calling LavishlyLay
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Title (3/5)
Good choice for a title, not too plain but not over the top. I like how you named it after Big
Bang’s ‘Monster’ because that’s exactly what I thought of when I saw the title, before reading
your author’s note. However, from the chapters you have written, I don’t see how the title
portrays the story.
Poster/Background/Trailer (10/10)
The poster really sets the mood and gives the story an interesting vibe. The girl in the middle
walking in a hall makes it seem like we’re going to see someone go absolutely crazy or
something.
Description & Foreword (10/10)
The description is written so perfectly. It gives the reader just enough to get interested and
hooked without even reading the story yet, but it doesn’t spoil everything we’re about to read.
Only part I would change is the last line, ‘I fell into darkness’. It sort of takes away from the
creepy vibe. But all in all, the foreword page is perfect, and normally I don’t say this.
Plot (6/10)
It’s such an interesting plot, very mysterious and suspenseful and I like that in a story. You
don’t explain everything at the beginning, it was like playing some sort of game. But you’ve
managed to drag it out quite a bit and that’s getting rather tiring. How many chapters of them in
the confinement? Why not try to escape? Add some events like that to spice things up.
Originality (7/10)
I’ve seen a couple stories where a bunch of people wake up in some weird place, so this wasn’t
entirely original. However, since there aren’t a whole lot I only marked a few points off.
Flow (3/5)
It’s very repetitive and dragged out.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (30/30)
Perfect.
Writing Style (8/10)
Your writing style is nice, but there are some things you could improve on. Mostly it’s
description of the setting. While over all you write details and descriptions amazingly, you didn’t
do too well for the setting. I couldn’t begin to imagine what kind of place they were in because
all you were saying was gravel and hard floor. You need to incorporate that into the story.
Overall Enjoyment (5/10)
It was an interesting story, but the OC girl kind of put me off. I’m glad she wasn’t some hyper,
peppy, teen girl fawning over EXO, but you made her almost a complete pansy. All she does
is sit there and cry while the boys fawn over her, and that’s not entirely something I’d enjoy
reading.
Total Score: 82/100%
reviewed by: peacelovehugs
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