15 September 2013

Ryeowook sat in one of the practice rooms, experimentally playing tunes on the piano. The weather had cooled slightly from the blistering heat it had been just a week or so ago. He hummed along to the melody that had eluded his grasp since the afternoon those words first entered his mind.

Rereading the lyrics he had memorized long ago, he tried to form them into a song, but the melody was still buried too deep.

You are so very far, so very far

To be honest I miss you every day

Even the very small, very small trivial things

make me think of you every day

That was all he had solidified. His thoughts refused to formulate the rest. However, he knew already that whatever was forming in his mind would center around those four lines. Ryeowook had engraved them into his heart, feeling the slumbering beat just waiting for the right time to rise.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and rested his head on folded arms atop the baby grand piano. The breeze rustled his hair gently, as if fingers were playing with the short locks. Picking up a pen, he slowly peered at the blank notebook paper resting on the lidded piano keys.

Dear stranger,

Where are you? I’m still waiting around and I’ve been waiting around for years. Man, aren’t you slow?

Ryeowook paused, pen poised on the clean paper. “This is silly…,” he reprimanded himself, yet he still kept his pen firmly in place, the black ink bleeding around the tip.

I’m really impatient. Even though I said it was a long-standing proposal, who would’ve thought you would take it so literally? Are you having fun wherever you are? I hope so, because I’m going to make you suffer for hurting me by being away.

I think about you all the time. I wonder about whether I’ve met you yet and if I just let you slip through my fingers like this song. I wish the time was right now. I wish we could be together right now instead of later.

But would I even like you right now? What are you like?

He chuckled, his heart calming. It felt like he was closer to that person when he did things like this. Somehow, the spectrum wasn’t so wide. Their hearts seemed to be coming closer whenever he wrote down his thoughts. Ryeowook tapped the paper with pen.

Well…I did promise to wait and I will wait. You’re important to me. You’re the most important person to me. I’m saving all of these feelings just for you. Will you hurry up?

Was it unreasonable to ask his fated one to pick up the pace? Ryeowook wasn’t sure, but it certainly did put his worries at ease. Although he wasn’t obsessed with romance, this was one of the few special things he kept near his heart.

Throughout his life, he had only one dream that stayed in his mind. Sometimes, people say dreams are premonitions…gateways to the future. Ryeowook hadn’t believed in that boo-hockey until one night back in 2006. It was August 15^th. The dream had been warm and wonderful, feeling like reality. Ryeowook thought for a long time it had to be reality. The hand that reached out to him and held his fingers firmly were too strong and energetic to be a mere dream.

Something special had been conveyed in those precious hours of rest. He had lived glimpses of his future. The person’s face had been shadowed though, obscured by light and dark and camera angles that were completely off. Ryeowook really wished it hadn’t been so cinematic in his dream.

But he had never felt happier in his entire life. That night changed something fundamental inside of him. It made him question what he was doing with his life – made him wonder if he was pursuing the right things and talking to the right people. Was he being who he truly was or was he being someone everyone wanted him to be? Was he emulating his parent’s desire?

It was pointless to think too deeply at that point though. He had long since messed up everything. That’s what it was, in essence. Ryeowook had chosen himself over his family and sometimes he did regret that. Sometimes, it seemed like the absolute worst thing he had ever done.

But most of the time, it was fine. It was fine because he was happy.

He was free. He was himself. He was heading into a future best fit for himself.

“What are you doing?”

Ryeowook looked up to see Eunhyuk striding into the room lazily. His dance bag was slung over one shoulder. Smiling at the older male, Ryeowook pushed away from the piano, waving his notebook. “I was composing. Were you practicing for that competition this weekend?”

Eunhyuk shook his head, setting the bag down as he looked at the four lines Ryeowook had written neatly in the notebook. “I was at a supplementary dance class. Are these the only lyrics you have?”

He glanced at the pretty boy, a flash of a long-forgotten night making its way to the forefront of his mind. It usually happened when he was around Ryeowook. He didn’t want to be weird and admit that he still remembered that lovely face from the night he had offered to walk him home. Wasn’t that just a little too strange?

It was probably better to pretend it hadn’t happened. No one knew anyway and Ryeowook clearly didn’t recognize him.

“Yeah, it’s the chorus,” Ryeowook nodded, brows drawing together, “I’ve been trying to figure out how the rest of the song goes, but I just can’t…hear it. Nothing is coming to mind.”

Eunhyuk grunted in understanding. “Well, I heard that composing is hard. I guess it must be difficult to even think up an entire piece. Are lyrics the hardest part or is the music?”

“I think it depends,” he shrugged, “I’ve never struggled so much over both though. It just…feels like I’m not at that point yet…like I’m missing something very important to finish the song.”

The older man was silent.

Ryeowook looked up, wondering if he had said something odd. When he met Eunhyuk’s eyes though, he caught his breath.

“Sorry,” the dancer mumbled, “I was just thinking that you’re pretty romantic.”

“I don’t know how I should take that,” he admitted, laughing a little. Ryeowook checked his phone, surprised to see it was already nearing six in the evening. “Shoot, I promised to meet Jongwoon and Kibum for dinner tonight. I should go.” He started collecting his papers, putting them away in a folder before stuffing that into the backpack.

Eunhyuk watched the flustered freshman. “Okay,” he chuckled, ruffling Ryeowook’s hair, “See you later then.” The younger rushed off with a distracted goodbye. It was probably impossible for Eunhyuk to see the kid as anything more than a little brother – all things considered. Someone that cute and pure couldn’t be touched. It was that sort of feeling.

He would rather protect Ryeowook than try and get in his pants, which defeated any romantic notions. It seemed like most people around the boy felt the same way, especially that roommate of his. Eunhyuk smiled wryly at the thought. Kim Kibum was far more straight-forward than he let on. His eyes were always blatantly following Donghae whenever they were together and he made his interest painfully obvious.

If it was anybody but Donghae, they would’ve already been dating. But maybe that was part of the dopey male’s charm. Eunhyuk let himself believe that and he had an inkling Kibum made himself believe that as well.

***

Kyuhyun leaned more comfortably into the man who had his arm wrapped around his waist. He ran his hand along Heechul’s side, familiar with the contours of his body. Their lips moved against each other slowly, sensually. Eyes fluttered open here and there, a precaution to guiding tongues and noses.

The older male pushed his fingers into Kyuhyun’s messy dark hair, jerking his head back to expose his neck. Heechul kisses and , making a harsh mark that was clearly visible on his throat.

“ you,” he grunted, pushing back. “My boyfriend is coming this weekend.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t other people if he’s so important,” Heechul smirked, his lips, arm still tight around Kyuhyun’s waist. His eyes focused on the darkening mark, knowing that it would last long after the weekend ended. “Maybe you should cancel on him.”

“He’ll be concerned,” Kyuhyun sighed, “I don’t want to worry him.”

“Whatever,” he scoffed, planting a kiss on the freshman’s lips. “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.” Heechul pushed Kyuhyun back, straddling his lap as he crushed their mouths together once more. His tongue darted out, folding around Kyuhyun’s as their hands found each other again. The older male shivered slightly at the hands gliding underneath his shirt, short nails lightly running up either side of his spine.

It had been one whirlwind affair since they meet roughly two weeks ago. Heechul was casual but considerate – just the sort of person Kyuhyun had been looking for. He was always quick to call Kyuhyun over, or to accompany him places.

Although there were benefits, Heechul was his first friend at college and he wasn’t about to lose out on that. It had been horrible up until then, even if some people might say that it was less than a half a month of being alone. Being alone at all was terrible. Didn’t most people feel that way? Was loneliness what destroyed people? Kyuhyun didn’t think he was unreasonable for feeling that way. And with Heechul about, he didn’t have to deal with that stress. There was always someone around now.

So what if he had to give up a few things for it? It was just in exchange for a companion. He didn’t mind so much and as far as Kyuhyun could tell, Heechul felt the same. There was always a distance that formed right after they finished ing. Rather than Kyuhyun feeling or seeming guilty, it seemed like Heechul was more disturbed by his actions.

Whatever Heechul wasn’t saying had to be more painful than simply cheating. Kyuhyun hadn’t asked yet though. He wasn’t sure how. At what level of friendship were they? Were they even considered friends? If so, shouldn’t Heechul open up a bit?

Their session ended hard and fast, both of them cleaning up swiftly in the abandoned music room. It was one of Heechul’s kinks to do it in interesting places. For some reason, he got especially by classrooms or practice rooms of any kind.

“Hey, I wanna ask you something,” Kyuhyun stated, turning to look at the beautiful man.

“What’s up, Kyubaby?” Heechul responded, smirking.

He hesitated then, the words lodging themselves in his throat. For some reason it suddenly felt wrong – very wrong to ask about the man’s personal life. It felt like something was going to go horrifically wrong if he asked. Maybe Heechul would yell at him and stop talking to him. Maybe Kyuhyun would have to spend the rest of the semester alone again.

“You’re thinking really hard about something,” the older male remarked, cocking an eyebrow. He studied Kyuhyun’s face for a long moment, before sighing and whipping his phone out. “Seriously, stop being so considerate. If you wanna know more about me, just ask. I don’t care.”

“But…”

Heechul glanced up. “I sleep with a lot of people. I mean a lot. I don’t date people though.” He sighed, scrolling through what appeared to be text messages or some form of messaging on his phone. “You’re a good kid, Kyu…despite the that you pull. I mean, you’re not a very great boyfriend,” he scoffed, “but you’re a good person to the people you care about. Even I can tell that.” Heechul flashed a small smile, eyes still on his phone.

Kyuhyun blushed faintly, looking down. “Thanks.”

“If you’re that curious,” he sighed, “I don’t mind telling you. Usually when I have a fling with someone, I don’t keep talking to them, but for some reason, I think talking to you is plenty of fun.” Heechul chuckled. “So I’ll let you in on this Heenim’s secret.” He snapped his phone shut, sliding it into his pocket.

“Well, you don’t have to tell me,” he mumbled, frowning.

“But you wanna know,” he grinned coyly, “you’re gonna be curious forever and ever. Are you really going to be stubborn right now?”

Kyuhyun stayed quietly fuming.

Laughing loudly, Heechul slapped the younger’s shoulder and leaned back on a chair. “There’s someone I’m in love with. We can’t be together though. He refuses, saying that it’s wrong.”

“Because you’re both men?”

“No,” Heechul retorted, crossing his arms, “it’s because he’s a professor of dance here.”

Kyuhyun’s eyes widened. He was speechless for a long moment, but then collected his thoughts, managing to say, “Well, you’re a senior, aren’t you? You can be together after you graduate, right?”

He shook his head. “He has a policy of never dating anyone who was a past-student or present-colleagues. I was out of the running before I even got to tell him,” Heechul smiled humorlessly.

“Then…if it’s like that, why are you still hung up on him?” He had never heard of something more preposterous. Clearly, Heechul was stating the obvious that there was nothing he could do, so why hadn’t he moved on? Why did he refuse to date other people? Was this one painful love worth years of happiness?

“Because I’m going to change his mind,” Heechul shrugged simply.

“What?” Kyuhyun gaped, knowing how ridiculously dumb he must be looking.

“I’ve never felt so strongly about someone in my entire life,” he explained calmly, gaze void of hesitancy, “I know he’s the one. He’s the only one and that’s why I’ve decided I’ll make him accept me some way or another. I won’t be happy with anyone but him.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I do though.”

“How?”

Heechul’s lips curled up, “Because, if he returned my feelings, I would never look at another person again. Any urge to be touched by someone else would be gone in a heartbeat because all I need is him. That’s what love is for me. That’s how I’ve defined it after years of mulling over that illogical emotion. If someone can make me stop sleeping around cold turkey, then that person is more special than anyone else in the entire universe. That person is worthy of me.” He nodded at Kyuhyun. “So maybe you should think a little more about what your requirements are. I’m not judging you, because honestly you’re a fun er, but maybe you should reevaluate your love life before you hurt that boyfriend of yours anymore.”

Before Kyuhyun could even think of a response, Heechul was heading toward the door. “I need to head out. Wanna come over tonight? There’s a new drama I wanna watch.”

“Ah…sure,” he nodded, blinking.

Heechul smirked. “Awesome. See you then.” And then he was gone.