“Oppa!!! What did you tweet with HaHa oppa??” She came out of the room with her phone, her face in disbelief.

“We were just kidding, baby” He looked up from the couch with his guilty face. “Do you have to let the world know??” She was upset.  Gary was hinting on something related to their private life on twitter.  It was just two men kidding but the world sure gets something out of it. She was standing in front of him staring down at him. He didn’t have a response and just looked at her.

She sighed loudly and went back into the room, leaving him to do the thinking. Gary looked at her walking away. Asking himself the same question she asked.  He is used to sharing his thoughts with the world. He wants people to know he is happy. He wants people to get to know the real him. He wants to bare things to the world. He has always been that open. To him it’s freedom. But he hinted with cryptic words and meaningful photos... That is who he is. He is a poet, talking to the world in his language. Telling in plain language doesn’t move the mind. He wants to share things with minds that could understand his language.

He searched the appstore, reading through the reviews for half an hour before he gets a good one to download. He was looking at his phone before he ran it, contemplating his decision. He is going to have whatever is written archived on his phone. But he is going to miss sharing them with those strangers that understood the artistic language he speaks online. He is going to let go a big part of his life.  Letting go of all the memories. He tapped the ‘proceed’ button. Years’ worth of his tweets are deleted one by one. He saw the screen scrolling fast.

“Oppa… are you upset?” Jihyo came out of the room again. He normally goes in after her if she’s upset. It’s been a while and she wondered why.  She saw him still sitting on the same spot. He looked at her with a different look. A tired smile on his face. She was worried and went over to him.

“What’s wrong, honey?” She had her arm around him and a hand holding his left hand. He lifted up his phone to show her what is happening. She was shocked. “What?? Why did you do that??” She was worried. Now, she felt guilty. “That is so many years of your life on record. Did I make you do that?” Her tone went soft. “I love reading them. I was just upset with what you told HaHa oppa…” She kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry” she apologized.

“I think it’s about time. You’re right... I don’t have to share it with the world...” He turned and put his arm around her. “You’re my world now” He smiled to comfort her. “Besides I had it archived. You can still read it if you want to.” He handed her his phone. She took it and placed it on the side table. She turned and climbed on top of him. “I’d rather you ‘talk’ to me with your lips tonight.” A teasing smile on her face. “I am going to China tomorrow… and it will be hectic before you go to New York. Let me have this God of mine to myself tonight…”

….

“Honey, I am so sorry I didn’t pick up your call last night. I fell asleep…” She explained herself the moment she answered his call.

“It’s ok… I was just checking on you. I’ve been texting Areum, I know you’re tired. Are you ready to go to the airport?”

“Just finished packing up… Going out now” She picked up her bag and followed Areum out the door. “Do you want anything from the airport? You’re on your last bottle of your aftershave… I’ll get some for you. I bought your vitamin drinks last night after the interview…“ She was listing out her shopping list containing his things and Gary was smiling happily listening to her.

“I love how you take care of me…” his deep voice was enough reason for her to smile. “I don’t even have to ask, you already have a list of what I need. I am going to New York, I can just get those things myself…”

“Don’t bother… you always end up buying something else and forget what you’re supposed to buy…“ She laughed softly into the phone remembering how he always does that. “Besides... I love taking care of you.” He can hear her smile in her voice.

“I’m going to the car now. I have to hang up. It will be rude to be talking on the phone when I have company. I’ll see you at the airport in a few hours. Get a little more sleep before you go. It will be tiring filming the whole day”

“Yes, dear. See you soon...”

…

She arrived early and head over to Gimpo airport to join the other members for the Running Man China filming in Jeju. Gary arrived 2 hours before flight time with the rest of the members. He was upset that the other members were taking their time when he had told them to get ready earlier last night. He wanted to go early to spend time with Jihyo.

When he reached inside the airport. Jihyo was already there waiting for them. He wanted to greet her with a kiss but there were too many people so he hugged her awkwardly. They have not had breakfast and decided on a café. As usual the members left the two seats at the end of the table for them. The wall at the table end provided some cover from passer-by.

She reached out her hand to hold his on the table. Just for a brief moment lest someone sees.  Legs touching under the table. They were talking to each other, catching up on the past few days apart.

“You have not eaten anything have you?” Gary knew she has not eaten because she was complaining on the phone on his way there. The café had just opened when they took their seats and food was being prepared. “Are you waiting for me to come feed you?? Why didn’t you get a sandwich or something? You know you have to eat on time right?” He was nagging her and she found it amusing looking at him nag like an old husband.

She leaned over the table and whispered “You know… you’re really hot when you nag” She smiled cheekily to make him blush and stop nagging.

 

The filming went on the whole day and it was really late when they reached home. Gary was flat on his back on the bed.  Jihyo went to him to take off his socks and pants. She shifted up the bed to take off his tshirt. His eyes were close in exhaustion. She caressed his chest. “Honey, do you want a bath or do you want to just sleep?” She was tired but he looked more tired.

Eyes closed, he reached out for her and pulled her to lie on him. He caressed the back of her head. “Can we just sleep now… We’ll bathe when we’re up. You… don’t go away.. Stay here and sleep with me” She adjusted her position to get comfortable and slept.

….

They parted again. He went to New York and she was off to Vietnam.  Separated for 5 days. But he kept texting her. The distance makes it feel much longer. The difference in time zone half way across the world didn’t allow them much time to communicate.  He updated his Instagram just so she can see what he has been up to when she wakes up.  He didn’t want to disturb her sleep.

She was back home earlier than him.  They postponed the Running Man Filming to Tuesday to wait for Gary to reach home Monday evening.

On Monday, PD Jay called Jihyo. “We’re having a wedding episode. Would you be OK if we pair him up with the guest?” Jihyo was surprised with the question.  She didn’t expect the PD to ask her opinion. And she was also surprised that they chose Gary instead of the other 5 guys.

What was she supposed to say? She can’t show them she would not like it. She had to be professional about it. “No, I don’t mind. Gary must be happy to be the main guy.  Just don’t make him look like a fool.. I don’t really agree when people fool him.  He is just so honest it looks pitiful when we all fool him.”

He was back that evening but she didn’t tell him of what was happening for the filming. The moment he walked in the door, she was running into his arms and kissing him. “I missed you so much” still giving him little kisses on the lips. His arms were around her waist holding on to her to keep their balance.

“I bought gifts for you while I was there…” She looked behind him and saw an extra luggage. He pulled it in and opened it for her. He took a few bags out for her. “Why did you have to buy so much? These are all expensive stuffs.”

“I didn’t know what to do so I went shopping. Then, I missed you. And thought of you when I see those things.” He explained sweetly. “And… You love expensive stuffs. I worked so hard just so I can afford to buy you stuffs!” He kidded.

She put the bags down and went to kneel beside him on the couch. “I prefer to have you. I don’t care if you don’t buy me stuffs. I can buy my own.” He missed her sweet voice. And he missed her lips travelling up his neck in search of his lips.

….

“What now??” Gary was annoyed. He had been trying to talk to her the whole day. “Jealous again??” Gary’s tone did not sound good. It felt like being slapped on the face but hurts more. Jihyo was stunned. He didn’t dare look at her because he would instantly give in. “This is just a game… You’ve done it to me before for years! I am only doing it now…” He left the sentence hanging and walked out. Luckily filming has ended.

Gary ran out of patience.  He was still jetlagged and tired. He tried hard to film putting on a bright cheerful face. Shin Min Ah is very big in the industry, she is loved by everybody. He thought she deserves to be treated extra special.

Jihyo was staring at his back while he walked away.  He had never raised his voice with her.  He had always been cool. He was always quiet when he is angry.  Tears were already pooling in her eyes. She can’t decide if she is upset or sad… or a mix of both. She walked to the changing room, Areum already waiting for her to change. She sat at the dressing table, arms upright and hands cupping the front of her face. She was sobbing.

Areum heard the unusual sound and turned. “Ya! What’s wrong??” She went to her and caressed her back to calm her. “Unnie, what’s the matter?” she talked calmly. “This must be Gary oppa right?” She sat next to her and put her arms around her. “Calm down… Stop crying..”. Jihyo turned and hugged Areum for comfort. She knew it was Gary. No other guy has this effect on her sister.

“Don’t tell me anything now… just calm down and let’s change and go home” She picked her up and ushered her to the clothes she hung on the wall for her to change. She packed up her bags while she changed in silence. Areum knows her sister well.  She needs to calm herself.

Jihyo put on her shades and walked out before the others were out.  They were probably still chatting.

“Let’s go back to your house… I don’t feel like going home now.” Areum just nodded and drove home. She let Jihyo sit in silence. She will talk to her when they reach home.

“Unnie… do you want to talk?” She sat beside her and passed her a glass of juice. Jihyo drank it and set it on the table. She was staring through the black TV screen. “He had never raised his voice to me… That was a first…” She started calmly. “I didn’t say anything and ignored him as usual. I do that when I am upset. He would normally come to me and talk nicely and make up.”

“But today… he finally lost it, and raised his voice?” Areum helped her with her words. She nodded. “I think he had been keeping it in for so long that today was the last of his patience.” She wasn’t crying anymore. She was just dazed by it all. “I didn’t expect such drastic change in his behaviour.. I was shocked trying to comprehend it. I cried because it hurt so bad. Now that I’ve cried… I am calm.”

She stood up and walked to Areum’s bedroom. “I’m really tired. Let me sleep for a while.” Areum followed her in the room and made sure she’s tucked in. “Don’t think too much Unnie. He must have something bothering him. Get your rest. He’ll probably be calling you later” Areum smiled positively watching her sister close her eyes to sleep.

….

“You slept here last night?” Minjung walked into the studio, papers were on the table along a few empty beer cans. Most cans were already in the trash can.

He woke up with a hangover. “What time is it?” He was pressing the sides of his head with both hands. “2 pm” Minjung help clear things up. “Were you writing?” He went thru the papers scattered on the table but there was no writing on them. He shook his head and headed to the bathroom.

“I was jetlagged… I drank myself to sleep after filming so I can wake up this morning. Guess I drank too much. Damn! My head is throbbing!” He leaned down over the sink after washing his face. Minjung helped him walk to the couch and handed him some aspirin. “Take this and rest. You’re not getting rid of that jetlag anytime soon… Just sleep and solve it tomorrow. Call the boys downstairs if you’re hungry” He left him alone to rest and went down to the office.

He was not thinking about food. He could not think of anything. He slept on.

…

“He didn’t call me by the way.” She announced sitting at the small dining table in Areum’s studio. She looked emotionless.

“So are you still waiting for the call or are you going to make the call?” Areum looked at her phone on the table. Jihyo looked at it and looked up into her sisters eyes, asking if she should. Her sister gave her an encouraging look. She picked up the phone and dialled for Gary. She was biting her lips waiting for it to connect. She put down her phone after a few seconds. “It’s his voice mail. Maybe he is not ready to talk.” Areum can see her sister’s face change. She held her hand and pulled her up. “Let’s go out! Just you and me…” Jihyo smiled at her effort. She always tries hard to make her happy. She is indeed a blessing to have as a sister.

“OK… it’s been a while since we spend time together. Let’s go!” She decided it best to be enjoying the day off with her sister to get her mind off Gary. It has been a while. Her free time were mostly spent with Gary. She spends time with her sister on the job, mostly.

She was picking up her phone. “Unnie, just leave the phone. You know you’ll be staring at it the whole day… He made you wait. It doesn’t hurt to have him waiting for you for a change.” Areum thought it better to leave her phone in case Gary doesn’t call. It will only make her more miserable waiting for his call. Jihyo left her phone on the table. She signalled for Areum to leave hers as well.

“But…” she objected. “You only receive work calls from me… Since we’re not working today and I am already here with you, you are not expecting any important work calls.” She was trying to pick on Areum. “Just text your boyfriend and tell him you’re phone free today. Besides, it’ll just be the two of us today.” Areum agrees to anything her sister asks of her. This is no exception. Her boyfriend can wait. “Take it with you... but turn it off. Just in case of emergency.”

She drove around town. Talking and catching up on her sister’s life. “Unnie… This place is so nice!” Areum showed her the picture in the magazine while waiting for their iced Americanos at the take-away counter. Jihyo read the article with her, admiring the pictures. “It’s 2 hours away. Wanna go?” Jihyo was smiling brightly suggesting the idea. “Seriously??” Areum saw that Jihyo was in a brighter mood and she should not ruin it. “Sure, unnie.”

“Let’s spend the night there, it’s already evening.  I need a retreat too. We’ll go to the spa tomorrow and pamper ourselves” Jihyo was going through the article on the posh spa resort out of town.  She decided to take time off and put her life on hold. Her sister deserves a treat.

…

Gary woke up that night because his stomach was grumbling.  He had not had anything to eat. He looked at his phone for the time “Damn it’s dead!” He plugged it in and waited for it to turn on, sitting up on the couch. A text message came in. A missed call from Jihyo. He suddenly missed her seeing her name on the screen.  He was remembering what happened, trying to make sense of things. He remembered raising his voice and walking out on Jihyo.

He didn’t know what made him do that. At that moment, he was suddenly annoyed and felt suffocated. He was not sure of what. He just felt suffocated and it made him talk to her in that unusual tone. He called Sukjin.

“Hyung, did Jihyo call you?”

“Nope… why? Don’t tell me… again?? Why do you quarrel so often lately??” Sukjin was the one sighing on the other end of the line. “I really don’t know hyung.. She was upset after filming ended. I felt so suffocated and I kinda raised my voice at her…”

“What?!” Sukjin was in disbelief. “You know she is very sensitive when it comes to you. She always tells me you never raised your voice… and it’s been two days! What were you doing??” Sukjin was nagging him.  Jihyo is a dear sister to everybody on the show. She takes good care of everybody.  They are protective when it concerns her. “Suffocated?? What the hell is that supposed to mean? You’re suddenly bored of her??”

“No!” That answer was fast and sure. “I don’t know, hyung. I guess I was tired. And she keeps getting emotional over small things. I suddenly lose it.”

“You know… to women, nothing is a ‘small thing’… and you made Jihyo like that… You turned her into that mellow sensitive girl. You liked her clinging to you. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? Now that she had finally let her guard down, you find it suffocating?” Sukjin was calmly putting the pieces together for him. “No, hyung…” His voice filled with regret. “It wasn’t her that suffocated me… It wasn’t suffocation…” He started realizing. “Hyung, I think I should call her.”

Jihyo’s phone was drained on the table where she left it the day before.  Gary didn’t get thru. He was worried. He went back home. It was as they left it the day of the filming. He checked the laundry basket. There’s no additional clothes in it. “She didn’t come home… “

The next and only possible place is Areum’s.

Jongkook called while he was on his way. “Gary ya… Is Jihyo with you? I tried calling her since last night but I got her voice mail..”

“Hyung, don’t tell anybody but we I have not seen her since the filming…”

“What?!” Jongkook reacted with the same tone Sukjin had earlier. “It’s the usual thing. She turned off her phone. She’s not home so I’m going over to Areum’s… she should be there..”

“You two are just unbelievable. You just made up and then went away… you came back to fight again??? Do you enjoy making up so much??” Another brother was nagging him. “Just get to her. Talk nicely!” He warned him. “Yes, hyung..” a desperate voice agreeing to the big brother. “Tell her to read her text… We’re going to Bangkok tomorrow morning. I texted her on the details. She doesn’t have to call me.. You settle your issue with her. I’ll meet her at the airport tomorrow.”

….

Jihyo and Areum arrived home at midnight. “That was fun!” Areum picked up Jihyo’s phone from the table. “Unnie, it’s dead. I’ll charge it near the bed.” She went into the room while Jihyo unpacked the food they bought on their way home.

“That was a nice retreat… This food is a nice end to it. Thanks unnie!” She thanked her after the meal. She really had a good time. Jihyo was happy to see her happy. She her phone and notifications were ringing non-stop. Jihyo laughed at her sister busy with her phone. “You must be really popular!”. She went in to retrieve her phone, ready to face reality.

Missed call notifications. Three calls from Jongkook and 16 calls from Gary since last night. She smiled just by reading his name on the screen.  She checked her messenger. Too many notification. She scrolled thru the names looking for the text she wanted to read most.

It started off with a message from the night before “Where are you?” and it was repeated every 5 minutes for 4 times. “Baby… please answer me. I went home, you weren’t home. I went to Areum’s and she’s not home either. I can’t call her.” The last message from last night.

Today it was just a repetition of “Baby, where are you? Answer me please…” for 12 times.  The last time was 20 minutes ago. She was smiling and typing her reply. “I am at Areum’s” 3 seconds later her phone rang. His name on the screen had her eyes teary.

She answered but didn’t say a word. “Baby…” his deep voice made tears roll down her cheeks. “Yes…” she answered with a shaky voice. Areum peeked in and saw her on the phone. She turned back towards the couch to give her space to talk it out.

“I am sorry… I am truly sorry…” his voice was shaky too. “Can you please hear me out, honey?” he pleaded.

“Yes…” tears are still flowing. She was listening.

“Honestly, I don’t know what happened to me… It was uncalled for. I think I was tired and jetlagged and I have not been spending much time with you…” he paused for a deep breath. “Truth is, I miss you. I’ve missed you so much and that one night was not enough… I was still missing you… and I miss you even more now.” He heard her sobbing at the other end of the line. “The feeling was piling up inside that I felt my heart so full and tight that it was suffocating me. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I wanted to be close to you. You were upset with me and avoided me. I was miserable trying to get through to you. I lost it. I really didn’t know how to deal with it… I’m sorry I hurt you..”

She was still sobbing. She wasn’t sad. She missed him. “Thank you… I’ve been wanting to hear your voice for days… but I am still hurt… I miss you… but it still hurts…”

“Do you want to come home now? I can pick you up right now...” He sounded desperate.

“No. Let me stay here tonight. I am not ready to face you now. I have a job tomorrow. Let me finish it and I’ll go home and talk.” Tears stopped flowing. She is calm.

“You must be really mad at me…” it dawned on him she was not going to let it go easily this time. She was hurt. She didn’t reply to that. “It’s ok, baby… I’ll be here when you get home. You have a good rest and take care of yourself. Come back to me safely” A tear made its way down her right cheek at his words. “Take care, oppa. Good night.”

It was left unsettled but it was half way there. She knows it will be back to normal when she gets back. She wanted him to know she is hurt. She also wanted to do her job well and now that she’s got most of it settled, she can carry on.

…

She arrived in Bangkok with Jongkook and Sukjin. They both told her Gary called them and told them to take care of her. It was sweet of him. She was happy. “We haven’t settled things but it’s almost there. I decided to wait til we get back.” She smiled and held on to both of their arms to walk with them.

The press conference went well. He texted her like he would normally do when they are away from each other. She didn’t reply but she was missing him. He had a show that night. And he was not in his best form.

 “Why are you wearing these clothes again? You wore them last week.” His manager was trying to get him into other clothes.

“Because I miss her… She bought this for me to wear in New York.” He just could not argue when Gary talks about Jihyo so he let him wear the exact same clothes on stage. He was hoping she’ll be looking him up online later.

She did look him up. She was in Bangkok after all. They had great memories in the city of love… both times. And she was crying herself to sleep.

….

“Ya! Those eyebags!” Jongkook and Sukjin greeted her before the fansign event. “I was missing him last night” They hugged her and led her to the table. They don’t say much since Jihyo looks fine and they’re about to perform. They would not want to mess things up for her.

The show went smoothly and the fans loud cheers made her happy. She was having fun on stage. When it was her turn to perform, it was the loneliest time. Performing the soundtrack from her drama was a very emotional moment.  She was reminded of Gary. She was trying hard to control her emotion.

He listened to her practise before. She had been practising the song for a month. He is a rapper and he too wasn’t good at singing. They decided to learn singing together. He didn’t plan to sing on his new song but he wanted to include that part because she would always make him sing that song he made up while practising with her.

Turned Off The TV was Gary’s first song for her while they were dating. It is special. She makes a point to sing it with him every year. She even did it while they broke up. She wanted to get him back. She sang with him to remind him of their time together. This year she was alone singing the song on stage. HaHa and Jongkook prepared a surprise for her by wearing Gary’s masks to accompany her on stage. Unplanned, they performed a comical version of Gary on stage to distract her from her emotions. They knew she was missing him. Jongkook saw her on the verge of breaking down at the end of the song and picked her up and walked towards the backstage.

“Thank you, oppa. I was going to cry. You picked me up in time” She hugged him and calmed herself. She kept her control through out the show. But when they were screening the fans message on the screen. She read the word “Dangshin” and was automatically reminded of Gary. The words were fitting too. She was humbled by the fans but she can’t help thinking of Gary with that word. And suddenly a cartoon version of lonely Gary appeared on the screen and she could not control it anymore. She was crying. Sukjin and Jongkook comforted her.

Sukjin called him up while they were changing backstage. “Where are you?” Gary just arrived home from Jay Park’s concert. He wasn’t in the mood to party but he had to support his friend. “I just got home hyung. How was the show?”

“It was fun… but… Jihyo was crying on stage…”

“What?? What happened??” he panicked.  “Relax.. she was just missing you. She almost cried singing your song but Jongkook picked her up in time to get her out of there. Then the fans started showing this special message. All of us were really moved by it. Then there was a cartoon of you and she can’t control it. Tears were flowing!” Gary smiled hearing it. “Hyung, I am hanging up now. I want to call her” He hung up without waiting for him to answer.

“Baby?” He talked when she didn’t say anything. “Yes..” the same shaky voice. “I miss you too… I wish I am there with you.. I want to hold you close so bad right now… Please come home now…” his pleading voice is most romantic. She was smiling. “Honey, I love you…” and he knew she just forgave him. “I love you too much!” He was so happy she can hear it in his voice.

He kept her on the line while she changed, talking to her about his show and his days while she was gone. She loves hearing him talk.

“Oppa, I have to hangup now. They’re waiting for me outside right now.”

“Come back to me safely… I’ll be waiting.”

“I’ll see you in the morning, love”

…

She walked in to see him sleeping on his side.  She got herself under the blanket and moved to face him. She kissed him awake and he was kissing her back passionately, lifting her to lie on top of him. He her back calming her and she leaned away from his lips. He held her face and looked into her eyes.

“I am terribly sorry… I hurt you badly…” She touched his hands on her face and leaned down towards him. “I was jetlagged and tired I got drunk and slept. I had a hangover the next day. Didn’t realize my phone was dead. I called Sukjin to talk about it before calling you. I was a mess. I could not call you and I was worried. It felt like something was trying to pull my heart out. It felt so painful. I would have gone crazy if I don’t get to hear from you.” Gary explained himself.

 “I called Areum the morning you went to Bangkok. She told me everything. She told me to take care of you because she can’t imagine you losing me. I told her, it works both ways. You’re never alone in this. We’re equally involved.”

“I am very sensitive when it’s about you. I have never been this weak. You made me like this. Please take good care of me. Only you can make me act the way I did. And it was Bangkok… Everything reminds me of you. It was so hard to not think of you. Singing that song on stage alone.. It was the loneliest time. And it was Bangkok! Bang-kok!” He was laughing at how serious she made Bangkok sounded.

Bangkok is worth repeating… every night.