12 December 2013

“Finals are over!” Ryeowook stretched, flopping back on the old lounge couch. His backpack was unceremoniously dropped on the floor, arms strewn across the cushions. There was a pounding in his head as if he had really just fried his brain of every last intelligent thought.

Chuckling from the small kitchen on their floor caught his attention and he looked over the edge of the couch to see Jongwoon making hot chocolate. “Congrats on finishing your first finals week in college,” he raised his mug in cheers before sipping from it.

“Thank you,” he grinned widely. “My brother is coming to pick me up tonight. When do you leave, Jongwoon-hyung?”

“Next week,” he sighed, coming over to sit beside the lone boy, “I have to finish checking people out for the break, so I’m stuck.”

“Being an RA must be difficult,” Ryeowook nodded sympathetically, “You’ll be home in time for the holidays though, right?”

Jongwoon smiled, petting the younger one’s hair sweetly. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” Taking another sip of the hot chocolate, he offered it to Ryeowook who gratefully drank. “I wonder if Kibum is enjoying his warm weather back home in Los Angeles.”

“I bet he is, that lucky duck,” he frowned, “I told him to bring me along, but he just laughed and left.”

“I think I would do the same thing,” he chuckled. “I guess you better finish packing. Don’t want to upset that brother of yours.” Jongwoon patted his cheek.

Ryeowook grinned. “Yeah, I have a few more things to clean up. Have a great break if I don’t see you again before I leave.” He wrapped his arms around the older male, feeling Jongwoon return the hug gently.

It always got darker faster, much to Youngwoon’s disdain. He never liked driving at night, but it seemed like the only time he was ever free to do things. Beside him was his little brother in the passenger seat as they headed away from the school and toward their home.

Ryeowook was flipping through radio stations displeased with each one he passed by. The songs were all incredibly festive, making rhymes about sleighs and families. He ignored the faint pang of nostalgia, crushing any of those notions with the fact that he never truly enjoyed family gatherings anyway. None of them were ever in his favor, so what was the point in pretending that they actually held a warm place in his heart when they didn’t?

“Mom and dad are doing well,” Youngwoon remarked as they settled on a classical music station. His leather gloves hands shifted on the steering wheel.

“That’s good to hear,” his brother nodded, “I’m glad that they’re doing well.”

“They’re having a big family reunion for Christmas,” he explained, turning onto the highway, “but I’m going to tell them I have to work on Christmas. That way, you, me, Yoonji, and Teuk can celebrate together. I mean, if you want to.”

Ryeowook cracked a smile. “Thank you,” he mumbled, clearing his throat as he went on, “but it’s fine. You and Yoonji-noona should go and be with the family. Teukie-hyung is probably invited as well. Mother and father don’t deserve both of their sons to disappear.”

Youngwoon bit back a retort, not wanting to say what he knew, but at the same time wanting to make it clear that Ryeowook didn’t have to be so considerate of people who clearly saw him as a stranger now. “This is fine,” he finally sighed. “I’d rather spend it with you anyway. You and I are closer than any of those relatives are to me.”

“It’s not,” he argued firmly, shooting his brother a look, “They aren’t young anymore. Our family is already estranged enough. There’s no point is making it harder for them to rest peacefully. I don’t blame them for not accepting me anymore.” Ryeowook glanced out the window, seeing that the sky was bright white and promising of a thick snowfall. He exhaled slowly, trying to calm himself. “They gave me enough. I won’t forget the years they invested in me. I respect them for giving me cherished memories and place to grow up.” A small laugh escaped him, surprising both him and Youngwoon. “It’s not funny,” Ryeowook quickly corrected, “I just don’t want to blame them because hating them isn’t fair. They raised me, whether they like it or not, and because of them, I became brave enough to embrace who I am. We may not agree on the road and personality I was destined for, but they helped me to get here. Making sure to not ruin the rest of their lives is the last present I will give them and I hope they can be happy.”

At that, Youngwoon could say nothing. Hundreds of emotions flooded his mind and body, making him question everything he has felt – had thought was right, up until then. If they were raised by the same couple, why didn’t he grow up brave like Ryeowook?

Why was he still hiding everything? Why couldn’t bring himself – even now – to admit that he adored his fiancée, but was and always had been head-over-heels in love with his best friend? Why was it so ing hard to calmly decide on a future when his baby brother had done it so maturely? Youngwoon had practically raised the kid.

Had he simply failed in raising himself? He smiled bitterly, finding no comfort in that realization.

They drove in silence for a long time, Ryeowook only speaking up as they took the highway exit into their town. “Hyungsik already told me that he wants to spend Christmas Eve together, so it’s not like I won’t have any good memories. I can just relax on Christmas Day and you, me, noona, and Teukie-hyung can open presents and eat together during the day before you go to the family dinner,” Ryeowook stated simply, looking over at his brother finally.

Youngwoon pursed his lips, thinking over the proposition. “I guess…that’s fine. Who’s Hyungsik again?” He frowned, trying to place the name with a face. All of those wild college kids had morphed into just one big blob when he saw them at the winter concert.

“You met him,” Ryeowook chuckled, “he’s tall and has dark hair. I was with him a lot?”

“And you’re dating him?” he raised a curious eyebrow.

“Yup,” he nodded, “only for about a month and a half though.”

Youngwoon grunted. “Well, introduce him soon. We can have dinner together – his treat.”

Ryeowook slapped his brother’s arm. “No way!”

“Fine, fine,” he resigned, “it can be your treat.” That earned him a second hit.

***

Henry kept his cap low over his eyes as he shuffled through the snow. Shopping bags both big and small hung from his arms as he tried to make his way home faster. Music played through the speakers of the various districts in the city, filling the streets with warmth on the cold night.

Each present was already wrapped and tied with ribbon. He had refused to spend time doing so when he found out his practice schedule for the rest of December. The very thought of seeing his family for Christmas was out the window. It was alright though. Henry had convinced himself that in order to do what needed to be done, this was the only option available.

Besides, his family understood. They had already set up a video chat date on Christmas. That was why Henry would just settle for sending out all of their presents tomorrow morning and hope that they somehow arrived quickly.

On the other hand, his right coat pocket felt particularly warm and important as he thought about what was sitting inside of it. Although he had been making a measly income thus far, what he had saved up went directly to all of the Christmas fun – including a much needed thank you gift for his mentor. It was the present he had spent the most time searching for and to him, it was absolutely perfect.

Henry sighed as he was hit with the cozy warmth of his apartment building’s lobby. Quickly shaking off excess snow, he headed to the elevator, punching in the floor number. Leaning back against the hand railing, he closed his eyes, trying not to smile too much. Jiyoung would definitely notice if he was too giddy.

The elevator doors swept open and he stepped into the small hallway. There was only one room on the floor and it belonged to the one and only G-Dragon.

Henry unlocked the door, twisting the knob and pushing his way inside. “I’m home—!” his voice caught in his throat. Blinking in surprise, he stared at Jiyoung who was tangled on the couch with a stranger. Or, well, not a stranger. The man was very familiar. And then it hit him and he shut the door immediately, heart pounding at the very thought of how many scandals there would be if anyone found out G-Dragon and T.O.P were more than singing partners.

Jiyoung pushed the older male off, lips red and cheeks flushed. “Oh, Henry. Welcome home,” he said hastily, sounding flustered as he tried to fix his shirt.

At least he had the decency to be like that. Henry shook off the thought. It really wasn’t his business. And besides, it definitely didn’t look like the first time. “Sorry,” he muttered, lowering his head as he sped up the stairs to his bedroom. “Good night, hyung.” And he unceremoniously shut his door, clicking the lock at record speed.

Henry stared at the opposing wall of his room as he slumped back against the wooden door. His mind was blank and roiling at the same time. At his own thoughts, he flushed deeply, refusing to accept the feelings of monopoly that surged through him. Burying his face in his arms, he crushed the childish emotions.