18 September 2013

No one got much sleep that night, but at some point, Eunhyuk left with Donghae. They needed to get back anyway and waiting around for G-Dragon to show up was too pathetic. Besides, it was pretty clear no one wanted to deal with fans at 6AM.

Around five-thirty in the morning, Kyuhyun rolled over, having barely slept a wink with that incessant music in his mind. It was one thing to drown yourself in music; it was another thing to be suffocated. He sat up slowly, glancing over at Kibum’s desk to see Henry still working away. Normally, Kyuhyun could understand an artist’s need to get something out, but as he stared at the younger man, he understood that it was more than passion.

That was what someone who truly believed he could make his dreams come true…looked like. Henry had no doubts that he could succeed.

And Kyuhyun? He didn’t even know. One life, one chance, one dream – that’s what musicians and artists and entertainers always seemed to be saying. But until that moment, he swore it was all bull. Was that really the case though? Kyuhyun wanted to know. Right here, right now, what did he want to do with his life? Was there something he would sacrifice everything to have?

Not law. Not Sungmin. Not SME. Not money. Not fame.

They had always been stepping stones. So what did it take to have the resolve Henry had? The kid was torn to bits yesterday by the genius singer-songwriter of their generation. And yet, he was still there, fighting to prove himself in the face of rejection.

If Kyuhyun lost a court case, would he be this bent on redemption? Would he even care about the people? Would he care about his work so long as he was paid?

“Henry.”

The boy jolted. “Huh? Kyuhyun-hyung?” Henry turned around, unable to help the smile on his face.

“Why are you trying so hard?”

Henry gave him a quizzical look, as if it was the silliest question in the world. “Because,” he chuckled, “I know I’m going to succeed this time. I feel it.”

“But what if you don’t?”

“But I will,” Henry responded, grinning widely now, “and if somehow I don’t, I know I’ll succeed next time.”

“You don’t know that though,” Kyuhyun argued softly, curling his hands into the blankets. The sky was just beginning to lighten up through the cracks of their blinds. “You’re just saying that. It’s possible that you’ll fail.”

“Failing is the same as giving up. I’m not giving up, so if I fall down like I did this time, I already know that I can get back up.” He looked at the older boy curiously, “Isn’t that right? And if I don’t want to get back up, someone will come to pick me up, just like Jiyoung-hyung. He’s harsh, but honest.” Henry smiled. “And you too, Kyuhyun-hyung. Thank you for helping me when I was lost.”

He couldn’t form words. Slowly, he nodded, looking away. That confidence was envy-worthy. Kyuhyun knew he hadn’t even tried to get into music. It was his passion, but it was just a passion. He didn’t want to make it his career, right? There were so many possibilities of not succeeding. Even listening to Henry made him nervous. The kid had no sense of defeat. Kyuhyun had been raised to not overextend. He was taught to reach high enough to be comfortable, but not so high that he would destroy himself should he fail.

That logic always made sense…until now.

Kyuhyun climbed out of bed, finding his dirty clothes folded and clean on Ryeowook’s desk. There was a little note from Eunhyuk stuck to it.

Yo, Kyu! Your clothes are all good. I have dance practice tomorrow so I can’t see you off. Call me when you’re back at school! –Hyuk

Changing out of the pajamas, he tossed them into the hamper and then sank down onto Ryeowook’s chair. He looked around quietly, finding a pen and sticky note. Once he was done, he stuck it to the table and stood up, grabbing his shoes to put them on.

“Mm, what time is it?” Henry asked, looking down at Kyuhyun.

“Almost time for you to go. I’m gonna take the train back, so I’ll see you later,” he answered.

“Oh? Okay,” he nodded, “I’ll call you later then!” Henry stood up, hugging Kyuhyun tightly for a second. “Thank you again. I probably would’ve been halfway across South Korea if it wasn’t for you.”

He patted the boy’s back, feeling stiff and foreign. It wasn’t that hugs were new to him; rather, it had been a long time since someone had so sincerely thrown themselves at him. “No problem. It was fun,” Kyuhyun said softly. “See you later.” He ruffled the younger one’s hair and then headed out the door.

Kyuhyun was out of the dorm and walking down the stretch of road. His eyes traveled around the campus, the blue horizon setting the old building aglow. He hummed quietly to himself, hands tucked in pockets, a light hop to his steps.

***

Jiyoung leaned against his car, the driver waiting patiently with the engine running. There were many things he hated and loved about people. They could be so strong and supportive and yet so dumb and sensitive. He tapped his heel against the pavement subtly, hands in his coat pockets as he waited impatiently for his ward to hurry out of the dormitory.

Of all the places for Henry to run off to, he hadn’t really expected it to be St. Angela’s. Jiyoung smiled warily. It seemed that no matter what he did, there was something that kept drawing him back to his mother school. Perhaps that was a sign in itself.

The door to the dorm creaked open and Henry peeked out, eyes falling on Jiyoung. His face was glowing despite the early hour and the dark shadows under his eyes. The boy was holding sheets of paper in his hand. Jiyoung slowly pushed off of the car, staying where he was at the bottom of the short steps up to the dormitory doors.

In a flash, Henry was barreling into him, arms tight around his waist. The irritation that had been building up inside of Jiyoung drained. He had never experienced that before. It was odd – but not unpleasant. Before he knew what he was doing, his arms were wrapped around Henry as well, keeping the younger male close to him. Jiyoung let out a breath, surprised then as to how long he had been holding that in.

“Read this!” Henry wriggled around in the embrace, shoving his crumpled papers at Jiyoung.

The latter backed up, grimacing slightly, reluctant to release the other. Taking the papers, he opened the car door and waved at Henry to climb in.

Jiyoung sat down beside him slowly, distracted as he read over the lyrics.

Like a kitty in a cage
Like a puppy in a box on a plane
Like a driver I’m stuck in this lane
On this lane, yeah
I can’t seem to find a way
Like an employee on a minimum wage
Like a broken GPS can’t locate
Can’t locate, Oh

We started out fine, take look at us now
You leave me no choice and I gotta break out
But I’m Trapped

He chuckled, lips curling up in a smile.

And I’m losing it I find my inner self, try to stay true to it
Gotta make a way out, ‘cause you ain’t true to me
And now you’re losing me

We had a future and a plan
But you don’t stick to it

You have changed, but I’m the same
 

Prisoner, I can’t escape
Where do I find the strength?
To break away from this ball and chain
Everyday is same old same
Like I’m locked up and it drives me insane
Like a spider tryin’ to run from the rain
From the rain, Yeah

Jiyoung set the paper down, looking at Henry who had been watching him expectantly. “Is this how I make you feel?” he leaned closer to him, grinning teasingly.

“Partly,” Henry admitted, “but what do you think?” His hands were curled into fists, probably to contain the excitement, Jiyoung guessed.

“If I say they’re still bad, will you punch me?” he joked, tapping the clenched hands. Henry flushed, immediately loosening his fingers. Jiyoung clicked his tongue, pushing his sunglasses up and leaning back. “They’re good.”

“Really?” he exclaimed.

“Mmhmm, they’re good, not perfect, but I really like it.” He flipped the page, finding a music score covered in edits and notes. Jiyoung’s eyes fluttered in surprise. Although he had planned to tell Henry to compose for the lyrics next, he hadn’t expected the boy to already have a head start.

“I was just playing around with a few things,” Henry explained, fumbling to pull out his phone. “I recorded the opening to the song. It’s going to be a piano.” He tapped a few buttons, increased the volume and held it between them.

Jiyoung listened, head nodding to the beat. “Your musical sense is better than your writing sense.”

“Hey!”

He laughed, pulling Henry to him, hugging the boy. “You did well,” he murmured close to his ear, “Trust me. You’re perfect.” Jiyoung planted a kiss on his head.  

Henry just smiled, exhaustion sweeping over him in an instant. Closing his eyes, he leaned closer, muscles relaxing finally. The praise bounced off the walls of his mind, coaxing him to sleep like the sweetest lullaby. Jiyoung watched him drift off, lips parting before closing silently.

No. It was fine. Certain things could be left unsaid for the time being.

***

Ryeowook wandered into his own room around nine in the morning, finding Kibum still asleep. He couldn’t blame the guy. It sounded like they had a long night considering Henry had stopped by. As quietly as he could, he crept over to his desk, grabbing the textbooks he would need for his 9:30AM class that day.

Just as he skimmed over a cover, his eyes fell on a sky blue sticky note stuck to his desk. Confused, he peeled it up, reading silently.

Your comforting scent fills the room

in the flowers scattered around

Because I’m afraid one day I won’t be able to feel it

I want to take hold of even the air that you were in

Your lyrics made me think of this. – K