I rode my bike to school fast today.

I wanted to see Onew immediately.

Although a part of me is hesitating and dreading going to school because of the rumor.

I parked my bike slowly. Now that I'm actually here on school grounds, I cannot bring myself to step into those doors.

But I have to do this.

I rushed inside and into my locker.
Good, no one is looking or talking to me.

I was almost in our classroom when--
"Is it true?" A girl I've never seen before stopped me.

"W-what?" I stepped back.

"Are you and sunbae together?" Her eyes narrowed.

Sunbae? That means she's younger than me. Where's the respect?

"No." I narrowed my eyes back.

"Well it better stay that way." She frowned and walk away.
Did a dongsaeng just threaten me?!

I cannot believe it as I sat down on my assigned seat.
I waited for Onew to arrive.

But he didn't.

All day long, people have been looking at me weird.
They were whispering. Some were even outright pointing at me.

Some of Onew's "fangirls" gave me dirty looks and kept saying that they cannot believe Onew would choose me.

Me.

I can't tell you how much that hurts.

For my study hall, I stayed in the library. The only sanctuary I know.

I kept my head down. It was the only time I was in the library wherein I wasn't actually studying.

"Unnie?" I looked up.

It was my sister.

"Mizuki!" I stood up and hugged her.

"Ssh." She motioned to me.
"Come on."

I stood up and like Onew, she led me to the back part of the library.

"Are you okay?" She asked me as we settled down.

"No." I looked down at my hands.

"Where's Mika unnie?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen her all day."

"And sunbae?"

"Same goes for him." My voice shook.

"Oh, unnie.." She sat beside me.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't know it would turn out this way. It was, after all, just a harmless piece of gossip."

"Tell that to them and those weird girls." I said bitterly.

"Hey, hey. Don't worry. This always happens on the first day."

"Really?"

"Well...not this extreme. But I'm sure it'll all be fine."

"How can you even be sure of that?"

"Because Onew sunbae is there. He'll make sure everything's okay, right? Just like always."

I took a deep breath.
"You're right." Onew has never let me down before.

"As usual. Now quit hiding here. It's almost lunch time. Plus, people will think it's true because you're refusing to face them."

"But I can't face them. They keep on making really mean comments."

"But you know the truth." She patted my hand.
"You don't owe them anything. They can't tell you who to date and who you shouldn't date."

"Onew and I aren't dating!"

"Of course not." She obviously didn't believe me.

"Mizuki!"

"Just keep your head up, unnie. I'm right behind you." She smiled.

"Thank you." At least my sister's here.

The bell rang.
"Now, come on. It's time for lunch. I'm really hungry."

I followed her to the lunch room.
"Everyone's staring." I said quietly.

"No one's staring. Quit being paranoid."

We got our food and settled on our table.
But I don't really have an appetite. Everyone was staring.

"What's the matter? You love pizza. Why aren't you eating?"

"Do you see Onew anywhere?" I can't look up.

"Hmm...No." She continued to eat.

"Are you sure? Look around carefully."

"Hmm..." I lifted my face up to look at her. She really was looking for him.
"Nope." She started to eat again.

"What am I going to do?" I sighed.

"Eat. Then you can think. You didn't even eat breakfast this morning."

"I'm not hungry."

My sister sighed. "I swear I'll gauge the eyes out of those girls. I can't believe they're doing this to you."

I stood up.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to look for Onew. Here." I pushed my tray towards her.
"Eat. I'll go now, okay? Thanks Mizuki." I hugged her quickly and went out of the cafeteria.

I searched for Onew.
Where could he be? What if he has a meeting?
I quickly went to the student council room.

But no one was there.

The washroom?
Oh wait, it's not like I can go in.

I climbed up the stairs, to our classroom, when suddenly, I spotted a very familiar figure by the halls.

"Onew!" I shouted, relief flooding through my body.

His face brightened up. "Hey, Maki!" He smiled widely.

"Onew! I've been looking all over for you."

"You have?" He grinned.

"Yes! Didn't you get my emails?"

"Emails?"

"Yes. I sent you three emails! Didn't you get any of them?"

"Uhm...I don't really check my emails. Sorry."

"How about my text messages? I sent a ton of them!"

"You have a phone?"

"It's my sister's. So did you get my messages?"

"I didn't know you missed me that much." He smiled slyly.
I sighed.
"I'm sorry Maki. I'm pretty sure I would've replied if I had my phone that time."

"What?"

"When did you text me?"

"Last Saturday and half of Sunday."

His eyebrows rose up.
"Oh. I'm sorry. I was busy."

"The whole day?"

"Well, yes. I have a lot of tasks to do. Seeing as I'm president and the overall head of the clubs. And plus, I had to do something for Baro and his girlfriend, Brii."

"What? Baro?"

"Yes. I made a deal with him."

"What deal?"

"Nevermind that."

I frowned. I can't believe he had time for Baro but didn't have the time to reply even once to my messages.

"Hey..." He held my hand.
"I'm sorry. I promise I'll reply next time. I promise I'll text you everyday." He stepped closer.

I stepped back. "You don't need to do that. And besides, it's my sister's."

He looked at me curiously.
"Why did you text me? Is something wrong? Was it urgent?"

"Yes! The rumors! Have you heard about them? It's about us!"

"Yeah." He nodded.

Why is he being so calm about this?

"Onew, you know it's not true. Please, set them straight."

"Why?"

I stared at him, puzzled.
"Because, it's not true." I repeated slowly, wondering what point he wants me to make.

"Hey wait, you just said that you texted me using your sister's phone, right?" He looked puzzled.
I nodded.

"Don't you have one?"
I shook my head.

"Why not?"

"They're a distraction."

He frowned. "That actually depends on how you're going to use it. I think you should have one."

I made a face. "I don't need one."

"Yes, you do. Do you want me to worry so much about you, then?" He scolded me.

"Why would you worry?"

"Because you can't reach me when you need help." He said as if it was so obvious.
"Like in the supply closet. If you had a phone you could've called me then you wouldn't have had that splinter."

"Oh." I thought about it. I probably would've called Mizuki or my mom or Mika…

"What?? Why not me, huh?"

I looked at Onew, he looked hurt . I didn't realize I said that aloud.
"Uh, yeah. You too." I mumbled.

He pouted."I'll buy you a phone. And I'll make sure I'm on your contacts." He said with finality.

"What?! Don't be like that!" I said quickly. "I don't want you to buy me stuffs."

"Why not?" He still looked hurt.

"Just..." I sighed. "Don't. That's not normal at all."

"As a birthday gift then."

"No! Onew! Stop it!" I crossed my arms.

"But what if I want to say goodnight to you or something?" He gave me a puppy look.

I shook my head, why is Onew so distracting?!

"Stop changing the topic, Onew!" This time, I was the one scolding him.

"What were we talking about again?" He leaned closer to me, staring.

"Uh..." I blinked and looked down. He's doing the distracting thing again.

What were we talking about???

"The...uh..Yeah. I remember now! The rumors!"

"Oh right." He stepped closer again.

I tried to lean back but I lacked the space.
"Onew. Please. Talk to them. They won't listen to me, but you..I'm sure they'll listen to you."

He didn't say anything, instead, he hugged me.
"Onew! What are you doing?!" I tried to push him away, horrified.

"Shall we make the rumors true, then?" He murmured.

I froze in place.
"I'm serious." I finally muttered.

"So am I." I heard him sigh.

“Onew…Don’t hug me! Someone might pass by and they might get the wrong idea!”

He sighed. “I don’t think they’re the one who’s getting the wrong idea.” He looked at me meaningfully.

I don’t really have time for his crazy talk anymore!
"Can't you see how serious this situation is?" I feel weird now, getting mad at him while he's hugging me.

By the lockers.

"Hey, it's lunch time! Did you eat already?" He changed the topic again.

"Onew, your stupid fangirls are almost harassing me.
Verbally. And with their glares." I continued to complain.

"Fangirls?" He sounds surprised.

"Yes. You have freaking fangirls, Onew. And you're not even an idol!" I muttered the last part under my breath.

"And...Are you jealous? Is my yeobo jealous?" He leaned back a little to look at me. He was smiling teasingly.
"Don't worry, I'm sticking with you." He leaned his forehead to mine.

I leaned my head backward and managed to narrow my eyes at him despite of the butterflies awakening in my stomach again.
"Onew." I took a deep breath since my voice was beginning to take an angry note.
"Can you not see that I'm serious?"

He sighed against my hair.
"Is it so bad?"

"Yes. They're really mean. And...and you know I'm not used to situations like this!" I mumbled in his shoulder.

"Then ignore them. You've always been strong. Why would you crumble over something like this?" He murmured again.

That made me push him away from me. "Well, I'm sorry for being weak! I'm sorry if I'm not so good with people and I can't handle this issue!" My voice was rising with each word.

"Hey, I'm sorry...I didn't mean it that way." He looked surprised.

And then proceeded to hug me again.
I tried to push him away once more.

"Don't. Stop pushing me away." He settled his chin on my head.

I was ready to push him further but something clicked in my mind. I think I should switch to a new tactic. Maybe if I let him be weird and hug me, he'd listen to me.

Right?

"Should I just get them suspended? Everyone who was mean to you? Everyone who gave you a hard time today?" He asked softly.

I didn't answer.
"Should I use my presidential powers?" He looked at me.
"Just say the word. I'd do it for you." He said seriously.

I shook my head. "No. I don't want to get anyone suspended."

"I don't want you to panic this way too." He sighed.

"Then maybe…you could set them straight. Now." I suggested gently.

"I wish I could. But I can't." He sighed and placed his chin on top of my head again.

"Why not?" I frowned at his shoulder.

"Maki, we're in high school. Do you think it'd be easy to control how these people think? Even if I say that it's not true, do you think they'll believe me? Even my abilities have limits. As much as I would want to do everything--anything you ask me to, if the results won't change, I don't see the point. And besides, you'd be more disappointed if things didn't change after I try to correct them."

"Can you please at least try?"

"Can you please let it go? Truthfully, I don't mind being rumored with you."

Why is he always uttering nonsense?!

"No! Why can't you listen to me for once?!" My sentence came out angry.

This time, he was the one who pulled away.
He actually looked hurt.
"Is it so bad that we're rumored to be together?" He looked a little heartbroken.

But maybe, I'm just seeing things.
I won't back down, though. I want this rumor to end as soon as possible.

"Yes! because it's not true! I don't want them thinking that way about us!"

"Why not?" His voice suddenly got quiet and he took his arms off me.

I sighed loudly in frustration. I don't even know why I'm being so mean. But it seems that I'm throwing to him all the anger I felt for those who gossiped, gave mean comments, and looked at me in a criticizing manner throughout the day.

"Because." I punctuated my words with heaviness.

"It's. Not. True. So please. Just correct it." My eyes, I knew, only contained cold seriousness.

He smiled with no hint of humour.
"Are you uncomfortable with me then?" His voice was beginning to get angry.
"You can't even tell your own bestfriend what we've been doing these past weeks!"

"It's not worth talking about!" I rebutted fiercely.

I saw a flash of hurt pass through his eyes and he stepped back from me a little.
I immediately felt regret but I pushed it away.

"Are you ashamed of what we're doing then?" He stared at me directly.

I didn't answer.

"Are you...embarrassed to be seen with me? To be even linked with me?" He finally asks, looking more serious than I've ever seen him.

But those eyes...those eyes that seemed to hold so much happiness, I didn't know that every bit of those happiness could be replaced by hurt.

Until now.

Once again, I didn't manage to answer.
He looked into my eyes searchingly, but I only managed to stare back at him.
"That's what I thought. Sorry if I'm so embarrassing." He smiled bitterly.

No!It suddenly felt as though cold water had been poured all over me.
I wanted to contradict him, to tell him that I wasn't embarrassed to be seen with him.

That I was embarrassed of me.
Me, who was not really fit for someone like him in the first place anyway.

And isn't that what everybody in our school thinks? That's why they kept on making those comments and staring at me that way.

I wanted to apologize and tell him, that it's okay. But strangely, no words came out of my mouth.

The pain in his eyes kept on knocking the breath out of me.

"I guess you don't need me anymore then, right?" He was obviously trying to sound angry but hurt was the most evident thing in his voice.
He turned to walk out but he almost tripped.

"Onew!" I was finally able to talk as I rushed to help him.
But he shrugged my arm off.

"I'm fine." His voice was cold and I flinched. He stood up and started to walk away.

"Fine!" Stung by his coldness, I couldn't help myself.
"You're right anyway, I don't need you! I never did! It's not like you're teaching me anything helpful!"

The words were out before I could stop them.

Onew continued to walk away.
But I knew he heard me, because he froze a little and looked back at me with an unreadable expression.
"I see." He seems to be struggling when he said that.
He then turned back at me and resumed to walk again, not even looking back once.

And my heart felt heavy.

For the first time, he didn't see through my lies.

---

I returned to class feeling so bad.

What have I done? I knew the moment Onew's eyes started to fill with hurt, I had done a terrible mistake.

I never wanted to hurt him.

Never.

And when he walked away from me,
it felt like he wouldn't come back anymore.

I put my head down on the table.
Suddenly, I felt sick.

I felt sick because of me. Because of what I've done.

"Hey, Onew there you are!" I heard Joon say.

I instinctively lifted my head up.

Onew came into the room. His face was serious.
His eyes swept across the room.
And I felt hurt tugging at my heart.
Because for the first time since Onew looked at me,
his eyes showed no emotions anymore.

His eyes used to lit up when he looks at me...

I looked away. I was feeling major guilt, hurt, and regret.
And I didn't like it.

Not at all.

Throughout the whole class, I can't concentrate.
I have to talk to him.
I have to apologize.
I can't let the friendship drift away.

I can't let Onew drift away.

I was nervous the whole time as I rehearsed what I was going to say.
I looked at Mika's empty seat. If Mika were here, she'd be a big help.
If I told her all this earlier...
Then maybe Onew wouldn't think I'm ashamed of him.

Onew, I rehearsed in my brain.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm not embarrassed. I'm really thankful that you're taking the time to teach me.
I'm really sorry. I'll just try my best to cope with the rumors. I don't want our friendship to end. I'm so sorry.

There, that's better, right?

Oh wait. I'm not going to mess this up. Absolutely not.
I opened my notebook and positioned myself so that it would look like I'm taking down notes and not writing a rehearsed apology.

All my writing skills flew out of my brain.
I knew my apology sounded crappy but it's the best I can do with such a muddled up brain.

After class, everyone almost left immediately.
Soon, Onew and I were the only two left.

I saw that he was putting his things in his bag slowly again.
It was the first time I realized that when Onew is sad, he moves slowly.

I approached him, shaking. I grasped my apology note in my hands. I have to have it ready in case I forget something.

"O-Onew." I started and reached out to touch his shoulder.

"Excuse me." He stood up abruptly and shouldered his backpack and walked away.

"Onew!" I called out.

I wanted to follow him, but his coldness kept my feet in place.
Onew walked out on me.

Again.

Can I not take back everything I said anymore?

--