20 January 2014

The sting her fingertips left on his face would linger for a long time. And he wanted that. Despite the searing pain, he lowered his head once more, rigidly keeping position as her words poured over him.

Should’ve protected him…

Promised you would…

Could’ve died…

Hospitalized—

—permanent damage

Just a child.

Jiyoung stared at the floor, legs straining from the stiff bow. He only murmured an apology after she had finished spewing fire and truth. Her harsh breaths were proof enough though that she was far from forgiving. If he had thought for even a second that Kyuhyun’s parents should blame him, he honestly thought Henry’s parents should burn him alive.

How irresponsible. Everything.

“I should never have trusted someone like you,” she hissed. “A pretty boy with sweet words…what was I thinking entrusting my son in your care? What if he had died? How would you apologize for that?” She demanded, voice cracking. “How could you ever give him back to us then? He was only lucky this time. If you had been taking care of him properly…if you hadn’t been off doing whatever it is you celebrities do, then maybe I wouldn’t be meeting my son again with dozens of stitches holding his head together.”

Jiyoung flinched hard.

It felt worse than the slap.

“Ship Henry’s things to our house in Canada before the end of the month.” She sounded out of breath again. “We are leaving Korea once the doctors have cleared him for flight. Until then, do not contact him for any reason. If you have any paperwork questions, you may contact me or my husband only.”

He nodded his head, still refusing to rise from the bow.

The only indication that the conversation was ending was her shifting feet. “I’ve already completed my consent withdrawal forms. Henry will, of course, no longer be participating in your trainee program. If there are issues, again, contact me or my husband directly.” With that, she left the office swiftly.

Jiyoung slowly rose, gazing at an empty doorway. It was obvious that her terms were reasonable, and yet, he couldn’t shake the desire to see Henry once more before they were gone for good. Would he really let him slip through his fingers? Was that it? Or…was that car accident a sign? Maybe they really weren’t meant to define whatever it was that had been brewing between them for months.

Anyone could feel it in the air between them. He knew Henry felt the surge of energy every time their lips touched. Jiyoung clenched his fists. Stop.

What was he even thinking? He had no intention of pursuing Henry like that before the accident, but after it, the fear of losing him had become so much more real. Could he return to a lifestyle where Henry wasn’t bounding in and out with silly holiday traditions, adorable language questions, and entertaining stories? Could he go back to silent dinners and shallow dates? Empty rooms and suffocating quiet?

He didn’t know. But he didn’t have an option anymore.

***

Henry blinked slowly awake, lightheaded and bleary eyed. The hospital bed felt just as starched and stale as the previous day—almost as if he hadn’t been sleeping in it. Impersonal. Scentless. Bleached of the past. The lights were off, allowing only a square of illumination through the closed door’s glass. He listened to the steady beeping of his own heart for a long time, wondering how he had survived.

Were the others okay? He asked himself that question every time he woke up. It had already been 3 days since he woke up from the accident to find his head heavily bandaged and body feeling weighed down by lead. In a morbidly humorous train of thought, he had wanted to complain that it felt as if he’d been hit a by a car.

He figured no one would appreciate that.

Looking around for a clock, he spotted a dimly lit digital display on the countertop. Squinting slightly, he made out the numbers. 11pm. Oh. It was already so late? He frowned, slowly climbing out of bed and reaching for the door.

A shadow passed by and his heart nearly stopped, sending him clambering backwards. The next second, the door was opening and Jiyoung’s very familiar silhouette appeared.

“You…,” Henry trailed off, feeling just self-conscious enough to walk backwards and climb back into bed before he accidentally flashed his backside to the older man. It was already startling enough to see him there, not to mention it was far too late for visitors. “Did you sneak in?” Henry suddenly blurted, wincing at the pain in his head.

Jiyoung nodded slightly, not even sort of ashamed. He took the visitor’s seat beside the bed, not turning on the lights. Perhaps it was partly because he wasn’t supposed to be there, but also probably for Henry’s sake. Lights were still a sensitive issue for him. “Your mother has submitted her consent withdrawal form.”

Noise faded to the background, his heartbeat no longer a rushing pounding in his ears. “Oh.”

“You’ll return to Canada once you are cleared for air travel.”

Henry didn’t respond, having expected the turn of events. Although his parents had only come to see him once while he conscious enough to converse with them, they had made their expectations clear. Besides, he had no way to argue with them about something so reasonable. Although he could defend Jiyoung repeatedly as not being involved, he knew no one would except it. Legally and personally, his guardian was supposed to be Jiyoung. His parents would never let anyone else take responsibility—most of all Henry.

“So why did you come here?” he finally asked, barely above a whisper.

Jiyoung tapped his fingers absently against the chair arm. “I suppose, to say goodbye?”

Henry managed a laugh, but it lacked any amusement. “That’s it, huh?”

“…Yeah. That’s it.”

He met the man’s eyes, but found they were far away. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

Jiyoung shook his head. “No. Thank you. And I’m sorry. I meant to protect you properly.”

“It wasn’t…,” Henry stopped himself, deciding not to pursue that pointless argument. His head was still swollen and his thoughts were still jumbled. Getting into anything high level was probably a recipe for disaster. “I understand.”

“Henry?”

His heart jumped a bit, and he hoped Jiyoung wasn’t paying attention to the heart monitor. “Yeah?”

The older man ran a hand through his hair, looking awkward and sweet and so much like home. “Continue your music. You have…a very incredible talent. I look forward to hearing your songs one day.” He paused, biting his bottom lip softly, as if unsure if he could say the rest of his thoughts.

This was the Jiyoung he had come to live with. Although there had always been flashes of G-Dragon—in the beautiful lovers, the coy smiles, the cocky flirting—but now, Henry finally understood what it was he had fallen for. This was Kwon Jiyoung. A little shy. A little forward. A lot hopeful. And so very in love with music.

Making his decision, he slowly looked back at Henry. “Your music…I’ll be waiting for it. I’ll listen properly to it, so do your best.”

Henry managed a smile, partly regretful, partly pleased. “Your way of saying goodbye hurts, you know?”

A flash of G-Dragon. A smirk. A twinkle in those pretty eyes. Henry burned the image into his mind, tracing every detail of it like the last time. It felt like an ocean of unspoken words passed between them—impossible to catch long enough to read, but so powerful and overwhelming that it couldn’t be ignored. For a moment, he contemplated trying to snatch even a fragment, just a whisper of what neither of them would say…but then the moment passed, and he was looking away.

Until the very end, he couldn’t find the resolve.

The squeak of the plastic chair brought him back to attention. Jiyoung stood above him, keeping a polite distance. Henry gazed up at him silently. Although he wasn’t sure what he was expecting, it certainly wasn’t that. Before he could react, the softest kiss, barely a touch, was pressed to his lips.

He blinked and Jiyoung was standing straight up, looking as if he had done nothing. “Goodbye, Henry.”

This is it, huh? “Goodbye.”