Niel's P.O.V

For hundreds, thousands, no actually millions of people all around the world today was a very important and particularly happy day of the year. Tomorrow was Christmas, meaning everyone was going to get presents, candy and cookies. But for me it is nothing like that, never has been and most probably never will be. For my whole life Christmas eve was the day of the year, where I was stuck in the orphanage, not able to go out and get only the slightest moment of privacy. I remembered the four-bed room I had slept in with all these jerks. The day before Christmas we used to get weird canned food, since the chef was off. Usually we would get bounded seated in front of the TV to watch the every-present 'Kevin' – movies. Do I have to mention why I developed a hate towards the name Kevin? After the film had finished and we all had died of boredom, we were locked into our rooms, waiting for the next day to start.

“Niel~” It was Ricky, who smiled at me like kids do, if you told them they'd get chocolate.

“What?”, I asked rather unnerved, turning my head to the boy, who had just ripped me out of my thoughts. I actually wasn't sure if I should thank him for that or not, depending on what he was going to say now.

“Let's sing something.”, he begged and laid his head to the side, cutely staring back at me. I could only shake my head. Even if I was sorry, I couldn't stand pretending to be all happy and sing Christmas songs with the younger. I saw the pout forming on his lips. “ChunJi just send me away... why won't you sing with me?”

I sighed and shook my head, but Ricky wasn't finished yet. “You know at Christmas you are meant to be singing. You should have a great time.”

As sorry as I was I just couldn't refer to the other's words. They didn't make sense at all. I mean it was freezing cold – oh and did I mention I gave away my coat that I had once? The bone-chilling cold was creeping through the soft fibers of my pullover. I just turned around, so that I mustn’t see the younger's pout.

“Hyung!”

I wanted to shout at him, something like: “Don't hyung me.” But I just couldn't knowing the other would burst out into tears. I heard him sighing before he padded away.

“Ricky, I'm going to sleep a little...”, I announced, not assuming to actually get sleep, since I often couldn't relax due to the coldness. Though I needed to try and get out of this freaking fúcked reality and if I didn't want to try some drugs (which I wouldn't since it's disgusting) I could only go to dreamland.

C.A.P's P.O.V

Christmas eve might be the day of the year, where Seoul shines the brightest. At almost every shop window you can see green, red and white lights blinking you a merry Christmas. Everything seemed so immensely peaceful, that I almost forgot why I had headed out of the cozy living room today: I want, no have to, no will find him. I had walked into a part of the city I usually rarely spend time at, making me wonder why I was here. Looking around I spotted an abandoned ice rink, shining brightly from the light of the moon, knowing tomorrow there will be hundreds of people crowded inside it...

But I seemed to be alone – lonely. Tell me, what's more frustrating than being alone on Christmas?

“Baby-fish~”

Happily, I called Nemo, knowing that he couldn't hear me, which only made me try out several new nickname's for my cute housemate. After searching for fifteen minutes I found him sitting in front of my room. My eyes nearly fell out of my face. That was... the weirdest, yet cutest scene I had ever watched, because Nemo wasn't just simply sitting, but sitting cross-legged inside a big white wash bowl. That kind of wash bowl I would put my laundry into, so that the maids could take it to the laundry room. A snowflake-white sheet was thrown over his head, letting me make a face like: How da faq had he gotten into that situation?

Shaking my head I came back to reality. My brain just showed me a scene that had occurred a few days before Niel had left. I just missed him so much, that I imagined seeing him while I was searching for the cutie. Where the hell could he be?

My path led me down the road, past a restaurant I only remembered too well. It was one of those times I had lost control, only wanting to touch him, to be as close as possible. Just the thought of him made my fingers curl in anticipation. I felt my tongue run over my lips, imagining to touch his luscious plump ones...

Was have I done wrong to deserve this kind of retrospection to better, happier times?

I stumbled ahead wanting to ran away from it, even though I knew it wasn't possible. Niel, where are you? Then it hit me rather unprepared. Out of a sudden intention I knew where I needed to look for Niel. It was only a few streets away from here. It was the alley I had found him the last time.

Only around the corner was the alley, where I had picked him up the first time. The event seemed to have happened ages ago, when it only were a few months.

Slowly but surely I noticed how nausea started to build up in my stomach. All the times I had ignored how I was feeling, all the times I had pushed aside the face of the boy I actually craved to see was now coming back to me in multiple intensity.

I headed towards the alley and looked into it, actually not hoping for anything. If fate willed, it was indeed the place where a certain person had decided to spend his night. Hopefully...

My steps sounded hollow on the asphalted ground and I could hear myself breathing in the ice-cold air. What was the time again? At first I would look in the exact house entrance where I had spotted him, but of course he wasn't there. I already wanted to turn around and give up searching here, but then... One of the streetlights began to crack and brought my attention to it. I feared it was broken and would drape the alley in darkness soon, but it only flared for some seconds. That was when my gaze dropped to the light spot, it lighted up.

My heart was skipping a beat, as I saw the features of Niel, his head pillowed on a heap of snow, which looked kinda comfortable, to be exact. I was dreaming, wasn't I?

Carefully, not to wake him up I crept closer to the thin figure laying on the ground. Please don't disappear, please don't be a mirage.

I could make out the music of a near Christmas market.

When we finally kiss good night
How I'll hate going out in the storm
But if you really hold me tight
All the way home I'll be warm

The lines of a Christmas song came into my mind when I listened to the music. Wasn't Christmas made to be happy? To be with the ones you loved?

Having finally reached the other, I fell onto my knees, not caring if my pants might get wet from the snow. I began to wonder why he had decided to sleep here? Wasn't it uncomfortable if the light was continuously glaring you? Hesitantly, I outstretched my hand to touch Niel's hair, that was already covered in white. The light from a street lamp let it glow slightly, or was I imagining? The strand felt like pure ice, having not much in common with actual hair. How long has he already stayed like this?

“Niel?”, I asked in a whisper, now trying to gently wake him up. “Niel?” Several times I repeated his name in different volumes, but he didn't react. I let my fingers ghost over his face and it made me freeze. Literally. His skin was as cold as his hair. A torturing thought ran through my mind. What if he...? I pulled him closer, making his head lay in my lap. “No...”

I bend down to press a kiss to his ice cold forehead, not expecting a tear to leave my eyes. “No Niel...” This had to be some stupid nightmare – it just couldn't be true. Tear after tear dripped into the snow, on his face. I closed my eyes and turned my head, praying that as soon as I opened them again, Niel would be sitting there alive...

Opening my eyes again, the first thing I saw was his face. Puzzled, I shook my head, feeling Niel laying in my lap. He couldn't be somewhere else. It took me a moment to realize that it was his reflection on a frozen puddle next to us.

Peacefully closed eyes, that made him look like a fallen angel. White snowflakes decorating his caramel colored hair. Thick, plump, sleek-looking lips... Ice that stuck together his long lashes.

“Niel, you can't do that to me...”, I cried, knowing I'd never get to apologize that I let him go...

Hey guys,

okay okay I knew you expected this to come out a tad bit earlier, but with all the school stuff...

Well you don't actually want to know it, right? What matters is here is it ^^

Hmm... the questions out of all questions will be... how's Niel?

Stay tuned to find out. Tell me your opinion, please <3 I love feedback

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~ Annemarie00