- Story view -

It was half past seven, and the girl was sitting there alone. Once in a while, she would look around anxiously to check if the person she was waiting for had turned up. She was getting nervous, and she decided to keep her attention on her phone instead, as she aimlessly swiped across the screen. Is she not coming? She wondered, her left fingers beginning to tap on the table.

"Sorry, I'm late." Her back straightened when the familiar voice reached her ears. When she turned her head, she managed to catch the girl walking past her to take a seat opposite her. She didn't know that she was just staring at her, until the girl checked her watch and said something which snapped her out of her trance. "Half an hour. I'm sorry. I'm so hungry. Let's order, shall we?" She could only nod, as she watched the girl call for the waiter.

"How can I help you, ladies?" The waiter greeted with a smile.

"Well... I'll need you to go tell your head chef, that we'll need the usual for TaengSic."

"S-Sorry?" The waiter furrowed his eyebrows, confused at what he had just heard.

"Let your chef know that we want the usual for TaengSic."

"I'm sorry Miss. We don't actually take custom orders. Maybe you would like to tell me what dishes are they exactly?"

"Well..." The girl only smiled charismatically. "You really should go and tell them what I told you, and if they don't know what I'm talking about, which is honestly highly impossible, then tell them that I'm Jessica."

The waiter only scratched his head before making his way back to the kitchen. When Jessica caught Taeyeon chuckling slightly, she gently smiled, before starting the conversation yet again.

"These new people don't know a thing huh? Anyway I'm really sorry that I'm late. I got caught up at t-"

"It's okay. You're just being you."

"What do you mean by th-"

"I don't mean it the bad way, really."

"Right..."

Surprisingly, the food came really fast, and it was the executive chef who served it to them personally.

"I'm sorry for his ignorance, ladies. It's been a really long while since we had you. The new chaps didn't know." He smiled at the girls, who couldn't help but to smile back.

"Thank you so much Chef! We'll be enjoying the food. I hope it's as good as it used to be!"

"You bet." He let out a heartwarming smile yet again before he left them alone.

The two girls didn't talk, as they ate their food, all the way until they were done with their food. When the silence got awkward, Taeyeon would nervously take sips of the red wine in her glass, while Jessica kept her eyes off Taeyeon's. It was about ten minutes after, when Jessica finally had to let it out.

"Taeyeon ah." She started, without looking at Taeyeon. "What's this? What's with us?" Taeyeon put down her glass, as she shifted her vision to Jessica. "You said you wanted time. Didn't you?"

"Yes... Yes I did."

"How long?"

"W-what...?"

"How long? I'm asking you." When Taeyeon didn't answer, Jessica finally casted her a look, before continuing. "Why are you being like this, Taeyeon? You... You're making me all uncomfortable do you know that? I don't know what is it that you want. That peck in the car. That white notebook. I thought things would be fine. But no. You're...still the same. What should I do? Taeyeon tell me what should I do? You need time. I'm giving it to you. All I'm asking you now, is how long do you need. You can't even answer me that? Another two months? Or? Two years maybe? Can I at least get some answer from you?"

Taeyeon was a little taken aback, at the sudden outburst, and all she could do was to continue staring at her, slightly agape. Jessica realised it, and she closed her eyes as she took a deep breath.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry for that. I'm just..." Jessica opened her eyes, as she tried to find the right words to say. It wasn't a good one minute before her frustration reached its peak. "You know what? Forget it. Just forget it. I... I'm tired. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of holding on to you, when all you want to do is to let me go, let us go. What's the whole point then? There's nothing I can do, if you insist that I don't get how you're feeling. I can give you time, but it seems like you don't even know if you can ever get over this in this lifetime. Taeyeon, I'm only human. There's only so much I can do to hold you, to convince you that I'll always be here, that nothing matters as long as I'm with you. I feel like every time I see you, you're breaking up with me once more. I can't do this any longer Taeyeon... I love you. I still do, and I know that I'll always do. But if it brings you, and me, so much pain, then maybe I should stop being selfish. And stubborn. I was so happy when I saw that notebook. I thought I could have you back. But now I know, that it's never gonna happen, that Kim Taeyeon will never be mine because she's Kim Taeyeon." She looked up to the ceiling, letting out a breath while trying to blink her tears away. When she had finally swallowed those tears down, she brought her eyes back to Taeyeon's. "I don't want to say goodbye to you, Taeyeon... So I won't. Thank you for everything... Good... Good..." She bit hard on her teeth as she tried to say the last word. "Goodnight." She looked at Taeyeon for the last time, hoping to remember that face, and she stood up, heading for the door.

Taeyeon looked on as Jessica was getting further and further away from her. This wasn't how she planned it to be. Clenching her jaw, she left three hundred dollars on the table before she went after Jessica. She grabbed Jessica's uninjured wrist and yanked hard, making the girl turn back to face her, outside the restaurant.

"Kim Taeyeon, don't. Don't ev-"

"Drive home. Right now."

"What the do y-"

"Now. I'll meet you there. Right now, Sooyeon ah."

"Why should I lis-"

"I have things to tell you, and I have to tell them to you. Today. No goodbyes, no goodnights. I'm not done. We're not done. I didn't come here for this, Sooyeon ah. I assure you that I didn't come here for this. You're more precious to me than you think you are. I don't want you to drive home alone later in the night. So I want you to drive home now. I'll tell you everything that I need to, at your house. This time, I don't need time. All I need is you. All I need is us. I...I've so many things I planned to say... Believe me Jess."

"Kim Taeyeon. Remember what you just said. If all you're gonna do is to let me down again, I'm walking out of this life with you. You know I mean it. Even if it's gonna kill my heart, I'll walk right out. Because I can't have you breaking up with me each time I see you. Kim Taeyeon do you get it?"

"I get it. Go. I'll meet you at your house."

Jessica didn't bother replying, as she headed for her car.

"Jess!" She turned, when she heard Taeyeon calling again.

"What now?"

"Please... Please drive safely." Jessica only let out a breath, before turning back for her car again.

***

"Taeyeon unnie?" Krystal carried a shocked expression when Taeyeon turned up at their house together with her sister. The older girl could only smile, as she entered.

"Soojung ah. I need to talk to your mom and dad." Jessica turned to look at Taeyeon, surprised, but Taeyeon kept her vision on Krystal.

"Daddy and mommy? Now?"

"Yeah. Now. Thanks."

"Okay."

It wasn't long, before Taeyeon, Jessica and her parents were seated together in the living room. Taeyeon took in a few huge breaths, before she finally started.

"Dad, mom... I...am here to inform you that I'm gonna be dating Jessica again. I've a lot of things that I planned to say, and I hope that you will listen to me until the end." Taeyeon casted a look at Mr and Mrs Jung, as if seeking their approval, and when they nodded, she took it as a yes. "Right... So, first of all, Jessica didn't know about this. As in...this...thing about meeting you. But I... I wanna apologise for what happened two years ag-"

"Taeyeon, let bygones by bygones. If anyone has to apologise, then it has got to be us. We're sorry for doing that to you..."

"No... No dad I-"

"No Taeyeon. It's our fault. We were too concerned over her safety that we just... I'm so sorry..."

"Dad..."

"Okay... You wanted us to listen, didn't you? Go on. But we don't want to hear apologies for that any more. Because it wasn't your fault."

"Okay... So even though I lost her for two years... I coincidentally met her again, as Claire, a few months ago. I can't deny that she attracted me because she looked like Jess... I mean...she is Jess... At times, when I realised that she was so similar to Jess, I tried to distance myself, but it only brought hurt to the then Claire. And then when I finally realised that she really is Jessica, I... You know, mom... I told you when I came here..."

"What? You came here? Told my mom what?"

"Jess I'll explain to you later... Let me talk to them first, alright...?"

"You've got a lot of explanations to do, Kim Taeyeon."

"Okay. So... Yeah... I made the decision to leave her, because I felt that your reasoning was valid. I was as worried about her safety as you were. And then... I'm really sorry...when Jessica got into another accident while trying to stop me from leaving after she had found out about the truth. And that was when she remembered everything... I still left after that, for two months. And I never expected Sica to turn up at the airport the day I returned. All this time, she had been trying to convince me, but I couldn't bring myself to forget the hurt I had caused to Jessica just for being with me. I thought what I was doing was the best solution for the both of us." Taeyeon took a breath, as she could feel her chest tightening from all the emotions. "But I realised...that I couldn't be more wrong. I thought I could handle it if I was hurting. But it killed me, when I saw Jessica hurting so badly. I... I know that you are worried about her. But... C-can you trust me? Trust me that I'll do my best to keep her safe... Trust me th-"

"Taeyeon." This time, Mrs Jung spoke up. "We never stopped trusting you." Tears welled up in Taeyeon's eyes, as she heard her. "The reason we...we did that, was never because we had stopped trusting you. Who we didn't trust, was those who were against you. But it was never you, Taeyeon. I had been living in guilt this whole time, for what I have done to the sweetest girl I know on Earth... It's me who needs your forgiveness..."

"Guys. Are we filming some kind of a drama right now?" Jessica's cold and sharp words had all of them turn to her. "I mean... Seriously? Dad, mom, I'm...not angry any more. Okay? And, you don't have to be worried about this Miss Kim over here, because she has done her fair share in annoying the hell out of me, doing all the Korean drama-ish leaving me because she loves me . So, you don't need her forgiveness, mom. She needs my forgiveness." Jessica turned towards Taeyeon, this time. "Am I right, Taeyeon?"

Shocked, yet not so shocked, that her girlfriend was being so straightforward, she found herself nodding.

"So, mom and dad, can I have her now? She told me that she had things to tell me, and I had been trying my best to patiently sit here, listening to the Korean drama lines you guys were sharing."

"Oh Jessi." Mrs Jung found herself shaking her head, while laughing at her daughter. "You do spoil the atmosphere. Why am I not even surprised? Go on. Go and clear this whole mess up. The past will be behind us."

"Actually, mom I-" Taeyeon attempted to say something, but her words were cut short by Jessica.

"Kim Taeyeon. No more drama. My room. Now."

Taeyeon casted a helpless look at Mr and Mrs Jung, who only smiled back, and gestured for her to go. The girl had no choice, and she bowed slightly, before making her way up to Jessica's room.

"Jessi." Mr Jung called out, before Jessica turned to leave, and she stopped, as she looked at her father. "Cherish." It was one simple word, but Jessica understood all of its deepest meanings.

"Cherish. I know, daddy." She smiled, somehow, before catching up with Taeyeon. 

***

Jessica sat on the side of her bed, her arms crossed, while Taeyeon sat down beside her.

"You said you don't need time. So I'm not intending to give you any more time. It's now, or never. You know I'm serious about this, Taeyeon."

"Yes. I know you are, so am I."

"Alright then. Waste no more time."

"Okay." Taeyeon took in a huge breath once more, as she gathered her thoughts, before she started. "Jung Sooyeon. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for thinking that leaving you would be the best solution, when leaving you should never be an option. I'm sorry for all those words that I said to hurt you, so that I could force you to leave me. If anyone should hurt you, that person should never be me. But I said and did everything that hurt you the most. I shouldn't have. I really shouldn't have. But Jess, I'm not sorry for being scared. I'm not sorry for being afraid of losing you. I said a million times, that you don't know how I feel to lose you. I really don't know if you know how it feels like. But I figured, it doesn't matter whether you do, or not. If I'm afraid of losing you, then I should hold you tight. That person should be me. I know that it's only Jung Sooyeon who would let me leave like that. I know that it's only Jung Sooyeon who would believe in me to go back to her when I'm ready. I know that it's only Jung Sooyeon who would let me hurl such painful words at her and still stay by me."

At this point in time, tears were starting to fill Jessica's eyes.

"Jess... I know a lot. I know everything that you're feeling, even before you told me. I know you're not afraid of getting hurt as long as we're together. But it pains me so much to know that you could be living a much safer life. Yet, I know that that's not what you want."

"If you know that that's not what I want, then why are you still doing this to me...?"

"I really don't want to do this... Whenever I start to imagine starting over with you, my mind would show me ten more images of you getting hurt. It scares me. It scares me a whole lot. I get nightmares of you dying in my arms... I get nightmares of you shouting for me to save you... And I'm always helpless in those dreams. All I could do was to stand there and watch as you close your eyes."

"Why don't you just trust me...? And us...? Why don't you let me protect us...? What makes you think that if anyone's gonna do the protecting, it's only gonna be you? Why can't I do the same for us? Love is about trust, Taeyeon."

"Yes. I know that, and that's why I'm here today, now. I can't just put all my fears down as if they're just bags on my shoulders. But I want to face them, together with you. I can't assure you, nor myself, that I can keep you safe. But what I can assure you, is that I will put everything on the line to keep you safe, and to keep that smile on your face. That's what you want, isn't it?"

"Yes, that's what I want. But what is it that you want? I'm serious when I said that I know you're scared. And I know that I'm just being selfish if I'm gonna let you give me all I want while bearing the fears and sadness alone. I want to know what you want, Taeyeon. Think about it. Take your time to think about it."

Taeyeon kept silent, as she let all her thoughts settle down in her mind. She knew what she wanted. In fact, she never lost sight for a second what she wanted. It was always the fear of losing what she wanted so badly, that made her push away the girl in front of her.

"So...? Do you know what you want?"

"Yeah. I do." Jessica's eyes widened a little at Taeyeon's answer, and she only stared at her, as she waited for the rest of answer. "Really, have I ever wanted anything else?"

"Don't answer me with another question, Taeyeon."

"You." Taeyeon looked straight into Jessica's eyes, her gaze unfaltering. "It's you, Jung Sooyeon."

"It's me you have always wanted, you're telling me. And then you push me away. And then one day, you give me a peck on my lips. And then you give me a white notebook and you wrote stuffs as if we never ever had that accident. And then when we meet again, you're behaving as if you don't want me all over again. Then, you're telling me this. Taeyeon... What am I to you?"

"Jess. We are the same, aren't we?" Jessica raised her eyebrow when she heard Taeyeon.

"What do you even mean by that?"

"I push you away this moment, and in the next, it's as if all those never happened."

"And why are we the same? I never did the same. I never pushed you away. I never did."

"Yeah, you didn't. What you did was, kissing me this moment in my office, and in the next, you were cutting yourself. Aren't we the same? Being so crazily bipolar?" There was a slight spark in Taeyeon's eyes. Jessica could almost feel Taeyeon's soul smiling.

"You..."

"You're so bad, Jessica Jung."

"Taeyeon I... I'm not in the mood to joke. I'm tired of all these..."

"And I'm here. I'm telling you that I'm gonna be here."

"You're just gonna tell me this today and tomorrow you're gonna be that same old Taeyeon who's falling apart!" Instead of replying, Taeyeon swiftly grabbed the back of the girl's neck as she pulled her closer, their faces barely two inches away from each other. Jessica stared into Taeyeon's eyes in shock, and she found herself unable to say anything.

"Then hit me. Hit me awake. Hit me with all your might so that I will wake up."

"I don't have the strength to do that any more, Taeyeon..."

"Then I'll hold you this time. I promise you that I won't let you go, ever again."

"I've done my fair share of retrieving our love. I'm tired. You're gonna have to keep up. I'm really tired. You know that you're mad stubborn each time you make a decision."

"And I'm mad stubborn this time round too. Is there any way I can make you feel better...?"

"How would I know? Stop making me think. You have so many tricks up your sleeves. And ten years, Taeyeon. Don't ask me this question when we've been together for ten years." Taeyeon bit her lower lip, and she just stared blankly at Jessica. "Are you serious Kim Taeyeon? Don't act all awkward and make me feel uncomfortable. You're my Taengoo, and I'm your Jessica. Nothing has changed, and nothing will change. Do whatever you want. You can just be the byuntae you were. Hold my hands, hold my waist, touch my ... I don't kn- Mmm!"

Jessica couldn't see Taeyeon's face any more, as she closed her eyes, her lips feeling something warm and familiar, and somehow, incredibly heartwarming.

[A/N] I personally feel that this chapter is lacking something... But I don't know what, nor where. Let me know what you feel? As usual, this chapter is loaded with conversations. Don't look at me, the conversations came out on their own... Hehe. There are suggestions for me to include the other Girls' Generation members in the remaining chapters, and I haven't forgotten that. It's probably gonna happen, anyway. Just give me some time to think of an appropriate scene :) Once again, still a big thank you to all of you who are following me in this story, and a bigger one to those who leave comments. You guys are so awesome :)

Also, I know that there are people who are feeling sad, like I am, that the story is coming to end, while there are people who can't wait for it to happen. I know it's not just a few times that I've mentioned that this story is coming to an end, but I'd probably just wanna explain that my main point was to tell you guys about the other stories that I'm writing. You readers are my strength, so I'd obviously hope to see you at the other stories of mine. Even so, I'm gonna apologise for those who are feeling "cheated" or some sort. This story's gonna end in a few chapters, less than five, for sure. I hope this "announcement" will appease you.

​© Sky Blue Tales ✍