Album No. 10

::Track 01::

I peered down at my stupidly tight high heels and then glanced up, seeing Kim JaeJoong about five feet away. A part of me just wanted to run out of the place but for some reason my stupid short legs wouldn’t budge. A random thought popped into my head and said: face it now or you’ll never be able to.

Curse my stupid thoughts.


Kim JaeJoong soon stood in front of me and I swear I nearly collapsed from my knees weakening. Why did I have to realize my feelings now? Out of all the times it could have possibly happened? Why? God tell me why!

“What’d you think?” Kim JaeJoong asked in his usual airy voice, bringing me back to reality. He looked so calm and collected in comparison to what I was feeling on the inside. But then again, he was not the one who just realized that he liked a certain somebody… ahem.

I took in a deep breath and clenched my fists until my fingernails dug into my hands. The closeness never made me this nervous and shy… Well okay it did! But it’s so much worse now!

Why?

Why!

Why?!

A handsome smile spread across his perfect face and his dark yet sparkling chocolate eyes were staring right into mine. I almost wanted to turn away in fear of what was happening but at the same time, how could I?

Kim JaeJoong nudged me a few times and I just made a face in response. I didn’t know what kind of face it was but it had to be something in between ‘oh crap what do I say?’ and ‘damn why are you so hot?’

“You were amazing,” I mumbled under my breath and my heart suddenly jolted. Geez did I just say that?! Like out loud?! I slapped a hand over my mouth and stared down at the cold oak floor.

Why am I so dumb?!

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Kim JaeJoong said playfully and before I could figure out something smarter to say, I immediately answered. He probably already heard what I said and was just trying to toy with me.

“I said you were amazing!” I screamed and after a short glare, I hurriedly turned away so that he couldn’t see my face blush – as if it wasn’t red enough!

He then grabbed my hand, as always, and spun me around without my consent.
His grin slowly fell into a serious expression and we initiated another one of our famous staring contests but this time Kim JaeJoong seemed to stare at me like he was confused… Or like he just realized something… I hope he didn’t realize that I –

“Pabo—“
No, don’t ask me!

“And now, the mother-son dance!”
I snapped my head towards the direction in which the gruff voice came from and never felt so relieved that I was interrupted.

I quickly glanced back at Kim JaeJoong. He didn’t seem pleased that he didn’t get to say what he wanted to say. Well now he knows how I feel on a day-to-day basis! I blinked at him like I didn’t know what was going on and I felt him let go of my hand.

“I’ll be back. Don’t get into trouble, pabo,” he told me with a tiny smile. He ruffled my hair and gradually backed away, step by step.

“HEY!” I exclaimed and covered my head with my hands, combing my fingers through my hair to make sure it was still okay. Dummy Kim JaeJoong! I worked hard to make it nice!

Without a doubt, my face was blazing again and I tried to cover it up by puffing my cheeks, making it look like I was more angry than embarrassed. He smiled one last time before completely leaving me alone. I watched as he walked away to the dance floor with Mrs. Kim on his left arm. It was kind of sweet.

But pft, what trouble could I get into around here anyway? That Kim JaeJoong… he’s such a moron… but I guess…

It makes him cute.



Ew. Why do I say things like that? Stop it, BoA.

:: Track 02 ::

Once the music started for the mother-son dance, I just sat back down at the same table and rested my chin on my hand. It really was touching how close Kim JaeJoong and Mrs. Kim were. And to think that just a few weeks ago they weren’t even communicating.

I must say that I am wonderful miracle worker. Right? Right. Okay, thanks.

“Hahaha!” I laughed a little to myself but it came out louder than I expected. The pairs of eyes at the table full of strangers stared at me and I bashfully winced at them. I bowed my head slightly a few times and they uncomfortably smiled back.

Once they turned their attention away and started to pile onto the dance floor, I leaned back in my chair, letting my hands drop down by my sides and looked to the ceiling. It was really pretty. I tried to focus on how the twinkling glass chandelier was made but images of Kim JaeJoong kept on flashing in my mind.

Even when he was right there I was thinking about him. Gosh! What’s going to happen when I’m at school? Or at home? Or anywhere else where he’s not there? My life is ruined. This wasn’t supposed to happen!

I sat up straight again and whimpered, making a sidelong glance at Kim JaeJoong. I noticed that he was gazing at me too. I turned away, cupping the side of my face, acting like I wasn’t just looking. It’s not fair. Why wasn’t he ever embarrassed about things like this?

He probably doesn’t like me then, right?

Hmph! Well I don’t want him to like me anyway.

“Excuse me, are you Miss Kwon BoA?” a deep voice asked and I spun around and stood up to see who it was. He was an older man and I must admit that he looked nice in his classical black and white tuxedo. Who could he be though? And why did he know my name?

“Yes…?” I answered, staring at him puzzled. I combed a few strands of hair behind my ear and swallowed. “Is there a reason why you know my name, ahjussi?”

The ahjussi chuckled and shook his head. At least he wasn’t a creeper and looked really friendly.
“I’ll just say that I have my sources,” he replied and strangely, the phrase was really familiar. Where have I heard that before?

“So Miss Kwon BoA, do you care for a dance? Just a simple ahjussi to agashi one. Nothing out of the ordinary,” he questioned with another laugh and adjusted his thick rimmed glasses. It was an interesting suggestion. I was bored anyway. I slowly smiled and placed my hand in the one that he was holding up in front on me.

“I’d be glad to.”

:: Track 03 ::

Once my heels clicked against the wooden floor, I realized that I didn’t really know how to dance “the ballroom way”. Aigoo BoA, think before you act!

“Umm… maybe this isn’t such a good idea, ahjussi. I’m not really good at this.” I tried to escape but he shook his head and smiled at me in such a fatherly way.

“Don’t worry. I think this old man still has some skill to teach you youngsters a thing or two,” he said and I beamed back at him. Gah… well~ maybe it won’t be so bad and he’s so nice…I guess I have to do it, right?

He took my right hand in his, lifting it high in the air and loosely put a hand around my upper back. The ahjussi straightened his back and I did too, trying to follow his poise. He then cast his gaze downward and I did the same, staring at our feet as we began to sway.

“One two three four, one two three four,” the ahjussi counted in a low voice and I just mimicked his every step. Hehe, it really wasn’t so bad! Wow I think I could really do this!

“One two three four, one two three four~” I began to count myself and glanced up smiling widely at my mentor. “I’m getting it, ahjussi!” I exclaimed and he grinned back.

“I’m glad,” he stated and at that moment I nearly tripped over my heels but he held me up. He let out a light chuckle. “Be careful, dear.” I blushed and nodded as I tried to get back into rhythm.


I later looked to my side and saw Kim JaeJoong with his mother a few meters away. It was funny. We were practically doing the same thing, dancing with an older partner. The music soon faded to a stop and everyone in the crowd clapped. I playfully gave the ahjussi a polite curtsey and he bowed back like a gentleman.

“I had a wonderful time sweetheart,” he said and patted me on the back of my hand.
“Me too and thank you for the five minute dance lesson, ahjussi,” I answered and let out a giggle when he laughed.
After we stopped, he waved a hand in the air. “You don’t have to say ahjussi this ahjussi that.”
I blinked at him innocently, pursed my lips and tilted my head to the side.
“I’d be happy if you can just call me Abeoji,” he added and I opened my eyes widely. He wanted me to call him my father?! What!

“Abeoji!” a familiar voice called and I swiveled around seeing Kim JaeJoong. WHAT!
The ahjussi made a slight look of surprise and then smiled gently at Kim JaeJoong with Mrs. Kim walking closely behind him.

“Yeobeo~ I see you’ve met BoA,” Mrs. Kim claimed happily and went to the ahjussi’s side. Wait no, he’s her husband! Which means that he is Kim JaeJoong’s dad and he said – he said he wanted me to call him dad too? My heart beat rapidly and my face turned hot. Imagine that.

I watched as the older couple whispered things between each other, glancing at me every second and then. What were they talking about? I then turned to face Kim JaeJoong who was staring at his parents with a dumbfounded look.

He then snapped at me and put his hands on his hips. “What did my dad say to you?” He questioned seriously and I swallowed a lump in my throat. I’m not going to tell him! He’d only laugh and tease me making me feel stupid all over again!

“N-nothing,” I replied, trying my best to control my voice from cracking. I bit on the tip of my thumb and shifted my gaze away from his. I knew that he was glaring at me but no matter what I wasn’t going to tell him anything. Never!

“Oh, JaeJoong. Leave the poor girl alone,” Mr. Kim stated and patted Kim JaeJoong on the arm. His expression fell soft and he dropped his hands from his hips.
“Abeoji—“

“It’s our little secret,” Mr. Kim said directly and then turned to me with a tiny wink. “Right, BoA?”
I smiled nervously at him and slowly nodded. Kim JaeJoong squinted one of his eyes and then he let out a huff into the air. He seemed to give up on the idea, for now.

“Let’s go have a dance together, Yeobeo,” Mrs. Kim suggested and beamed brightly at her husband.
“Yes. It’s been ages since we’ve danced,” he claimed. Aww, they were still so romantic.

“Let’s switch partners, Miss BoA,” Mr. Kim said and I widened my eyes again at Kim JaeJoong. He carried the same shocked expression. We both stared at each other for a quick two seconds and turned back, only to find that his parents were gone.

I glanced back at Kim JaeJoong but not at his eyes. He casually slipped his hands into his white pants pockets and shrugged. “Why not?”
I fully looked up at his pretty face under the light and gulped. “Huh?”
“Come on,” Kim JaeJoong said with a sly smile and grabbed me by the wrist, hurriedly pulling me to the dance floor.

:: Track 04 ::

Once he stood tall in front of me and the soft music in the background began to play, I forgot everything that I had learned from Mr. Kim in an eye’s blink. My stomach felt like it was slowly being tied into knots and it was like my legs couldn’t support my increasingly heavy body weight. What was this? Ha! Not your typical love scenario, I’ll bet.

Kim JaeJoong held my hand tightly in his right, and I felt how smooth his skin was against mine. He s a hand around the lower part of my waist and in a fast move my feet left the floor for a moment until I was a centimeter away from his body.

I couldn’t help but stare deep into those dark chocolate eyes. He smiled.

“You’re looking at me like you love me,” Kim JaeJoong stated, but his voice was very serious and even a bit sad. My heart froze and any thought, excuse, or reason that I could cough up was stuck in my throat.

He then broke into a laugh and shook his head. “I’m playing,” he claimed but for that minute, I did believe him. What would have happened if I said yes? Wait, no! Never!

I slapped him hard on the chest with the hand I had laid over his shoulder and he bent in a little, pretending like he was hurt.
“Shut up!” I shouted and squeezed the hand that I was holding even tighter.

Kim JaeJoong laughed more but quickly softened it. “Do you even know how to dance, pabo?”
I bit my lip hard and gave him a cold glare. “I said shut up!”

He smiled broadly and wet his lips with his tongue. “Let’s just both shut up and try to get this over with,” he advised.
“…Fine,” I responded and quickly looked to our feet. I needed to follow his lead. I suddenly felt his hand leave my waist and he used it to raise my chin so our eyes met.

“Just look at me,” Kim JaeJoong claimed – his features were so flawless. “And listen,” he pointed to his ears and closed his eyes. I watched as his tinted cherry lips rose into a smile. “Let the music lead you.”

I blinked a few times, capturing how good-looking he was and then let my eyelids flutter close.
A voice in my head repeated, “one two three four, one two three four…” and I just felt my feet move, as if they were alive on their own.

The world around me unexpectedly disappeared once again. It was just me, the music and Kim JaeJoong. Why was this happening? Why here? Why now? Why him?

But even with all these questions burying a place I called my sanity, a bigger question topped them all.


Why not?

:: Track 05 ::

“Thanks for coming, BoA,” Mrs. Kim said with a beam. I was glad that she was really happy on her special day.
“Thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Kim,” I responded and bowed respectfully. “Happy birthday. I had a great time.” She nodded approvingly.
“That’s good to hear, very good to hear,” Mr. Kim added and put an arm around Mrs. Kim’s shoulders. They both looked at me in such a parent-like way. It felt nice, really nice. “Come visit us often, dear.”

I gave Kim JaeJoong a quick glance and saw him smiling. I then faced Mr. and Mrs. Kim one last time before taking my leave. “I will! Good night!”


Kim JaeJoong led the way into the parking lot. His dad had let him borrow the Mercedes-Benz to give me a ride home.
As we walked against the light autumn breeze, I shuddered. Kim JaeJoong probably heard my teeth chattering because he stopped throwing his car keys into the air and spun around.

“Cold?” He asked in his airy voice and I didn’t hesitate to nod. He then walked back towards me and slipped off his white suit jacket.
“No it’s okay~ we’re almost to the car,” I told him but he did it anyway, placing the layer carefully over my small-framed shoulders. It fit nothing like a glove.
“Whatever, I’m starting to feel hot so you can have it,” Kim JaeJoong claimed and puffed up his cheeks, fanning himself in the process. Pft, he so lied and yet, I liked it.

He eventually turned around and started walking again. I trailed behind, enjoying myself by staring at the back of his head. I really liked moments like this. If only we could be like this, always.

I shut my eyes tightly and paused in my spot. Still – it was weird to be talking like this. I really wasn’t supposed to like anyone, especially not the dummy Kim JaeJoong… but it seems, every encounter, every meeting and every moment, I was falling deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit. How much longer can I last before I completely give in? Am I ever going to get over this? Over him?

… Maybe. But for now, perhaps I should just love him.

“Pabo! What’s taking you so long?!” Kim JaeJoong yelled from the distance and I woke up from my thoughts, trudging the rest of way in my retarded high heels towards the Benz. “Hurry!”

“Shut up!” I shouted and for some reason ended up laughing as I ran.
“You’re not funny okay?” I said when I caught up to him and hopped in to ride shotgun. He didn’t take me very seriously and scoffed to the air.

“You don’t know the first thing about being funny,” Kim JaeJoong replied playfully as I slammed my door shut and he ignited the engine.
“Well you know what’s not funny?” I asked and gazed at his perfect profile.
“What?” he wondered out loud and turned to me – a clueless expression written over his face.

That I love you.

“That my feet hurt like crazy!” I shrieked and bent down to throw off my heels. He made a disgusted face.
“Ew! Your feet smell! Don’t take those off!” he warned and swatted the air around him. He even rolled down the windows and began to drive out of the parking lot.

“No they don’t!” I argued and picked up my legs, placing them on the dashboard in front of me. “My feet are so pretty and they smell nice all the time, okay?”
Kim JaeJoong peeked at my feet from the corner of his eye and blushed. “Yah! Did you forget that you’re wearing a dress?”

I widened my eyes. Oh god! I fumbled to get my legs down but somehow got them all tangled. It took me a while to get back to sitting the proper way.

“Sorry~” I apologized and pulled my shiny pearl dress over my knees as far as they would reach.
“Hey, don’t be sorry. It was you you that was embarrassed, not me,” he said with a laugh and I twisted my lips to one side. I was fast to sock him a punch on the arm, which I shouldn’t have done because he was driving.

“Yah!” he yelled and I covered my face soon after. My punch made him move the steering wheel too much and for a second, we were in the wrong lane. “Don’t do that! It’s not funny!”
I crossed my arms, slumped in my seat and stuck my tongue out at him. “You don’t know the first thing about being funny,” I shot back and he snapped at me with a glare once we slowed to a red traffic light.

After a minute, we simultaneously huffed and looked in the opposite direction. I studied the lights outside the car window and he focused on driving. The rest of the way was quiet.

:: Track 06 ::

“Don’t forget to put on your shoes, pabo,” Kim JaeJoong oh so kindly told me as I pulled off the seatbelt and made sure that nothing fell out of my purse. I didn’t want him to have a reason to contact me because I left my cell phone in his car or something.

“I’m not that stupid,” I answered through my gritted teeth and slipped the heels back on. Boy was I never wearing these again. I then glared at him with an “are-you-happy?” look and he put up a hand to stop me from leaving. “What now?”

His dark chocolate eyes were gentle and he smiled sincerely. “…Thanks for coming.”
I widened my eyes but didn’t move. He’s so random and yet I wanted to hear him say more or louder so that I could mask the uncontrollable beating noise of my heart.

“I know that it seemed like I didn’t want you there but I’ll admit it… I’m glad that you came,” Kim JaeJoong said and I began to twiddle my fingers in my lap nervously.
“It beat standing around and being harassed by those other girls you know,” he added and I smiled, sadly.

“I’d much rather spend time with you for a million days than have to talk to any one of them for a fraction of a second,” Kim JaeJoong continued and I picked up my head in hope again.
“And…” his voice trailed off and I tilted my head, wondering what more he had to say.

He bit his lip and looked into my eyes. “You looked really beautiful tonight.”


… Ha? My entire system melted on the inside, releasing the butterflies that had been fluttering inside of my stomach for the past week. I couldn’t believe it. He was just joking right? I’m just waiting for his “I’m kidding” but there was no sign.

He then coughed and blinked his dark chocolate eyes. He turned away to clear his throat. I saw his hands grip the steering wheel like he needed something to hold onto.

“Th-thank you,” I replied after a long silence but didn’t move. He eventually spoke again after buying enough time to think of what to follow up that comment with.

“Okay, good night,” he abruptly said and waved with a face that suddenly sported no humiliation at all. It was like it never happened. I raised an eyebrow but didn’t question his strange behavior. Gradually, I opened the car door and got out.

“Oh and pabo,” Kim JaeJoong brought up and I turned around a final time. He put a finger to his plump lips and made a “shh” noise. “I promise that I won’t tell Yoochun. Haha, good night!”

My blood boiled and I clenched a fist in the air. “Kim JaeJoong!”
He laughed and droved off before I gave him a good scolding. “Yah!” I screamed and pointed at the back of his car as it sped off into the night.

That dummy. I hate him so much!


But it was so much that I love him just as much.


Does that even make any sense?


Sigh, Kim JaeJoong. What have you done? What have you done…