This is impossible.

Minseok is totally shaken by Sehun’s confession. He’s at a loss for words. Not only that, he doesn’t know what to think and what to do. A part of him says that he should be calm about the matter. And that he can get it to Sehun straight. No flowery words, no considerations and no anything that’s done completely out of pity. Besides, the best action in this kind of situation is to end it straightaway before it gets worse.

On the other hand, he somewhat can’t bear hurting Sehun. Somehow, it feels like hurting Sohee and Jiwon which is weird. It’s as if it’s the same pain he feels whenever he failed to fulfill his promises to his siblings. In those circumstances, he would work hard to make it up to them. Just like now...He’s wondering how to make things easier for Sehun. He’s really trying to come up with a reply. It can be an indirect answer; nothing too harsh. He can’t bear to see Sehun hurt because he rejected him. (Perhaps, Sehun managed to worm his way into Minseok’s heart without him even realizing it.) Mulling over the subject, he distractedly begins stacking the activity sheets he has collected earlier.

Meanwhile, Sehun is struggling to keep a straight face but deep down, he’s fighting back the urge to burst out or babble about his pathetic feelings. It won’t get him anywhere, at least he knows that. Briefly, he remembers his conversation with Jongin. Sorry. It’s done. Why didn’t I listen to you? He blames himself for being reckless and foolish. It’s not as if he can blame it to someone else, right? Honestly, he doesn’t know where he got his courage. Everything is a blur but he wants to know how he got to where he is now. This is insane. He should have been careful. He should have- Anyway; these reminders are useless because he can’t go back now.

 “Hyung, did you know that I have always admired you ever since you saved me from those bullies? You were my savior...M-My inspiration. I learned to stand up for myself. Because of you, I became strong. Thank you...” He fiddles with the hem of his school uniform. He doesn’t dare look up because he’s afraid that once he saw his teacher’s reaction*, he might suddenly chicken out. He doesn’t want that. He wants to tell him what he really feels. “D-do you remember when we watched t-that movie together? Uh...I have always been alone. I have forgotten what family was...but you...You made me realize that someone doesn’t have to be blood-related to be considered as family. I realized that all along, there are people who care about me. I’m...I’m not lonely anymore because I have classmates, friends and...you.”  

“When I realized that I’m harboring this special feeling towards you...honestly, I was afraid. I was afraid because I know I might lose you...but I guess it’s too late now, right? I’m losing you. No...I think I lost you already.”

Minseok is shaking his head and that makes Sehun feel his heart drop, shattering into pieces.

“Seonsaengnim...” he almost whispers after swallowing down the lump in his throat.

“What is it Sehun-ah?” Thankfully, Minseok can still find his voice.

“Please accept my heart.”

Kim Minseok almost drops the nicely piled papers in his hands. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out so he closes it again.

As if on cue, Sehun laughs hollowly. “Hah. I have been wanting to say that for a long time now...I know that it’s too much to ask so...” he shrugs his shoulders. “Don’t mind me hyung. Just pretend that nothing happened.” He’s completely aware of the rejection that’s hanging in the air. It’s just waiting to be dropped by Minseok. So, he figures, he should grab it first. He crashes himself to it and runs away. Minseok doesn’t have to say anything.

Sehun is running with all his might. He wants to escape the bitter truth even though its tendrils has caught him already, tripping and slowing him down. Nonetheless, he doesn’t give up and continues to run to no definite destination. It doesn’t matter where, as long as it’s away from his school. Somehow, he can’t forget the look in his teacher’s face. The utter shock and how the colors drained from Minseok because of his stupidity. He knows that Minseok is trying to say something...nice and comforting because Minseok is always like that. Minseok is too kind; he considers everyone’s feelings before saying anything. 

Sehun has always liked that about his teacher but now, it’s the last thing he needs. He doesn’t want to be pitied by someone like his teacher. It makes him feel helpless and weak.  

Even through blurry eyes and constricting lungs, he finds himself standing in front of his gate. Finally, the exhaustion from running is catching up to him. He can’t feel his feet and his knees are giving out on him. Gripping hard on the metal bars, he pries open the gate. He trudges slowly to his door and turns the knob lazily. He doesn’t bother switching on the lights. It’s a waste of time anyway. Instead of preparing his dinner (like his usual routine), he goes straight to his bedroom.

As soon as he closes the door, the weight of everything that has happened drops on him. Slowly, he collapses on the floor while his back is sliding down the door. This is it. He feels like dying right then and there. He can’t breathe. It’s as if the air is trapped in his burning lungs. Calm down. Sehun. Calm down. He repeats to himself. But by then, his eyes are starting to tear up. He tries to blink the tears away but it only gets worse. Soon, he can’t stop them from falling so he just lets them. It hurts. It really hurts. He grasps his uniform as if he can squeeze his heart and stop it from hurting. Well, it doesn’t. It only elevates the physical pain. He bangs his head on the door. He does so to see if it would hurt more than his chest. As expected, it doesn’t.

Sehun, you’re so stupid! You should have known that you’ll be rejected! You’re just his student, for crying out loud! There’s no way that he’ll feel the same for you...You’re crazy...You’re stupid! You deserve to die!

Angrily, he tears off his shirt, not actually minding the ripping sounds it makes. He feels like being torn apart...His pieces are lying everywhere and he has no will to pick them up. And even if he somehow managed to collect them, he won’t be able to piece them together. It’s futile. He balls the shirt then throws it with all his might across the room. As if that’s not enough, he crawls to the nearest wall and faces it. He punches the wall. It hurts but the pain...is not enough. He strikes it continuously until his knuckles are throbbing and unbelievably red because of the blood trickling down from it. Astonishingly, he feels nothing. He’s utterly numb and detached from his body.

After a while, he curls himself into a ball as if it could protect him from his misery. He feels like a child...again...

Minseok tries to call out for Sehun. He wants to talk it out and make things clearer. Honestly, he can’t believe that...Sehun...likes him...differently. He likes the kid but that’s another story. Sehun always surprises him but this isn’t the nicest surprise. His lack of experience doesn’t help at all. He doesn’t know how to take it. Frankly, he may or may not take it seriously. Sehun is just a teen. A mere youngster who doesn’t know what is real and what is not. He’s been there too. And he knows that at that age, nothing is permanent and everything is fleeting and insubstantial.

Without realizing it, he’s already standing in front of his flat. He’s alarmed to see that the doorknob is unlocked. He’s quite sure that he locked it! So when he opened the door, he’s in a fighting stance. Well, even though he has height problems, he can proudly say that he’s strong. His roommate can attest to that.

“Baby~ you’re back!!!” A chirpy voice greets him so he relaxes. He enters the apartment and sighs comically.

“Luhan, I thought you’d be away for about a week?” He asks the person sitting on the sofa who is currently chomping popcorns while watching soccer on T.V.

“But Minseokiee~” His roommate whines. “I missed you already.”

“Just when I thought I have the whole apartment on my own...” Minseok finally sits down beside that person.

“You’re hurting me Minseokiee...” Luhan pouts and scrunches his noise like a cute child.

Chuckling, Minseok reaches and pats Luhan’s cheek. “Yah, Lulu, I’m just joking.”

Luhan’s face instantly brightens and he bounces closer to Minseok. “Of course! I know, you love me~”

Minseok’s face suddenly dims when he heard Luhan’s words. He thought he can forget about what happened to him earlier but now, it’s coming back in tidal wave. He shouldn’t be affected but somehow, he suddenly feels guilty

Noticing this, Luhan tilts his head to see the rapid change in Minseok’s face. “Baby, what’s the problem?”

Minseok doesn’t answer and shakes his head. He’s too tired of thinking but he can’t stop himself. Unexpectedly, Luhan wraps his arms around Minseok and squeezes him briefly. Then, Luhan rests his chin on the latter’s head and whispers comforting words. 

---

A/N: Ugh, this was hard to write! I swear. I really tried...I tried so hard...I’m sorry T.T

Anyway, thoughts please~ I need your comments! Team Luhan or Team Sehun? XDD I'm crazy...

You thought that asterisk was typo? No. you got it wrong. Apparently, my proofreader was insane so he put this on the comment when we were double-checking.

He doesn’t dare look up and face his teacher because he knows that once he locked eyes with him, he’s afraid that he can never escape his stare. He’s afraid that he might lose himself and let the inner Sehun takeover him, the primitive, wild and y part of him. He’s afraid that he might let IT takeover, not bothering to hold back, because deep inside, he knows that he want it too. The taste of his lips…

A talk with Lulu (mini-series LOL. Don’t mind this. I’m crazy)

• Me: Lulu~ you finally appeared
• Luhan: Yeah. Thank you! How did I do?
• Me: You’re great!
• Luhan: I’ll do better next time!
• Me: I’m counting on you. Just don’t forget our plan, okay?

Who has instagram??? I’m shamelessly advertising mine: @sese_mini (follow me please OTL I’ll follow you back~) I just made it last night so I don't have followers T.T