Chapter 2

 “Are you not going to read it at all?” Tiffany clutches the envelope protectively.

Taeyeon shakes her head. Her eyelids feel heavy and she is ready to drift off to sleep.

It had been a long day. After spending the afternoon with Hyoyeon discussing the matter, she decided that she will not break the news to the other members. They would be ecstatic for her, but at the same time worry about the future of the group. She wasn’t planning on accepting the contract anyway. Furthermore, worrying about the group was her responsibility, not theirs.

 “Can… I read it?” Tiffany asks meekly.

Taeyeon isn’t too keen about the idea. She told Tiffany because… she’s Tiffany. Taeyeon wanted Tiffany to know everything and nothing about her at the same time.

Tiffany takes the lack of protest as a silent approval. Taeyeon could hear the tearing of the envelope and the fervent flipping of pages. Even with her eyes closed, she could tell that Tiffany is going back and forth between the pages.

Taeyeon felt the side of the bed sink.

“Taeyeon-ah,” Tiffany touches her shoulder gently.

“This contract…”Tiffany pauses, not entirely sure how to continue. Taeyeon opens her eyes, grateful that her back is against Tiffany. Whatever made Tiffany this hesitant saying, she dreaded hearing.

“It’s perfect.”

_________________________________________________________________________________

Her lawyer echoes what Tiffany had said.

“It’s amazing! I didn’t think they would ever be capable of such a gesture. They are offering you creative control, royalties, a generous promotional budget…”

“You should go into sales,” she teases but it falls flat, sounding too bitter for a joke.

“I don’t understand how I’m more excited about this than you are. Then again, after years of being your lawyer, I still don’t feel like I know you very well. What are you worried about? If you’re concerned about how successful you will be as a solo artist, don’t. You are the most…”

“Have you looked at Baekhyun’s contract? I sent it to you this morning,” she interrupts him again. He talks too much. He is very likeable on most days, but he would be the last person she would want to talk to with a budding headache.

 “It’s not great, to put it lightly.”

Baekhyun had asked her opinion regarding the matter. Both she and Tiffany were surprised at the contrast between both their offers. Granted, she has been with the company much longer than he has, but what they’re offering him seemed nothing like a reward, more like a consolation prize.

 “Would you advise him to take it?” Taeyeon wanted an objective opinion. She had to be sure that her own feelings about the matter would not affect Baekhyun’s decision. Everyone knows how much he looks up to her.

“He deserves better. But so do all of you girls. So yes, it’s better than nothing. When is T-Manager going to take over the company?” he tries lightening the mood.   

Taeyeon could barely fake a smile in response to his efforts.

Nobody is telling her what she wants to hear.

__________________________________________________________________________________

“You should take it.”

Taeyeon thinks that if she doesn’t respond, Sunny would assume she’s asleep.

“I will let go of the fact that I had to hear this from my uncle, but I will not forgive you if you turn down this amazing opportunity because of us.”

“Why do you think I’m doing this for all of you?” Taeyeon’s curiosity makes her forget the fact that she was supposed to be sleeping. It is too late now. She turns around to face Sunny.

Sunny has an eyebrow raised. She looks slightly offended.

“Because you’re silly like that. You don’t owe us anything, you know. It’s about time you think about yourself… and your future.”

There is a knock on the door, giving Sunny’s words no time at all to sink in.

“Sorry Sunny unnie, but if Taeyeon unnie and I don’t leave now we’re going to be late for our meeting.”

Taeyeon, Tiffany, and Seohyun have a meeting with OnStyle to discuss their upcoming reality show. Tiffany had left for the meeting an hour ago to talk to the producers in advance.  

Taeyeon sighs. She gets out of bed and tries to fix her hair in front of the mirror but her hair refuses to behave. It is just one of those days.

She stares at her reflection in the mirror. Taeyeon is sure that there had been busier times with crazier schedules, but she does not remember ever being this tired. It is evident in her features.

“The maknae is going to have a heart attack if you don’t stop staring at yourself.” She feels two hands pushing her towards the door.

“I’ll talk to you about this later. You’re not off the hook Taengoo!”

__________________________________________________________________________________

She had been driving in silence for half an hour. Seohyun had been reading the whole time. Taeyeon glances at the title and rolls her eyes. A biography. Of course. She used to feel awkward around the maknae. Taeyeon was the oldest and Seohyun the youngest, yet she felt like the maknae handled everything better than she did. Relative to Seohyun, her inner thoughts were a mess.

She does not remember when she started being so comfortable with Seohyun. Perhaps it’s because Seohyun did not constantly feel the need to break the silence between them. It was a pleasant silence, the kind of silence Taeyeon constantly craved.

She turns into the parking lot slowly, reluctant to let go of this temporary peace.

Tiffany had been waiting for them. She opens the door for the maknae, whispers something in Seohyun’s ear and takes her place at the front seat. Seohyun shoots them a confused glance, but heads towards the building obediently.

“We are going to be late.” Taeyeon comments and turns off the car engine.

The thought of being trapped in such a confined space alone with Tiffany  makes Taeyeon extremely anxious. She does not know where to look, what to do with her hands, or what to say. She feels an interrogation coming along, and she was definitely guilty.

“Taeyeon-ah, please look at me,” Tiffany pleads.

Taeyeon removes her seatbelt and turns to lock eyes with her best friend. This makes her feel awkward and all kinds of uncomfortable. She searches Tiffany’s eyes for clues but all they do is scream the familiar, yet vague sentiment – concern.  

 “Please don’t shut me out this time, okay?”

Taeyeon was expecting an intense grilling from Tiffany, not this. It turns out that Tiffany did not want to talk about the scandal or the solo contract, she wanted to talk about them. Taeyeon tries (and fails) to remember the last time they spoke, not as co-workers or group members, but as best friends.

“I know that you don’t do it intentionally. But I really need you to make an effort to let me inside your head. So that I can get you out of it.”

Tiffany is on the verge of tears and Taeyeon finds it difficult to hold her gaze. She feels the need to say something, but words keep escaping her.

Taeyeon is saved by Seohyun once again when her phone starts ringing. She breaks away from Tiffany’s intense stare.

“Sorry about the wait. We’re coming up now.”

__________________________________________________________________________________

Taeyeon receives a call at three in the morning. Her phone was on vibrate, but Taeyeon hadn’t been able to sleep that night.

“How do you handle all of this? People expect a lot from me and I can’t… I’m a disappointment. I don’t know how to change that.”

His voice sounds shaky and it is evident that he had been crying.  Taeyeon presses her thumb and forefinger onto her closed eyes, massaging them gently. It is going to be a long night.

She doesn’t say much to him, she just listens. Taeyeon isn’t very good with words and she finds it especially hard knowing what to say when people are crying. She isn’t a very positive person after all. With her members, she would just hold their hand or hug them tightly. With Baekhyun, however, every pause from him warranted a reassurance of her presence.

“It’s going to be okay.”

She repeats the same words throughout the conversation. She doubts he notices, and he doesn’t.

By the time they say goodbye, Taeyeon thinks that it is not worth going back to sleep. The front door opens, and Taeyeon is surprised to see Jessica.

“Were you waiting up for me? I am so, so sorry. My phone died.” Jessica pulls Taeyeon into a tight embrace without giving her any time at all to react.

 “I…” Taeyeon’s words get stuck in . She suddenly feels an overwhelming amount of guilt for not noticing Jessica’s absence.

“I’m really proud of you, Sica.” Taeyeon pats Jessica softly on the back, smoothing the wrinkles on her shirt. “I’ve not been a very good friend or leader recently, but I’m here for you. Always.” She feels Jessica’s arms tighten around her.

“It’s harder than I expected,” Jessica mutters under her breath. “I didn’t think starting a company would be easy. I just thought… I thought I would be much better at this than I currently am.”

Taeyeon is drawing circles on Jessica’s back with her index finger. She feels Jessica gradually leaning onto her more, as if she could fall asleep at any moment. Taeyeon takes Jessica’s hands in hers and guides Jessica towards the couch. She allows Jessica to rest her head on her lap and starts rubbing Jessica’s temples.

“You are doing better than you think.”

Jessica pulls Taeyeon’s hand to her lips and gives it a light peck.

“So are you.”

They wake up an hour later covered in blankets. Taeyeon is hugging a Keroro plush toy, her left hand still holding on to Jessica’s.