I'm Sorry

Listen!

C.A.P's P.O.V

The cold frame in my arms had goosebumps all over his skin. The bluish tinged arms and legs didn't look healthy anymore, but I didn't stop rubbing over his limps. I just couldn't stop hoping. It couldn't be too late.

Pulling the feather-bed higher, so that nearly his whole body was covered, to concentrate all the heat on his body, I placed a soft kiss to the far too cold forehead. I planned to whisper some prayer, but I ended up coughing, as my mouth didn't want to form words in shock. My tongue felt dry and I just couldn't will myself to produce saliva, that would improve the situation.

Soft breathing was audible in my bedroom. Except that it was silent in here – maybe too silent. Was that my breathing or his? If I held my breath, would I hear his? If I kissed his soft lips, could I feel breathing air on my face?

I daren't try it, fearing that I might hear nothing, that I might feel nothing. It was a red exclamation mark in my mind, preventing me to do anything else than lying down with the ice cold body of his in my arms. Rational thinking would've made me bring him to a hospital or at least call a doctor, but I was unable to do something. A reason sure was the finality a visit in the hospital usually had. Only imagine this unique smell crawling into your nose, as if it was the faint gray glimmer it is pictured as in animated cartoons. Restless people, who walk and sit around in the reverberating halls, wait for news – good or bad. Doctors and important-looking nurses heading towards the next patients, not even having time to give simple information.

But I was still cuddling the boy in my arms like a child its worn out, but dearly beloved plushie. It seems hopeless, but a captain will always be the last one to leave the ship. When my gaze glimpse moved to the window I noticed the red and yellow clouds, puffing themselves to pink absorbent cotton. The last sun rays peek through the curtain, signaling that the day was coming to an end. It is a long lane, that has no turning.

The moment when the red ball finally disappeared over the horizon, I bit my lip, stopping to breath only for a moment. Pure shock was forming on my face, a tear left my eye, making its way down my cheek. Why can't I hear his heartbeat? Why can't I hear him breathing?


 


 

My fingers clawed into the armrests of the chair I was more or less sitting on. Panting, I opened my eyes, feeling my heart pounding in my chest far too rapidly. I was not even really awake, but my eyes already searched for Niel.

He was laying, where I had bedded him last night. After I brought him here, I had immediately told the maids to prepare hot-water bags, before I began searching for each and every blanket and pillow I could find in my mansion. Having put Niel under like two hundred different blankets, cuddled onto just as many pillows, I had let myself fall onto a chair. As a consequence of exhaustion and the shock of finding Niel in such a state I suppose I must have fallen asleep.

As soon as I realized that I have dreamed I jumped onto my feet. Weren't dreams said to have only the slightest bit reality in them? The question out of questions was: Was Niel alright? In no time I was sitting next to the bed on the ground, one of my hands already shoving some blankets aside. Hesitating for a moment I watched him, huddled together in attempt to concentrate the warmth.

I began relaxed again when suddenly his head moved, so that his face was revealed completely, as if giving me an opportunity to observe him. It took a load off my mind seeing that he could move, concluding that the small boy was on the road to recovery and far from what I had dreamed of.

I couldn't help but wrap my arms around the boy, fighting a tear back that wanted to leave my eyes.

I was worrying about him, since he didn't wake up the for the last ten hours, indicating that he definitely wasn't over the worst yet. My right hand ran petted his head, which was wet from all the melting ice.

My other hand shakily reached for my phone and I called one of the maids, I knew was working at the moment. When she answered the call I briefly stated that I wished for a warm meal, regardless what it was and ended the call seconds later. I must have sounded like a jerk, but I didn't mind at all. It was all only for him.

My gaze flew back to Niel when I had hung up. Spotting his cute button nose, I felt my fingers twitch, wanting to poke it. I imagined pressing a soft kiss onto it, almost feeling the soft skin against my lips. I admired his full plump lips, that didn't loose any of their charm, even though they were chapped. You couldn't compare them to what they looked like when Niel had lived with me. An ice-cold shiver of regret flowed over my whole body, accurately knowing that I was at fault. I. WAS. AT. FAULT. Meaning that Niel was lying in my bed, shaking from cold and whatever sickness he might have caught, was my fault. Without thinking about him I had forced him to return to the streets. If I hadn't been there last night, it would have been his end. And it can still be. I could never forgive myself. I had acted affect based, not knowing how to handle the situation. True, Niel had lied to me. He had betrayed me, but I had risked his life. Now guess what was worse?

If he was to wake up, I would beg on my knees for a second chance not knowing if he'd grant it. And even if he didn't I felt accountable for his well-being, so I would provide him a bed in my mansion, as I didn't want him to ever return to the street again. But what does that count, if he didn't wake up? What if, despite all my efforts, Niel wouldn't survive?

Turning away I heaved a sigh of frustration. After all, I hadn't left my family for no reason the other day. I had wanted to see this boy, who was now unconscious. I had wanted to look into his eyes and once again confess my love for the gorgeous boy. I had wanted to embrace him to never let him go again.
 

There was one thing about my room that was special. Within the last few month it hadn't changed at all, meaning I didn't rearrange furniture. In contrary to many other people dealing with lovesickness I was hoping as long as everything still looked the same it couldn't really have changed. As long as I can still imagine Niel coming through the door, he hadn't actually left. Unsatisfactorily, it didn't help me to handle the situation. I rather shoved it away, forbidding myself to think about it.

Due to that, it wasn't strange that the picture I had sketched, ages ago - so it felt, still was laying on the cupboard next to my bed. The boy on the paper seemed to look so much younger than his original. Not that Niel looked old, but he did grow up in the shortness of the time. Comparing him to the boy I had hosted, the drawn one almost looked like a little child. He has been very thin, plus he had been in an awful state. That had changed as soon as he ceased living below the bridge. I recall that his eyes have sparkled once in a while and a smile would beautify his face. Without these eye circles you could see how much of an angel Niel was. And speaking of his lips: They have been smooth and when you kissed them... No okay stop! Focus Minsoo.

Nowadays... I watched him closely to see all the details. He had much in common with the small frightened boy I had picked up. The same eye circles were disfiguring him, though he still was beautiful. Not even the chapped lips could change that. Nevertheless he wasn't looking identically equal. No, he looked even worse with the blue spots his body was studded with. Can't I just turn back the clock?

Thank god that a particularly knock on the door ripped me out of my thoughts, only making my head ache in their pointlessness.
 

Niel's P.O.V
 

For quite some time it has been pitch dark all around me. It was as if a black curtain has fallen over my body, making me wonder what had happened. I wanted to reason that this was what people call heaven.

Suddenly I could make up a temperature change. I wasn't really able to use my senses but that one essential thing I recognized. The next thing I remember was a rather loud thud forced me to open my heavy eye lids. Dazzling light blinded me for a moment, before I could picture my surroundings. Where were I and how did I get here?


Hello my lovely readers :)

I should quit apologizing under every chapter I write, shoudn't I? Anyways here you go with the 27th chapter. I hope you all are happy that lil Nielie is still with us.

I know I promised to update more frequently and believe me the plan of this chapter was made a week ago, but I didn't find the time to type it. Sry...

Buuuut we've great news, don't we? Teen Top's MV Ah-Ah was released only some hours ago and what should I say. Niel is perfection and omo Ricky, what are you trying to say us? O.o How do you like it? Is it what you expected?

Well last words for today: I hope to finish this fanfic this summer, preferably before I go on holidays. Let's see if I succeed and offer you a brilliant ending ^^

 

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I love you all ~ Annemarie00

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Annemarie00
Dunno if sb still expected me to finish the bonus, but it's almost done guys :)

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mambana #1
Chapter 31: Sgshddhdgdh, I so love the story, everything was so good, the plot, the characters, everything. waaaahh, I couldn't stop reading, I even reread some chapters because I liked them so much, still tho. huehehehe, every couple was so well developed and you guys didn't go out of the main theme which is really great, like you guys didn't ruin it, so pls don't worry about that huehehe, really amazing story, and thank you for sharing it with us, and for putting hard work in it :). My n.a.p feels just got stronger and stronger hehehe.
mambana #2
Chapter 9: The story is getting so interentinnngggggg, seriously too good, sbzbsbxvxb.
ren16zaizen
#3
Chapter 31: When Niel feel shy but want~
>,>
lovekiller_tsuna
#4
Chapter 31: Love nemo! <3
Aww, having someone like minsoo is a dream~
How I wish I could get someone like him...hehehe
Thanks for this story! ^^
TakeshimaTaki-desu #5
Chapter 31: Oh I loooooooooove this!! I've been waiting for this! keke. It's soooooo good!! Soo savored and soo romantic. Love love love. :D
aisysam94
#6
Chapter 31: Kyeopta!!! Niel is so innocent! XD
TakeshimaTaki-desu #7
Chapter 30: I enjoyed following this story even though I stopped coming here to read. :) Where is that something that's an addition to this story? :)
TakeshimaTaki-desu #8
Chapter 29: Did I ever say that I was a er for ChangRick too??!! Although not as much as my lovely N.A.P but ugh! Our maknaes!! :D
TakeshimaTaki-desu #9
Chapter 28: kyaaaaaa!!! this this this!! this is what i want!!! huhuhu finally! after all the hurt. finally. my babies! huhuhuhu