She keeps writing about him. They tell her her words are beautiful, she doesn't know why. Maybe because they were written for him and he's beautiful. But what they don't know is she stares at the blank ing piece of paper and all she feels is rage, anger and frustration. She writes down these things but it never comes close to how she feels. If actions could be translated to words, she would write her shouting in her ing car because his favourite song came up on her god damned radio again. She would write her standing in the shower while the scolding water burns on her skin as she try to think of the exact moment she lost him. Then she would write her shutting off the water in total defeat because she realized she never even had him. She would write how the fire started in her chest when she saw the pictures of him and her. She has never envied a stranger so much before. She would write how her eyes burn as she continue to stare at the goddamn ceiling at 3 a.m missing him - being up that late was only fun when he was around. 

She really wished he was there. 

And now, she doesn't even know how to end her writings because there is no poetic way to say how she feels like ing .

Honestly, it is so ing crazy how a person can make you feel like and put you through so much yet you still feel so much for them. It's so pathetic because you go back every time you get the chance thinking it'll be different but it ends up leaving you worse than before. It destroys you more when the person you hold your trust on so tight and strong, breaks it and leaves you there in pieces in so many different ways. It's pathetic when she think of the way humans lives.The cycle everyone goes through - from strangers to friends and to someone they love and if it's not your luck, you're back to where you started. It is such an unworthy cycle. She trusted him more than she trusted herself. She gave her all in the friendship they had. She got his back all the ing time and to be getting her heart broken from the same guy after whatever she's done for him - she realised whatever they had was complete . 

Kai was her bestfriend ever since 9th grade. She had him all over her the first time they met. He had the biggest crush on her but it all was crafted into a beautiful friendship instead. They learned how they were young and still so attached to so many other things in life that they are to experience and there was no way they were gonna lose that chance to that little kid crush he had. They grew together. They grew not only physically but the mindset they had on them was mature as well. She never regretted having him in her life. The first time he got a girlfriend, it didn't affect her that much because it had always been expected. Kai was every women's dream and not to lie, it was Minji's too. There is a spark in him that makes girls fall for him instantly and she didn't like that. AT ALL. However, the first relationship didn't work and he was back to going through and fro Minji's apartment for late night movies and an 12 a.m feast like the good ol' days. Until he met this other beautiful lady which even Minji was crushing on. Now that, that lady and that relationship made her realise how it was not anymore a love for a bestfriend but a love for him as a guy himself. bestfriends. She don't even know what that means anymore between them. 

Oct 21st 2012.

Kai confessed that day. He couldn't hold it in any longer and she never knew she could evoke such feelings for someone. And it all began that day - on the couch, watching Love Rosie with bag of chips on the palm of their hands. It was special that way. They didn't need fancy and cliche set ups to start whatever they want to because to them, the simplest things are always the best. That too was the day Kai owned half of her closet as well as the left side of her bed. He had always thought of moving in because one, she's always there, her face alone is enough for him to start his day brightly. Two, he had always found her apartment remarkably beautiful. She had clean a touch of greenery and her whole apartment is black and white. So simple yet classy. Just like her. Anyway, life was great the full two years.Everything went well, the little arguments they had was easy to brush off because c'mon, the eight years they have spend together are bound to unnessecary arguments. Two years of love and beautiful relationship until he destroyed it. 

January 18 2015.

 She never felt right with the idea of restraunts and fancy wines but they had done it a couple of times and the thought of Kai in a suit again was enough to brush off the awkward feeling she had. Minji quickly grabbed her purse when she heard Kai calling from the living room as he nagged about how slow she was and even said h by the time she was done, he would have already turn into skeleton. She rolled her eyes at the over exageration as she put on her heels. Just before she reached for the doorknob, she heard a vibration and it wasn't coming from her because her phone was in her hand. She turned to find Kai's phone lying on the bed as she shook her head. This guy sure knows how to nag without looking at his ownself. Not bothering to check who texted him, she grabbed the phone before the screen lighted up and the phone vibrating again. showing a text message that she never expected him to recieve. She didn't want to believe it but she opened it anyway, tapping on it as she keyed in his password. 

'Baby I can't wait to see you.."

'Oh my god,  just the thought of you, god. call me soon!!"

Her hands were shaking. Like there wasn't a single ounce of energy in her entire body as she held the phone tightl before clenching her teeth. Her attention was everywhere in the room, she was raging and there was no amount of control she had on her anymore. The door to the room creaked open, revealing a nagging Kai before he stopped when he saw his phone in her hands. Ignoring the big lump in , she looked up to see him. Staring right into his soul and she knew none of them had no chance of turning back anymore. Kai frowned, walking slowly towards her as he traced her arms lightly.

"What's wrong?" He was taken aback as Minji let out a huff when she smiled and looked at him.

"What's wrong?" She arch her eyebrows as she threw the phone on the bed. Clenching her teeth, she began to speak again. "You tell me what's wrong."

His eye widened as he looked at his phone bouncing lightly on the s before landing on the pillow. His attention turned back to her when she voiced out again. 

"Why? You worried? You worried your phone might fall on the floor and break into ing pieces and you can't in contact her anymore?" She smirked and huffed. "What's wrong? Ha. What the is wrong with me? What is it that she has and I don't that you're not satisfied with? Her body? Her ing face? Well honey, all that because she's a once she turns into someones side chick!" 

"Listen, I-"

"No. Let ME talk. Whatever you have to say, you can just keep it to yourself and leave. You're no different from her anymore. Both are completely ed up and I deserve someone who loves me for who I am and only has eyes on me." Kai moved to grab her hands once she mentioned him leaving as he shook his head continously.

"How could you huh?" She snatched her hand away from his grasp. "How could you ing do this to me when all I had was you and with all I've ever put in for this ing relationship to work. I was scared. I was so scared of how ed up we could get and if we can ever work things out. But this. This we can't work out because once a cheater, always a cheater."

"Minji just hear me ou-"

"So now i suggest you pack your stuff, get whatever you need and leave."

"To where Gong Minji!"

"TO HELL!"

January 19 2015.

The next day was dreadful. Her mind replayed the pictures of them on his phone and the texts they shared. It was depressing and hurtful. Kai came the next day to grab the last few things he had left. Wiping her tears as she heard the door bell ring. She stretched out for the doorknob, Kai welcoming her at the doorstep as she frowned, staring at him as she looked up. She needed to look like she was confident, she couldn't afford to fall and break into pieces. Just not yet. She crossed her arms as she stepped aside, leaning against the wall next to her as she stared at the tall lean body, walking into the room to pick up the boxes. She stared at him still as he look down and walked pass her. His face was pale and tired. Eyes so red and his eyes bag was standing out way more clearer than how it always does. 

"Minji.." He grabbed her arm as she rolled her eyes, pushing him away as she went back inside - closing the door. She heard sighs and faint steps indicating he had left and just then she broke down. 

Everything came crashing at once. She was so hurt and upset. So many feelings in her that she couldn't comprehend. Everything seemed to be falling in her world because all she ever trusted was him eversince mom and dad died. No one else. But him. She thought about the girl in his arms again and her mind was wrecked, her heart was in pieces, everything seemed like a jigsaw puzzle scrambled everywhere. 

January 25th 2015.

A week has passed and nothing has changed. All she knew was that the feeling was creeping onto her horrendously and everything is just so messed up. Her face was as bad as Kai when he came to pick up his stuff the last time. And her mind was wrecked and her heart was in pieces. She was depressed and so hurt, her life after was so dull and boring. She felt so empty. Like the world could just cave in on her and fall inside. She was so tired because it seemed like he doesn't see her the way she sees him and like he's the humming in her veins while she's just the dust on his fingertips. The feeling worsens at 2 a.m as she stays awake because everytime she closes her eyes, his picture burns in her eyelids and the thought of him sits at the back on her brain. It saddens her more when she finally accepted this misery because she knew there was no turning back. She loved him but if he did.. if he really did, then why'd he cheated.. why'd he leave?

February 27 2015.

She was getting better. She went back to drinking coffee at the cafe she always goes to across the street, she went on dates, she started writing again and occupied herself with little things that could make her feel better. A month had gone by but a month wasn't enough to wipe off all the pain she was feeling. That night she thought of pampering herself. No more of dwelling on the past and more of moving forward to get her together. But as the door bell rung and after seeing the person behind it - everything she thought of dissapeared in a flash. 

"Kai." 

He didn't change much. He was in the outfit that she loved, the casual khaki sweater he had on and a pair of blue jeans. He had his hands stuck in his pockets when she saw him as he looked down, too guilty to face her. 

"I can't do-"

"Listen I came because I missed you. So much that it hurts so bad. I need you. I really do. Eight years and I can't afford to lose you like that. Please. I was a . I know that clearly but you didn't deserve that. You deserve all the love because you needed me, i was the only one there after they left. But I destroyed everything and I want nothing else in the world but you. Because I truly, sincerely, am very in love with you. It's so ing crazy how mad you make me when I'm alone because you very well know I love to be alone and I always want to be alone but I just crave you. Again and again but I know all that won't result to anything if I atleast don't tell you all this. I don't want to lose you Gong Minji. I would annihilate myself before I hurt you even a little bit. I hope you find the happiness you have been pretending to have and I want to be the one helping you with it and I just love you so much."

Kai sighed as he looked at her facial expression. Nothing was there. She had a pokerface on as she tilted her head before leaning on the arm rest on the couch. Her eyes raised slowly to look at him as she raised her head. 

"Well you can't spell dissapointment without men." 

Someone that was once a stranger turned to be someone she held on to in life because he was the only person she had. The stranger she once met was now the person she knows like the back of her hand. It caved into a beautiful friendship. Now, someone she once had no emotions for, now has the power to break her heart.Someone she never thought she would loved, now owns her heart. Some she once lived without,she now wish to hold on forever. All this ends with something so --tragic and they're back to where they started. It was such an unworthy cycle. 

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Thanks to shaylove93 for the idea. Though I don't know if it's the kind of plot you're looking for HAHA but I really had fun writing this!! Hope you like it, much love.