The second you entered Hanna's apartment, you realized a weird, but somehow kind of familiar smell. You then blinked through your swollen eyes and saw that Hanna was wearing almost nothing and was sweating.
You recognized that smell. But with whom ... ?
One moment later you saw Kris sitting on the couch. He was sweating too and his shirt looked like it had just been put back on, as it stuck too much to his chest without fully covering his stomach. Embarrassed, you turned around and covered your eyes.
"I'm sorry!! I'm sorry! I'm leaving, don't feel-", you started.
"It's alright, come in", Hanna said and pulled you back inside. Subsequently, she turned to Kris and simply symbolized with her head for him to leave. She just had with Kris and is now throwing him out with one single gesture? The short thought of not being the only one with a problem popped up in your head, making you laugh. It sounded scary.
When Kris was almost out the door, Hanna stopped him and quickly, but fondly kissed him goodbye. His face lit up, even though it looked more like a grimace due to the unfortunate situation. The door closed and Hanna went to open a window. Low traffic noise filled the room immediately.

You plopped down on the second couch where Kris hadn't been sitting and without holding back, burst into desperate and angry tears, streaming down your face and dripping on your clothes. The only thing you were feeling was the worst pain you had ever felt. Your heart felt like it had broken into a thousand pieces, as your body was trembling with fear and despair. Hanna held you tightly and rocked you back and forth, trying to comfort you, but you didn't really notice her.
"Do you wanna tell me what happened?", Hanna calmly asked after a short while. You tried swallowing the tears in order to tell your best friend, but failed miserably. The next surge of tears followed and it took you another few minutes to eventually open your mouth to form a word.
"He doesn't even care about me! All he cares about is his ing fame!!", you then yelled shrill.
"No, I don't think so... You guys have been dating for three years and a few months now. Isn't that proof that he doesn't care only about being a singer?", Hanna answered, her arms still wrapped around you.
"Not anymore! Some people want to kill me for existing and all he does is dragging me into some stupid van, not even thinking that this is his boss's fault!!", you went on, lost in your rage.
"It's not easy for him either. He signed a contract saying that he can't officially date. And he still fought for your relationship. He couldn't know that SM was cruel enough to make you a target for fans. And actually, this is also not really good for his image either. I guess he tried as much as he could", Hanna argued. It still couldn't calm you down, it actually made it worse. You had no hope that you and Jongin could get out of this situation again. Emptiness creeped up inside you, making the pain in your heart almost unbearable. This had been the feeling that you had never wanted to feel. This was how a breakup felt; leaving nothing behind but emptiness and despair.

After a long while, Hanna got up, went to her kitchen and then threw you something. You caught and saw that it was a packet of cigarettes.
"They helped me already once today, you should try", Hanna said, ensnaring you to smoke. You remained sceptical. The first and last time you had smoked had tasted awful. But you were at a point right now where you didn't care about anything. And when Hanna said that it helped, then you would try that method too.
"Oh, I don't mind. Just walk over to the window", Hanna waved aside when you wanted to leave through the door.
She then decided to accompany you and you suddenly chuckled, sounding insane, as you both felt like teenage girls doing something forbidden as you both lit the cigarette.
You watched how Hanna actually looked ridiculously cool while she inhaled the smoke. You tried the same way as she did and ended up almost coughing your bowels out. It didn't taste good. You decided to not inhale the smoke with your lungs, making your mouth even drier and musty.

You violently fought the urge of calling or texting Jongin. He called you every 20 minutes, but you hadn't even picked up once.
Hanna looked on your vibrating phone and sighed. "You should get that", she said and yawned, as it was the middle of the night. You couldn't sleep anyways.
"Should I really?", you asked her in an insecure voice. Hanna nodded excessively. Slowly, you picked up your phone and eventually took the call.
"Hello?", you asked as if you hadn't seen the caller.
"It's me", you registered Jongin's weak voice, cracked from crying.
"What is it", you responded coldly while almost choking on the big lump in your throat. You were still mad at him.
"Please come back home first. And then, let's talk", he said and you heard how he was on the verge of tearing up. You sighed and looked over to Hanna, who was again, nodding boisterously. She had figured what Jongin had said.
"I'll think about it", you just said as you hung up, only to tear up again. The tears didn't want to end.
"Please give him another chance. He's your better half", Hanna said sincerely and patted your shoulder. "I'll take you home if you want. I mean, it's still the metro, but you won't be alone."
You were thankful but rejected the offer. Slowly, you started walking around the apartment, thinking the situation through. Should you really give in that fast? Wasn't that weak?
On the other hand, you desperately wanted to see Jongin's face, eyes, you wanted to touch his cheek and kiss his lips more than anything in this world. You decided to give him a chance to explain himself. Determined, you slipped into your shoes and grabbed your coat.
"Thank you for your help, Hanna. Let's talk tomorrow! At three at the coffee shop in Dobong?", you asked before heading out.
"Making me drive all the way to Dobong? Ok, let's do that. And you! Make up with Jongin! He's awesome", she responded and gave you a thumbs up. You couldn't help but smile, as Hanna could always cheer you up.

The ride back to your apartment was comfortable since fangirls were obviously sleeping at 3:30 am. You had thought that they never slept.
You reached the complex and were trembling in nervousness. This was seriously freaking you out.
Two minutes later, you stood in front of your door, too shy to open it. You thought of turning around and driving back to Hanna's place, but fought the childish urge. You counted to three and turned the key in the lock.

Jongin was sitting on the couch and looked desastrous. His eyes were red and swollen and the light make-up from the performance in the afternoon was now smeared with streaks where his tears had washed it away. His hair was a mess; as was the apartment. It seemed like Jongin took out his rage on the room. Cushions were scattered everywhere, pieces of glass were on the kitchen floor and the floor lamp was laying across the living room rug.
As soon as Jongin saw you, he got up and approached you, his face looked relieved. He wanted to hug you, but you blocked and pushed him off you. His eyes filled with endless despair.
"Please, tell me what's going on!", he begged you. You took off your shoes and put away your purse. While you walked over to the couch to sit down, Jongin's confused gaze followed you through the room. He came after you and, as he always did, kneed in front of you, looking into your eyes worried and hurt at the same time. He looked miserable. You wanted to wrap your arms around him and comfort him until both of you were fine again. But this time, you couldn't. You just couldn't let this go.

"Somebody threw a glass bottle at my head and you do nothing?!", you blurted. Jongin was startled.
"Wait, what? I got off the stage as soon as you went unconscious", he defended himself.
"I don't mean that", you shot at him, "your boss made me sit there! He wanted me to get hurt! And you don't even care!! You just think of your career this whole time! Do you not see what they're doing to me while you get all the love? They threaten me to kill me!!" Tears were again streaming down your face. Jongin started trembling as he bit his lip to supress his tears.
"We need to endure this! They will stop at some point, when they realize that it's hopeless! We're staying together, that's what we need to show them!", he responded.
"They will never stop until I'm gone! They want you to move into the dorm with the other members and to be the perfect, innocent k-pop idol that everyone wants. Actually, I guess they will even make you say that you've never even had your first kiss yet! Trust me, they won't stop. You need to do something about it or else I'm going to break under this pressure! I can't even go to my classes anymore because the streets are full of girls following me while saying that I'm ugly and I deserve to die! Do you know how that feels?!", you now yelled.
Jongin remained silent, not knowing what to answer. He didn't know, of course. He was the one to receive all the love and kindness of his admirers. While you felt their wrath everyday.
"I'll talk to the manager again...", Jongin said weak. He still met your eyes. The pain in his eyes hurt you so much that you wanted to die.
"You need to go to the executives and tell them we won't do this anymore!!"
"But I can't lose this! This is my dream!", he said.
"And what about me? Am I not included in your 'dream', am I not a part of the future you want?", you cried enraged.
"Of course you are. But I've been working for this for 4 years ... No, I want to be with you, but I also want to be an artist!", he said desperately.
Determined, you got up, Jongin followed suit.
"First, you need to decide on what's more important. As soon as you know that, give me a call", you said coldly and approached the door.

"No, wait!", Jongin yelled after you as you felt a tight grip around your wrist, turning you back around. Immediately, you forcibly freed yourself from his grasp and slung your hand in his face. Your hand met his skin with a loud, sharp noise. Jongin looked at you in terror.
Without further explanation, you put on your shoes and opened the door, ready to leave.
"Call me as soon as you have made up your mind", you said ultimately, your face drenched in tears and your voice choked by the lump in your throat. Jongin looked at you and you were sure that you had never seen him in that much pain.
You closed the door behind you and forced yourself to not have a mental breakdown.