching it with me, and she suddenly asked me if  i had the power to go back in time, would i still go to the school i chose. to her surprise (as well as mine), i said yes, i would make the same decision. she asked me why, because i have always complained about it being too far and about how it and everything. and honestly, i would have said yes, if it was before i wrote this story. 

but after writing this, like what i mention in the prev author's note, i realise everything happens for a reason, even if we dont know the reason. and so i would like to think that the things that happened to me, or the decisions that i make, would give the best possible outcome. it may not be true, but since we'll never know the alternative outcome, then i would like to think of it that way. if we all live like this, then maybe we'll live happier, and maybe we'll live with less regrets.

how would you know if you should have done this or that, when the other outcome is not known to you? i'm not asking you to go commit crimes and all, and then not regret it (of course thats not my point), but my point is, always look forward and stop thinking about how things would be different if you have chosen the other choice. 

well, i hope i inspired you. hahah stay happy and thanks for reading all the way!