For the next two years, it has been the worst roller coaster of your life. Soon after the "breakup" with Jungkook, you became a victim of anorexic and hid your extremely thin self under the old baggy clothes that was packed at the bottom of your luggage. You soon lost interest in whatever that came your way, and also lost lots of money. The money Mrs. Jeon had provided you with had run out after a few days of trying to eat, normally resulting in you eating only one quarter and throwing the rest. It was back to starving yourself until you would crumble down to the floor, pull your fragile knees to your chest and cry until your cheeks were stained with multiple tear stains.

You yourself hadn't known why you deserved this either. Maybe God had other plans for you, maybe he originally wanted for you to be crying out on the streets as you watch the people of the bustling city of Seoul eye you down with pure digust. Maybe he hadn't want you to meet Jungkook, and maybe now God's happy that you're finally following along to his plan. Maybe. But still believing Jungkook was waiting for you, you ignored the stern eyes people gave you and hoped tomorrow would just be a tad bit better. 

Why am I like this? There's something that spark in me when I think about Jungkook. But what can I do? For all I know Jungkook's wrecking other women and not even sparing me a thought. Why am I holding on? Why is it so ing hard to let go? I'm just a little girl that broke the rules and ran away from home.

But at four in the afternoon, you saw this familar speck of black hair amongst the crowds, and you would stand up, with you trying to hold onto the side of the wall desperately with your thin hands. And it was indeed Jungkook. Jungkook hadn't changed much from the last time you saw him, which was you crying in the same bed, with your ity taken by force, as you both lie while Jungkook peacefully sleeps beside you. He features had just become a little more mature, while his body turned out to be a little more muscular.

You had to rub your eyes to tell you you weren't dreaming, but after the crowds had dispersed, you saw him hand in hand with another women, while both of them were smiling happily at each other. She was familar, but not familar enough for you to recognize her.

Everyday, four in the afternoon, they would be passing here, swinging their hands. While the footsteps they took everyday were happy ones, you were sitting there trying not to let your emotions take over. You had trouble even standing up, to watch him from afar.

Your heart clenched in pain while you eyed the woman who stole his heart. You would've thought you could have been a more grateful wife, but you were surprised with yourself as you murmured something along the lines of how much he deserved her and she deserved him. Maybe. Jungkook's and her hands fit together more perfectly rather than when it did with yours. Just maybe. 

You shook your head furiously, knowing watching him from afar is all you could really do. Even if you did walk up to them, he wouldn't recognize you. He would brush you off. As simple as that. 

Luckily, an old man who had always walked the streets saw you everyday, and took you in. He fed you, he clothed you, he bathed you. You were really grateful, and since the two years of hell you've been through, this was the time where you're showing the least bit of improvement. You smiled at the clothes the old man had provided you with, while you eyed your arm. It was starting to show some fat, and you were happy. Happy that you were able to eat again without the fear of gaining weight, happy again that you get to work and earn money. Happy that you can see--

Oh.

Jungkook's same expression filled your mind while you stared at the mirror, seeing him appear behind you. His hands on your waist as you both stare up at the mirror. His warmth felt like he was really there, and then there's you not wanting this dream to end. You breathed in a deep breath and turned around, the quiet house greeting you instead. You sighed heavily and mumbled something incohorent, grabbing your phone and walking out to explore the streets of Seoul you've longed to explore.

You took in a whiff of fresh air, and eyed the different people from different walks of life communicate. It made you smile how harmonized this country is, you wouldn't have to worry about war, or anything. You look to the black watch on your still-growing hand, the second hand on the watch signalling it was just one minute to four. 

One minute and you would get the see the same man you've loved for two, almost three years. Just like that, one minute had flashed across you, but no sign of him. Only the girl who he walked with every afternoon, and she looked like in a hurry. Looking left, then right, and then left again franctically, made you wonder. Sirens interrupted your thoughts, as you ignored the wailing sounds and focused back on your thoughts. You stared and followed the petite girl's fragile movements, not noticing there was smoke, shouts and cries, and just pure shock on everyone's faces.

What happened? Did her relative needed to tell her something important, or maybe she was late to Jungkook's date with her, or perhaps..

Jungkook. He wasn't there, was he? She must be looking for him, but the crowds made everything easier as they made a reasonable amount of space for the car that was now currently on fire, overturned, and blood flowing out from under it. Still following the girl's movements, you trailed your eyes from her hair, to her clothes, to her worn out shoes. She was beautiful, you just noticed. That must be the reason why Jungkook's dating her, and by the gentle and graceful movements she brings out, she must be an extremely elegant person. Elegant enough for Jungkook to notice her and date her.

But that was until she ran, and ran, and ran, to the car, hands covering in shock, while tears streamed down her face. Everything happened all too fast, and at the place you were standing, you could clearly see the driver, and Jungkook, with both their bodies covered in blood. Noticing how Jungkook would move a bit here and there, you walked to the accident and ignored the repeated protests from the police and their strong arms holding the weak-in-the-knees you from walking straight to Jungkook.

"That boy is alive, and you're just going to hold me back while we watch him lose blood and die slowly? What kind of plan do you the government provide you with when this kind of accidents happen? Can't you see him slowly losing consciousness? Won't you bring him to a hospital?!" You bellowed in their faces, while your shaking hand still pointed to the overturned car.

Maybe it was just greed, greed of your so-called husband, and the urge to save him, as you never mentioned a word about the driver. Maybe it was just fear, fear of losing someone you loved. Maybe it was just crave, craving and wishing he was holding you in his arms again and whispering in your ear that everything was alright.

But maybe was just another word to get your hopes so high and then find out something so dreadful that it crushes your hopes into a million pieces. That simple as to how he had broken your heart the night he took away your ity, forcefully. No affection, no love, no looking in the eyes and saying 'I'm gonna be by your side forever and you're gonna be beside mine too, forever. I love you.' Nowhere along the lines of that.

You hated him for that, but by the looks of how you were trying to save him so desperately, while you clutch his body close to yours, feeling if his pulse had awaken every ten seconds, crying into his shoulder filled with blood, mumbling along the lines of "don't go,", does it look like you hate him? Does it look like you want to cry until your tears create new tear stains and replace the old ones? Does it look like you want to slap him across the face and scream at him?

No. Lies, lies, lies. Just pure lies.

You could swear by yourself that you still loved him.

heyyyy, so like i couldn't update for a while because i was "banned" from using the net for a while and yeah, you get mothers and their rules. continue to stick with this story!!

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