I Wish

The Broken Puzzle

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Jessica's eyes slowly cracked open but she closed them back when the light made her uncomfortable. When she felt a hand on hers, she opened her eyes yet again, looking at the source of the warmth, and then to its owner who was sound asleep beside her, whose other hand was folded while her head leaned on it. That look in her eyes as she eyed the girl she loved. She was back. Jessica Jung was back. She let her eyes roam to the ceiling as she closed her eyes, allowing her newfound memories to sink in.

She let herself enjoy Taeyeon's company for another five minutes or so, as she stayed exactly where she was, her hand still safely wrapped under Taeyeon's.

"Kim Taeyeon. Wake up." The words escaped her lips, but she kept her gaze at the ceiling. It, almost magically, stirred Taeyeon from her sleep as she abruptly opened her eyes and sat up, her brain taking a second or two to register the Jessica (or Claire) before her. Jessica let out another breath, before she turned to look at Taeyeon, whose worry was written all over her face.

The two of them said nothing, as they just looked into each other's eyes. Sica ya, are you okay? was what Taeyeon wanted to ask. Taengoo, I missed you. was what Jessica wanted to say. But the words were locked in their throats, as their eyes never left each other. Jessica was amused, as she wondered how Taeyeon couldn't differentiate her from Claire, although technically, they were the same person. The truth was, Taeyeon had found something different about the girl who was right in front of her, but she couldn't pinpoint what. She swore that all of a sudden, she saw Jessica in those eyes, but she convinced herself that it was all her wishful thinking. She knew that it wouldn't change a thing whether or not the girl in front of her was Jessica, or Claire who had lost her memories. The fact was, she was still going to leave, and perhaps, it would be easier to leave Claire, than to leave Jessica. Afterall, she wasn't sure if she could bring herself to leave a Jessica who had remembered everything. She let herself stare into Jessica's eyes for a moment longer, before she blinked a couple of times and looked away. "Don't be a burden, Claire." Jessica's eyes widened for a second at Taeyeon's choice of words, but her gaze softened in the next.

"That's hurtful, Taeyeon." Jessica said, mindlessly, while keeping her eyes on Taeyeon.

"You need to get this straight." The older girl's tone was cold, barely hiding the fragility of her already broken heart.

"Get what straight?" Jessica didn't back down a single bit, and it shocked Taeyeon slightly. That reaction was something she would have expected from Jessica, not Claire, but Taeyeon managed to stop herself from meeting her gaze as she maintained her facade.

"I'm not here because I want our relationship back or anything." She began, finally meeting Jessica's unfaltering cold stare. "Anyone would have done the same thing, even if you are a complete stranger."

"So." Jessica's voice was hoarse, and Taeyeon found herself swallowing her saliva, afraid to hear each word that was coming out of Jessica's mouth. "Am I a complete stranger?" Taeyeon blinked a few times, caught off guard by her question, and she failed to notice the momentary spark of amusement in Jessica's eyes before they went back to being icy cold.

"Yes." Taeyeon's voice was so soft that it almost came out as a whisper. She cleared as she reiterated her answer. "Yes you are. We are."

"Answer me another question."

"If that's going to make you accept what has become of us, then sure." Taeyeon didn't know how she managed to say those cruel words. She wondered how she managed to still be able to sit there, holding this meaningless conversation with her, when all she wanted to do was to pull her into her arms and tell her how much she loved her.

"Do you..." Jessica's words trailed off a little, as she contemplated for just a few seconds more. "Do you still love me?" The question hit Taeyeon hard. She was clenching her jaw so tightly and she had completely no idea. Jessica, however, saw everything. The way Taeyeon's eyes flickered. The way she clenched her jaw. The way she still loved her. It pained her a little, knowing that Taeyeon was probably dying inside. But it was Jessica she was dealing with, not an ignorant Claire who could only cry the whole day. Taeyeon found her lips drying up as she struggled internally to find an answer, a really cruel one, that is.

"Are you ing kidding me?" Instead of a straight 'no', Taeyeon opted to curse, and to hurt, but she managed to evade the question. "There's only one person I love, and that's Jessica." She followed up with a statement of truth, an ironic truth. She stared straight into Jessica's eyes while saying that. It was her way of telling Jessica that she still loved her, that she was still the Taeyeon who had loved her for the past decade, that she was still her Taeyeon. It was that instant, when Taeyeon made a silent prayer to God, that Jessica would remember this moment the one day her memories finally do return. She prayed that Jessica would forgive her, yet on the other hand, she hoped that she wouldn't, because she knew she didn't deserve that forgiveness.

"Taeyeon." The way Jessica was calm surprised Taeyeon, as she continued staring at the girl, but she didn't answer. Jessica returned her gaze to the ceiling, before she continued. "It's so good to be Jessica." Taeyeon swallowed hard on her saliva, when she felt the tears coming up in . But you are Jessica, she wanted to yell it out to Jessica's face, but she couldn't, and she knew she shouldn't. "Tell me. Tell me what do you love about Jessica. Tell me, so that I can accede defeat, and maybe, so that I can forget you and move on with my pathetic life." When Taeyeon didn't answer, Jessica turned to look at her, and she pretended not to see the tears that Taeyeon was trying to hold back. "Can you...do that for me?" It was the gentle tone that got Taeyeon. She didn't deserved to be talked to nicely. She deserved to be slapped, to be yelled at mercilessly, to be kicked, to be hurt, but just, not this. "Taeyeon." Jessica refused to give up. "Can you do that for me?" Taeyeon took in a huge breath as she looked up for a brief second, before she let out that breath, looking back at Jessica.

"Yes." Taeyeon's voice cracked slightly, and she cleared yet again, before continuing. "Jessica... She was... She looked..." It surprised her a little when she realised how difficult it was to put into words the reason she loved her. "She...catches you off guard...with her smile. She never smled at me in school, and I never did too. One day, she told me that she wanted to be friends with me. I was skeptical, but I agreed. Her real personality, the real her, is nowhere close to what she looks like. When she cares for you, you would wanna hold onto her and never let go. When she tells you that she loves you..." Taeyeon's eyes sparkled, as she vivldly remembered the various times Jessica told her that she loved her. "She really does. I found myself wanting no one else. I wanted her. It drove me crazy because I never believed that she would feel the same. I had always imagined her, hand in hand with the richest boy in town, and attracting eveyone's eyes. I'd never have imagined that the hand she would be holding, could be mine one day. I got scared, at how much I felt for her, at how much I knew I could do for her. And I tried to let her go, to stay away from her. But she only drew me closer. So close..." Sadness took over Taeyeon's eyes all of a sudden, and it worried Jessica, who had managed to look completely indifferent. "...that I caused her hurt." Jessica's eyes widened at the sudden confession as she swallowed her saliva. She wanted to tell Taeyeon that it was okay, that it wasn't her fault, because it never was.

"Taeyeon..." Without knowing it, the girl's name came out of . She got Taeyeon's attention immediately, who swore that it sounded like Jessica who was trying to comfort her. It couldn't be. Taeyeon forced herself to mask her emotions once more, as the look in her eyes took on a change.

"But it doesn't matter any more. And actually, it's none of your business." The words meant to cut Jessica, seemed to cut Taeyeon herself as she held back from clutching her aching heart. Jessica, on the other hand, was holding back not to narrow her eyes and punch Taeyeon but she decided not to. None of my business my foot, Kim Taeyeon you're gonna pay for these words you said someday, Jessica threatened the older girl internally.

"You told me, that you don't need me to be her." Jessica started, and Taeyeon found herself unable to maintain eye contact. "You said that you will love me right. How the is this loving me right?" Something about Jessica not screaming was way scarier than her actually screaming.

"I'm sorry." Taeyeon only managed to say.

"You're not." Jessica pressed.

"I'm telling you that I am, but it's up to you to believe it or not. I've said my piece, and I should go."

"Explain yourself." Jessica managed to stop Taeyeon when the older girl had barely stood up.

"Explain what?"

"Explain why you were holding my hand, when you claim that you only love Jessica."

"Jessica would want me to."

"Does Jessica know what kind of a ing you are?"

"That's none of your business." Taeyeon gave Jessica a cold hard stare before she finally stood up and turned to go.

"Kim Taeyeon. Stop right there." Just as her hand reached the doorknob, Jessica's words stopped her again. Taeyeon didn't turn, as she just froze at where she was. "Don't you dare take that step out of here." Taeyeon's eyes were b with tears by now, as she tried hard to stop quivering. "Taeyeon, don't you ing dare." Her free hand was clenched so tightly that her nails were cutting into her palm. It hurt, but that hurt was nothing as compared to the hurt her heart was feeling. "I'm warning you. You asked me for a ing chance and I gave it to you. It's okay that you wasted it. But this is the last chance I'm giving you. You can be sure that you will regret it if you ing screw up this time Kim Taeyeon."

"So be it." Taeyeon croaked.

"You..." Jessica thought that she was in control of the situation, until she found herself shaking, her tears flowing freely. "Someday you're gonna regret everything you said today. You're gonna ing come running back to me, asking for my forgiveness, asking for me to take you back, asking for me to ing love you again! Someday Kim Taeyeon!"

***

Taeyeon stood a distance from the check-in hall. The scenes from earlier on were playing non-stop in her head.

"Does Jessica know what kind of a ing you are?"

Yes. I'm a complete , I know. And I'm so sorry, do you know that...? Taeyeon barely managed to hold back from crying in public, as she thought to herself. Letting out a painful breath, she grabbed the handle of her luggage and took out a step, only to feel the tug on her sleeve, and she knew very well who it was. It couldn't be anyone else except for the one who accompanied her there.

"Unnie..." Taeyeon turned to face a tearful Krystal, and she gently her hair like she always did. The older girl tried to speak, but she couldn't, as tears welled up yet again. All she could do was to nod, while forcing a smile, as if telling Krystal yes, yes I'll be fine, and thank you, for taking care of Jessica. Krystal threw her arms around Taeyeon and hugged her tight, as she started sobbing. They knew that this would be it, this would be the real goodbye. But they had promised each other never to say that word.

"S-sorry..." The only other word Taeyeon could say barely managed to escape her trembling lips.

Taeyeon finally checked in, and she turned to look at Krystal once more, who was now separated from her by the glass. She mouthed the words "take care" to the younger girl, who nodded as she tried her hardest to keep those tears in. Not crying was the only thing she could do for Taeyeon right now. They waved, and Taeyeon turned to leave, but turning back to look at the younger Jung and waving every few seconds, until they shared the last glance and Taeyeon smiled the brightest she could, before disappearing behind the wall, leaving Krystal to cry alone as she broke down, squatting down among the people walking to and fro.

***

Taeyeon was long gone from her ward, and Jessica was lying on the bed alone, with both her arms folded and tucked behind her head. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh, as Taeyeon's last words replayed like a spoilt cassette. Their conversation had ended with Taeyeon finishing her sentence and taking pained steps out of the room, and out of Jessica's life, and Jessica couldn't do nor say anything to hold onto the love of her life, as she watched her back disappearing out of view. Did I make the right decision? All of a sudden, Jessica wasn't so sure any more.

"Someday you're gonna regret everything you said today. You're gonna ing come running back to me, asking for my forgiveness, asking for me to take you back, asking for me to ing love you again! Someday Kim Taeyeon!"

"I... I wish..." I wish I could... Taeyeon wanted so much for Jessica to know.

 


[A/N] Here's an early update while I'm feeling inspired. I love the Jessica here. Does anyone feel the same way(not involving the love you have for the real Jessica Jung herself, of course)? Personally, I love this chapter a lot. I know, I know, I know that I'm gonna get cursed at because a lot of you were so happy when Jessica regained her memories. Now, hold your tongues(or fingers)! I promise you that I still have tricks up my sleeves that will be worth your heartbreak now. Trust me :) If you caught my hints somewhere, somehow, you should be able to roughly guess where I'm heading towards.

"You're quick witted, so I trust that you would understand." As quoted from what Taeyeon really said to Jessica years ago. I can tell this to you right now :)

I want your comments. Now.
(Please...? ^^)

P.S. And I'm not deliberately extending the story, it's part of the plot. Promise.

© Sky Blue Tales 

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Uchie_0903 #1
Chapter 32: OMG... This story is Amazing
I Love TaengSic
Idasshi #2
Chapter 4: Ok i'm here again for how many times already. This is masterpiece. Whoever had not read this you are going to regret it
Mihyun101 #3
Chapter 33: TANGINAAAAA LORDDDDDDD I LOVE THIS SM ;___; AUTHOR I LOVE U



Ps. For the future taengsic shippers who’s gonna read this,,, PLEASE DO! Srry for flooding the comments section! This is a masterpiece! PLS READ IT
Mihyun101 #4
Chapter 32: Omg the next chap is the last chap plss make this longer lorddd i love this ff ;_;
Mihyun101 #5
Chapter 26: I love jessica sm
Mihyun101 #6
Chapter 22: HERE WE GOO!!!!!!!!
Mihyun101 #7
Chapter 20: Im gonna cry again brb
Mihyun101 #8
Chapter 2: Im gonna cry holey sheeeett
howlshimazu
#9
it’s been so long since i last read this story xD
Kimbangsong #10
Chapter 33: I love Taengsic dearly. I love that they got back together. However, I can't help but to feel bad for Claire. I know Claire is Jessica, same person, but I feel bad when Jessica is Claire. It's saddening, Taeyeon can't just accept her. Thanks author :)