calling TuesdayD
☺♫ Saranghae Review Shop ♫☺ [CLOSED-DO NOT REQUEST]
b. Poster & Background & Trailer (8/10) - The poster is very simple but I love the color and the picture choices although it looks more like a character chart style. It's cute, simple and plain, that's all. No background or Trailer, it's okay, it's not required. LOL xD
c. Description & Foreword (6/10) - I like your description. I was pondering who was saying that and that, LOL xD It sounds interesting but from the very first I read your description, I just thought it's really cliche. It's another Best friend thing love or whatever they call that.
Your foreword is nice. There were some grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes.
Ex:
Only Lee Minho were my only true friend!
-Be aware that Lee Minho is only one person which means, singular not plural. You can't use 'were' and you can't use 'was' either. You should use 'is'. So, it's like this: "Only Lee Minho is my only true friend!" No need to put another only because there is already 'only' in the first sentence.
Jiyong make a confused face and went away from the table.
-Jiyong made a confused face and went away from the table. (Did you notice that you used past tenses excpet 'make'? It should be 'made' to make it fit with the past tense words.)
The word 'fastly' had died long ago, so no need to use fastly. It is not grammatically correct in English Language.
- Instead of using fastly, just use "Hyerin replied fast" or "Hyerin hastily replied" or "Hyerin quickly replied"
He start to complain as he went towards the door, probably went to the nurse office to sleep. This college is his father share anyway.
- He started to complain as he went towards the door, he probably went to the nurse office to sleep. This college (school?) is his father's share anyway.
There was a few more but I can only show you these mistakes. Just in case, you need them.
d. Plot (5/10) - It wasn't that boring, it was fun to read especially the dreaming and drooling part yet it only had one chapter (including the one in the foreword). I'm not so sure about your story's plotline since you only have one chapter, but I guess I understand a little. Hyerin's best friend... the one who likes her... It could be Jiyong or somebody else, but if it's Jiyong it's not really obvious so it's a good thing that it's not obvious.
Your plot is not really catchy. When I read the description, I thought it's just a love story between bestfriends falling in love and thinking if it would work out or not so that's why I wasn't attracted to your story. Still, I give you half the score because of the Hyerin's funny parts.
e. Originality (5/10) - I thought it's about just plain neighbors who are idiots. But well, the best friend part and Hyerin forcing Jiyong about that concert thing is the creativity you wrote. It was a good start honestly.
f. Flow (5/5) - You made a very good start and for the next chapter, I am imagining what might happen next. Full marks here because of the good start.
g. Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (18/30) - I caught many mistakes here and there. Including the foreword part, also in the chapter. Also, when you write, you should start with this:
"....really?"
-That is so not right. It should just be "Really?" or something like that.
"You know her. She stubborn!"
- You know her. She's stubborn.
Actually, you just have to proofread your story and I think it will be better. As for your vocabulary, it lacked a bit but simple words and sentences and also thought is also a good thing.
I also love the way you described some of the characters in Chapter 1 by the way.
h. Writing Style (7/10) - It was just fine. I love your short description of the characters and their actions, although it's simple and some word are in wrong places.
i. Overall Enjoyment (6/10) - It was fine. I enjoyed it but I got hooked, really. I love the foreword part mostly, it was very funny. It got me laughing for a while. Sometimes, I find Hyerin very annoying and Jiyong too nice.
Total: 64 /100%
Comments