cont.~

Sehun’s POV

Luhan-hyung cried so much that he easily got tired and fell asleep. As I lay down with him, I realized how much I miss him. After series of concerts, dance practices, recordings and anything related to work, we haven’t had the chance to stay close with each other. When I say close, I mean just the two of us. I love seeing him sleep like this. 

We are facing each other and as I was about to give in and sleep, I heard him murmur something. He does that when he sleeps. He’s getting extra adorable as he grows older. I can’t help but smile. I wish we could be like this forever. I wish he could stay by my side forever. Lost in thoughts….. Luhan suddenly opens his eyes and stares at me. His fatigued eyes looking straight back at me. I got quite a shock as he remains his eye contact.

“Sehunnah,” he started speaking. “Can I ask you something?”

I can’t help but get mesmerized with his eyes; the beauty of it. So close. He just looks at me, waiting for my response. I am starting to lose my senses one by one. He started to speak again but I can’t hear him. I am losing a good sight of him. Good thing, he pokes my face so hard that I regained my awareness.

“Aw! That hurts.”

“You’re spacing out again,” he answers immediately. “That’s a bad habit when someone is talking to you and you just mentally walks away from the conversation.”

“Sorry, hyung,” I apologize and continue “What is it that you want to ask?” I let go of the hug.

He turns away as I lay flat on the bed. It’s excruciating to anticipate what he has to say for I know it’ll be about him and Kai. If not, he will try to ask abstract questions which relates to his situation. He cannot directly tell me about Kai, I’m sure. He’s uncertain, I can feel it.

“I am just curious on why people “ship” us.”

I didn’t expect that coming.

He continues. “I mean, if it’s because of brotherhood and friendship, then I guess I’m fine with it.”

Luhan pauses.

“Do people really think we are in love with each other?”

Bam! Just like that, I felt my whole world crushing.

“Be direct to me. What exactly are you trying to point out?” Frustration filled my voice as I faced him.

“I mean….,” he starts to stutter. “Have you ever imagine –ahm—you, being attracted to a—a man?”

I can see how he’s trying his best to sound normal. He is such a bad actor when he talks about love and attraction.

“Why do you ask?” I asked him, hoping he’ll finally opens up to me.

“Just because.”

Great! Now what should I tell him?

…….

“Never mind,” he retreats.

“I can imagine myself liking a man. Yes; even falling in love with a man,” I answered abruptly.

He was surprised. I can certainly see his facial expression.

He doubts me.

“I mean it,” I added.

He gulps and lets out a forced smile. “Wow, I did not expect you to say that, Sehunnah.” He continued acting like a wary adult who is trying his best to regain sanity and think clearly in an awkward situation.

“Does my answer bother you?” I inquire. “I am attracted to girls like you but when it comes to love, it sounds cliché but you can’t choose.......

......Will you feel awkward knowing that I can fall in love with a man; which means I am also capable of falling in love with you?”

I didn’t even bother reading the atmosphere and just spilled it. Instead of taking it seriously, which I know he will later on but tries to make things comfortable now for the two of us, he responds, “Well. Our fans will be happier to know that. The ship will continue to sail.” He chuckles in desperation. “You think maturely even though you’re still a kid,” he added.

“I know you’ll say that,” I thought.

We’re being pretentious. Even though I want things to progress for the both of us, I got use to pretending as if my interest towards him is nothing. Now, I can’t take his words seriously as well. Except for his actions, I know he doesn’t mean to say those words.

Luhan then turned around and pulls the blanket, covering our bodies.  I sigh as I turned my back away from him. 

“Good night, Sehunnah.”

Just like that, he dropped the conversation.

……

……

“Night, hyung.”

Kai’s POV

I was not able to sleep last night. How can I close my eyes when I can’t help but think of Luhan; Luhan with Sehun, in one room?  It’s not new to me. I am aware of their sleep-overs. Every member knows about it and they don’t give malice or anything.  We also do it once in a while and after all, they are the first two who became close to each other. They are best friends as Sehun would describe.

Yet I am feeling rather sensitive at this point. After he declared that he likes Luhan A LOT but won’t chase after him, I know, not only me but also the other EXO-K