Album No. 15

:: Track 01 ::

I’ve got to say that Park Yoochun has got the worst timing in the world.

“So how have you –“
“Why are you here?” I asked, probably too coldly. I threw down my keys at the medium-sized table in my living room and stood staring at him.

Yoochun looked like he was at a loss for words. Must be because I’ve never been so mean to him before. Aish, be careful BoA. Think – parents.

I let out a sigh and cupped the side of my head.
“I mean, what are you doing here?” This time was softer. I gave him a smile – a very fake one.
“I thought you’d be too busy to visit me Yoochun.”
I sat down and looked up at him, innocent. Hm.

“I was!” he answered too excitedly. His voice cracked but I was in no mood to laugh. He planted his down next to mine on the couch and held me by the shoulders. He spun me to face him so he could explain.
“I’m sorry BoA! I just had to do some work that my parents –“

I nodded.

“Don’t worry. I get it,” I said. As mean as it sounds, it wasn’t like I wanted to see him anyway. “Seriously, it’s fine. I’m not upset.” I gave him a small happy expression. He let out a sigh of relief and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Thanks,” he answered and stared into my eyes. His gaze looked loving but wasn’t it sad that it was for someone who didn’t feel the same for him?
“So what are you up to today?” he wondered, tilting his head in a questioning way.

I was supposed to be with Kim JaeJoong.

“Nothing. Nothing planned,” I lied, avoiding his gaze. I took my house keys off the table and stuffed into the tiny pocket my knapsack. “You? Have any homework?”

Yoochun shook his head. Talk about awkward and pointless conversation…
And why does he keep looking at me and smiling?! It makes me feel worse than I already am!

“Nope! Do you want to go out somewhere?”

“With you?” I asked accidentally. Great one BoA, really great.

Yoochun took it lightly and laughed it off. “Of course silly. Who else?”

I could name one particularly somebody right now off the top of my head.
He then suddenly took hold of my hand and pulled me up to my feet.

What was he doing?! No!
I shrunk my hand away and he faced me with a surprised expression.

Sorry Yoochun but –
I can’t have anyone hold my hand like this…
Only Kim JaeJoong.

Whoa. I just confessed that. Even in my mind, it sounds weird.

“Um… let’s go?” I said, wincing a bit at his reaction. I put on my biggest smile, hoping it erases the tension.

He smiled – a little sad. “Sure.”

:: Track 02 ::

“By the way where are you planning to take me?” I wondered out loud as I followed and he led.

“You’ll see,” he answered without turning back, words filled with happy.

We walked and walked and walked.
Gosh, didn’t he have a car?

“Look,” he pointed and then, like magic, a park appeared.
I felt like there was something I was supposed to remember about it but I couldn’t recall it clearly. Don’t you hate that feeling?

“Remember this place?” Yoochun said as we stepped over the tiny red sandbox that seemed so big when we were small. No, I don’t, but slowly the past caught up to me.

“…We used to play here,” I whispered into the autumn breeze. I closed my eyes feeling the wind touch my cheeks.

“Yeah. It was you and me,” Yoochun told me and I suddenly felt his breath right at my neck. I shuddered.

“This is the place where I also fell in love with a girl who’s very special to me –“

“Ah the swings!” I exclaimed, running towards the swing set, ignoring his statement. I knew what he was going to say anyway. I’d rather not hear it.

He let out a long sigh, knowing my intentions but followed me happily anyway.

I took a swing and he took the one next to me. There were three.
I turned to the empty one and blinked. Why did it feel like something or someone was missing?

“BoA,” Yoochun called and I stared back at him.
“Yeah?” Damn it. I almost remembered it.
God, was he going to tell me something lovey-dovey or mushy-gushy again?

“Do you like anyone?”

Eh? Why was he asking this?

“H-huh?” I mumbled. He rendered me speechless and yet I felt like I had the answer. The right answer.

There was no doubt my cheeks were as red as a tomato.
“Yoo-yoochun, I –“

He suddenly laughed and stood up, quickly walking away.
God, did he take that wrongly?

“Wait Yoochun!” I shouted and trudged my way up to him.
I badly wanted to tell him – tell him that the person that I’ve been thinking about, the person that I’ve dreaming about, the person that I’ve been wanting to spend all my time with, the person that I like – isn’t him.

He turned around. His eyes, his lips, his entire face shining because he thought I confessed to him.

How can I tell him?

“Yeah BoA?” he asked. He seemed very happy.
How can I wipe off such a wide smile off of someone’s face?

I folded my hands to my chest and gave him a beam.
I swear I can win this year’s award for best new actress.

“Don’t walk too fast. I can’t remember how to go home,” I said, even though I knew the exact directions to get back.

“Okay.” He held out his hand. He was expecting me to take it.

I gulped and did so. I let him hold my hand.
But…

Why did I feel like I was cheating?

:: Track 03 ::

Music History Class.

Maybe I should just give up on the idea. The idea of severing all ties with Yoochun and running away with the person who I actually like.

Kim JaeJoong.

Maybe the story of Kwon BoA isn’t supposed to have her own happy ending.

The one with Kim JaeJoong.

Maybe this is just my fate. My fate that I can never be with, that I can never openly show my feelings for, that I can never end up with Kim JaeJoong.

But my thoughts, my dreams, my head, my everything.

They are all Kim JaeJoong.

Tell me.
How do I run away?

“Pabo, let me see your notes for a sec.” His voice rang in through my head. I snapped my book close and stared at him wide-eyed.

“NO!” I shouted. It seemed like the whole class heard it.

“Is there a problem, BoA?” Miss Lee asked, tilting her chin down, looking out of her glasses.

I stood up and bowed. “Mianhamnida, Lee sonsaengnim…” I mumbled and quickly sat back down.

JaeJoong let out a laugh. “Smooth move, pabo.”

I shot him a glare and then opened my book again, burying my nose into it.

Stop thinking about him…
I need to forget about him… please.