14 January 2014

The day’s schedule was jam packed. Thankfully, that meant Henry successfully evaded talking about any personal problems with Jiyoung during the recording. He had a full day of learning new choreography for another artist’s showcase, and then in the evening…he shook away the thoughts.

Why had he agreed to Kyuhyun’s suggestion?

At the very least, Ryeowook would be joining them. He tended to be a better voice of reason when it came to practicalities of safety. Henry felt like every time he got involved with Kyuhyun, one of two things happened. Either they had uplifting conversation like that morning, or they fell into waterlogged ditches on someone’s else’s college campus. There really wasn’t a neutral when it came to him.

“Will you be coming home tonight?”

Henry nearly jumped out of his skin at the voice. Turning around as slowly and calmly as he could, he faced Jiyoung who sauntered closer. Maybe skulking around the practice rooms was Henry’s true problem. It seemed like bad things happened in them. Like the first time Jiyoung advanced seriously after Christmas. That was in a practice room.

But was that even a serious advance? Or was it just teasing again? Henry frowned. Who was he kidding? It was always teasing.

Rather than being petty and correcting Jiyoung’s use of the word ‘home,’ Henry said, “I’ll be back late. Kyuhyun-hyung and Ryeowook-hyung want to go out tonight.”

“Oh?”

Henry flushed at the tone. “Is that a problem? I don’t have anything scheduled for this evening.” He busied himself with rummaging through his sports bag, pretending to search for something. Anything.

“...you don’t.” Jiyoung admitted softly, taking another step closer. He watched Henry’s back tense, but did not stop his approach. “But I thought you might want to spend some time together.” His hand closed over the boy’s shoulder and immediately, he was pushed back.

Wide eyed, Henry gazed up at Jiyoung’s surprised face. “Sorry,” he stammered, scrambling to his feet and backing up. “Just...I--I’m a little stressed is all. I didn’t mean to...yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he shook his head slowly, lowering his hand. “But Henry, are you sure you’re okay?” Jiyoung studied him closely, but didn’t make another move forward as if now viewing his ward as an animal to be approached cautiously.

Henry felt a spike of annoyance at being treated with such trepidation. He realized that slapping someone’s hand away wasn’t exactly polite, but it was mortifying to have the person react like this. “I’m really okay,” he assured through gritted teeth. “I’ll be back tonight. I promise. So don’t wait up for me. You don’t have to come back tonight though, if you have plans yourself.”

Silence.

It felt like wading through a swamp when conversing with Jiyoung these days. Henry knew it was his fault for feeling things all on his own, and reacting poorly because of them. But that’s why he was taking Kyuhyun’s advice and trying to move...somewhere. Forward? Backward? Just not side to side. Not more infatuated.

“I’ll be up.” Jiyoung caught the boy’s eye. “You promised to be back tonight. I’ll be awake and then we’ll talk. Understand?” His demeanor gave no room for argument, but Henry still felt obliged to nod, unable to defy him. Jiyoung his heel. “Enjoy your evening.” And then he left.

 ***

Ryeowook frowned at his phone, worried at the lack of messages from Hyungsik. The audition should’ve ended earlier that day, but it was already half-past 7pm. Had something happened? Maybe Hyungsik merely forgot to tell him how things went?

“Why so gloomy?” Kyuhyun slung an arm around Ryeowook’s shoulders, peering down at the blank phone screen.

The latter bit his lip, brows furrowing. “Well, today was Hyungsik’s audition. He hasn’t messaged me at all to tell me the results though. I’m worried about it.”

“Call him and see,” Kyuhyun suggested, “because if you don’t find out now, you’re going to be thinking about it while we’re out tonight.”

Ryeowook nodded slightly. “Give me a minute then. Are Donghae and Eunhyuk meeting us there?” He glanced back at Kyuhyun, suddenly noticing how close his face was. The straight line of his nose, the curve of his lips, the crease at the corner of his smiling eyes… Ryeowook blinked away the images, shaking his head.

Oblivious, Kyuhyun nodded. “Yeah, they said they’re heading over now actually. I’ll grab Henry.” He released his friend and started for the door of the studio.

Dialing, Ryeowook waited anxiously for a response.

No response.

Again.

No response.

Ryeowook sighed. It was serious then. He fired off a text. Please respond. I just want to know you’re alright.

Another minute passed before he received a short reply. I’m fine. Just not in the mood to talk.

Ryeowook: What happened?

Hyungsik: They didn’t tell us the results.

Ryeowook: So isn’t that more hopeful than a rejection?

Hyungsik: A clear rejection would be preferred.

This was not okay at all. Ryeowook tried to call again. It was obvious that the stress of being placed in limbo was hurting him more than having a firm yes or no.. How was Ryeowook supposed to leave that alone? If Hyungsik was feeling this down, wasn’t it his boyfriend’s responsibility to at least try and help?

None of the calls were accepted.

Henry and Kyuhyun chose then to stroll on in, chattering about something that Ryeowook couldn’t discern as he tried to make yet another call. When that one was fruitless as well, he turned to Kyuhyun, saying, “Sorry, I think Hyungsik is having a hard time. I’ll go with you guys next time, okay?”

Immediately, Kyuhyun’s lips pressed into a thin line. “What? Did something happen?”

“His audition decision was postponed. I don’t know why, but he’s not answering my calls and he said he doesn’t want to talk.”

“Then shouldn’t you listen to his wishes?” Kyuhyun crossed his arms, tone flat.

Ryeowook shook his head. “He clearly needs someone with him. Sometimes, people don’t say what they mean when they’re upset.”

He shrugged. “I just know that if I got an audition decision like that, I wouldn’t want to chat about it. It would be more stressful.”

“Well have you ever had an unsuccessful audition?” Ryeowook snapped.

Kyuhyun was quiet for only a second before firing back, “I’ve failed at things before. I don’t need to have the exact same experience as him to understand.”

“But you can’t understand. G-Dragon just handed you a spot.”

“Same could be said about you.” Kyuhyun’s tone cooled, eyes dark and unreadable.

Ryeowook fumed for a moment, before turning away and walking toward the door. From his periphery, he noticed Henry’s panicked expression, but ignored it as he left the room and sped down the hall. Before Ryeowook could get very far though, the sound of a door slamming and footsteps giving chase caught up to him.

Strong fingers curled around his wrist, jolting him to a stop. Whirling him around, Kyuhyun glared down at Ryeowook. “You’re overreacting about this situation. Hyungsik is going to be fine without you.”

“How would you know?” He tried to shake his wrist loose. “And why are you being so stubborn? You don’t need me there to help you get someone for the night.”

Kyuhyun flinched.

Regret immediately flooded Ryeowook. “I...I didn’t mean it like that. You...” You’re not…

“No. I got it. You’re right.” Kyuhyun released him, masking whatever emotions simmered below the surface. “Next time, then.”

Ryeowook watched him walk away, unable to find the words to properly apologize.

The bar was surprisingly quiet and comfortable. Sultry music filled the silence between conversations and seemed to only add to the gloom of Cho Kyuhyun. It had been an awkward taxi ride to the location, wherein Henry tried to make conversation but failed miserably in the face of Kyuhyun’s chilly responses.

Honestly, he had never seen Kyuhyun and Ryeowook fight before. It was such an odd one too. What were they even arguing about? Henry sipped at his only beer of the night, having been too nervous at the prospect of Jiyoung scolding him for getting drunk. Or worse, he imagined trying to have a conversation about their feelings while he was drunk. That would end in one of them having to leave the planet.

And so, Henry refused to get anything past tipsy.

Kyuhyun, surprisingly, also seemed disinclined to drink much. Had his conversation with Ryeowook really been enough to send him into such a bad mood?

“Y’know, when you said we were going out drinking, I didn’t expect it to be this...sad,” Eunhyuk deadpanned, looking around. The only other person in their foursome who seemed remotely happy was Donghae. “What is going on?”

Without thinking, Henry blurted, “Kyu-hyung had an argument with Ryeowook-hyung.”

“Huh? About what?” Eunhyuk tilted his head.

“Nothing.”

The remaining three exchanged disbelieving looks. Gingerly, Donghae sipped his drink before changing the subject, “How about you Henry? How is G-Dragon?”

The temperature seemed to drop several degrees at the question.

“He’s fine.”

Eunhyuk was incredulous. What the was going on? “So Kyu,” he cleared his throat, catching the other’s attention, “you never told me what the final decision on your major was. I know you mentioned you and your dad were negotiating before.”

“Ah,” Kyuhyun perked up a bit, grinning, “he’ll let me keep pursuing music, if I double major with law. I think mom is happy too with the compromise.”

“That’s amazing!” Eunhyuk lifted his drink. “At least there’s one thing to toast to,” he laughed.

The four of them raised their bottles, clinking and cheering.

“There’s one other thing we’re trying to do though,” Kyuhyun admitted, side eyeing Henry who immediately froze up. “This kid here is trying to find a distraction. I promised to help him.”

“You were the one who suggested--!”

“--wow, I never knew you were the type, Henry,” Donghae remarked, nodding in understanding.

The boy blushed crimson. “I’m not. I just got swept up in Kyu-hyung’s pace and...and here we are,” he mumbled, mortified.

“There’s nothing wrong with a few casual flings,” Eunhyuk comforted, “just don’t be as bad as Kyuhyun.” The joke was an old one, but for some reason, his friend’s reaction was far from amused.

A grimace etched itself back into Kyuhyun’s face. Rather than shooting back a biting comment or cocky agreement, he was silent. This is going to be a long night.

As 9pm became 10pm and the wilder crowds began filtering in, the group broke off into pairs. Eunhyuk wanted to dance and Kyuhyun agreed. The lights had dimmed more, leaving Henry to idly search for the familiar shadows of his friends. Beside him at the bar top was Donghae though, and having the company was reassuring. The last thing he wanted was to be left alone.

Normally, dancing was fun for him, but after exhausting that activity day in and day out, he wanted none of it tonight. Henry felt a cold beer press against the back of his head, and he looked up to see Donghae smiling at him. “You’ve been down all night, Henry. What’s up?” his voice was close, a sweet breath of concern against his ear.

Henry took the offered drink, and drained the remnants of the one he had been nursing all night. “I have a thing for Jiyoung-hyung,” he sighed, letting liquid courage carry him forward. “I’m trying not to anymore though. It’s...too hard. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”

Donghae scooted a bit closer, resting a hand on the back of Henry’s chair. “You really think having feelings is a burden?” His voice was still too close.

“Not a burden exactly,” Henry spoke slowly, thinking, “...it just hurts a lot to like someone like him.”

“I’ve never really had strong feelings for anyone, so I guess I don’t understand,” Donghae admitted sincerely, “but I’ve seen other people who let themselves fall in love and they don’t seem to regret it. Maybe it hurts and is confusing in the beginning, but...maybe it’s worthwhile when you decide to go all in.”

He laughed mirthlessly. “Go all in how? I don’t even know how he sees me.”

“Well, do you want to ask him?” Donghae chuckled, touching Henry’s cheek and turning the boy’s face toward him. Their eyes locked, noses brushing a little too close for comfort. Henry in a sharp breath, having momentarily forgotten just how ridiculously handsome this man was. “You said you’re already hurting. That means you’ve got nothing to lose, right?” Donghae’s eyes sparkled, lips curling into a gentle smile.

In that moment, Henry was once again struck with just how amazing this man was. He smiled back, laughing. “Yeah...you and Kyu-hyung are so straightforward. I still have a lot to learn.”

On the other end of the room, Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun stumbled out of the thickening throng of dancers. For a bar that was so low-key only a couple hours ago, it sure had gotten lively. The pair found an empty table, setting their slightly sloppy drinks down on the sticky surface.

Eunhyuk eyed his friend warily, not sure if Kyuhyun was better or worse. The guy had never been one to linger on an emotional problem for too long. During the two years he had been dating Sungmin, he had rarely seen Kyuhyun reach this level of emotional turmoil. What sort of relationship had he formed with Ryeowook while no one was looking?

“Have you and Ryeowook been hanging out a lot?” Eunhyuk decided to bite the bullet.

Blindsided, Kyuhyun blinked a few times before asking him to repeat that. Eunhyuk did. Looking a little perturbed, he responded, “Yeah...we have.”

“And?”

“And he’s wonderful.” Kyuhyun smirked, but his eyes were filled with adoration.

Eunhyuk paused, unsure how to proceed after seeing that reaction. Had they progressed more than he expected? “So...does that mean you’re interested in him?”

Kyuhyun gave a noncommittal shrug. “His head is full of Hyungsik. I’m barely on the radar.”

And then it clicked. “Is that why you’re upset? Did he choose Hyungsik over you tonight?” Eunhyuk guessed, leaning forward. Kyuhyun’s indignant frown was more than enough answer. Laughing hard, he reached across the table, patting the other man’s shoulder. “Of course he’d choose his boyfriend sometimes. You can’t just let it get to you like that.”

“It’s frustrating,” he stated, swatting away Eunhyuk’s hand. “I watch them together and know that it’s not right. If Ryeowook had met me first…,” Kyuhyun trailed off, eyes lowering to his drink.

“But could you really make him happy?” Eunhyuk swirled his drink, going on, “Ryeowook isn’t the type to deal with too much relationship drama and you’re kind of a handful, Kyu.”

“I know.” Kyuhyun left it at that, unwilling to yet say what he was thinking. But if it’s him… “Are you ready to head out?”

More than physical distance, it’s a distance of the heart that cannot be overcome until that perfectly calculated moment preordained by fate herself.

Oftentimes, the most unexpected incidences happen on the quietest of nights.

And as they climbed into the taxi together, small jokes and complaints about the weather made everything feel so normal. Completely, utterly normal. Peaceful. Simple.

The soft beat of a radio hit lulled the four boys into a sleepy stupor.

Eunhyuk yawned and snuggled into his jacket.

Donghae clasped his hand over Henry’s, encouragement evident in every line of his face.

Henry rested his head against the window, mentally preparing himself to confront Jiyoung.

Kyuhyun leaned back, closing his eyes to dream of the future.

And so, no one was prepared to react when the blinding headlights and blaring horn of a fast approaching car collided with their fates.