Always there for you!

Title (2/5)

Always there for you!

It should be written like this:

Always There for You

Titles aren’t supposed to have ending punctuation in them. Anyways, the title does fit the story
but it’s rather weak. I’ve searched the Jongkey tags several hundred times and I don’t remember
seeing this. When choosing a title for a story you need to think of something that will stick out
and that people will remember.

Poster/Background/Trailer (4/10)

The poster was okay, but there was a lot going on in it. The top half, I like that Jonghyun and
Key are facing each other, but I don’t like that Key’s face is way bigger than Jjong’s and that
it doesn’t look like they’re looking in each other’s eyes. The bottom half I think it would have
looked better with just the city in the background, not two faded pictures of Jongkey.

Description & Foreword (4/10)

Never write and author’s note in the description, it should be written in the foreword, very last.
For the foreword you chose an excerpt from the story and that’s okay. It did catch my interest
and made me want to click the next button to see what was going to happen. But overall, the
foreword page was really dull.

Plot (9/10)

I really like the plot, it’s cute and refreshing.

Originality (8/10)

Pretty much your own thing, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen one or two stories where Jonghyun or
Key has amnesia and the other finds and takes care of them.

Flow (5/10)

Everything was really rushed for five chapters. You moved too fast and it all happened in what,
two weeks? You need to slow down and put more details in the story.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (10/30)

All of my senses apparently were off, except the feeling of pain all over my body. For a moment
I could hear someone shouting next to me.

- Hey! Are you ok? Hold on! I'll get some help!

Then the pain took me over and I passed out.

Lying on the cold, hard ground, my body felt numb; as if all my senses had stopped working.
As I lay there trying to stay conscious I could vaguely sense that someone had run to my side,
kneeling down next to me.

“Hey, are you okay!?” The person shouted loudly. I could only stare blankly up at them, but I
couldn’t see their face as black spots invaded my vision.

“Can you hear me? Hold on, I’m going to call for an ambulance.”

With one last blink of my eyes, I let out a soft breath and let the darkness take over.

I woke up in warm bed and I gladly found out that the pain was way weaker than before. I
managed to open my eyes just to see that I was lying in a hospital bed.

- Feeling better? - some familiar voice asked. I turned my head and saw 21-22 years old boy
sitting on the chair next to my bed.

- Yes... You helped me, right? - The boy nodded - Thanks.

- You're wellcome! I'm Jonghyun, Kim Jonghyun. - He smiled. He was a bit shorter than me,
with brown hair bleached at the end. His eyes were deep and chocolate brown reminding me of
puppy.

When I woke up next the first thing I noticed that my body was not in any pain. As I blinked
open my eyes I saw that I was lying in a comfortable hospital bed with an IV drip hooked up
to my arm, full of a painkiller that numbed my body. I tried to move a bit, but suddenly a hand
reached out to stop me. I looked over expecting to see a nurse or doctor, but instead I saw a
dinosaur. I mean boy.

“Don’t try to move yet, okay? How are you feeling?” He asked, concern etched into his face.
I stared at him for a moment to take in his features. He looked the same age as me, I think.
Soft, brown eyes and blonde tipped hair that made him resemble a puppy, and oddly enough a
dinosaur.

“Fine, I think. Who are you? Were you the one that helped me?” I replied, not quite grasping
the situation that I was in. How did I even end up in the hospital? I couldn’t remember what had

happened before. In fact, I couldn’t remember anything at all besides my name.

“Yeah! I’m Jonghyun, by the way. Kim Jonghyun,” He informed me with a wide smile.

“Key,” I replied, frowning slightly. Why did it sound so strange coming out of my mouth?
Maybe it wasn’t really my name? I don’t know, and that’s really frustrating.

After I got out of the batroom I saw him witing infront of the door.

- Are you ok? You was there for more than hour and half. - He asked with worried voice.

- Yeah, I'm just a bit dizzy. - He reached his head and touched my forehead.

- You're burning! Come on get dressed and go to bed, I'll make some soup for you! - I wasn't
feeling that sick. Why was he so worried about me at first place? I was just a stranger. Anyway I
nodded and did what he said. Soon he came with a bowl of soup and sat nex to me.

- Come on, say "Aaah~..." - He said and lifted the spoon to my mouth.

- I can do it myself... - I tried to protest.

- Come on yeobo, don't be stubborn! - He said and I felt blushing. Good that I had fever and he
didn't noticed. - Now say "Aaah~..." - He repeated and I couldn't do anything but obey.

As I stepped out of the shower, my vision began to swerve slightly and I quickly threw out my
hand to steady myself on the sink. When it stopped I reached for the towel and slowly began to
dry myself off. It took longer than expect to finish that and get myself dressed, because my body
felt rather weak and shaky, as if I had been running a marathon with no water or food; my energy
lever reduced to zero. When I finally walked out of the bathroom I saw Jonghyun standing
before me with his hand stretched out, ready to twist the doorknob.

“Sorry, I was just coming to check on you; you were in there for awhile…” He said, scrutinizing
me worriedly. I frowned slightly and shrugged my shoulders; I really didn’t feel good right now
but I didn’t want to worry him over me.

“I’m okay. I’m just a little dizzy,” I mumbled pathetically. The world seemed to be against
me because the moment I tried to step forward, my head began to swim and I lost my balance,
stumbling forward and about ready to face dive into the carpet. Thankfully Jonghyun had quick
reflexes and caught me before I hurt myself.

“Key! Why’d you say you’re okay? You’re burning up! Let’s get you to bed” He exclaimed
anxiously, hoisting me up on my feet. I didn’t say anything and let him lead me into his
bedroom. Once he got my tucked comfortably into bed he said he would be right back, and
then left me with my thoughts. Why did he care in the first place? We were complete strangers
to each other. Who let’s some random person come live with them out of nowhere? He was
completely crazy, but for some reason I liked that. Jonghyun made me feel safe, and with all
that’s been happening lately, that’s what I really need.

Ten minutes later, Jonghyun returned with a bowl of steaming soup in his hands. I eyed him

curiously as he walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed next to me.

“It’s nothing special, just some canned chicken soup. Alright, now say ahh,” Jonghyun said with
a grin. I didn’t purposely open my mouth, it fell open in aghast because I was so shocked that he
was actually thinking about spoon feeding me like a baby.

“What?! Jjong, I can do it myse-“ I tried to protest, but he shut me up quickly as he deposited the
hot soup in my mouth.

“Now yeobo, don’t be stubborn,” He tried to say strictly, but he just looked so cute when I said
that, that I couldn’t help but blush. Thank God my cheeks were slightly flushed from the fever or
he would have teased me for a century.

After I finished eating I looked him in the eyes. - Thank you so much for taking care of me! I
don't know what would I do if it wasn't you... - I said and felt tears in my eyes.

- Don't worry. I'm glad to have someone around. - He said and put the empty bolw on the bedside
table. After he saw the tears n my eyes he hugged me tightly. - It's ok.

I cried. I don't know whybut I needed to, and he offered me his shoulder to cry on. I felt my heart
hurting like it was broken, but I didn't remembered why. Was this pain a memory? Did someone
broke my heart? After a while my tears stopped and we lied on the bed. I didn't wanted him to let
me so I hugged him tighter. I felt safe i his hands. The pain was slowly going away. The comfort
his hug was giving me, soon took me in the Land of the dreams.

When I had finished the entire bowl, Jonghyun set it aside on the nightstand. We sat there in
silence for several moments just staring around. I really couldn’t thank Jonghyun enough for
all that he was doing for me. First he saved my life, then he took me in, and now he was taking
care of my while I was sick. He must be some sort of angel or something. But for some reason,
instead of feeling happy about that, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to cry.

Jonghyun was so good to me, but it felt so bittersweet. Like, I had been in a situation before
where I was happy and then everything stopped. What was this feeling? I didn’t like it; I didn’t
like it at all.

“Key? Are you okay?” Jonghyun asked me softly, reaching over to tilt my head up so that we
were looking at each other. I hadn’t even noticed that my eyes had filled with unshed tears. I
quickly wiped them away and shook my head.

“Jonghyun, I’m so confused,” I cried, and he reached over to hug me tightly.

“Don’t cry, Key, please? It’ll be okay, I know it will,” He tried to console me. I buried my head
in his neck, not caring that my tears were dripping onto his shirt and wetting it.

“I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t there for me,” I whispered, feeling rather
needy. The thought scared me, but I didn’t even want to think about it. I don’t think I could have

though, because of the weird feeling inside me.

For the rest of the night, Jonghyun and I lay in bed together and he graciously let me cry on his
shoulder and comforted me without a word. I wasn’t ready to share my feelings with him yet;
they were too painful and sad. It felt like I was heartbroken, but I had no reason to be. Maybe
this was a memory coming back to me? Did someone perhaps hurt me before, is that why I’m
feeling like this?

Eventually the pain started fading and I drifted off to sleep, feeling safe and secure with
Jonghyun’s arms wrapped around me.

Anyways, there were several spelling mistakes, incorrect verb tenses, poor comma usage, and the
dialogue was not written correct. The story needs to be edited.

Writing Style (3/10)

The writing style wasn’t bad but you definitely have a lot to improve on. Your sentences and
paragraphs are weak; they need to be longer and much more descriptive. Dialogue is not good at
all and thoughts are hard to decipher through everything.

There is no emotional connection written in. I saw a bunch of words and together is sounded
really cute, but it you think about it, the emotion was not written in very well. You just need to
add more description to it. Like in the first chapter where Key is hurt and about to pass out, you
wrote on sentence and then he wakes up in the hospital. Slow down, take a deep breath. Write
out a little bit about why he felt pain in the first place and describe how bad it was. Was his
vision fading? Did it hurt to breathe? What was the last thing he saw, smelled, felt? That sort of
stuff is missing.

Then, Key is there with Jonghyun for a week and only once did he think that he had a broken
heart before and then Jonghyun kisses him. You need to put more emphasis on all that. Drag it
on about the hesitation; make him try to think about his past and why he thinks he got his heart
broken. What was Jonghyun doing while Key thought about this? When did they start feeling

something for each other before he kissed him out of the blue?

And when Nicole suddenly turns up, would Jonghyun really just let Key go so willingly?
Obviously they felt something for each other, Jonghyun had to have felt hurt and depressed that
Key was gone, didn’t he? You focus so much on writing the basic plot that you leave out so
much, especially with Jonghyun. Like, why is he living alone?

You put too much attention on time factor. In the same chapter, Key gets mugged, passes out
and then wakes up in the hospital, and then leaves a week later. It’s all in about ten sentences.
Slow down, write about what happens in the hospital but don’t mention time until he leaves.
And then when he’s with Jonghyun. It seemed like he was there longer than a week and yet you
wrote ‘four days later...’ ‘a week’…just leave out time and things will flow better.

Overall Enjoyment (6/10)

I like the story, it was really cute. But since it was written poorly and there were so many details
left out it disappointed me. It has potential to be a really great story if you put more into it.

Total Score - 46/100%

reviewed by: peacelovehugs

Reviewer's note: If you don't like the review and start bashing me and their subscribers do, then I will gladly contact the admin and they'll get suspended from the site~ remember rule #1 says no bashing!