25 December 2013

Henry nearly sprinted from the train station back to his apartment. The streets were still bustling with couples  drunk off expensive wines and Christmas cheer. Many of them slurred out a “Merry Christmas” as he blazed by.  The sound of church bells at midnight closed in around him despite the vastness of the city, and only urged him to run faster. Although the offer from Donghae was extremely tempting, he had decided against it after all. As much as he wanted to complain and whine and throw his tantrum, it just didn’t seem right in the face of all Jiyoung had done for him until now.

It was such a one-sided conflict that as Henry thought it over all of Christmas Eve, he came to the reluctant conclusion that the only one being stupid was him.

That was definitely no reason to neglect his job. Besides, it was just one holiday. Furthermore, he had spent at least part of it with Donghae and his mother. A sprinkle of Christmas joy and family time had replenished his logic and quelled the frustration.

Of course, all of these thoughts had flown out the window when he turned his phone back on after arriving back in the city and seeing something amazing. Maybe horrifying was a better word.

200 New Text Messages!

ALERT: Clear Message Box. Maximum Capacity.

10 New Voice Mails!

ALERT: Voice Mailbox is Full!

87 Missed Calls!

For these reasons, Henry stumbled out of the elevator, breathing hard as he jogged down the short hall to the apartment’s front door. The hall felt dark, but he wasn’t sure. All he could see was the door to their apartment. Fumbling with the lock, he shoved and twisted, practically tripping over his own feet as he burst inside.

The living room was faintly lit by the Christmas tree’s twinkling lights and ornaments. Shadows were kept at bay by flickering candles. Frost coated the large windows, appearing cool and quiet. Henry’s gaze landed on the man standing in the middle of the open area. Silence passed between them for barely a breath before Jiyoung was striding toward him.

Henry flinched back, clenching his teeth in preparation for whatever was coming.

Strong but slender arms enveloped him in a crushing hold, the sag of Jiyoung’s body rattling Henry down to his toes. The young man slowly opened his eyes, frozen as shivers raced up his neck from where his mentor sighed against his throat.

Jiyoung refused to let go, fingers tangling in Henry’s coat. “Where have you been?” he breathed, racing heart palpitating against Henry’s. “I kept calling and calling but you never answered.”

“You…You left. Why are you back?” Henry stammered.

He finally pulled back, glaring. “Because of how you texted me! Why the hell else would I be back?” Jiyoung demanded. “You said you were sick! I came back immediately only to find the place empty. Why are you always so irresponsible? If something is going on, you need to tell me. Tell me everything!” He shoved away, raking fingers through his own hair as he tried to calm down. “I don’t care how stupid you might think your thoughts are. You are not allowed to pretend like this! It’s ing crazy how you think it’s alright to just hold it in and then blow up by running away!”

Henry stayed quiet.

That didn’t seem to be the right decision though. Jiyoung snatched a fistful of his shirt, shaking him. “Speak,” he hissed.

“I…I just didn’t want to be alone during Christmas,” he said softly, voice barely above a whisper.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” he retorted. “I could’ve stayed. I would have stayed.”

Henry’s fingers twitched. “Would you really have?” the younger snapped, shoving the hand away. “You have someone special to you. I’m not the most important person in your life. I’m just another trainee, so don’t tell me bull like you would give up time with your loved ones for me!”

Once again, he expected a slap or perhaps a punch, but instead, he heard an incoherent shout and then he felt himself being slammed back against a wall. Henry winced, but then all thoughts of pain flew away as a pair of lips crushed his own.

Eyes widening, he stared into nothingness, lost in the sensation of a kiss that he had never dared to imagine. His fingers curled into the thin fabric of Jiyoung’s shirt, pulling him closer and squeezing his eyes shut against the feeling of his heart bursting out of his chest.

With a sigh, Jiyoung pulled back, hovering for a moment before stealing another kiss—and another, and another. He pressed his forehead to Henry’s, clutching the boy by the nape of his neck and the small of his back. “If you need to be the most important person in my life. I will make you so. I will give you everything you ask for. But you cannot run away from me anymore.”

Henry felt both awe and disgust in that single moment.

Awe at the kiss.

Awe at the lingering feeling of it.

Awe at the slender fingers holding him so carefully.

But the disgust was overwhelming. 

Disgust with the situation.

Disgust with Jiyoung.

Disgust with himself for making Jiyoung say those words.

He pushed the older man back. “I’m just throwing a tantrum. You don’t have to go that far to comfort me.” Henry wiped at his mouth, sighing softly. “This is ridiculous.”

Jiyoung remained silent, eyes studying his ward closely. Was this how parents felt when their child was going through a rebellious phase? Did he even view Henry an adoptive son of sorts? Perhaps. But then he wasn’t sure. What did he know about the emotions of a young boy going through one of the hardest periods of his life and career? Although Jiyoung was once such a boy, he no longer understood the heart of one. That person was long since matured within him. Watching Henry now felt both nostalgic and alien. A reflection within a mirror—near, yet always out of reach. A surface level similarity, but a heart that he could not relate to. 

“I’m going to head to bed. It’s already late,” the young man muttered, turning away. He only took a few steps before pausing and turning back around. Jiyoung had still refrained from speaking, but his eyes flickered in acknowledgement when Henry came back toward him. “I forgot. Merry Christmas.” A light flush illuminated the youth’s features even in the dim lighting of the room. He held out a small blue box.

Jiyoung gave the present a contemplative once over before gingerly reaching for it, fingertips first. He tugged the ribbon loose and tugged the lid off quietly. A small smile quirked the corner of his lips. “Hmm…how sentimental.”

Henry made a small, irritated noise before whipping around and stalking off. “Whatever! I thought it suited you. Don’t think too much about it.”

His mentor chuckled, catching him by the shoulder and pulling him back into a gentle hug. “I love it, Henry.” Jiyoung murmured against the shell of his ear. “Thank you.”

Henry shrugged out of the embrace quickly, hurrying up the stairs with little more than a squeak. For sure, he would be replaying every shameful moment of the past several minutes again and again until daybreak. Hopefully by daybreak he would also have an answer to all the mortifying feelings that had been wreaking havoc since Jiyoung became more than a mentor in his mind.

The door to Henry’s room shut haltingly, leaving Jiyoung alone with his thoughts. He peered down at the present, chuckling a little. It was a single silver earring with the Angela College crest dangling from the delicate chain. They weren’t easy to find anymore, meaning Henry must have spent quite some time looking for it. Jiyoung closed the box, tucking it into his pocket. How do I respond from now on?

Meanwhile, within the confines of his increasingly constricting bedroom, Henry did his best to ignore the tingling sensation on his lips.

***

Kyuhyun watched Ryeowook climb out of their shared cab. The modest house before them was still brightly lit despite the late hour, and for that, Kyuhyun smiled. Their conversation earlier had made him nervous about the state of his friend’s home life, but seeing it now, he realized there wasn’t as much to worry about as he originally thought. Ryeowook passed the taxi driver money through the passenger side window before coming back around to peer through the backseat’s open door. A smile graced his features and Kyuhyun shook away the warmth that spread in his chest at the sight.

“You’re sure you want to go home tonight? My brother wouldn’t mind you staying for the evening,” Ryeowook watched him closely, eyes scanning the other’s face.

As tempting as it was, he had a feeling that it would be cowardice at this point to not return. Storming out on his family earlier had already been enough of a statement. Staying out the entire night would only cause worry. Kyuhyun sighed heavily, offering a slightly heavy smile. “I’m sure. It’s been a hard night and my parents are also probably having a hard time. I shouldn’t cause them anymore concern.”

“How mature of you,” Ryeowook mused, grinning.

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Hurry on inside. It’s cold and late.” Kyuhyun listened to his friend’s quiet, tinkling laughter, and only later—when the door had shut and the car began moving—did he find himself smiling at the sound.

“Where to, sir?” the driver asked.

Kyuhyun swallowed thickly and recited his home address, already dreading the confrontation. For the next fifteen minutes, he rattled through a list of possible scenarios, hyping up the impending doom in the worst way he could. At least when someone else, namely Ryeowook, was beside him, he could distract himself. Right now, though, all he had to think about was facing the fury of his dad.

The cab pulled to a stop for the last time. Kyuhyun absently handed over the payment before climbing out and taking a deep breath. Unsurprised, the lights in his home were also still on. Granted, the sheer size of the property and the increased household staff for the holidays meant there would be activities late into the night. That said, he was mildly surprised to step inside and see his mother half asleep on the staircase while his father’s sharp voice came through from the sitting room.

“—this is uncharacteristic. I don’t care what you have to say about other young people on Christmas. My son is not the type to act like…this…,” Mr. Cho trailed off, eyes finally registering Kyuhyun standing in the doorway, somewhat guilty looking.

Ending the call, Mr. Cho strode toward his son quickly, grabbing him hard by the shoulders, eyes a mixture of relief and frustration. “Where have you been?” he squeezed without thinking, but quickly released Kyuhyun when the boy winced. Blinking a few times, his father searched his face and grew wearier. “Really…where have you been?” Regret swept across his features as his eyes landed very obvious cut on Kyuhyun’s lip.

Gently shrugging, Kyuhyun shifted his gaze away. “I got into a little trouble, but my friend was there. He helped me out.”

“You…,” Mr. Cho stopped himself, running a hand through his hair and looking decades older than the previous day. Closing his tired eyes, he said, “I’m glad.”

“Huh?”

“Glad…that you were not alone,” his father explained, stilted. “Your mother and I have been calling everyone all evening. When you didn’t return by dinnertime, your mother really scolded me.” Mr. Cho smiled uneasily, peering over at his son who was merely listening and watching. “…It was out of hand for me to strike you.”

“It was.” Kyuhyun frowned.

Although his father was normally just as sharp and cutting as Kyuhyun himself, the man refrained this time. Physically biting back a retort, Mr. Cho reached out, ruffling his son’s hair gently. “I apologize.”

“I’m still not giving up on my music.” The statement came out in a flurry, fists clenched as if ready to retaliate in any way necessary.

Mr. Cho froze, but then forced himself to relax. “…Let’s talk about it in the morning. I’ll hear you out properly this time.”

Kyuhyun’s vision blurred and before he even realized it, tears were rolling down his cheeks. He furiously wiped at them, trying to hide the reaction from his father as quickly as possible. “Mm...mm, okay. I’m going to bed. I’ll help mom upstairs, too.” He turned away, embarrassed, but surprisingly filled with relief.

Once he had gotten his mother up the stairs and tucked into bed, he headed down the hall to his own bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Stripping off his outer layers, he tossed the garments into his laundry hamper and immediately made a beeline for his phone. It rested on top of his desk, connected to a charger. Kyuhyun smiled at the consideration, figuring it had to have been his mom who wanted to ensure his phone was fully charged in case of something or other.

A new text message popped up on the screen just as he reached for it.

Ryeowook: Hey, did you make it home? Is everything okay?

Kyuhyun smiled immediately at the message. Not thinking about it, he pressed Call.

Immediately, the dial tone skipped to Ryeowook’s voice. “What? What happened?” he sounded panicked—understandably, considering Kyuhyun had called instead of firing back a message.

“Nothing. Everything’s…fine, actually,” he responded softly, happy to hear the other man’s voice. “We’re going to talk about it tomorrow morning. He said he’ll hear me out.”

Ryeowook was quiet for a moment before saying very gently, “That’s great, Kyuhyun. That’s really amazing.”

“And you? Was your brother upset that you came back so late?” he asked, somewhat teasingly.

Through the phone, Ryeowook laughed a little. “Actually, he was more surprised that I was back. He expected me to stay at my boyfriend’s house for the entire night. My brother is a little bit too free minded sometimes, I think,” he sighed. 

It was only then Kyuhyun recalled with shocking force that Ryeowook was taken. As he rifled through their encounters, he vaguely remembered another boy who had been clinging closely to Ryeowook. What was his name again? “Ah…Hyungsik, right?” Kyuhyun tested the name out.

“Yeah,” Ryeowook confirmed, “I already let him know that I got home. He was very confused by how long it took me to get back,” he chuckled. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him about you getting chased and beat up. I protected your pride as best I could.”

“Did you tell him that we met?” Kyuhyun wasn’t sure why he was even asking. What sort of an answer was he hoping for?

There was pause, but then Ryeowook said, “I mentioned your name. He seemed relieved actually that I wasn’t lost and wandering the city alone. Ah! Anyway, you should really get some rest. It’s been such a long night. If you want, we can meet up for dinner tomorrow or get coffee sometime soon?”

“Uhm, yeah, that sounds good. I’ll message you tomorrow then. Good night.”

“Night!”

Kyuhyun set the phone down. He didn’t know what to do with the current feelings rumbling around inside of him. It was different. Different from everything. Nothing like Sungmin. Nothing like her. This felt…like their song. His and Ryeowook’s. Like every interaction they had ever had. A heavy sweetness, a deep longing for something, a bitter spectrum—a distance that was both difficult and easy to bridge.

He frowned. Unsettled. That’s it.