A/N: blue italics are Jiyong's thoughts

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Dara was silent after he finished his story. Then she pulled her hand away from his. Ouch, I thought she might be disappointed or upset. I never expected her to turn away from me. Rejection stinks.

Jiyong was about to leave the sofa when he feels Dara's arms around him. She moved closer and rested her head on his shoulders.

"You shouldn't have had to deal with all that. You were still young. Twenty is not really grown up. You may have had more life experiences but I doubt you were emotionally mature back then. He hurt you so it was natural for you to want to hurt him back."

Her words made him feel like a weight has been lifted from his heart. He hugged her closer.

"Gomawo." He murmured in her hair.

"It's nothing. It's not as bad as I thought it would be."

"Really? What did you think? That I commited felonies in every port?"

Dara smiles. "Maybe." She raises up to kiss his jaw.

"Gomawo. For sharing this with me. One question. When are you going to let it go? Are you going to stay mad at him forever? I know it hurts him but I know that it hurts you too."

"Thanks but no thanks. I don't want you to psycho-analyze me."

I thought she understood me but I guess not.

Dara stepped away from him and stared at him. "Yah! Why are you getting upset at me? You're the one who wanted to talk about this. Why else would you ask me to come over? Did you think I'd keep my mouth shut? Nae seutail aniya. That's what you wanted right?"

Ugh...I hate it when she makes sense.

"Maybe I just wanted you in my bed." 

He expected her to flinch but she just shook her head.

"If that's all you wanted, then why haven't you made your move? I've been here for 2 hours and you've barely touched me."

She took a deep breath and tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Did it ever occur to you that the reason I understand your strained relationship with your abeoji is that I'm in the same boat? You're not the only one that's stuck in the past. You're not the only one that's angry. I feel the same way Jiyong. You want to reconcile with your abeoji but you're not sure if he's suffered enough. I want to forgive my parents, Donghae and even Imo Eunji but the anger and the pain are all I have. If I let it go, will I lose the last bits of them and myself that I have?"

"I hate it when you make sense."

"Neomu himdeur-eo. I'm so mad at my parents. I hate them for dying. I hate that they made Imo Eunji our guardian. I almost lost Minzy when they couldn't contact her right away. Actually, I did for a bit. Minzy had to stay with a foster family while the lawyer was looking for Imo Eunji. I'll never forgive Donghae for breaking his promise that he wouldn't die."

Jiyong cupped Dara's cheek and she leaned into his warm touch. Then she continues.

"I'm really mad at Imo Eunji for not being there. I know she had her own life. Nobody expected her to stay at home in case her brother died suddenly. I know it. But I can't make my heart believe it. I live with this pain and rage. You do too. But I think we have to let it go. We're both hurt, Jiyong. But I think if we let this wound in our hearts stay open, it will start to fester and rot and then we die. Not real death, physically, but we would be dead inside, emotionally. I think that sounds worse."

He held his arms open and she walked into them. They hugged each other. He felt a connection to her when they first met. Making love to her just cemented a strange bond he couldn't explain. But what he's feeling now is nothing compared to that. Never had he felt a connection like this to another person in all his life. They're from different backgrounds, different interests. But for some reason, being with her made sense.

"See, I told you I'm a horrible person."

"Ani. You're a very honest person. I admire that."

"Did you hear what I just said? My parents have been dead for 7 years. I need to learn to let go."

"Hey, it's been 27 years and I still hate talking to my abeoji. What does that make me?"

"No I'm worse."

Jiyong chuckles. "You know as ridiculous as this argument sounds, I have this insane compulsion to win it. The first place my harabeoji took me was a remote community in Africa. I sneaked into the tribal elder's hut and stole his pipe. Then I got some of the other boys to smoke it with me. We got so sick."

"Eh. When I was 10, Minzy got a new dress but for some reason I didn't. I was so mad. I told my mom I would hold my breath till she got me one too. My eomma wasn't impressed. Unfortunately for her, I actually did hold my breath till I passed out. She was so scared. Once I learned that I could get anything if I did it, I kept doing it for about 6 months. I thought she was going to kill me."

He smiled and kissed the top of her head. "I stole an elephant one time."

"Jeongmal? Where did you hide it?"

"I didn't. I took it for a joyride. Sort of. We didn't go very fast."

She laughed, "One time I convinced Minzy that our parents wanted their bedroom to smell good. I made her pour perfume on the bed and the carpet. The smell wouldn't go away and they ended up having to buy new carpet and mattress."

"Okay...okay. You win."

Her laughter sounded like soft bells. I like this. Being with her, holding her, laughing together. This feels right. I feel safe talking to her about my past. She may not agree but with me but she wouldn't judge me. She tells me like it is. I may not agree but I like that she's honest with me.

"I like that we're spending time with each other. I don't think anyone else would put up with us."

"You know that's not true."

"I know. It's nice to pretend sometimes." She paused. Her humor faded.

"I'm glad we talked about all of this. It has made me realized that it's time to let the past go."

"Are you ready?"

"Maybe? I don't mind forgiving my parents or Donghae. Death was not something that's in our control. But in Imo Eunji's case, it's a bit harder. I didn't understand it before but after our talk I can kinda see what's going on with her. I was choosing to stay angry because if I was angry she wouldn't get too close. If anything happened to her, if she left or if she died, I wouldn't miss her. All this is because I want to protect myself."

"Wow.That's insightful."

"I know. I don't know if I can do it. But I'm a strong person. Pushing her away is a coward's way out. I just need to it up and deal with the consequences."

"I'm sure Imo Eunji is gonna have a long life. You're not gonna lose her anytime soon."

"I hope you're right. It doesn't matter. Spending the rest of my life avoiding caring about someone because of the fear of being left behind is not an option anymore."

She raised her chin in a gesture of strength and defiance.

I respect her decision and fearlessness. If she can do it, can I do it any less?

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Annyeong Readers! Sorry I'm taking so long to update this story. Please bear with me.  Thank you for subscribing. :D

Korean Words/Phrases:

gomawo - thank you

nae seutail aniya - not my style

abeoji - dad

imo - aunt

neomu himdeur-eo - it's so hard

ani - nope

harabeoji - grandpa

eomma - mom

jeongmal? - really?