Sehun regrets waking up, due to the merciless pounding in his head. Everything hurts, actually. He feels like his bones are giving up on him and his muscles might as well be torn away from his body. The sun shining through his windows doesn’t light up his mood, either. It only makes his headache worse.

Gingerly, he props himself up from the bed, cursing profusely during the task. He takes notice of the tablets on his bedside table and the glass of water next to it.

You know, these are here to be taken, not to be ignored.

The familiar voice echoes inside his head as a particular memory flashes before him. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry to that. He just settles into grimacing before popping the inconspicuous medicines in his mouth. Not soon after does he also notice the delicious smell wafting in the air.

He would have never left his bed, if not for his curiosity. No, he’s not really scared that there might be a thief or something in his house. Hell, it’s eleven in the ing morning. Who would attempt to rob a house in this deathly hour?

He has some suspicions, but he’d rather push them away than get hurt from expecting. With his heart hammering loudly in his chest, he makes his way down the stairs. His heart almost jumps to his throat and he stops dead in his tracks, as the person’s back, invading his kitchen, to be precise, comes into his view.

“What are you doing here?” Sehun blurts without really thinking, shock written all over his face.

Minseok shrugs his shoulders, and then continues his task. “Eat these and drink a lot of water,” he says instead, after laying out the plate on the table.

Sehun takes a seat on one of the chairs, his question long forgotten. He tries to recollect last night’s events. Nothing coherent comes to him, though. Everything is a blur of neon lights and unfamiliar faces. As he digs deeper into his memory, a particular incident clouds his vision. Surely, he didn’t kiss Minseok. Maybe it’s just his mind playing with him, right? Just to make sure, he asks, “What happened last night? What kind of stupidity did I do?”

Minseok breathes in deeply before facing Sehun. He slightly presses his lower back on the kitchen counter. “Nothing,” he answers with a straight face. For a moment there, Sehun thinks someone else is talking to him. “Aside from getting all drunk, nothing really happened.”

Sehun nods his head. So it’s just his imagination, huh. “Okay, I’d better be going then.” Minseok announces with a clap, and before Sehun can even protest, he’s out of the door.

---0---0---0---

Time passes so quickly.

Sehun wants to at least talk to Minseok. Maybe start all over again as nothing but friends, but Minseok seems to be avoiding him. It’s worse than before. Of course, he can understand. Well, at least that’s what he thinks.

He’s still a human. It’s impossible for him to block himself from all of the pain. There’s still an unpleasant squeeze in his chest every time Minseok brushes him off.

---0---0---0---

I only have a week left. I need to talk to him.

---0---0---0---

A voice is heard after the beep.

I already booked a ticket for you. You know our deal, right? You have to come here after –

Sehun ignores his mother’s demanding voice by plugging in his earphones and turning the volume up. He leaves without even looking back at the device.

---0---0---0---

“Okay, so, where are you taking me?” Luhan complains over an ice cream and looks pointedly at Jongin. Ever since they started going out, Jongin has never taken him to a proper date. Hell, do you consider a walk to the park a date? In some occasions, Luhan finds it cute- especially because Jongin is so precious being awkward and all- but that’s not enough! Somehow, he feels like Jongin never really cared; like this is all a joke for that kid. Well, technically, they’re only experimenting. Jongin asked for this, so he should at least put an effort in this relationship!

“Uhm...” Jongin smiles with that boyish smile that Luhan would’ve find attractive, if he didn’t know the malice behind it. “Somewhere that is not nice, because I like pissing you off.”

“What?!” Luhan gapes at Jongin, disbelief invading his facial expression.

Jongin laughs, liking Luhan’s ugly face. “Close your mouth, baby, flies might come inside.”

“Baby?!” Again, Luhan is speechless.

“Why? Don’t you like it?” Jongin tilts his head to the side. “How about: my deer?” You look like Bambi after all.

“Oh my god, shut your mouth.”

“Uhm...my dearest?”

“SHUT UP!”

They end up going to an arcade, much to Luhan’s chagrin. Well, this is better than nothing, he tries to convince himself. There’s no point being sour, anyway, because Jongin looks like a child now. His eyes light up and Luhan feels like he’s already infected by his childishness.

Luhan isn’t one to waste his money on playing games, but maybe he’ll make an exception for today. No, not because Jongin is being an adorable with his wide triumphant grin whenever he wins against Luhan, and definitely not because Jongin looks like a kicked puppy every time he loses.

In their search for a new game (Jongin can’t seem to be satisfied with one), Luhan notices the crane. Underneath it are Hello Kitty stuffed toys, and he’d be lying if he said that he doesn’t want one. He tries not to be so obvious about it and ignores the machine that holds his secret guilty pleasure.

Too bad for Luhan, Jongin is keen with details, especially when it comes to him.

“Hyung, do you like Hello Kitty?”

Luhan shakes his head desperately. No one knows (other than Minseok of course) that he loves Hello Kitty. I mean, come on, what’s not to love about the character?  

“Aw, don’t lie to me.” Jongin whines teasingly. Luhan wants to cringe at the sound.

“Stop that.”

“Come,” Jongin tugs Luhan by the arm. “Let’s try our luck.” Before his date could reject, he’s already pulling him to the brightly lit pink machine.

Luhan looks around, checking if anyone is watching them. He heaves a sigh of relief when he finds that everyone else is busy.

“Oh, man! I almost got her head!” Jongin groans in frustration, but inserts another coin in the slot.

“Keep it down, will you?” Luhan mutters in annoyance.

“But that was my third time already!”

“Just admit that you really can’t—” He’s unable to finish his sentence when he sees the crane carrying a Hello Kitty by its ribbon.

“So, you were saying...?” Jongin smirks as he hands the toy to Luhan.

“You’re so arrogant,” Luhan says, but with a smile ghosting on his lips.

“Anything for you,” Jongin smirks and adds as an afterthought. “—my deerest.”

“Oh, please, shut your trap.”

After an hour or so, the pair finally decides to leave the arcade. It’s almost sunset. It reminds Luhan that he has some projects to work on and essays to revise. He pushes them aside, though, thinking they’ll have to wait.

“Hyung, isn’t it romantic?” Jongin asks breathlessly.

“Romantic, your .” Luhan retorts and raps Jongin with the toy on his hand. “Besides, what do you know about what is romantic and what’s not?”

“Nah~ I just think that this is the perfect timing for you to kiss me.”

“Too forward, aren’t we?” Luhan challenges Jongin. Well, he really doesn’t mind. It’s Jongin we’re talking about. He’s crazy enough to do anything for him. “Then, give me a perfect reason why you deserve such a thing.”

“Duh, I wasted a lot of money for that girly stuffed toy.” Jongin states while pointing at the innocent plushie.

“Is that so?” A smile creeps up to Luhan’s face. “Fine. I’ll give you what you want.”

“Wha—” Jongin chokes from his owns spit. He’s not given a chance to recover, for he’s already dragged into an alley.

“Let’s just make this quick,” Luhan whispers close to Jongin’s mouth. He moves so slowly. His eyes are half-lidded and his heart stutters for a second. But, then, he realizes the blush on the taller person in front of him. He tries to stifle his laugh, to no luck. He ends up bursting up, rewarding him Jongin’s adorable embarrassed face. “Why are you blushing? Oh my god, you’re so precious!”

“I-I didn’t expect you’d actually do it!” Jongin stammers.

Luhan tilts his head to the side. “So, you don’t really want to do this?” He straightens himself, ready to leave. Well, he’s a little bit disappointed, and there’s no way he’d let Jongin see that. Besides, he should do something about the pounding in his chest.

“N-No!” Jongin blurts out. He scrambles for words, because he wants to make himself clear. He finds none, so he settles with, “I-I mean—I want to—Aish!” In a single move, he erases the space between them and presses his lips on Luhan’s.

It’s innocent, Luhan notes. Just like Jongin and his ways of showing his affection. He smiles into it and Jongin does the same.

Slowly, they part. Luhan could feel Jongin’s rapid heartbeat beneath the palm of his hands. He bites his lips, an attempt to hide his smile, because he knows that he’s not the only one.

For the most part of their walk home, they’re silent, but very happy and content. They steal glances and laugh whenever they catch each other. Just like this, they arrive at the bus stop. Jongin thinks nothing can ruin this moment, but he’s wrong.

“Jongin, what is this? Care to explain?”

Both Jongin and Luhan whirl around to see the person, whose voice is deeper than usual, behind them. Luhan could only tighten his hold on Jongin’s hand.

“What are you doing with him?” Sehun asks again, his fist curling beside him. He can’t seem to get anything out of Jongin, even with his prodding and questioning look.

“Look, Sehun, let me—”

Originally, Sehun wanted an explanation, but the sight of their hands clasped together slightly angers him. If he can’t have Minseok, why can this deer-looking two-timer guy can?

“Aren’t you being a sly traitor?” He averts his attention to Luhan. “And you, aren’t you seonsaengnim’s boyfriend?”

That particular word seems to get to Luhan’s nerves. This kid doesn’t really know anything.

“Hey you!” He fails to hold in his anger. “Before you jump to any conclusions, let me tell you something: Jongin is not a traitor and Minseok isn’t my boyfriend. Do you get that? I don’t know why he lied to you. Ask him, if you may. But I do know that My Jongin—okay, why are you blushing again?” he gives Jongin a sidelong glance before returning to Sehun. “Anyway, as I was saying: Jongin never betrayed you. In fact, he did everything to help you. Hell, he even locked me up in the practice room so I wouldn’t get my hands on Minseok on the day of your school fair. When you were fussing over a lunch for Minseok, he called me on an ungodly hour, just to ask what Minseok’s favorite was! Now, tell me,” He crosses his arms across his chest. “Who’s being an ingrate bastard here?”

Sehun must admit: that’s a lot to take. Even though Luhan said a lot of things, he thinks he only heard the words lie and ask. Suddenly, all of the air in his lungs has been knocked out. He doesn’t know whether to feel guilty for accusing them or get angry because Minseok lied to him. Well, he can do both. Without uttering a single word, he dashes away from the pair and makes his way to wherever Minseok is.

“My Jongin?” Jongin mutters, wide-eyed and very much taken aback.

“That was, uhm...” Luhan tries to hide the heat in his cheeks by looking away. “Spur of a moment thing.”

“Can I call you My Luhan then?”

“Just zip it, please.”

“Make me,” Jongin says with a smug look. Luhan wants to wipe it away by slapping him, but he smirks instead. He just knows where to strike this arrogant kid.

---0---0---0---

Sehun actually has no idea where to start. He should have asked Luhan where their apartment is. Knowing that the guy must be pissed at him, he didn’t bother. Besides, the adrenaline rush is still pumping in his blood, so he sure has a lot of energy to waste before it wears off. For a while, he wanders around helplessly, not knowing where he should be going.

He stops walking, breathing heavily, and thinks of possible places to go. After a moment, he decides to head for the school and just hopes that, even though it’s weekend, Minseok is there somehow.

He almost kisses the ground when he arrives at the school gate. It’s not locked. He enters, making sure that the guard doesn’t see him, and runs straight to the Physics laboratory. Upon reaching the room, he turns the doorknob, not really expecting anything. He triumphantly smiles as he pushes the door open. That feeling is short lived, though. He sees Minseok stacking some papers on his desk and, honestly, Sehun doesn’t know what he should feel about it. Anger and sadness are mixed inside him, in the most unpleasant ways.

“Sehun? What are you doing here?” Minseok asks once he’s done. He puts on his unreadable expression, because seeing Sehun right now is real bad. He might look calm on the outside but it’s actually the opposite in the inside. A week after the incident is too short for him to organize his thoughts. They’re still in disarray and he hates himself, because he doesn’t know what to do with them.The incident replays in his mind, reminding him of the possibility that he keeps running away from.

“I came here to ask you something,” Sehun speaks calmly. The hurt in his eyes is evident and Minseok just wants to erase it, but he can’t.

“What is it?”

“Why did you lie to me?”

“I’m sorry, but what are you talking about?” Great, Minseok, as if that will help you in the situation you’re in right now.

“I know that you know perfectly what it is.”

Minseok stops gazing at Sehun. Sehun’s eyes are begging, demanding for answers that he doesn’t want to give. If he ever answered, he knows that his lies would only pile up. He chooses not to speak up and avoids Sehun by busying himself.

“Well?” Sehun prods. He waits and waits until he realizes that Minseok has no intention of pacifying the turmoil in his mind. “Why don’t you answer me?!” he snaps.

“What do you want for me to say?”

“The truth!” Sehun shouts. Minseok fights the urge to shrink to that sound. “Just tell me if you’re that desperate to get rid of me!”

“Well, maybe I really am that desperate!” Minseok snaps too, not because he’s angry at Sehun, but because he’s angry at himself. He’s angry that it’s somewhat true. He’s angry that he’s a coward, because he can’t admit that he has strong feelings for Sehun. “I am desperate to get rid of you, because you can’t understand that I wouldn’t relent to whatever you’re doing! You know that what you’re feeling is not right. You shouldn’t be wasting your time.”

“I’m not wasting my time!” Sehun grits his teeth. So, all along, Minseok thinks that what he’s feeling isn’t something serious.

“Yes, you are. Instead of hurting yourself for a love that will never grow, why don’t you just forget about it? Find another person, who would actually pay attention to you. Better yet, focus on your studies because this will eventually ruin your life. Trust me—”

“I don’t want anyone else—”

“Sehun! Can’t you hear yourself?”

“Of course, I can hear myself clearly! Thank you very much!” Sehun spits out. “That’s why I did everything. Isn’t it enough? What else do you want me to do?” He should be letting out all of his frustrations, but he here he is, back to begging and wanting to please Minseok. It hurts that all of his efforts are just petty things for Minseok, but he still wants to give more. In fact, he can give everything to Minseok, even if he’s all stripped down and has nothing left.

There’s a pang in Minseok’s heart as he hears Sehun’s voice waver. He wants to hold Sehun in his arms and whisper soothing words into his hair. He wants to tell Sehun that he’s sorry. And, oh, how much he wants to take away all of the pain that he has caused him, but something is stopping him. This is not right. They’ve crossed the boundaries and it’s his entire fault that he couldn’t stop it.

“I want you to leave.” He lets out a shaky breath. Tears are prickling the corners of his eyes, but he wills them away and doesn’t dare to look at Sehun. Any time soon, he might break down and confess everything, if he sees the hurt in Sehun’s face. Actually, Sehun’s voice is enough to make him feel guilty.

That’s the last straw.

His mother is asking, demanding, him to go to some foreign land, where he obviously doesn’t want to step foot. He’s been bossed around by his parents, even though they’re not physically there. Sehun has lived almost half of his life alone. Of course, there’s Jongin and his family, but Sehun still feels like he doesn’t belong sometimes. But it’s different when he’s with Minseok. Minseok is like a father, brother, and everything to him. And now that Minseok has made himself clear, that he doesn’t want to do anything with him, Sehun feels like he lost everything. He doesn’t want to go anywhere, but Minseok wants him to leave. And that’s what he would do.

“If that’s what you’d like,” he says steely, but, deep down, he wants Minseok to stop him, which would never happen anyway. He makes his way to the door and, with a final glance, he leaves. He leaves, knowing that he’s also leaving there his heart.

Once Minseok hears the lock, tears finally roll down his cheeks. His tears smudge the ink on the papers he is holding. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry...”

They never spoke to each other ever since that day.

---0---0---0---

Close to the end of the school year, rumors about Sehun going abroad start to circulate. The man in question never confirms it, though. He would smile to everyone who’s asking him, while politely shaking his head.

That, at least, appeases Minseok’s mind. He shouldn’t care, but he can’t stop thinking about it. What if it’s true? What must he do to make Sehun stay? He had never been selfish, but there he is, consumed by the thought of keeping Sehun, even though it’s impossible, because he already pushed him away. Perhaps, Luhan is right. He knows what he wants, but is too responsible for his own good.

“Can’t you just be honest with yourself?” he remembers Luhan shouting over the door while Minseok weeps at the corner of his room.

---0---0---0---

There’s a click of the door and, somehow, Minseok hopes it’s Sehun. It’s impossible, of course, but he can’t stop from hoping. His heart plummets to see Jongin.

“Expecting for someone else, seonsaengnim?” Jongin says with a hint of smirk on his lips.

Minseok shakes his head. “No, I don’t actually expect anyone,” he continues, checking the test papers on his desk. “What brings you here?”

Jongin sits on the chair directly across Minseok. For a second, he wonders how to put the things in his mind into words. Well, he’s not that good at it, so he decides to be straightforward.

“You know the rumors about Sehun?”

Minseok’s hand stops in mid-air. After a while, he brings it down again and continues to do his work. “What about it?”  

“It’s true.”

Momentarily, Minseok stops breathing. The world feels like it’s closing on him. He tries to recompose himself and he’s so lost in his agony, that he almost doesn’t catch what Jongin asks.

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. Should I do something?”

Jongin releases a breath in exasperation. He can’t believe that Luhan was correct about his teacher: a two-minded person that won’t admit his feelings.

---0---0---0---

Sehun sighs as he zips up the last of his luggage and collapses on the bed. He’s been busying himself to forget his encounter with Minseok. Now that he has nothing to do, every single second of it comes back to him. He covers his eyes with his forearm. If Minseok had wanted me to stay, I would. I really would. I would have done anything for him.

And then, he’s lost inside his hopeless fantasies again.

---0---0---0---

“Hyung, tomorrow is Sehun’s departure, won’t you see him off?” Jongin tells Minseok when he comes across him in the hallway.

“I know,” Minseok quips. His tensed face comes loose for a while. “Just give this to him,” he almost whispers and Jongin knows that his teacher is still trying not to lose his fake facade.

“Wouldn’t you like to give that to him personally?” When Minseok shakes his head, Jongin reaches for the paper and stuffs it into his pocket. “Alrighty then… just know that Sehun would really like to see you.”

Minseok scoffs. He is still reminded of their painful memory. “I hardly believe that.”

---0---0---0---

Sehun doesn’t expect much. Aside from Jongin and his family, no one else is there to see him off. It’s the least of his worries. Besides, he doesn’t really need a crowd. A few true people are enough to make him feel that he matters.

Jongin’s mother is almost in tears and her husband tries to calm her by rubbing the small of her back. “When will you come back? Can’t you just stay?” she says, her voice quivering.

“Unfortunately, I can’t, but,” Sehun gives her a reassuring smile. “I’ll be updating you through Jongin.”

“Yah Jongin! Make sure that you always check up on Sehun!” Mrs. Kim turns her attention to her son. She gives him a threatening look. Jongin just nods as an answer.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Sehun smiles at them. He turns to leave, pulling his luggage behind him.

“Sehun, wait!” Jongin shouts behind Sehun. He almost forgot about the letter! He runs to Sehun, holding out the piece of paper.

“What is this?” Sehun asks, curious to whom it came from.

“You’ll know.” Jongin winks at him and pats his back.

Sehun folds the paper and puts it inside his pocket. He’ll read it when he has the time. Perhaps, he’ll never read it, knowing that it’s probably from Minseok, based from Jongin’s reaction when he gave it to him.

After all, he’s in search for his new beginning.