Haunted House

The Cute Panda Boy

*The boys dorm*

 

Kris went in the dorm but nobody is inside the living room.

 

“Eh? Where are they?” Kris thought.

 

He heard someone laugh crazily inside Chen’s room. So he peeked into Chen’s room. Three of them are playing some random game inside the room. He entered the room and asked the boys.

 

“Guys, do you want to go to the haunted house tonight? the girls are following” Kris asked.

 

“Sure.” the boys said except for Tao.

 

“Tao? Why won’t you answer? If you don’t want to go I can stay here with you.” Kris asked and sat next to Tao.

 

“A-Ani, ani I c-can go.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

....

 

*At the haunted house*

 

“Bom unnie, is this the place?” Minzy asked.

 

“Yeah.” the older answered.

 

“Anyway, who wanted to go first? Find your partner.” Lay asked and walked to Minzy.

 

The members were making such noise and Chen shouted.

 

“I WANNA GO ALONE!”

 

“Ya! Chen ah can you not shout!” Dara asked.

 

“Mianhae.”

 

“Have you search your partners? Let’s see who wi-.” Lay been cut off by Minzy.

 

“Let’s play this as a game. Who didn’t shout that person can have anything for dinner and that person have to choose who have to pay for dinner. Agree?” 

 

“Yes. Let’s start.”

“OK. Let’s start. LayZy Fighting.”  the others said.

 

 

...

 

The LayZy couple come out from the haunted house safely. Smiling while  holding their stomach.

 

...

 

It’s TaoRis’s turn to enter the haunted house.     

“If I didn’t scream, one of you have to buy me a new gucci bag and hanwoo.” He said as they entered the haunted house.

 

“Impossible if he didn’t scream.” one of the girls said.

 

*In the haunted house*

 

Tao: Ge, I’m scared. Geeeeeee *shouting*

 

Kris: I’m here didi.(younger brother in chinese) *he said while bring Tao closer to him*

 

*The others*

 

Minzy: He is not going to get anything.

 

Lay: Yeah

 

Bom: *heard the couple shouthing* All I want to say is Kris voice is scarier than the ghost.

 

CL: What do you mean?

 

Bom: I mean he can make a person scared by his voice.

Dara and Chen: LOL

 

*After TaoRis came out from the haunted house*

 

“How was the haunted house?” CL asked.

 

“It’s scary.” Tao answered.

 

“Did you cry?” 

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay. Now the winner is Chen! Congaratulations bro.” Dara said.

 

“So, what do you want for dinner?” Kris asked.

 

“I’m going to change it to tomorrow’s lunch because Tao is crying and he looks like he need a lot of rest and the one who have to pay it is-” Chen been cut off by Kris.

 

“Me.” Kris said while raising up his hand.

 

“Yeah.”

 

They are walking towards their car and Bom drive them home.

 

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Comments

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6November1990 #1
Chapter 23: Yay!!! So ur P6 too. Finally, someone who understands how I feel...
rainydots #2
OMG TAO AND 2NE1! Looks interesting!
Wushupandabear #3
Chapter 2: Ahhhh, you put B.A.P and EXO together. I'm dead.
Totomatoes #4
Chapter 12: Okay since it's just an opinion, please don't hate me.

Your story is kind of plain. I mean, sure there were grammar mistakes but I could care less about that. I'm not a grammar nazi. Anyway, (IN MY OPINION PLEASE DON'T KILL ME) when I read, I didn't see the true flow of the story in my head. It sounded and seemed monotonous. I imagined them doing and talking with poker faces. The events and the flow are too fast, you weren't able to show the development of the characters' feelings and thoughts. I'm not being mean, I just want to help. I know I'm not even a writer, but I like reading :) And I'm happy to read other people's stories.

I hoped I helped, I'm not sure if you're my dongsaeng or hyung. But really, I know my opinion hurt you, even if I tried not to, but my intention was to help. (I'm really worried if you're angry or upset about this)

Please don't take it too hard. Uhm... do your best in your stories :) Don't give up and take care of yourself!! (It's off topic and I sound like a mom)

So uhm... yeah. My opinion... uhh… yeah. *awkward cough*
MaeYoung04
#5
Chapter 10: puhlease upeudateu unnie~!
bobbymbap
#6
Chapter 10: miss 2nexo im your unnie and i command u to update more xie cie kamsahanmida
chunjoe1004 #7
nice story!
bobbymbap
#8
Chapter 8: update more
MaeYoung04
#9
Chapter 7: too many updates in one day dude~