Today, Sehun decided not to show up at school. He spent his entire night lying on his bed whilst staring into nothingness. Even though his stomach was complaining rather loudly, he didn’t dare get up and have a meal. He had no appetite anyways. He’s too fixated on self-pity, self-loathing, and other words that include self, depression and whatnots. It was not only that. He couldn’t sleep which was fine. He just thought of it as a punishment for his utter idiocy. He also thought that he didn’t actually deserve one.

And he’s been like that for two days straight.

Now, he’s half awake and half asleep, paralyzed all over. Even lifting a finger is a burden to him! Given his pitiful situation, he still takes it as a pleasant invitation to ditch school. Well, in all honesty, he’s not yet ready to see his teacher so soon. It still hurts. Just the mere memory of the look on Minseok’s face after his confession is more than enough to crush his heart all over again. It makes his desire to disappear stronger but he doesn’t exactly know how. Although he thinks about just killing himself, he deems that to be too...fast. He deserves a slow and painful torture.

What time is it? His shady blue curtains don’t really help for they block the sunlight from coming in. Nah...He realizes that he doesn’t care at all. He’s quite thankful that they simply do their work. He doesn’t need to get up and close them because he has no plans for doing so. All he wants to do right now is stay where he is until he stops breathing...until his heart halts beating and aching. 

For a moment, his eyes are drooping down. Sleep slowly claiming his consciousness. However, before he can even close them, his door flies open. The tiredness quickly fades as a familiar fretful voice calls out to him.

“Sehun-ah...”

Perhaps, his eyes are tricking him. This is nothing but a pathetic hallucination. Why now?

Minseok isn’t really expecting Sehun to attend his classes. He can understand the kid, even though he himself hasn’t experienced it before. However, two days of absence is terribly unsettling. Who knows what happened to Sehun. His great imagination overwhelms him, thus, he ends up worrying more. It would make him feel better if Sehun would go to school. That way, he can assure himself that Sehun is perfectly fine.

In front of his students, he tries to be the jester he usually is. Although he fails here and there because, he can’t find it in him to joke around. Having a sight of the desk that Sehun uses doesn’t help at all. Seeing it empty only makes him feel guiltier than ever.

His anxieties get the better of him. Instinctively, he asks Jongin who seems to be the closest to Sehun. But unfortunately, Jongin knows no better than him. 

Standing in front of Sehun’s big but desolate house, he can feel his soles burning. Unbelievably, he feels like escaping. Suddenly, he wants to turn back and forget about checking on his student’s condition. Perhaps, it’s the guilt that’s eating him up ever since the incident. It’s acting on him rather harshly but he shrugs off that concern and pushes the doorbell instead. No one’s answering. He tries again and again but the house looks very...vacant. Sehun must have gone somewhere. Minseok is about to give up when he noticed that the gate isn’t locked. He sneakily looks around to see if someone might mistake him for a thief or something before opening the gate. This is not trespassing! He encourages himself.

Upon turning the knob and pushing the door, an eerie silence greets him. Nothing lights the living room aside from the afternoon sunrays streaming in through the picture windows. He dares not to venture more in the first floor. Nobody would want to sulk in a place where they would be found easily anyway. So that leaves him the option to climb the stairs and search for Sehun’s room. Thankfully, he gets it right in his first attempt. He finds Sehun lying on his bed. Absentmindedly, he voices out his student’s name. He strides to Sehun to see if he’s sick or something.

Sehun can’t move. This time, he’s not sure whether he really can’t because he’s exhausted and hasn’t eaten properly for two consecutive days or he’s just dumbstruck by Minseok’s sudden appearance. He strains to move but a wave of dizziness strikes him, preventing him to get up. His head falls back and for a moment, all he can see is white. It takes a while before his sight comes back. And just like that, Minseok is already sitting on the chair he pulls from the study table.

Minseok doesn’t know how to make of Sehun’s appearance. The kid looks nothing like before. His eyes are sunken and dark circles are pretty obvious too. There’s no more light in those wonderful eyes. Sehun’s cheek is nothing but hollow. His lips are chapped and quite pale that there’s a hint of purple on the outlines. He’s too pasty. Some bones are jutting out like it would pierce right through the skin. Minseok can’t hold back the soft whimper that escapes his lips. This is too much.

“Sehun-ah, are you sick?” He almost whispers because he’s trying so hard to control himself. He waits for a reply but there’s none. Sehun is just staring at the ceiling. “Sehun-ah, please answer me. You’re not eating are you?”

At least, Sehun shakes his head albeit slowly and kind of hesitant to respond.

“Do you want me to make you some?”

Again, Sehun does the same response.

“But you need to- Oh, what’s this?” Minseok notices Sehun’s fist that’s crusted with dried blood and underneath it are fresh long scabs along the knuckles. “What did you do? Tell me, please.”

Sehun wants to turn his back to Minseok but all he can manage is look away and avoid those usually soft and kind eyes that are currently glassy with agitation.  He’s afraid that if their eyes lock, he won’t be able to get away. Who knows? He may or may not melt right then and there if that ever happens.

He hears scrambling feet, unceremonious opening of his drawers and water flowing from the tap in his bathroom. Then, there’s silence. Just when he thought that it’s over, a cool cloth contacts his skin. It sends a shiver through his bones.

What is he doing?

Minseok is wiping the dried blood off of Sehun’s knuckle. As much as he’s trying not to press down too hard, he has to. It won’t come off so easily. Judging from how it looks, it seems that it’s only yesterday when the wound was made. When he’s through, he reaches for the other one. He’s quite thankful that Sehun isn’t refusing. After that, he settles on the swivel chair but his work isn’t done yet. He notices the thin sheet of sweat on Sehun’s forehead. Luckily, he has another towel for that. He leans in, using his other hand for support while the bed creaks underneath his weight. He ignores the fact that he’s getting too close...but Sehun doesn’t.

Instantly, Sehun’s hand flies to Minseok’s wrist and grips it as hard as he can. He can’t take this anymore. Sure, he’s asking for a painful torture, but this...he doesn’t want this kind of torment! It’s too much. He feels like going back to square one; back to loving Minseok all over again. And if this doesn’t stop, he’ll love his teacher more. He’d be stuck in falling, preventing him to move on. He might not see the end of this. Minseok is giving him false hopes. Of course, it’s not intentional. Sehun knows that Minseok is just extremely kind to everyone and he’s not an exemption. He’s just...He’s just one of those students that Minseok takes care of. He’s not special. He’s not...

He can’t possibly hate Minseok for that.

If only Minseok would stop being his kind and caring self, Sehun thinks that it’d be easier. It would be easier to let go.

“Hy-Seonsaengnim...can you stop this, right now? Please.”

Taken aback, Minseok stares down at Sehun with wide eyes. Sehun fails to call him seonsaengnim at times but never does he with calling him hyung. It shocks him and his uneasiness gets stronger and stronger. “But Sehun-ah-“

“I’m begging you, seonsaengnim...please...” Sehun is on the edge of breaking. His voice cracks but he just wants this to end. He can feel his sockets burning and he knows that sooner or later, he’ll probably cry...again. He should have run out of tears because he’s been crying since yesterday, but here he is, on the brink of doing just that. But no, he won’t do it. Not in front of his teacher. “P-please leave me be...” His grip loosens and he can feel Minseok putting his hand down as gently as possible.

He promises himself that he’ll never let a single teardrop fall but they betray him. They keep on rolling down his cheeks, dampening the pillow beneath him. This is embarrassing. He tells himself but he’s not really putting much effort to stop them. He doesn’t wipe them but he covers his face with both of his hands.   

“I’m really sorry Sehun-ah. I’m really sorry.” Minseok wants to cry too. Seeing Sehun like this is truly heartbreaking. He feels like he’s hurting Sohee and Jiwon. He can’t quite place what he’s feeling right now. He knows that pity isn’t the nicest word to describe it but it’s close to that. God knows how he’s dying to apologize to Sehun but he can’t do it right. If only he can turn back the time...

Out of impulse, he drapes his arms around Sehun. He just hopes that it’ll make things better even though he’s aware that it’s not that easy.

If Sehun isn’t distracted by the great misery that’s hitting him, he would have wrapped his arms around his teacher. Oh how he wish he can do just that especially now that a part of him wants Minseok to stay. But now, he wants to be alone to sort his feelings. “J-Just go away! I’m begging y-you...” He forces himself to yell.

Minseok moves reluctantly. For a moment, he just sits there, gazing down at Sehun. Originally, he goes here to discuss some things but seeing Sehun like this...Perhaps, it’s not the right time to talk it out...if Sehun recovers and considers the proposition. For now, Minseok has to wait. “I’m really sorry.” He whispers before standing up. With one last look, he closes the door quietly.

He sees Jongin standing outside. “Jongin? What are you doing here?” He asks the teen while opening the gate.

Jongin shrugs his shoulders and shows his bag full of notes and assignments. “Just here to update Sehun.”

“Before that, can you let him have a bite or two? He doesn’t look so well.” Minseok pats Jongin at the back. “Uhm...please take care of him...for me...”

Jongin almost missed the last part.

For the second time of the day, Sehun’s bedroom door flies open. He thought it’s Minseok but the intruder speaks before he can even react.

“Come on, Sehun. Get up! Eat this!” Jongin commands with a loud voice that Sehun cringes from his place.

Instantly, a cup of noodles is shoved near his face. Really, he swears he wouldn’t eat if Jongin didn’t forcefully feed him. Everything is a blur. In an instant, all of the noodles are gone and he’s already downing the soup.

“Get your out of the bed! Quick! Go take a bath! You smell like .”

Even though he’s still regaining his energy, Sehun manages to utter a, “Jongin, why so sudden?”

“You need some parental guidance.”

“But I don’t ha-“

“That’s it! We’re going to my parents.”

---

A/N:

Hi~ It’s been awhile. Did you miss me? XD

I’m sorry for the late update. I went through a busy week and on top of that I experienced a teeny weeny bit of ‘slump’. Luckily, I got over it because of their MV and Instagram updates!

A talk with Lulu (mini-series LOL. Don’t mind this. I’m crazy)

• Luhan: What is this???!!! Where’s the fluff?
• Me: *ignoring Luhan because he’s right*
• Luhan: You know what? You should remove that fluff in your tags!
• Me: Lulu, why so impatient? You know I’ve got load of fluffs under my sleeves!
• Luhan: Then, where is it? Show me!!!
• Me: Do you want me to spoil my own story? Just wait and see. *insert Kyungsoo’s face*