7 December 2013

Eunhyuk picked Kyuhyun up from the bus station, taking in his friend’s somewhat ragged form. His black cap was pulled low over his eyes, red scarf tangled like a puff cloud around his neck and face. There was a backpack slung over his hunched shoulders.

Although he had heard quite a bit about what happened last month, it was still a sore spot with many missing details. What made it worse was that Eunhyuk couldn’t even sympathize. It seemed like everyone was happier among his friends – except for Kyuhyun. Things were going extremely well.

After all, Hyungsik had built up the courage to ask out Ryeowook. Kibum was still pining after Donghae, but it seemed like Donghae’s defenses were lessening. As for Eunhyuk, he couldn’t say that being in a relationship meant much to him at the moment. Not when he was so close to getting accepted for a summer study abroad trip for dance majors.

That, he believed, was better than any romance.

“So…why didn’t you come with Henry and G-Dragon?” Eunhyuk questioned as they shuffled through the salted streets, heading up the hill to his apartment.

“I had an exam yesterday,” he mumbled, the dark circles under his eyes a mixture of sleepless nights and drinking – not necessarily related incidents.

“Ah, I see,” he nodded slowly, “uhm, how have you been?”

Kyuhyun glanced at him, “Can’t say that I’m awesome.”

“Fair,” Eunhyuk muttered, slowing down as they neared his building. Pulling out his keys, he unlocked the main door and shook off the snow as they stood in the small lobby. “Well, the last time we talked, you were pretty gung ho about moving on.”

“Yeah, I still am,” he unfurled his scarf, shaking out his hair as they padded up the stairs, “I’m just tired. It’s not like the world is fantastic now that I’ve decided to move on properly.” He grimaced, ping his jacket as they entered the warm apartment. Shrugging off his back and slipping off his shoes, he shuffled into the empty living room, flopping down on the couch. Kyuhyun closed his eyes, breathing in and out slowly.

Eunhyuk watched him warily, feeling guilty. It was times like these that he remembered his friend did have feelings – a lot of them, actually. Despite being a royal jackass, Kyuhyun had a cute side. Unfortunately, most people never really got to know that sensitive cuteness.

“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” Eunhyuk asked tentatively, pouring both of them a cup of tea.

“Yes,” he grunted, burying his face in a pillow. “There’s no point.”

“Well…okay,” he trailed off, bringing over the warm drink. He sat down next to his friend, patting his head. “It’s a new month. All of that is in the past now.” Smiling slightly at Kyuhyun’s muscles relaxing, he went on, “We’re gonna see a live performance from G-Dragon, and we get to see Ryeowook finally perform One Fine Spring Day.”

“What song?” Kyuhyun lifted his head faintly.

“That’s the title of the song Ryeowook is performing?” he repeated curiously confused. “I thought you knew about it. It’s the one you helped write.”

“Yeah, no, I remember,” he mumbled softly, “I just never heard the title. It feels like it’s been a long time since I’ve thought about it.” Kyuhyun spoke nonchalantly, but there was something stirring in his chest – something incredibly warm and exhilarating coming out from the depths of a place he couldn’t identify.

***

Ryeowook stared out the window, drumming his fingers against his desk. He wore a sweater over his favorite pajama shirt, the blue one with the cute little music note bouncing down the  piano key staircase whirling down in rainbow hues.

“Nervous?” Kibum guessed, looking at his roommate in amusement. He was tucked neatly into bed, a notebook and textbook laid out on his lap.

“A little bit,” he admitted, tapping his foot as the clock struck five in the evening. He was expected to be in the theatre for preparations by six.

“Why don’t you go see Hyungsik? I bet he’s out of dance practice by now.”

Just as Ryeowook was about to respond, there was a knock at the door. Jolting up, he went to answer it, opening the door and immediately feeling relief. He threw his arms out, wrapping them around Hyungsik’s neck. The latter blinked, giving Kibum a questioning look as he returned the embrace.

“He’s really anxious,” Kibum chuckled, “you should take him out to eat or something. I can’t study when he’s being so fidgety.”

“Sorry,” Ryeowook looked at his roommate apologetically. Slowly lowering his arms, he looked up at his lover. “So why are you here?”

“I finished dance practice,” he responded and somewhere in the background, Ryeowook heard Kibum swallow a laugh, “and I thought you would be hungry around now.” Hyungsik smiled. “It’ll be my treat.”

“Treating me to school food?” he raised an eyebrow, “I guess that’s fine.”

“Don’t be a brat.” He chuckled, kissing his hair, “Then let’s go.”

“Just give me a second,” Ryeowook pulled away, heading to his closet to grab a jacket, scarf, and shoes. He didn’t tell anyone, but that shirt – the very blue and bouncy one – was his lucky item. No matter what, he had to wear it during nerve-wracking situations otherwise he had a horrible feeling that everything would go terribly wrong. He hadn’t told anyone and didn’t plan on it, but that very shirt would be safely worn beneath his collared shirt, suit and tie.

The door shut.

Kibum paused, feeling like he was forgetting something. It suddenly clicked and he clapped his hands. “Oh shoot, I forgot to tell him!” Shaking his head, he bent back over his textbooks. “It’s okay, I’m sure I can tell him later.” A small smile played on his lips. After all, he was positive that Ryeowook would be bouncing off the walls when he heard that Kyuhyun had arrived.

As they headed out, Ryeowook peered out the window of the third floor lounge. “It’s snowing again,” he remarked, placing his mitten-hand in Hyungsik’s. He snuggled his face into the scarf, eyes smiling up at the taller male. “I feel bad sometimes that you ended up just giving me your muffler.”

“It’s fine, I’ll take it back eventually,” he teased.

Ryeowook rolled his eyes. They ventured out into the cold, taking a turn down to the café. Street lamps glowed warmly in the frigid air, lighting their way through pine trees and Christmas decorations lining every walkway. Red ribbons were tied to the base of floodlights, little bells jingling at the tips.

“I’m going to head over to the theatre right after we eat,” Ryeowook explained as they set their coats down at a table. “I want to go over the song one more time before I perform it.” They walked together to the food stations, standing off to the side as they considered what to eat.

Hyungsik frowned. “You’re being too cautious. That song is beautiful and you sing it perfectly,” he squeezed his hand, kissing it softly. “You’ve probably practiced the life out of it already.” It was meant to be a joke, but when he saw Ryeowook flinch, he immediately knew that he had hit the nail on the head. “No, no, I didn’t—” he tried to assure him, but it was already too late.

“—I have practiced the life out of it. That’s the problem,” he spoke calmly, but the undertones of panic were obvious. “I…I don’t know what’s going on, but I think maybe I’ve lost all of the emotions from that song. I can’t remember how I felt when I first sang it. There’s something missing now.”

“Do you think practicing it again later will fix that?” Hyungsik asked carefully, wary of the words sounding critical.

Ryeowook didn’t seem to take it that way though and just smiled helplessly. “I don’t know. It might though.” He walked toward the cafeteria worker. “Don’t worry too much. I think I can figure it out.”

The words were empty, of course.

***

The day had been relatively quiet. He couldn’t find the words he wanted to say to Kyuhyun. Although he knew his friend had been trying to get over everything that happened a month ago – many things that Eunhyuk refused to talk about for the sake of everyone’s well-being – it was clear that it still stung him. Whatever was going through Kyuhyun’s head was hidden from view.

However, a few things were more obvious. The way his eyes looked. That was the most painful part. Eunhyuk didn’t want to make eye-contact purely because it was difficult to meet Kyuhyun’s dead gaze. It wasn’t like in high school when he ended things with Sungmin.

At that time, it was a whirlwind of desperation and pathetic displays of affection. Kyuhyun went insane, breaking down like the world was trying to rip his heart and soul out.

But this was different. There was acceptance. But it was coupled with disarray. Every time Eunhyuk accidentally caught a whiff of the atmosphere around his friend, he simply couldn’t deny the haze of confusion. As if all Kyuhyun could think was “what do I do now?” except the thoughts were earnest – a very sincere attempt made to control the sinking feelings and figure out what he needed to do with himself.

“So how’s Kibum?”

Eunhyuk blinked. “Oh, him? He’s fine. He’s been studying a lot recently.”

Kyuhyun laughed, but it was short and only his shoulders shook. “I meant how’s he doing with the Donghae thing.”

“Ah,” he chuckled lightly as they continued on their way to the theatre, “they’re fine too. I think Kibum is making some progress though. Didn’t you tell me about your friend Heechul before? Whatever happened to him?”

Eunhyuk had told Kyuhyun earlier on that to get good seats they needed to get there early – though it was sort of pointless since they were guaranteed great viewing already. Furthermore, the latter wanted to see Henry and G-Dragon prior to the performance. They spent a lot of time together back at SME, but it was still going to be the first time Kyuhyun saw them prepping for a real stage. G-Dragon wasn’t someone who regularly threw parties or performed for fun in his private life.

Technically, the public wasn’t allowed to enter the actual theatre where the performance was going to take place until half an hour before the start time. Then again, most of the public didn’t know the main act personally.

“Heechul is finalizing his plans. He should be leaving for China after finals week,” Kyuhyun stated, “but I won’t lie. I haven’t had much time to talk to him. Both of us have been really busy, considering all the stuff we need to do.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Eunhyuk nodded. “G-Dragon has you on a short leash?”

A faint smirk touched his lips as he unwound his scarf upon entering the warm building, “Always, but never as short as Henry’s.” Looking around, Kyuhyun pointed down the long stretch of hallway past the hoard of people crowded around the entrance to the theatre. “I’m gonna go use the bathroom.”

“Okay, just go around the side entrance to the auditorium when you’re done,” his friend called, indicating the dark door marked “STAFF ONLY”.

Kyuhyun waved and started heading away. He let go of a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. The hallway was long and lined with practice rooms. For a moment, he wondered why it looked so familiar and then it clicked. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling just a little bit at the remembrance of a cow suit and a sweet, sweet voice.

But it was just nostalgia, nothing more.

He ambled further down, eyes passing over each glass window, noting how none were in use. The last room on the left suddenly caught his attention though. It was dim inside, but also clearly being used by someone. Slowing down, he peered through the glass, seeing a single person’s profile.

Kyuhyun came to a full stop before he realized what he was doing. The person wore a collared button down, his sleeves rolled up to the elbows. Muffled music was playing in the background. Dark brown hair crowned his face, high cheekbones prominent but soft. The muscles of his throat shifted and breathed with every note he let loose. His slight frame shook faintly from the effort, brows drawn together as if frustrated by the very sounds he was producing.

Suddenly, the figure stopped and turned completely away, the half of his face Kyuhyun had been able to see gone now. A slim, smooth neck that seemed strangely familiar stretched and disappeared beneath the dark dress shirt. Silently, Kyuhyun pushed the door open, surprised to see it wasn’t locked. Perhaps this person was more frazzled than he originally thought.

“No, no, no, this isn’t right…” And then he knew. Like a rush of warm wind on a spring day, like putting the last piece of a puzzle in place…exactly like his world had finally stilled.

He pressed Play, letting his favorite song fill the room once more.

Coming up behind him, Cho Kyuhyun closed his hands over the surprised figure’s eyes. “You’re singing it wrong, Ryeowook.”