The moment I walked into my house, the feeling of safety that was one in me vanished as if it was never there in the first place. I stood there in the foyer with my back against the large front door. I looked outside from the small window beside me and there stood Minho with a pained expression on his face. How I wish I could make myself believe that I wasn't the cause of that expression he was wearing on his face. However, the more I try to convince myself. The harder the invisible slaps of reality gave me. 'You're a useless person... A loser, a failure, a mock to your family and friends....' a voice I thought I had kept away told me 'The only thing you know is to make everyone around you run away and keep their distance. Look what you did, you made the people who care for you sad because of you!!' the voice screamed at me. I wanted to deny it, but when I look at Minho's face I couldn't. I looked at him and my eyes started to sting,

"I'm just a burden to them" I whispered to no one in particular. I saw him sighed with his eyes closed before turning away, exiting the gate and to the road ahead.

The moment he wasn't in sight, the tears I held on finally fell onto my cheeks - like the few drops of rain onto the earth and let my face fall facing the carpeted floor so that the bangs I kept cover my face. I took my first step to my room and unexpectedly succeed- which was a surprise. I walked slowly to the stairs before hearing the television from the entertainment room. I wanted to hurry to my room so that no one would notice I just arrived home but I couldn't speed up my heavy steps. I took careful steps when I ascend the stairs so that no noise would be heard from it. It took a while for me to reach the top and I felt like collapsing right then and there. I continued my long journey to my room - which was apparently at the end of the hall. Each step I took, the shallower my breathing became.

The moment I arrived at the door with a sign which read 'HaeJung' hanging on it, I just... stood there. I looked at the flowery and girly sign and thought 'am I changing so much?’  I wiped my tears and with a shaky hand, I reached out to the doorknob. When I heard the 'click' sound of the door - indicating it was now open I made my way into the dark room. Without turning my body, I closed the door and leaned my back on it. The sobs I tried to hide finally showed itself and echoed within the confinement of the large room. Finally feeling the soreness of my feet, I let my body slide to the floor. The bag that was on my back fell with me with a 'thud' as it touched the ground. The only thing I feel was emptiness and coldness in my heart.

"Humans are fated to stand alone" I said firmly between sobs.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I stayed in that position until the sky had a red hue at its feet. On the other side of door, I heard shouting of high pitched voices. It was like an alarm clock to me. Telling me to get up before they knock the door down. With a sigh, I stood up letting my bag in front of the closed door.  Even with the unheard groans of disagreement from my limbs and muscles, I just made my way to the toilet.

I opened the lights and went to the sink straight ahead. I stopped and placed my palms on the cold tiles. Slowly, I lifted my face and my eyes met something I have never imagined I would ever see. In the mirror, there stood a girl with messy jet-black hair. Her eyes so puffy and red, nose as red as a clowns'. The dark circles under her eyes are starting to show. Unconsciously, my right hand starts to gently touch the girl's reflection in the mirror. From the swollen eyes to the red nose to the swollen lips. My hand starts to tremble so hard that I had to hold tightly onto the counter.  It struck me that the girl is me...

"I'm a monster aren't I?" I said while looking at my reflection straight in the eye. "I'm a monster.....I'm the monster!!!” I started laughing hysterically. My hands making y face more of a mess. Stepping away from the mirror, I walked to the shower closing the transparent door behind me with a 'bang'. I stood there shaking as if Jack Frost came and invaded the room. Slowly, my feet started turning into jelly and my body slid to the floor. With a shaking hand, I the shower and cold icy water started drenching my already cold body.

'I deserve this. A monster deserves this' the voice - My voice said in my head. So I sat there with my head against the wall and my hands limp on the floor.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It took me a while to get out from that state and get out from the shower. I stood in front of the mirrors and look at my body. It looked thinner than before. 'As if it wasn't thin before' that voice said again. It was through though; I was underweight before all this happen. Now, I just looked...... sick. I looked away and started wearing my pajamas that I blindly took from the drawers. I brushed my hair - hardly and headed downstairs.

"Amen" the dining room echoed as the whole family finished reciting the prayers before eating. I took a small portion of rice and some chicken. The dining table was so noisy with the boys’ voices talking loudly. I just sat quietly and ate my dinner. My brother who was sitting opposite of me called me and I just looked at him while chewing on my food. "Sis, you missed all the fun today...." he started to tell the things I kissed today when they went out without me but I just zoomed out his voice and just concentrated on my plate.

"Haejung...." A loud voice brought me back to reality. I stopped and placed my utensils on the table. I looked up to see that all six pairs of eyes were focused on me.

"Yes?" I answered and looked down. "Where have you been?" the deep voice said to me, dangerously

"Around with my friends" I answered shortly and pushed the last spoonful of rice into my mouth.

"Okay, Did you have a good time?" he said and I just sighed and just nodded not wanting to elongate the conversation.

"I'm done. I'm going to my room" I stood up with my empty plate in my hand. I saw that my dad just nodded from the corners of my eyes.

I hurriedly pushed my chair and went to the kitchen. I placed the dirty plate in the sink and left it there. I hurriedly went to my room afterwards. Jumping a few stairs as I could. I closed the door as softly as I could and walked to my bed. I let my body fall on to the mattress - face first. I closed my eyes and open my ear. The only thing I heard was the fan and sounds from outside - passing cars, the crickets etc. My eyes snapped open as I heard the sounds of a very familiar voice laughing outside. I jumped from my bed and literally ran to the window and opened it - enduring the chilly autumn wind. My eyes wandered wildly at the road downstairs. Trying to find the familiar face of him.

It wasn't hard finding him. Since the sidewalk was almost empty. He was there laughing at something funny. I smiled widely as the sweet sound of his voice filled my ears. I looked at his face, the warm heart-melting smile plastered on it. Like those days. I just smiled as I admired him from afar. It was such a thing that could make me forget my despair - which ceases to surprise me till this day.

There was suddenly a high-pitched laughed that came from him. Confused, I slanted my head to one side - a habit that is hard to remove. There was a blurred black thing beside me - Curse my not so perfect vision. Unwilling to take my eyes off him, I ran my hands on the seat I sat on until I felt a smooth hard thing under my hand. I took out my glasses from its home and wore it. Wasting no time, I focus my eyes on the black 'blob' beside him. I saw him smiling happily at someone beside him and was immediately lost in his smile. I quickly shook my head and focused more on the 'thing'. When I realized what, no who it was, I felt as if a bucket of cold water was thrown to me. There stood the girl he was with the last time I saw him with - Gyuri.

It had been at least fifteen minutes since they lest my vision when I finally closed my eyes and looked into my room. I quietly close the window and stood up - walking to the previous place I was. I plopped my body on the bed. I felt as if my soul was pulled out of my body - a lifeless human sized doll. I turned my head and looked at the bedside table. It was filled with frames and pictures. All of it was pictures of us. My hand unconsciously took a picture frame from the table. My fingers caressing the picture. All the painful memories came flooding in like water entering a sinking ship. The soft caress turned into clenched fists on the side of the frame. I did something unexpected.... I threw the frame away. Like it was some sort of trash.

"Argh!!!!!" I screamed and pushed all the picture frames down to the carpeted floor. I screamed and screamed. My whole being was not filled with sorrow or despair. My body felt hot like it would on a hot summer day, I was panting. I was angered by what I just saw. Feeling that what I did wasn't enough, I threw the comforter down on top of the frames. The pillows and books came next. I kept trashing my room until it was no longer the tidy girly room it was before.

"How dare you!" I screamed down at the piled of things I threw on the floor. I laid my head on the bed and buried my face in to the mattress. I shouted my lungs out so much. Cursing at him for making me feel like this. I screamed and thrashed my body on the queen-sized bed. When I felt my throat drying up. I still felt it wasn't enough. I did the next best thing I thought. I bit down on the soft flesh of my arms. I didn't remember what happens after that but I knew that I passed out after sometime.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

My eyes open almost immediately when I heard the song-like knock of the door - awakening me from my deep and yet another dreamless slumber.  The first thing that I saw was the dark ceiling above me. Opening my eyes reminded me that I had yet another day of horror to pass through. I closed back my eyes - not wanting to remember bitter memories from the night before. Assuming that I was still asleep, the person on the other side knocked yet again but loader this time. I groaned out as equally loud as the latter knock signaling that I had already woken from sleep. That was all that it took so that the knocking stopped - I heard the footsteps outside walking away the other direction from my room. I assumed that whoever was on the other side of the door heard my groaning - signal. I closed my eyes tightly and enveloped my body with the sheets - turning into a cocoon, to keep out anything that would disturb me yet again from my way to run from thing.

'What a real professional actress you are!' I smirked at the sarcastic voice in my head. I smiled lightly at the thought - well that or my family is truly ignorant to me. Just as I was about to swim back into another round of oblivion to the world outside, a loud yet high-pitched voice called out.

"Sis! It’s already 6:30.. If you don't wake up now, you're seriously gonna be late" the voice, my 12 year old brother I assumed, warned me with humor in his voice - like it was funny that I was late for school 'School!' I remembered and my eyes immediately opened - gone the drowsiness.

"WHAT!" I screamed and shot up into a sitting position. One of the worst ideas. The moment my body was in a sitting position and my head was upright, it started to throb so much which made me cry in pain. "Argh" I held my head in my palms, my fingers automatically massaging it. That was a really bad decision, since all that 'activity' the night before took a toll on my body - negatively. 'Damn this isn't good I got school today and a massive head... What could be worse than this' I mumbled to myself.

"SIS!!!! DAD'S CALLING! HURRY UP!!!" he screamed again making my head throb more as if it wanted to jump out of my skull. Slowly, I climbed - more like slide down the bed and walked to the bathroom, with my hands massaging my temples and my back hunched like Quasimodo.

"Today's gonna be one hell of a day" I mumbled to myself as I sat on the closed toilet bowl. I took my tooth brush and toothpaste from the sink - further away from it. Everything that happened after was a blur to me. Washing my face, brushing my teeth and getting into my uniform. My mind couldn't focus on the things that was going on around me - not even what I was doing. The sound of running water, the sound of clothes under my touch. All of it was not registered into my mind - as if it didn't happen. Brushing my hair in front of the mirror, I couldn't help but look at my pathetic state. Red hollow eyes, puffy cheeks and a red nose. Great day right?

With a sigh I put the brush down and took my glasses from the side table. I wore my glasses in hope that it would tone down the redness of my eyes. I open the drawer beside me and took out a small, white cylindrical container amongst the stuff I put in there. I opened the bottle and took out two small white pills from it and plopped it into my mouth. I took the water bottle beside me and opened it - drinking the content. After swallowing the pills I stood up and took a few minutes to get used to it. I walked to the door and took my red bag pack in front of it - which is where I left it last night and slung it on my shoulder. I unlocked the door and open it to see a fist almost reaching my face. "Hey!" I said with a grumpy voice as I slapped the fist away. The guy just giggled and said sorry before running downstairs. I stepped outside and closed the door behind me. I walked slowly downstairs - afraid that I would show any signs of pain to my family.

When I was downstairs, I went to the kitchen and took a banana and a small bottle of orange juice from the fridge. "Good morning, Haejung" my mom said from the dining table I mumbled a 'morning'. I hurriedly went to the door - knowing if I didn't go now I was going to be late. "I'm going" I said from the front door and started my way to school - munching my banana. I put my ipod in its loudess so I could avoidi the curious eyes of the people passing by me. Luckily there weren't many people but their gaze made me want to dig a hole or a tunnel to school.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because of my slow steps - thanks to my headache, I just barely made it to class before the bell rang. The moment I stepped into class, everyone was silenced and their gaze all on me- roughly 35 pairs of them. I furrowed my eyebrows because I was confused by their reaction – I am a nobody in school. 'Did they see a ghost?' I questioned myself and looked behind me. But of course there was no ghost except if was...............me.  'Of course its me' I snickered and continued walking to my seat at the back of the class. The moment I put down my backpack on the table and sat on my seat, 4 people rushed to me.

"WoW! Haejung you look like sh-" I knew that Minra was about to curse so I cut her before she could say it. "Yeah, I know" I said and removed my earphone from my ears.

'You look as if you went to hell and back" Onew said with his index finger on his chin - observing my appearance. "I feel worse than that" I said and put my head on my table - loving the coldness coming from it. I felt my friend’s curiosity oozing from their bodies. Before they can further investigate me, the teacher came in and they went back to their respective seats. I lifted my head and looked at my English teacher in the front of class. I was about to lay my head back but remembering how strict this teacher was I didn't

'Now is to study and go through class with this damn headache' I said and put my head on my hands so it wouldn't hurt as much. A big part of me told me that I was going to go through so much trouble today and I couldn't help but agree.

---------------------------------------

A/N

Hey Guys!!!! Its official I'm finally back *yay*......  I missed writing so much! Not to mention all of you.

My 'big' exams just finished a few weeks ago and I've been thinking of the storyline of this since there was no plot to this. And it took me a few days to write this. This is my comeback as a writer! Hope you like my little gift since all of you were patient for 10 months! Well this is the longest chapter that I ever wrote for this story..... Since I had so much time on my hand ( no more studying)

And if you notice, my writing style definitely changed alot since I first started to write this story and I was thinking if I should edit my previous stories......... write your opinions in the comments...

I also made a blog so that I can put up my edited stories here on there...

So don't forget to visit if your interested------------------>http://mintychocaddict.blogspot.com/

Hope you like this.

I'll be back with hopefully longer and happier chapters.

Don't forget to comment. Subscribe and Upvote if you like this story...

Love ya'll <3

  <-------credits to owner