Chapter 21

Tiffany caresses the leather seat between them, inching her fingers towards Taeyeon’s, and then away.  Taeyeon is watching the city night lights, enchanted, as if she’s seeing them for the first time and Tiffany locks her gaze on Taeyeon’s reflection on the car window, equally captivated. She takes a mental picture and saves it, like a wallpaper in her mind.

At the front seat, Jessica turns on the radio and dials down the volume, wanting to erase the silence but not disturb the serenity. She senses that something is different, and occasionally glances searchingly into the rear view mirror, but to no avail. Tiffany is looking at Taeyeon while Taeyeon is looking away – nothing out of the ordinary – yet they weren’t looks muddled with confusion, but clarity.

“I’m just going to ask this once, okay? And then both of you can continue staring at…whatever.” Jessica declares cautiously during a red light. Taeyeon peels her eyes away from the car window and flashes Tiffany a tight smile before meeting Jessica’s gaze in the mirror.

“Is everything good between the two of you?”  

The lights turn green and Jessica is forced to break eye contact, giving Tiffany a chance to silently communicate with the other girl, but Taeyeon’s thoughts were elsewhere. They did not have to chance to discuss or define their current situation before they were met with a cross Jessica, unappreciative of the fact that she was locked out of her own office. When Tiffany opened the door, Jessica apologized profusely for the disruption, sensing that she had interrupted something important – she had falsely thought that it was her incompetent assistant who had locked her out.

“We’re okay.” Taeyeon answers, with resolute eyes still plastered on the mirror, even after Jessica’s had left. She fights to suppress a smile and then loses the battle, squeezing her eye shut as her lips gradually curved upwards. Watching her, Tiffany breaks into a smile, feeling her cheeks redden. This is real, she thought. She felt real – like how Pinocchio must have felt when he first walked without strings. While changing gears, Jessica catches the scene and smirks knowingly.     

The car is cloaked in darkness as it passes a tunnel. It is then when Tiffany feels a hand placed gently on top of hers – Taeyeon doesn’t take hold of Tiffany’s hand, but simply allows her hand to rest securely on the other, and Tiffany allows the gesture to thaw her heart.   

Taeyeon’s hand leaves hers just before the end of the tunnel and the torrent of warmth turns to ice. She caught a glimpse of their future – stolen moments in the dark, robbed of affections in the limelight.

Baby steps, she reminded herself.

This was just day one.

“Steph, are you okay?” Jessica asks, concerned and Taeyeon gawks at her, worried. “You’re breathing really loudly and it’s freaking me out. Are you having a panic attack back there?” Jessica tries to keep her eyes cemented towards the road, but her voice sounded urgent – like she would stop the car at any moment.

“I’m fine.” Tiffany replies immediately, snapping out of her worries. “I’m just being neurotic.”

“About what?” They ask simultaneously.

“Losing things,” she replies honestly. Girls’ Generation, SONEs, BLANC & ECLARE, Jessica, the members, Taeyeon, Taeyeon, Taeyeon… At this very moment, she felt like she had everything. And having everything to lose was terrifying. It was as if the last piece of the puzzle triggered a time bomb and this made her extremely fearful.

“I lost my pink earphones yesterday and it broke my heart,” she changes the direction of her speech, earning her an eye roll from Jessica. It was pointless to elaborate. There wasn’t anything that could be done. But Taeyeon still held her gaze, her eyes informing Tiffany that she understood.

And Tiffany felt a little bit less afraid.

They arrive at the dorm and Jessica hands Taeyeon a brush and a compact mirror.

“You need to fix your hair and lipstick. Yuri and Sooyoung have moved in too. You won’t want to be interrogated at this hour.”

***

“Stop staring. It’s too much.” Taeyeon says as she covers Tiffany’s eyes with her hands. “You need to get used to not staring.”

Tiffany couldn’t. It was less than a day since Taeyeon had kissed her back – this could all still be a dream. If it was, she did not want to miss it by looking away.

“No.” Tiffany replies defiantly. “I thought the whole point was so that I can openly stare at you without you feeling uncomfortable.”

“Well, I’m uncomfortable.”

“You said you liked the way I looked at you. Blink and you’ll disappear. Something like that. It’s too late to take that back.” Tiffany reaches out blindly and cups Taeyeon face. “Thank god you’re still here.” She giggles, feeling juvenile. “Isn’t it more uncomfortable if I keep touching you like this? I bet you would rather me stare.” She moves her hands slowly around Taeyeon’s face, tracing Taeyeon’s jaw, brushing her lips, grazing her nose, forgetting the point she was making.

“You need to get used to no touching too.” Taeyeon drops her hands and Tiffany does the same.

“You are so romantic.” Tiffany utters sarcastically and plants a light kiss Taeyeon’s lips. “You’re lucky you’re hot enough to get away with it.”

A spark flashes across Taeyeon’s eyes and she grins widely.

“Does that mean that I’m the hot one in this relationship?”

Tiffany laughs, amused. Right now, more cute than hot. she thought.

“It just means that I’m shallow and that I only like you because of your looks.” She jokes, but silently memorises Taeyeon’s appearance. She was still getting used to the hair.

Taeyeon exhales dramatically and clears . “Me too. I’m glad we cleared that up. It would be awkward if there are feelings involved.”

“Nothing messy like that. It’s purely physical.” Tiffany nods, biting her lip.

“Now that kind of staring is definitely not allowed in public.”

Taeyeon stands up as the words leave her tongue and tucks her hair behind her ear, starting to gather the items she needed, ending their moment abruptly, as if there was a timer in her head that suddenly went off - rudely yanking Tiffany back into reality. 

“Hey!”  Tiffany whines and stretches out her arms, thinking that Taeyeon might leave like she’s used to – with a hasty goodbye and an indifferent see you later. With a guarded expression, Taeyeon approaches her warily and hugs her – less like a hug and more like draping ones arms limply around someone’s shoulders – as though kissing Tiffany had made Taeyeon forget how to hug.

Taeyeon then takes two steps back and tilts her head to a side, looking somewhat bemused, as if she was just starting to comprehend the situation they were in. Her expression gradually softens, with a smile slowly creeping up to her lips - all her facial muscles were shifting beautifully in sync. 

The sight unfolding before Tiffany was so natural, yet striking. Unlike Tiffany, smiling did not usually come this naturally for Taeyeon.

“I completely forgot!” Taeyeon exclaims as she pulls out a pink folder out of her bag, violently wrapping up another scene before Tiffany was ready to let go.  “I was supposed to pass this to you.” She places the file on Tiffany’s knees and gives her a kiss (she definitely did not forget how to kiss) before striding towards the door, rendering Tiffany slightly dazed.

“What is it?” Tiffany manages to call out and Taeyeon pauses in her steps.

“A solo contract.” she replies, and leaves.

******

“This is a hit below the belt.” Sooyoung dumps another file above Tiffany’s and crosses her arms. “And to think they had Taeyeon hand it to each of us.”

Tiffany had read the contract from cover to cover, multiple times. It was similar as the contract Taeyeon received two years ago – almost too good to be true. If it weren’t for the timing, each of them would have accepted it in a heartbeat.

Time.

Time was a luxury that they did not have. If Tiffany signed the solo contract, she would have to produce an album within the next year – an impossible feat considering her editorial work and Girls’ Generation activities. She would have to pick two out of three. It was the same for the others. Two out of three. Out of the 8 of them, the company only needed one person to not choose Girls’ Generation for their contract to be void. One out of eight.

Not that Tiffany was worried.

“This is nice.” Yuri comments and receives alarmed glares from the room.

“Kwon Yuri, don’t you dare think of betraying us.” Sunny narrows her eyes, lifting a warning finger.

Yuri is taken aback. It takes seconds before a flicker of realisation crosses her eyes. “Not the contract! Well, the contract is nice, shiny. I meant, this situation is nice. Well, the bigger situation is definitely not nice. This – listening to Sooyoung and Manager Hwang about the company in the dorm is…”

“Nice?” Sooyoung raises an eyebrow and Sunny sniggers. 

“Leave Yuri alone.” Tiffany orders assertively, appreciating Yuri’s sentiments and receives a grateful flying kiss in response.

“Yuri, don’t flirt with Tiffany.” Sunny retaliates with a devious smirk, placing a target on Tiffany’s back.

‘Why?” Yuri asks innocently, taking the bait.  

“Ask Tiffany.”

Tiffany felt the instinctual urge to run. Having Choi Sooyoung, Lee Sunkyu, and Kwon Yuri in the room was a volatile mix– the hardest possible combination to face when one had a secret.

It wasn’t a secret per se, more like a delayed announcement that was about to be forced into a premature confession.

Taeyeon, Jessica, Yoona, Seohyun, Hyoyeon- Any one of their presence would have been enough to alter the dynamics and neutralize this hazardous group, but Tiffany was short of luck at this front.

“I’m not saying anything.” Tiffany shrugs, bracing herself for an onslaught of questions that she was determined to ignore.

With dilated eyes, Sunny clutches her chest, gasping, as if she was having a heart attack.

“You, Tiffany Hwang, finally choosing not to say anything? You just told me everything I needed to know.”

***