C.A.P's P.O.V

Entering the living room of my auntie's apartment I was welcomed by happy chattering coming from the table where my family was sitting at. As my sister saw me, she waved me over saying: “Oppa I missed you.” A smile spread over my face as I made my way towards her. I let myself fall into the fluffy sofa trying not to knock down the ever-present candles filling almost every empty spot, making my aunt's room seem overly cozy.

I pulled Minhee into a hug, telling her that I missed her as much, which I totally did. Not only my sister had returned from the USA, but also my parents, which had warmed my heart a little, knowing they rarely came to see me. It was December the 24 – Christmas Eve. The atmosphere was rather light-hearted, so that even I could convince myself to smile. Although there was a slight hint of something distracting left inside of me, forbidding myself to completely enjoy it.

“... how about you Minsoo-ah?”, my aunt asked me letting me snap out of my daze. The almost annoying Christmas music was playing along in my head: “And so this is Christmas. For weak and for strong. For rich and the poor ones. The world is so wrong.“

I only shook my head, trying to ignore the hidden meaning of the words, that could so easily be associated with my own situation, but I knew if I let the thought stay it'd only sadden me.

Suddenly I got aware of my aunt asking a question. I said in confusion: “Can you please repeat it auntie? I guess I was somewhere else...” The elder woman only cocked his head to the side. “What's wrong honey?”

I sighed and shook my head. “No, no everything's okay. Can you just say it again please?” I wasn't okay. Really I hadn't felt less okay in ages. There was someone something missing. Something. Though I could see auntie wouldn't believe me, luckily she dropped the topic. “Mhm wasn't as important.”

I could only thank her that she let me be, as I already felt a bit uncomfortable. Sure, I was together with my family, that I loved, but nevertheless I wasn't able to fully enjoy it. But I'm repeating myself.

Three boys in old-fashioned clothes ran around in the cold. If there had been snow outside, they would most probably have started a snowball fight, but they didn't get the chance to. Though they tried to make the best of their situation and chatted about lucky times. In the background you could hear and see the sounds and lights of a Christmas market.

The radio skipped to the next song and I lent back into the backrest, trying to guess which song it could be. The bell sounds at the start of it didn't really reveal something, as nearly every song could have begun like that. It turned out that it was “Rudolph the red nosed reindeer.” - a song that I'd grown to love when I was a child, but tonight it somehow saddened me. “...all of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.”

Do you remember the movie, named after the animal? Wasn't that one about people that were different and how they were feeling? In my opinion the film was dedicated to the children telling them to accept others like they were, as almost everyone would be okay to befriend with Rudolph, right?

An image appeared in my mind, showing me the face that I had effectively tried to avoid the past month. It just hurt me to see him, knowing he could still live with me, if I hadn't been such an idiot. I frowned and shook the image off again, not wanting him to disturb me at days like this – or exactly at times like this. Doesn't your brain always have reasons for flashbacks?

I turned over to Minhee starting a conversation about irrelevant things such as work. But then she began talking about her boyfriend – or rather soon-to-be husband as they were engaged since the previous summer.

The mentioning of her partner brought me back to my very own trap and I couldn't help but let my thoughts run off the track again. I remembered the first time we've seen each other and I almost painted a halo above his head, clearly sugarcoating him. But I immediately turned him down again, as I got to the point where I'd given him the money and as I remember that wasn't exactly a little. Such a liar! Nevertheless I had to admit... I missed him.

The moment he smiled back at me when I had first lost it and kissed him. I copied the smile in my thoughts, but a nasty idea came into my mind. What if he had just used me? What if he only let me do all the things, so that he could stay? But wasn't he also attracted to me... just... a little at least? The inner fight I'd fought so many times during the last weeks had started anew. It always had the same conclusion. Whatever he'd done... he wasn't with me anymore and that displeased me. (As if that explains the situation right.)

My gaze went out of the window past the shining Christmas tree, that was decorated with all kinds of glitter balls, lights and glitter. The fake icicles hanging from the branches made me miss the actual snow, that didn't really visit us this year. I spotted the Christmas ball I had hung onto the tree. It was formed like a little black and orange striped fish. Okay I wasn't really helping myself in any situation.

“... and as my neighbors are a little difficult I thought about getting a husky. I heard that they can't bark.”

I hadn't actually gotten what they were talking about, but what I knew was that my aunt was planning to get herself a dog, precisely a husky, because they were literally dumb. Well not really. I am aware that they do howl like wolves, their ancestors. Cute pets these dogs.

“Can I help you raising it?”, I heard myself asking, only to see my aunt nod enthusiastically. “Sure Minsoo. I'd love to see you more around.” I only nodded at that, as I really didn't visit my family a lot, mostly because my parents and my sister live on the other side of the world. Another reason was that I had closed myself from anything lately.

His faced flashed through my mind – his huge eyes had a sad look in them when he stared at me. He looked so different from the moment where I had picked him up, suggesting to live with me. In the picture his cheeks were blushed, while his perfect lips had lost their former chaps. But the glance was daggering me. He silently asked: “Why did you send me away?” It was the exact look he had given me when I had thrown him out. Guilt...

Shaking my head I returned to the living room to my family again. “Shall I make dinner?”, my mom asked caring. Minhee clapped in agreement. “Please mom. I'm starving ~”

The streetlights seemed to light up, leading my gaze back out of the window. But these weren't the streetlights. The whole ground was covered with a white blanket of snow. Small snowflakes danced down the sky before lining up with the others on the ground. It was really pretty. Just like him.

“...and, my dear, we're still goodbying. But as long as you love me so. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow~” The radio commented on my situation like that and that reached a point, where I couldn't ignore it anymore. I felt how I became restless within seconds until I couldn't handle it anymore. “Mom... I'm going for a walk. I guess I'm sick...”, I excused myself and grabbed my jacket, before storming out of the apartment.

I just had to find him. He had to be freezing, seeing as I was shuddering even in my warm clothes. But where could I find … My brain didn't want to say his name. “Niel...”, I whispered, stuffing my hands into my pant pockets. “All I want for Christmas is You.”, I quoted the song I had heard when leaving the flat minutes ago.

Hello readers ♡

This chapter might seem a little out of um... season, because of its topic. Nevertheless I felt like I had to write it (because of something you don't know yet).

As always when things won't work the way I want I'm so close to give up, but I'm in love with all of you especially my lovely commenters that I can't live without writing and uploading it ^-^

Oh and let me hint something: Next chappie is gonna be interesting.

Mhm and back to spring: Who's already seen Niel's Spring Love? Who wants such a dog as well? Me definitely! And I could also imagine myself spending my holidays on that beach with lovely Nielie ~

I'd appreciate Subscribers, Upvotes and Comments ♡ Tell me what you think, please I'm craving for it.

Luv U ~ Annemarie00