Luhan

I left I actually left. Without her.

I didn't know how much my life could be turned upside down by a 5'3, 110 pound girl who had a lifetime goal to become the little mermaid. My life wasn't the same anymore and for the good. These past years I've been so confused on what I actually want with my life. I don't want the fame, the money, the thousands of girls who would do anything to be with me.

I wanted out but most of all I wanted her.

These past months have been miserable. Even worse with Kris rejoining for a short while and leaving again. The pain from being away from Daxia was just too much for him to bear and with the news that their first child was on the way he knew where he needed to be. I was happy for him and realized where I truly needed and wanted to be as well.

Days were the same phones restricted, practicing till ungodly hours of the night. I never got to talk to Eunae once since I left and it was slowly killing me. I craved to hear her voice. I longed to hold her in my arms.

If I could list a thousand reasons why I missed her I would.

I felt trapped by this company and if they found out why I was acting the way I was they would make sure I never made contact with Eunae again even Suho would have trouble getting into contact with her and his family.

I knew the consequences of what I was going to do but it wasn't going to stop me. I needed to find her. See how she was. Was she healthy? Was she eating well? Did she miss me?

Thousands of these questions ran through my mind every second of the day. A year and a half has been too long and was tearing me a part. I couldn't think properly with the image of her in my mind. Her smile, her eyes, her lips. Just everything about her seemed so perfect. Just like Kris I had to break free and go to where I needed to be. Which wasn't here. It wasn't at a concert with a thousand girls chanting my name when there was only one girl I wish to be calling my name. I needed to be where ever she was. Where ever she wanted to go. Where ever she needed me to be. That is where I should be.

The practices, interview, concerts, they were all just things breaking me apart more and more. Spending my nights in the bathroom after concerts crying or throwing up from exhaustion. The fame slowly eating away at me. I didn't want this and I was naive to think I ever did. I made a decision out of thoughts based on what ifs and it's now become my own personal slice of hell. Although I cannot completely say it's always been this bad since it's allowed me to meet an amazing group of people and gave me the opportunity to me my Miss.Right. The girl who is my other half. The girl who makes me feel like I'm living my life to the fullest.

I missed her. Everything about her was etched into my mind playing over and over again like a broken record. What's worse is the way I miss her is so strong. I can't function like a normal human being. I couldn't even describe the kind of feeling missing her is because it's so different making me feel numb and in agony 24/7.

Every night I prayed for us to be together again if not in person at least in my dreams. A year and a half had really taken its toll on my and I couldn't take it anymore. Today was the last straw.

I had just left the hospital from my latest checkup and was currently arriving back at the dorms. I was tried and run down as I entered the apartment like every other day. To my surprise though as soon as I entered the dorm I pulled by Suho into his bedroom.

"She's here" he whispered as soon as he shut the door in fear of our manager hearing us "Eun she's back in Korea. She's home."

"Where?” I immediately leaned in eager and anxious.

"Busan, I met with Eunji today at and Etude photo shoot and she said