Chapter 6

“This is Taeyeon.” Tiffany yanks Taeyeon’s arm and Taeyeon almost trips over her own foot.

“Say hi,” Tiffany gapes at her with wide eyes when Taeyeon sluggishly fails to comprehend the situation she is in. She had dozed off during the car ride and was blindly dragged to this spot by Tiffany whilst half-asleep. Taeyeon still suspects that this might be a dream.

“Umm…hi? Huh? Hi,” she stutters, blinking her eyes a few times in attempts to wake herself. She finally takes in her surroundings and panics.

“HI!” she yelps, octaves higher than her usual pitch. She covers immediately, surprised by the sound she had just produced.

Taeyeon is definitely awake now.

“I told you she was cute.”

Tiffany bends down and places a bouquet of white lilies next to her mother’s tombstone.

“Sorry for not visiting sooner, mom. It’s been a crazy few we… years. But everything’s going great. Don’t you worry about me.”

Tiffany kisses her fingers and touches her mother’s tombstone lightly.

“Although she will never admit it, Taeyeon is having a tough time. So please watch over her and protect her from above. “

Tiffany’s hand brushes against the carvings of her mother’s name as she stands up.

“Thanks, mom. Love you.”

Tears are pooling around Taeyeon’s eyes and she tilts her head backwards to stop them from flowing. A single tear escapes and she feels a thumb brushing it off her cheek.

“Stop crying. You’re going to make me cry in front of my mom.” Tiffany tries to hold back tears of her own and fans her eyes with her hands.

“You started it!”

Taeyeon daps her eyes with her jacket sleeve and leans forward towards the gravestone, her fingers fidgeting nervously against her knees.

A sad movie, a funny novel, a perfect shade of pink - could individually, easily, reduce Tiffany to tears. Taeyeon, on the other hand, believes that tears are only meant for things that truly move and hurt. She seldom cries in front of people, but she cried with Tiffany every night whenever Tiffany missed her mom.

Here she is, finally, meeting the woman whom she had shed countless tears over.

“Hi Mrs. Hwang,”

“Mom.” Tiffany corrects her from behind.

She rolls her eyes and continues in a whisper.

“Hi mom. Miyoung is right. You don’t have to worry about her. She is strong, brave, and beautiful.  You should be very proud. She’s like the sun that brings light and happiness into peoples’ lives. Thank you for bringing Tiffany into this world. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her. So thank you again, because my life is so much better just because she exists.”

Taeyeon hears a soft gasp behind and turns to find Tiffany crouched down, holding her knees to her chest.

“Damn you, Kim Taeyeon.” Tiffany buries her head and sobs into her jeans uncontrollably.    

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“Divine or Indestructible?”

They had just finished filming the music video for their latest single and Sunny is still leaning against Taeyeon on the couch, in the same position as the last shot. The girls have mostly moved to the dressing room to remove their costumes and makeup but Sunny and Taeyeon are far too comfortable to move a muscle.

This was Sunny’s favourite game.

Back when they first met, Sunny would bombard her with these questions daily.

Coke or Pepsi?

Heels or sneakers?

Tiffany or Jessica? (Trick question)

Sunny said that it was because Taeyeon was such a private person that she had to come up with these questions to get to know her better. 

“You first.”

Taeyeon learned that being the last person to answer these questions is always the safest bet. This way, she could shape her answers accordingly.  Taeyeon would often answer these questions instinctively, only to be outdone by Sunny’s deep, thoughtful reflections. It became much worse whenever Seohyun joined.

“Indestructible. Divine is beautiful, but Indestructible makes me feel like we could take over the world.”

Sunny punches her fist in the air dramatically and opens her hand in an explosive manner.

Taeyeon breaks into a light laugh. She wonders how Sunny manages to make her laugh so easily without even trying.

“Divine,” she decides after catching her breath. Sunny resting half her weight on Taeyeon makes it hard for Taeyeon to breathe, yet she’ll feel perfectly content lying here forever.

“How many times must I tell you, Taengoo? You have to say why!” Sunny whines as Taeyeon shrugs.

“It often has nothing to do with the song. But I always like the latest single,” she says in a matter-of-fact way.

The couch jerks forward and Taeyeon finds Sunny and herself flat on the rug. From behind the couch, Yoona and Yuri join their hands in the air for a high-five.

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She thinks they make the perfect combination.

Tiffany is discussing the concepts of their outfits with the designers and stylists while Seohyun is humming random harmonies, trying to decide on the best ones.

Taeyeon, on the other hand, is lying on the couch sipping a Frappuccino with her feet resting on the table.

With Girls’ Generation, they labelled her “leader” even before she understood what it meant. She struggled with that definition for years, constantly adding responsibilities to her list and stumbling under the weight of them.

It was different with Taetiseo. They were each within their elements - Tiffany with visuals, Seohyun with music and Taeyeon with singing.

Just singing, Taeyeon basked in the thought.

Her blissfulness lasts for mere minutes before Taeyeon is plagued by an onslaught of what ifs.

What if this is Taetiseo’s last album together?

What if Girls’ Generation disbands and Taetiseo continues?

What if The Best is Girls’ Generation’s last album together?

Taeyeon shudders at the thought and desperately tries to distract herself before they overwhelm her. She walks over to the nearest wardrobe rail and pulls out one of the outfits.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Tiffany has her fists on her waists and her tone is serious.

Tiffany scares her sometimes.

“I organised them this morning. You’re going to mess them up.” Tiffany takes the dress from Taeyeon and hangs it back in the order that Taeyeon had already forgotten.

Taeyeon is relieved when she sees Tiffany smile.

“What am I going to do with you?” Tiffany pulls her into an unexpected hug and places a light kiss on her shoulder.

“I’m going from T-Manager to T-Monster.” Tiffany laughs and Taeyeon could feel the vibration stemming from Tiffany’s amusement.

“I just want everything to be perfect,” she sighs. “Don’t you often get the feeling that the more you want something to be perfect, the more it will fall apart?”

Taeyeon nods against Tiffany’s shoulder. Taeyeon never knows how to respond when people echo her thoughts. They sound too familiar, yet foreign, coming out from someone else’s mouth.