calling pixeLL
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Title (5/5)
Clandestine- it sounds perfect. Yet again, at first, I didn't know what it meant until I searched through Google. Yep, English isn't my first language. That's not bad, right? But thanks to your story, I decided to search about Clandestine's meaning. It definitely fits your story, and I love it! Although it's not the only one here on AFF nor is it unique, the title was good enough to catch my attention.
Poster & Background & Trailer (4/10)
The poster is really plain—I wish there was Youngjae or Daehyun's images, to make it pretty and creepier. But with just the title? Absolutely no. Also, the font isn't really catchy. It's too bland. The moment I clicked the link of your story, I thought it was angst and every time a story is angst, I always expect an angst and dark poster because I love staring at how beautiful angst posters are. You don't have one. It's okay. Add creativity next time, and you'll get a good score here.
Description & Foreword (10/10)
Description was well-organized so I liked it. It's like a sneak peek of your story or a preview, which is really interesting in a way that made me ask 'What would Youngjae do to Daehyun?' or 'What's happening between these two people?" That's a good thing, more questions, the more you make readers curious, the better the story is. Grammar was great too, your English was great, and you write so well with full of emotions. It was easy to read, awesome. Foreword is same with the other's forewords, I have no comment about it.
Plot (8/10)
There is really something so generic about your story. Youngjae and Daehyun are lovers and they are in a situation wherein the other one is cheating behind the other's back. Youngjae realizes Daehyun's a cheater. He becomes angry over Daehyun. He even tried to kill himself. Obviously he was too depressed. And then later, a bloody mess came. I have actually read a story with that plot before, but I don't know, it never failed to impress me.
Yes, I was impressed,again. I love these kinds of plots, bloody plots, creepy plots, then again sweet-like-revenge plots. And the craziness of Youngjae made me pity him, and although readers think Daehyun deserved to be killed, I still didn't want it to end his life just like that. I kind of hoped that he wasn't really cheating, and maybe explain everything to Youngjae while dying. That would be the sweetest death ever, right? Then again, I love the plot (not the originality), I also love the words the characters said. Memorable lines I love so much. One of them is this: "If I can't have you, then no one will. No one." Seriously, your words made me shudder. I congratulate you for that.
Even though I love your story, there are some disappointments too. First and the only thing that disappointed me is Youngjae's craziness. Normal people don't usually kill their lover just because they witnessed their man cheating and just because they are ignored. Usually... They file a divorce, that's reality. So, this wasn't realistic. It was impossible, yet it sounded so real. If you know what I mean...
Still, you made a great story and the characters were perfect! Almost, I mean.
Originality (4/10)
I said before that this was generic, so it's not original. I love exploring angst stories, so I see it's not very original.
Flow (5/5)
The flow went well.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary(30/30)
First off all, your lines and words impress me. Second of all, your writing style is amazing it sent a chill through my spine! Lastly, am I blind I didn't see any errors?
Oh well, you're a great author! I would never think English isn't your first language. You wrote this one-shot so splendid, so I'm giving you a perfect score.
Writing Style (10/10)
It was good! I like how you put too many emotions in your words! I felt as if I was watching a movie. Great.
Overall Enjoyment (9/10)
I did enjoy your story. Just that, I come to think that maybe you could have added more in the last part. Something sweet.
It was still good, you don't know what I felt while imagining what I was reading. I loved that feeling. Two thumbs up!
Total Score– 85/100%
Congratz! Your story will be on the recommended list!
Reviewer: sususco123
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