The night is cold, but nonetheless relaxing. Street lamps light the streets and their glow gives off a warming feel, despite the chilly air.

Minseok should be enjoying this calming atmosphere, but something keeps bugging him. It’s about the person he’s with, at the moment. The uneasiness clawing at his chest won’t go away, and he’s aware how dangerous it is. He wants to will it away. He wants to get it out of his system, but he doesn’t know what to do.

“Say, hyung,” Sehun mutters through his scarf. “You know that I love you, right?”

Minseok bites the inside of his cheek as his heart jumps for a second. “Stop it, will you?” he says jokingly, then flicks Sehun’s forehead. It’s a light-hearted warning, but he wishes that Sehun would just take the hint, because, whatever that kid is doing, it’s working. It’s working and he’s honestly afraid right now. He’s not afraid of Sehun; rather, he’s afraid of himself. He’s scared of whether he could react properly or not. Well, if there’s an ‘appropriate’ reaction at all.

Sehun stops dead in his tracks (so does Minseok). He inhales sharply, but releases the air deliberately. “Hyung,” his voice wavers a little bit. For a while, Minseok fears that Sehun would tear up or something, but he doesn’t. Instead, he smiles sadly and, maybe, laughs hollowly, then looks straight at Minseok. “If I could, I would.”

“You know you can...” Minseok says and grits his teeth right after. To be honest, the idea of Sehun leaving him makes his heart twinge.

“What if I weren’t your student,” Sehun starts, disregarding what Minseok has said. “--or, what if we were born in the same year?” His smile turns into a grin when another idea hits him. “Being your childhood friend sounds cool, too.” And they both laugh at that. “And, maybe we could be classmates and we’d copy our assignments or run around, because we’d be caught vandalizing doors and walls.”

“Sehun-ah, come here,” Minseok says simply and spreads his arms as an invitation. Sehun gladly accepts and embraces Minseok lightly, as if he were a porcelain doll that would break with the slightest touch. Minseok pats Sehun’s back. “You know you can...” He says finally, picking up where he had left before. “Sehun-ah, you’ll have to find someone else.”

“Hyung, will you love me back?” Sehun whispers so softly that Minseok could barely hear it.

“Listen to me, Sehun,” Minseok cuts in. “Please hear me out.”

“You’re not answering me!” Sehun says accusingly. His pain is audible despite him burying his head where Minseok’s shoulder and neck meet. “You don’t have to say anything else. It’s a question that only requires a yes or a no...”

For the briefest moment in his life (which feels like forever), Minseok stares up to the starry sky, as if it holds the answer. He ponders whether he’s doing the right thing or not. It’s for the best, he thinks, hopes, and drops the bomb to Sehun.

“No, because--”

Sehun can’t breathe. All of his will crumbles down to ashes as his heart shatters into million pieces that he doesn’t know if he can piece together again. He wishes he hadn’t asked.

“What’s the problem?” Luhan’s ears perk up at the sound of cutleries crashing down the table and spreading onto it. “You seem out of it.”

Not hearing the question, Minseok continues to pick up the utensils splayed on the kitchen table with a troubled expression written all over his face. He only looks up to Luhan when the latter shouts at him to repeat what he has said. “U-uh... it’s nothing. I’m just tired, I guess...” He goes back to his task, not seeing that Luhan has already gotten up from his place on the sofa. Arms encircle his middle, but he doesn’t bother to get away, since it’s only his roommate.

“Minseokkie’s got a problem, Minseokkie’s got a problem, Minseokkie’s got a problem. I wonder what it is,” Luhan sings to the tune of a children’s show and his roommate rolls his eyes at the beginning of the song.

“I told you: I’m just tired.”

“Heh, whatever,” Luhan squeezes Minseok for a moment, then speaks. “I’ll just have to guess what it is. Hmmm...” He feigns to think hard, even though he already knows the answer. “It’s about that Sehun, yes?”

“Y-yes.” Minseok figures that he really doesn’t have to hide it. With Luhan, keeping a secret would be a tough job.

“What about him?” Luhan releases Minseok and sits on a chair, pulling Minseok along. “Are you starting to... uhm...” he starts to think of the best way to put things easily, but he can’t. There are no other words than...“--actually like the kid?”

“What should I do?” Minseok slumps on his chair while covering his face with his hands. “I lied to him...”

“What did you say?”

“That I have somebody else so I can’t—” Minseok stops abruptly. He doesn’t have it in him to continue what he’s supposed to say.

“You’re in a deep , Minseokkie.” Luhan bites his lips as possibilities invade his mind. “What if he asks you who that person is? What would you do? What if he needs concrete evidence?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out right now!” Minseok shouts in despair. He’s shocked in his outrage and so is Luhan, who has never heard him raise his voice before.

“Calm down, bro.” Luhan stifles his laugh as an idea shines bright above his head. “Do you need some help?”

There’s a hint of evil plan lurking at the corners of Luhan’s feline smile. Minseok knows that something would surely go wrong because it’s Luhan we’re talking about. At the back of his mind, an alarm is going off, ringing so loudly that it’s deafening. He shouldn’t trust Luhan, even though they’re practically the best of friends. Luhan is some kind of a trouble magnet, and more often than not, the outcome isn’t that lovely. So, Minseok doesn’t know why he's nodding his head, silently begging. He’ll surely regret it later on.

From: Sleepy Charcoal

We’ve got some problem...

From: Chinese Reindeer

I know. Minseokkie told me earlier.

From: Sleepy Charcoal

I thought our plan was going well?

From: Chinese Reindeer

I thought so, too...

But my Minseokkie is very afraid and confused rn. I know that he’s starting to like that Se. Hell, I think it’s more than like already.

From: Sleepy Charcoal

So, what should we do?

From: Chinese Reindeer

We need to come up with another plan...

And, actually, Minseokkie... he’s in a deep for lying to your best friend.

From: Sleepy Charcoal

Oh, ...

From: Chinese Reindeer

Yah! Language! (ノಠ ∩ಠ)ノ彡( \o°o)\

From: Sleepy Charcoal

╮(─▽─)╭

∋━━o(｀∀´oメ）～→

“Let’s go the convenience store.” Jongin asks, states, right after their classes have ended.

Sehun rolls his eyes and continues to arrange things in his bag for which he wouldn't even give a , on normal days. And since today is far from normal (for him), he has to deal with it. “You’re pushing me to do things.” He makes a sound at the back of his throat that’s close to a growl, but not quite.

Veins throb on his forehead, because the annoyance he held earlier in the morning comes back to him. He didn’t really want to attend school but Kim ing Jongin chucked away his plan by pulling up the curtains and letting the deadly sun rays shine on his face to wake him up. It wasn’t the best wake up call.

“Of course, I’m pushing you to do things, because—” Jongin pauses and stares hard at Sehun. “Who in the hell knows what you’ll do next? The last time I checked, you almost threw your life away for thinking you were rejected.”

“I have all the rights now, right?” Sehun says bitterly. Well, isn’t he correct? This is the second time his heart broke for the same person. And now, he can actually do his suicidal plan, because he’s legitimately rejected, but the thing is, he doesn’t even have the heart to do it. Somehow, at the back of his mind, he’s still hoping that all of what Minseok had said was a bad lie he had to concoct.

“Aish. Just get your out of there. We’ll go to the convenience store whether you like it or not!” Jongin tells Sehun with a tone of finality.

“What will you buy here, anyway?” Sehun asks, raising an eyebrow for good measure. It’s not a question actually, it’s a mere complaint, half-assedly hidden in such a way.

“You don’t have to do anything, you . Just wait for me,” Jongin says before disappearing to somewhere Sehun doesn’t even care about.

Sehun stops by an aisle of bagged chips and junk food and contemplates to buy one, since he’s already there. He scrutinizes every package there is and settles on an unfamiliar kind of chips to experiment with. Just when he’s about to reach for it, another hand grabs it. He looks at the person and he suddenly wishes he could run away, but he feels like his feet are glued on the ground.

“Uh... uhm... hi,” Minseok stutters and curls his free hand into a fist to stop himself from doing anything foolish. Acting stupid isn’t his forte, but somehow, with Sehun, he instantly becomes one. He should be walking away, for staying will not do him any good, but a part of him wants to linger a little bit to explain and tell the truth. He wishes he could make things easier and better, but it’s hard, given the situation they’re in.

Sehun doesn’t say anything, because another man, taller than Minseok, suddenly comes into view and covers Minseok’s eyes with two packs of coffee with different brand names. He averts his gaze, for he might make a scene right then and there. He holds everything in and wishes Jongin was there to drag him away from the awkward situation.

“Minseokkie~ choose one!” The man says in a childish tune, as if they were the only ones in the store, Sehun notes bitterly. For a while, Minseok is silent, so the man speaks again. “Oh, who’s this? One of your students?” The man hugs Minseok from behind, resting his chin on Minseok’s shoulder.

Sehun doesn’t need to look to know that he is the one they’re talking about. And it, because the man is clinging to Minseok. He can see it with the corner of his eyes.

“Y-Yes...” Minseok hesitantly replies. “He’s—”

Luhan doesn’t let him finish. He introduces himself and offers his hand for a shake. “Hi~ I’m Luhan, Minseokkie’s friend.” He emphasizes the last word to leave the impression of it having a special meaning. “It’s nice meeting you.”

Sehun replies with his name, but doesn’t bother to shake Luhan’s hand. He pretends to not see it and busies himself with the bag of chips.

There’s a heavy tension in the air, well, at least for Sehun and Minseok. It is only lifted by Jongin, who feigns to be just passing by the aisle. He greets Minseok, then hides his reaction of recognition toward Luhan. He bids goodbye right after the introduction and all and pulls Sehun along to go outside the shop.

“ this.” Sehun grits his teeth while balling his fists. He runs toward a different direction, leaving behind Jongin, who doesn’t even move a muscle to follow him. Instead, Jongin brings out his phone and sends a message to Luhan.

The second time they meet in an awkward situation is when Jongin insists that they should walk in the park, eight in the evening. He was a bit hesitant at first, but Jongin’s skillful persuasion got him out of the house. Now, he just wants to throw Jongin in a dumpster, as the chilly air bites through his skin.

“Wait here. I’m going to buy a hot coffee or something.” Jongin instructs him, then leaves for a vending machine.

Sehun wouldn’t want to stand around with the wind slowly killing him so he finds an available bench to sit on. He finds one where he can see Jongin punching buttons on the machine, but the bench isn’t empty. The person sitting on it has his head hanging so low that all Sehun sees is a mop of brown and unruly hair. He approaches the person, not expecting it to be someone he knows so well.

“Hi, may I sit next to you? I won’t bother you, I promise.” He asks for permission and, when the person looks up at him, he unconsciously steps back.

“Sure,” Minseok says then finally lifts his head up. “S-sure...” he mutters the second time with hesitation.

Despite the obvious uneasiness between them, Sehun sits on the other end of the bench, anyway, with a lot of questions in his mind. He has so much to say, but something is keeping him from voicing his thoughts out. A minute passes, but they’re still not speaking with each other, so he decides to break it. “Hyung, is he your—”

Sehun doesn’t have to say the name for Minseok to know who they’re talking about. Minseok does nothing to answer it, so Sehun continues. “If he is... what if I steal you away from him? Will you let me?”

Minseok purses his lips, averting his gaze from the trees to the ground. Sehun’s ‘what if’ questions aren’t a lovely game for Minseok. In a way, they provide him with fantasies that he would never act upon, because it’s wrong. All of it is wrong. But, oh, how much he wants to throw the right things out of the window and do whatever pleases him. Just like now... he wishes that, somehow, he could tell Sehun that there’s no need to steal him from anyone because he's already got him. He only realizes it after countless of sleepless nights. It’s, unthinkable but it just happened. He finds that admitting makes the pain in his chest magically disappear (even if it’s just for a fleeting moment).

“Can I assume that your silence means yes? Hell... I sound so delusional. Well, that’s me,” Sehun laughs bitterly. “I’m sorry. I’d better be going.” He stands, then goes to Jongin, who is busy texting someone (completely forgetting about the coffee).

“I’m so sorry, Sehun...”

From: Chinese Reindeer

---

Ayo GG! I think this will be the last ‘fast’ update I can manage. Assignments are starting to line up in my calendar, as well as school activities and such (to gain at least the bonus 5% that our prof promised if we participate in those heck activities that aren’t required).

As always, I’ll write when I can. 

A talk with Lulu (mini-series LOL. Don’t mind this. I’m crazy.)

• Me: Lulu~ I think we’re nearing the end!!! OMG I’m so excited.
• Lulu: ...
• Me: I think there’s like...uhm...more or less 5 chapters left!
• Lulu: ...
• Me: If I will be able to follow my plotline—
• Lulu: Hold your horses, lady! Can you pause for a while to think clearly? Have you forgotten about college life? About the reaction paper you have to pass this Wednesday? How about the oath you have to print for your Eng1 (Recit)? Mind you, you still have to—
• Me: Oh ...you’re right. Just let me post this chapter, okay?
• Lulu: /facepalm/ Don’t blame me if you happen to forget the requirements you have to pass.
• Me: /starts planning for tomorrow since it’s already late/ I am so dead...