Chapter 8

November 20, 2016

The curtains are drawn suddenly and the mild morning sun seeps in forcefully, penetrating her eyelids and wiping away the last fleeting memories of her peaceful dreams. She covers her eyes with one hand and blindly searches for a second pillow with the other.

Her hand comes in contact with another and soon she feels a warm cup pressed against her palm. She wraps her fingers around it to stabilize the cup and tries to fall back to sleep.

“It’s past noon and you’re still in bed. Remind me why I hired you again?”

Tiffany pulls the pillow beneath her head and throws it in the direction of Jessica’s voice. She smiles when she hears a small thud, knowing that she has hit her target.

“Because I’m cute and I have great taste?”  

Her voice sounded hoarse and grating from the lack of sleep, weakening the point she was making. A stifled laughter could be heard from across the room.

She clears .

“Because I stayed up till 8am working on your magazine?”

“Better.”

She rubs her eyes while slowly sitting up, bringing the cup to her lips. She flinches slightly after the coffee burns her tongue.

The other girl is now sitting at the edge of the bed, texting fervently on her Blackberry. Her keypads make loud clicking noises, which often drives Tiffany crazy.   

“I’m telling the girls our flight times.”

The typing noises stop abruptly and Jessica’s hands fall dispiritedly to rest on her thighs. She turns to face Tiffany, lips pursed accompanied by a deep frown.

“This is too weird.”

“You’re only realising this now? I’m surprised you agreed to the whole thing in the first place!” Tiffany thought aloud. If it weren’t for Jessica, Tiffany would not be hopping on a plane to Seoul in 4 hours.

“Not everyone has moved on as well as you have.”

Tiffany raises an eyebrow.

“Are you kidding me?” she thought bitterly.

Jessica gauges her expression, removes her own heels hastily and crawls over to Tiffany’s side to envelop her in a side hug. Tiffany rarely sees Jessica in a non-professional context nowadays. It’s moments like these that Tiffany is reminded that Jessica Jung is not just her boss, but her best friend too.

Tiffany thinks about how much they had changed in these past two years and her heart clenches.  They had stuck with each other during these hard times, to the extent that their personalities had morphed and interchanged. Tiffany is convinced that Jessica had gotten the better deal. Jessica has the combined maturity, diligence, and meticulousness of the both of them while Tiffany, well Tiffany is a vessel of their cumulative resentments.  

“Steph,” Jessica whispers as she tightens her hold.

“Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Tiffany pulls her knees to her chest and rests her chin on top of them. She had a much clearer idea of what she wanted when she was 15 compared to now.

“I feel like I’ve stop wanting it for a long time. Ever since Tae-” she pauses, constricting at the mention of that familiar name. She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to block out the muddled mess of unresolved emotions.

“Hey, none of that sh*t that happened was her fault.” Jessica said sternly, being oddly protective.  “Everyone blames her. I did once too, but I was the one who got kicked out of the group so it wasn’t uncalled for. You, on the other hand,” Jessica sighs, loosening her hold on Tiffany. “If you blame Taeyeon, it would be the worst kind of betrayal.”

If Tiffany had any doubts then, she didn’t now.

Tiffany Hwang did not change for the better.

__________________________________________________________________________________

They had just arrived at the airport. There were fans screaming and holding up signs welcoming them home, which was incredibly heart-warming, but Tiffany was too distracted by her inability to send a simple text message. Jessica has been watching her fidget with the device since they were on the plane and her patience was wearing thin.

“Can you just hit ‘send’ already? It’s not like you two broke up or anything.”

Tiffany snaps out of her daze when she hears Jessica’s annoyed tone. She pockets her phone and starts waving to the crowd, forcing a sincere smile. She was grateful towards them, but at that moment all she could remember was how some of them spewed hateful (and hurtful) comments after the incident two years ago.

She did not want to return to Seoul, to SM Entertainment, or to Girls’ Generation.

She did not want to return to being a puppet.

Maybe Jessica was right, she thought. Maybe I have moved on.

There is a van waiting for them in the front of the airport, just like old times. The door slides open and a familiar figure runs out to engulf them in a tight hug. The crowd goes crazy and their screams are piercing, causing Tiffany to cover her ears.

“I was told to stay in the car, but I wanted to hug both of you properly. It’s been too long.”

Tiffany relaxes into the embrace and brings her hand up to Yuri’s shoulder, pulling her closer. Despite how much she had dreaded coming back to Seoul, in that moment, everything felt right.  

__________________________________________________________________________________

“I can’t believe that you’re both moving back into the dorm. Is your business in trouble?” Yuri jokes as she jumps onto the couch. She bounces herself on the couch a few times and turns to lie horizontally. “It’s been so long. This is weird,” she says while caressing the material of the couch.

“Tell me about it,” Jessica pushes Yuri’s feet away to make space for herself. “I just thought that it would be easier to get used to… everything if we moved back in. How’s everyone anyway?”

Tiffany looks up from her opened luggage. This was the question she had been dying to ask since they first saw Yuri, but Yuri was too busy bombarding them with questions of her own, mostly about BLANC & ECLARE. Tiffany then decided to ask Google instead, scrolling through articles on the members as Jessica and Yuri caught up like a couple of teenagers.  

Yuri sits up immediately, clearing dramatically for added effect.

“Our maknae has been in musicals and she’s working on releasing an EP early January. Our beautiful Yoona is, of course, working on a movie now. Sunny is still doing her radio show, because she loves it, and is also starting to work on an EP. Sooyoung is doing a lot of modelling lately, after finishing her dramas. Hyoyeon has been dancing, obviously. I’ve been relatively freer, writing songs mostly. Who did I miss?” She tilts her head to the left playfully and eyes Tiffany.

“Not funny,” Tiffany replies while rolling her eyes. “That girl hasn’t even replied any of my messages!”

Taeyeon has always been awful at replying messages, most of them are to be honest, but Tiffany expected so much more, having finally returned to Korea and all.

“Well, you kind of abandoned her.” Yuri comments softly while avoiding her gaze.

Tiffany struggled to find a witty retort but none came. She sighs instead.

“Taeyeon’s debut album did amazingly well, as expected. The company is probably wondering why they didn’t break us up sooner.” Yuri catches her mistake and forces a laugh, attempting to diffuse the awkwardness that had already descended upon them.

 “I’m an idiot. Sorry,” she looks down to her knees and starts playing with her fingers.

Jessica lifts Yuri’s chin and turns her head so that their eyes met. “Hey,’ she calls out gently. “We thought Girls’ Generation breaking up would be the worst thing that could ever happen. But look at us now, we survived.”

Tiffany walks over and pulls Yuri into a hug.

“We did much better than just surviving.”

__________________________________________________________________________________

Tiffany could not sleep that night. She tosses and turns and finally kicks the duvet off the bed. Her room was too empty.

And her heart felt empty too.

Her phone lights up and she tries to resist the urge to check it. It is probably her assistant emailing the contents of the latest issue due next week. Tiffany loves her work, but she knows that it shouldn’t be the most important thing. Ironically, she works even more to distract herself from these thoughts.

She convinces herself that she would probably sleep better if she reads the email. She nods to herself as she reaches for her phone.

“Welcome home yeppeuni!:) ”

In the morning, Tiffany would tell herself that it was due to pure exhaustion, but on her first night back in the dorm, she cried herself to sleep.