"Jinki...are you okay?"
"Uh..yeah..I'm just thinking..." It's been 3 and a half years since I left... I missed Kibum...but was I supposed to do. Kibum probably forgot about me. And I accepted Byunghee's love. I finally know now..that I missed him and that now.. I fetl as if I couldn't live with out him.

He walked me to my class and kissed me on the lips, "I'll see you when you get out..okay?" He said as he looked me in the eyes.
"Okay. "I said as I backed into my class room.
But I was torn, what was I supposed to do, after my four years are up, they will be in 4 months..what will I do then? I promised Kibum I'd come back, but then, there's Byunghee. Do I have to choose?
Why does this always happen to me. I love both of them. Byunghee left, and I found Kibum, Then I have to leave and I have Byunghee again, is there no in between? I know if I go to Siwon, he'll say, choose who has the better characteristics, but they both do. Byunghee is kinda, and warm, but Kibum is outgoing and loveable...

I loved both of them, and I had to choose. Why was I always put into these positions? I hate doing this, i hate this so much. I miss Kibum, I love Byunghee, I love Kibum, but I don't want to let go of Byunghee... why? Why do I have to always choose, what if I make the wrong decision? I don't want anyone to get hurt.

I walked to Byunghee's dorm, he answered on the second knock, "Jinki!" He smiled as he hugged me. I hugged him back as we went inside.
"So what do you want to do tonight?" He asked as I put down my umbrella since it had been raining earlier, and would probably start again.
"I dunno, wanna go to the cafe?" I suggested.
"Sure" he smiled a me as he got his coat.
He always made me happy. He always did what ever he could to make me happy, and I loved it, I loved him. He took my hand was we walked out. It was raining, not to bad, but it would be bad once we got to the cafe.
I let go of his hand to put the cross walk light on. I still, didn't know what to do, Byunghee or Kibum, Byunghee or Kibum. I saw the light turn green and I walked, not thinking, my mind was still too occupied with my troubles. I heard screams and cries, and i looked up and saw headlights coming at me.
"Jinki!" I heard Byunghee yell, and suddenly I felt myself being thrown into the ground.

I sat up, the rain was pouring around me, there was a car pulled over. I stood and I saw the worse possible thing ever. I felt my tears start to flow, I felt my throat choke up. I ran over to him, he was on the ground in a pool of blood and rain.
"Byunghee!" I screamed, "Byunghee! someone, call and ambulance, something!" I cried. Byunghee looked up at me and smiled.
"You never change.."
"Byunghee, please, just stay with me, it'll be okay, we'll go the hospital and get you fixed." I sniffled, my tears were burning against my freezing cheek.
"It's okay Jinki, now, you can finally be with Kibum, and you won't have to choose." He said as he coughed out blood.
"No..no no no no, what if I wanted you, what if Kibum doesn't love me anymore!" I yelled, so he could stay awake.
"Yes he does, he loves you, so much. More than I ever could."
"B-But..Byunghee." I could barely see, there were so many tears.
"It's okay, I-I'm happy now. I saved you, you can continue to live, and love. Jinki..I-I'm sorry I lied. I did move on, but, my love, died. Now I can finally be with him. Just think about it that way, and you won't cry a-as much." he smiled, and I could see it so clearly.
"Byunghee..." I whispered as I his cheek, it felt warm still.
"Jinki..I love you..and I always will, don't forget that." He rasped.
"Byunghee, please, I can't lose you again, please, stay here."
"I'm sorry...Jinki...please, don't cry..smile for me."
I did my best and i smiled, and he smiled back ,"I..love...you..." he said softly as his eyes closed.
"Byunghee! Byunghee!!!" I screamed. I let my head fall on his chest and sobbed out loud. I cried, I never cried so much in my life, but I couldn't stop my tears.

The ambulance finall came, and pryed me off his body. They unwrapped my cold numb fingers and arms and put me in a blanket and brought me to the hospital with them. But it was now use, I knew Byunghee was dead, I just, didn't want to accept it.

We got to the hospital and i was right, He was pronounced dead on arrival and I cried more. I huddled into a corner and just cried. Nothing could explain how I felt, except cold and dead. Byunghee was gone, really gone, I lost him again, and this time..forever. Why...why did this have to happen to me. is it because I love? or is it because I've done something wrong.

They dropped me off at my room and left me with a letter.
I sat on the bed and opened it..
'Dear Jinki, If you're readind, this...then I'm dead I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I have left you. But you have to know, I love you and I always will. But just think I'm with the one I lost long ago, and you can do the same, go to Kibum, and be with him. I know that's what you want. I have a confession to make, I saw you, when you were with Kibum, I didn't say anything, but I am actually very close friends with Jonghyun, and I told him, to watch over you. I'm sorry, forgive me please. I would have, made some sort of move on you, but then I saw you were with Kibum, and I could see, how deeply in love you both were. Also, when you get out, go to the office and request you're letters. I guess you're parents told them to with-hold all you're letters. Get them, and you will see, that Kibum truly loves you. I'm putting you in care of my ashes, I know you'll do the right thing. Please Jinki, forgive me, I don't know why I did what I did, but I wanted to see you happy and alive. Please, live happily and just remember, I love you, and always will. -Love~ Byunghee.'

I felt some sort of relief, knowing that Byunghee was happy when he died. I smiled as I closed his letter, I put it back into my envelope and saw there was a small charm and a photo of us from about 8 years ago, maybe even longer. I looked at the key charm, it was a tofu figurine with a giant smile on it. I looked at the back of the picture. It had writing,'My tofu, I will always love you.' I read some more. It was a charm he wanted to give me, before our parents found out about us, and now, I have it. My last gift from him... Byunghee, what was I going to do now?

I woke up the next morning, groggy. My whole body hurt, like I had fallen, then the realization hit me like a car. Byunghee was dead. I felt frozen, I really felt hopeless, what was I going to do now. He was gone, I had 6 months left, to go back home, well, my home probably won't be there, they told me to find an apartment. There was knock at the door. I went to open but there was no one there, just a box of stuff. There was a note that said, it was all Byunghee's and that he wants me to keep it.
I set the box down and looked through, there was a photo album of us, a yo-yo that i gave him once, when i was a kid. There was a coloring book we completed together, from last month... his phone, some cd's and his great-grandmother's candle set. I knew exactly what I was going to set up first in my apartment, that I needed to get soon.

With out Byunghee walking me to class, I felt lonely, but Siwon was there to always comfort me when I needed it. But, I just still couldn't get over Byunghee's death..and I don't think I ever will.

5 Months Later....

I started to pack. I made sure that I had Byunghee's box and that I had everything. They cremated him, and they gave me a jar of his ashes. I made that was packed up safely and I put it in my back pack. I was able to find an apartment, fairly close to my old town so I could see Jonghyun, and Kibum, if he still was there for me. I sighed as I got the last of it all packed and into the van that I paid to drive me there.

I saw Siwon and I said goodbye.
"Wow...leaving already? Time sure passed." He smiled as he hugged me.
I smiled at him as I hugged him back, "i know, I'll come and visit you with Kibum..if he still loves me."
"He still does, don't worry." He smiled as he waved to me and I left. But I suddenly remembered something and I rushed to the main office. When I got there I told them who I was and that I leaving. The lady nodded and gave be a giant box. It was heavy and I had to rush to the van.

I opened it, and was faced with letter. I looked at them curiously and saw... They were from Kibum..to me... there were more than 2 years worth and I read every single one.

I'm so sorry that I had to do that to byunghee...but I feel it was the only way to close their relation ship...