calling exopanda
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Title (5/5)
The title is strong and interesting and drew me in. It’s original and it made me come up with a
bunch of different scenarios on what the story was going to be about.
Poster/Background/Trailer (10/10)
I absolutely love the poster! It’s a bittersweet story and the poster matches it greatly. I especially
like the picture of the girl you used, she looks really sad and it made me wonder what made her
like that. And the fact that she had a basketball by her just added to how well it matched the
story. Same goes for the background: perfect.
Description & Foreword (6/10)
The description was good, but it confused me a bit. It was written in two parts, was one part
Nadia and the other Gongchan? Other than that, it was interesting and made me even more
curious about the story.
Not going to grade you on the foreword because it was just crediting poster maker and reviews,
which is okay.
Plot (10/10)
The plot really drew me in and made want to keep reading to find out what happened to each of
the characters. Even though you only have three chapters, you gave a lot and I look forward to
seeing more of it.
Originality (10/10)
I have not read another story like this, nor seen one like it on the site. A ghost girl and a human
boy, a disappearing basketball court? There’s nothing like this.
Flow (2/5)
Your flow is okay, but you moved a little too fast. There was only one interaction between Nadia
and Gongchan and then he suddenly decides that he’s in love with her? That doesn’t happen.
You should have written more about them spending time together because it felt like you skipped
a few chapters.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (27/30)
Everything was spelled great and the punctuation was fine. However, there were some verb
tenses that were incorrect, but I’ll look past it because you said that English was not your first
language and yet it was still written very nicely. Not to mention, comma usage was freaking
PERFECT! I’ve never read a story where the author used commas so correctly as you did.
But other than that, there was only one more mistake. After you use dialogue you need to capital
the first letter of the word after it.
Incorrect: ‘’I asked you first, my lady,'' he said politely.
Correct: “I asked you first, my lady,” He said politely.
Writing Style (7/10)
You have a nice writing style but you could improve a bit. Add some more emotion into the
story and it should be fine.
Anyways, here’s a few tips on other things:
-For thoughts, ‘don’t write them like this, in quotations’. You should italicize them because that’s
the general format that people use for thoughts and anything you want to emphasize. Like when
you write ‘friend’ you should italicize it instead of putting quotations.
-Justify your writing. When you are ready to make a new chapter there are editing tools to use.
You don’t have to, but it makes the story look a lot neater when everything is straight.
Overall Enjoyment (10/10)
I really enjoyed your story. There was so much mystery and questions that need answers. I really
want to know about the whole thing, who died, who was left, and all that stuff.
Total Score : 87/100%
Congratz! Your story will be on the recommended list!
reviewed by: peacelovehugs
Reviewer's note: If you don't like the review and start bashing me and their subscribers do, then I will gladly contact the admin and they'll get suspended from the site~ remember rule #1 says no bashing!
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