✎Lesson 14: There's No Backspace.
✎♥The Dating Subject♥✎
"He's really mad."
My sister, Mizuki said as we sat on my bed again that night. I had told her everything that happened that day.
And she wouldn't stop calling me 'pabo.'
Great. Am I really going to get no respect today?
"No. More like he was really hurt." Mizuki corrected herself.
"I cannot believe you said those words! How insensitive can you get?!"
"I didn't mean it! I didn't mean any of it!"
"Yeah." She retorted. "But does he know that?"
"I tried to tell him but he walked out on me!"
"I'd walk out too if I were him."
"Thanks a lot!" I scoffed.
She sighed.
"Look. You were really stupid today, unnie. With a capital S."
"I know, okay!? Now what the heck do I do?!"
She looked at me carefully.
"Everything." She said.
"Everything?"
"Everything." She confirmed.
"Or else, you're going to lose the very thing that makes you happy."
"Onew...isn't the thing--person that makes me happy." I looked away.
"It's your choice. You can choose to do everything you can to make sunbae forgive you. Or you can live in misery for the rest of your life."
"You know, you have a tendency to exaggerate things. That's all nonsense."
"Is it?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Yes. I don't need him." I huffed and pouted like a child.
"Unnie, I'm serious. I know where this is going."
"How?"
"A simple fight like that and you're breaking down. You won't eat and you're constantly worrying. And all these is happening in less than 24 hours after your argument."
She looked at me seriously.
"And now you're telling me you don't need him?"
I didn't say anything.
For the first time, everything my sister says was starting to make sense.
--
I went to school feeling determined.
I need to fix this today.
Onew will forgive me, right? I mean, in our past misunderstandings, he was always so quick to forgive.
I just wish this fight won't be any different.
I walked briskly. Some girls were still giving me dirty looks and whispering whenever I pass by.
"Hey noona!" Dongho called out to me.
"I didn't know you and sunbae are a couple. Congrats!" He shook my hand.
"Dongho, we're not a --"
"I don't know why I didn't see it!" He slapped his forehead.
"I mean it was so obvious when he got so angry about the supply closet and when he saved those donuts for you."
I choked up. I didn't need to be reminded of everything Onew did for me.
"I-I need to go. Bye Dongho." I walked away.
I reached the room and I saw that Onew was there. He was browsing through his notes.
This is it.
"Onew." I approached him when I placed my bag down.
He didn't look at me and continued to browse.
"Look, I'm really sorry--"
"Can you just email me everything you've researched for our report?" He said in a serious voice.
"I'll be the one to fix it. And I'll also do the interviews. You know my email, right? Maki-sshi?" My heart felt heavy again when I heard him use formality.
It's like we were strangers again.
"Y-yes." I said, my voice sounded weird, even to me.
"But I can help!" I said quickly. I really need to patch things up with him.
"There's no need. You told me before that you were having a hard time with the subject, right? So just leave it to me." He said,
not looking at me anymore. He started to fix his notes.
"B-but...I can help interview."
He looked at me but his eyes were void of any emotion.
"It's fine. Just email me your research."
"This is my report, too!" I'm not giving up.
"Well you're doing something, aren't you? Or you can choose to do the report as a whole. I'm pretty sure you won't need me for that, right?" He sounded bitter.
"O-Onew--" Hurt flooded my voice.
"I think we should be in our assigned seats now." He looked ahead and the professor entered the room.
I bit my lip and stood up quickly.
A clear rejection.
We were nothing more than classmates to him now.
It's not like I should be affected.
We were nothing more than classmates for years.
It was only recently that we got close.
But already, my heart feels empty.
--
I walked to the library alone again.
Mika had another meeting. We didn't get a chance to talk yet.
Although seriously, I think she's avoiding me.
Could it be that I just lost two really important people in my life?
I ate kitkat on the way. I was starving. I haven't eaten anything since the day before.
As I bit into the kitkat, I didn't feel my appetite return.
Even eating kitkat didn't feel right.
I entered the library and went to the computer stations.
I stared at the screen.
Here is everything I've researched.
Once I click the send button, that's it.
Onew won't need me anymore.
I logged out.
I can't send it to him.
Not yet.
--
ONEW'S POV
I scanned the crowd in the lunchroom.
She's not here.
Again.
Is she eating right? Is she--
"Who are you looking for, hyung?" Taemin asked.
"No one." I muttered quickly.
I promised myself that I won't care anymore.
I sighed and pushed my tray away.
"What's the matter?" Seungho asked, looking concerned.
"This is the first time I don't see blurring motions in your tray."
"I'm not hungry." I stood up.
I won't care anymore.
I won't.
--
MAKI'S POV:
This is the second day in a row I walked home alone.
I don't really care.
"I don't care!" I said aloud.
I've always walked home alone. It's not like Onew's been walking me home for so long already.
And besides, Mika can accompany me.
Next time. When she's here and we decide to go home together.
After she finishes on time on all those meetings. I didn't even know that the poetry club has so many meetings.
Anyway, I don't need him to walk me home.
I don't need him because he's not really teaching me anything.
Really, I mean, what have I learned so far about dating from him?
None. Nada. Zip.
Right? I so don't need him. It was the only reason we talked in the first place and clearly, he's not the right person to teach me.
I learn best by visual learning.
Not by tactile.
Tactile learning .
Yeah. Now I feel better.
All I need to do is to study dating on my own. There should be plenty of self-help guides.
I can do this.
I can ace dating class.
With or without Onew.
I don't need him.
I never did.
--
The following days passed by quickly. I am almost getting used not talking to Onew. I don't even glance his way anymore.
Well, you know, not as often as before.
So I was surprised when after class, Onew approached me.
"Maki-sshi?"
I can do this.
"Yes, Onew-sshi?"
"I know you must be busy and all, but I really hope you can send your research to me soon. I really need to organize our notes. Our report is due next week."
"Oh, of course. I'll send it to you today."
"I'll be expecting it." He turned around and walked away.
I exhaled. I didn't even realize I was holding my breath.
I can't believe I still feel this way.
And most of all, I can't believe he can still make butterflies fly around in my stomach.
I stood up, annoyed.
Stupid Onew. Well he won't have the same effect on me anymore.
He won't.
I quickly went to the library and opened my notes on my email.
I typed in Onew's email address.
I stared at the screen again.
Should I send it already?
"I don't need you, Onew." I tried to convince myself and clicked send.
--
That night, I held Mr. Cownew close to me.
"I'm sorry, Onew." I whispered.
I can't do it anymore.
I can't keep convincing myself that I'm fine with all this.
Because I'm not.
"What do you want me to do?" I asked the stuffed toy.
"I didn't mean it, okay? So forgive me already!" I shook the doll.
These past few days were really hard for me. Onew wouldn't look at me, and if he does, his face was always blank.
He rarely smiles anymore.
He always walks slowly except when he sees me coming, then he sprints away.
He won't talk to me. And when he does, it's purely about school stuffs.
And his eyes don't twinkle anymore.
Is my mistake truly unforgivable?
Is there no chance for me to save our friendship?
And what about Mika? It seems like she's avoiding me too.
I know she always has those meetings but we always find time to talk to each other even for just a short while.
Is she mad because of the rumor?
I don't know why the situation has gotten out of hand.
I sat up.
Maybe the date is cursed!
Ever since I went on that date with Onew, bad things had happened.
And on my first date too!
I shook my head.
I knew it. Dating is bad.
"I shouldn't have asked you to teach me!" I poked the cow.
But cursed or not, I really want to be friends with Onew again.
Because I know that's all we'll ever be.
I haven't figured out fully my feelings for him, but I think I'm getting the gist that it's more than friendship.
And I know he will never feel the same way.
But having him as a friend, is the closest I can get.
And now it's gone.
I can't let that happen.
I'll be friends with him again.
I swore to myself.
I need to make him see that our friendship is important to me.
But then, how are you going to convince someone who now considers you a stranger?
class notes
Hello~ (: I am backkkkkk~ my finals are finally over and I'm on sembreak now! YAYYYY. That means more updates! (: heehee.
Please don't be mad, I know this chapter because Onew dubu is saddd ): But I guess I just wanna make this thing more realistic, not every relationship is all happiness and romantic moments, right?
Anyway, thanks for subscribing and commenting!
A little for fun poll~ :DD
[The Dating Subject] OMG! You guys are still subbing even though it's finished?! CAN I GIVE YOU ALL A HUG? I love you! :)
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