finally. we are here. loong journey of Black n Blue. I hope you all have good time reading it.

 

 

 

      “You monster! You killed my son! You killed my son!”

      “HELP, JUNSU! I’M DROWNING!”

      “You left me because of that nobody? You married him and broke our engagement promise?”

      “You ruin Changmin’s future!”

Junsu takes all the blame on him with head hung low. He knows he has to pay for every sin he has committed and done. He will not deny any of those truths revealed before him. Who is he to deny? It’s him damaging people’s lives.

      “Please leave Changmin out of it.” He whispers to the repetitive accusing voices addressed to him. “Loving him is the only mistake I never regret.”

 

Jonghyun’s speaking ability gone in seconds.

      “I told you not to make noise.” Yoochun warns the stunned Jonghyun who stares unhealthily at Changmin’s husband.

      “What are you looking at, buddy?” Changmin moves to smack his friend’s head.

Jonghyun ignores the powerful smack on his head. He turns to Changmin but produces no sound. His finger points at Junsu’s stained dark jeans.

      “What?” Changmin frowns and follows the finger’s direction. “Huh?”

Jonghyun shakes his head. Changmin told him twice or three times when Changmin was out of his self control missing Junsu that his husband had nosebleed. He heard it first time in high school after one time Changmin skipped school saying Junsu was sick. Was it.. is it like this?

      “Um..

Changmin nearly leaps over the passenger’s headboard when he finally registers what Jonghyun tries to tell him. Yoochun curses and hastily kicks the brake to halt the car. What the fuss?

      “Junsu.” Changmin invades the back seat uncaring with Jonghyun’s loud groaning voice. Jonghyun moves out of the back seat in difficulty. He climbs out of the car with scrunched face and grim look.

      “Junsu.” Changmin harshly pulls Junsu to face him. He nearly lets out a splitting scream but he manages to hold it back in time. Junsu is pale. Blood has colored his pale face from his nose to his jaw. “For God’s sake don’t do this again.”

Yoochun gives Jonghyun a stern asking look but loses his question once he sees the cause.

      “How..

      “He’s too tired.” Changmin growls, cursing at himself. “ Junsu, wake up.”

      “err.. Min..”

      “Drive! We must find clinic fast!” Changmin yells as he cups Junsu’s face and wipes the thick dark red liquid mildly running down from Junsu’s nose. “Hurry!!”

Jonghyun jumps to the driver seat. It’s not a cop time to drive under the rules. He knows Changmin well enough to trace bitter worry and silent exploded danger inside his friend’s fragile cover. It’s his Jonghyun time to take action. He drives like mad as Changmin tries to wake Junsu up from his down awareness. Yoochun types messages furiously on his phone. He doesn’t lift any finger to protest over the fast speed. He never witnesses Junsu and his known nosebleed (Hyukjae described it in graphic ability and based on what his medical team told him when Yoochun asked them to read Junsu’s medical record, it sounded bad) first hand and he, once again, never expects to be granted such luxury to experience it right now.

      “Junsu.” Changmin shakes the man in his hold. “Why? You asked me to go back to Greyfair last night. You asked me to go home. We are going home. We are going to place you want us to go. Why? Why?”

Junsu doesn’t respond. His nosebleed stops temporarily. Changmin uses his muffler to wipe and absorb the liquid staining Junsu’s front right shirt and jeans. “You always torture yourself.”

 

      “I met mom often.” Junho sneers. “She told me she wanted to end it and go with me everytime I meet her. I always told her to bear it a bit more. A little longer. I want her to wait for you.”

      “Wait.. for.. me?” Junsu locks his gaze at his fourteen years old twin.

      “Yes. For you. So we can be together again.” The boy widens his sneer. “I miss you dearly, Susu”

 

      “How long has he been unconscious?”

      “Um.. an hour? Maybe more. We are not sure.”

      “Our clinic doesn’t have adequate equipments to treat seriously injured patient, sir. We’ll do what we can. Please wait outside.”

Changmin fists his palms.

      “I’ll go on to GreyFair. Jonghyun, you stay here with Changmin.”

 

Changmin holds Junsu’s hand after the nurses left the ward. Jonghyun blinks his eyes over and over not to fall asleep on the waiting couch. He can hardly hear what Changmin speaks to the unconscious husband. Who wants to hear anyway? His own mood is as bright as black and white rainbow.

      “Junsu, love. If you can hear me, I know you can. You promised you won’t leave me, didn’t you?” Changmin whispers very slowly. “I don’t know what’s going on. You always shoulder all burden alone.” He rubs Junsu’s smooth cheek with his finger. “Wake up, please. If you mean your words that you love me, wake up. Stop scaring me.”

Junsu’s regular weak breathing is the constant reminder that Junsu is just having another phase of sleeping. Changmin shouldn’t let himself worry too much. Changmin should have known it’s just Junsu’s exhaustion side effect.

      “I Love you.” Changmin whispers in his lowest tone. The days I spent together with you are the best time of my life.”

Stupid. Why does he say something that sounds like good bye? Stupid Changmin! Stupid he is but he senses the distinct differences from Junsu’s usual nosebleed case and being Changmin, he doesn’t tolerate a single thing drawing Junsu away from him.

      “Junsu.. Do you know how bad my heart is when I see blood tainting your beautiful you? Do you know how many times I wanted to give up and let go of life but I couldn’t because of you?”

Junsu is peacefully sleeping.

      “You don’t know. You didn’t know. How could you know? You always keep everything inside you. Even after we’re married, you st-

Junsu’s fingers slowly move giving Changmin’s hand a very weak inaudible squeeze. It halts Changmin’s sentence mid way.

Changmin’s heart bursts out like long held back hard rain. He is trembling when he leans forward to kiss Junsu’s pale lips.

      “Someone… must.. remind.. you.. that.. you’d.. better.. kill.. me.. than.. pulling.. a prank.. like.. you did.. to.. me..” Changmin’s suppressed tears wet Junsu’s cheek. “If.. you.. forget.. somehow.. I’ll.. say.. it.. again..you.. are.. my ..sun.”

Junsu’s weak hand raises pulling Changmin’s back, rubbing it slowly.

Jonghyun blinks. He hears and sees the sappy drama cut played in front of him. He’s just witnessed one hidden side of Changmin he never knows it exists. Crazy, but true.

 

     

Three weeks later.

 

      “Where’s Max?” Alejandro taps his fingers impatiently on his mahogany desk. “He’s supposed to be here five minutes ago to talk about the exhibition collaboration!”

The personal efficient secretary says nothing. Since the news of Max’s coming back assisting some classes traveled faster everywhere among art communities, Andromeda has been flocked with expectant calls and booking ins. What a waste. The said man is officially taken and married to someone they know nothing about yet the hopeful eyes still hang on the end of their loose rope. Such a band of losers.

      “He signed for three years freelance assistance yesterday, didn’t he?”

      “Yes, sir.”

      “Did you find out any other art course offers him better money?”

      “So far he’s been rejecting any other offer but ours, sir.”

      “Hm.. that’s a relief. The Cho agreed to close the suit outside court and Max is back with us. Good.”

The secretary sighs. The discussed person finally makes an entrance in the head office. He flashes a quick smile to the secretary and walks gracefully toward the awaiting director in command.

      “I’m sorry I’m late, sir. Traffic.”

      “You should leave earlier.” Alejandro scolds his renewed freelancer. “Traffic is the same everyday.”

      “Kinda take time to readjust.”

      “Huh. One semester away and you try to say that you forget how to survive GreyFair’s roads?”

They discuss about the collaboration. Changmin is expected to contribute his designing touch on behalf of Andromeda’s name. Alejandro wants to use Changmin’s deep emotional final impression on their art creations. Four people join the discussion after an hour. Two senior instructors who are also artists and two selected students whose latest art projects caught Alejandro’s attention. All are expected to take part in the exhibition. Changmin tells them that he hasn’t drawn anything much for the past six months. Alejandro gives him two weeks to summon his ‘hands’ back and collaborate with one of the instructor. The head of Andromeda art course also reminds Changmin to handle the assigned classes well since the young art designer only teaches three classes in two days. This stubborn Max refused persistently to handle more classes. He said it clearly that he just work on Tuesday and Thursday. Not that he works somewhere else but he has personal reasons. Alejandro knows the sole reason. Junsu.

 

Jaejoong is patiently explaining about the agency clauses to Junsu when one of the senior employees knocks on his office door.

      “Lawyer Lee is here, sir.”

      “Send him in, please.” Jaejoong smiles. “Looks like your lawyer is doing his best.”

Lee Hyukjae enters Jaejoong’s spacious simple yet elegant office a minute later. He wears suite and carries his work case as usual but the smile on his face betrays his formal appearance.

      “Yo.. Dolph!” Hyukjae half runs and hugs his friend. Junsu laughs receiving and returning the hearty greeting. “Hello, sir.”

      “No hugging for me?” Jaejoong teases. He has stood from his chair when Hyukjae entered. He knows by instinct that lawyer Lee will drop all formalities once he meets Junsu. “Am I not your friend too, gentlemen?”

      “Well, president Kim.” Hyukjae snickers. He gives Jaejoong a quick light hug. “You are the third president of the global Kim’s book stores. Bowing or shaking hand is more acceptable. Besides, you are our boss.”

      “EX” Jaejoong scrunches his nose in disgust. “I’m your friend today. You don’t work for me anymore. And if you do, we are in equal term.” He crosses his arms in annoyance.

      “Monkey is right, sir. You are forever our best caring boss to us.” Junsu adds the merry.

Jaejoong grins hearing the compliment. Well, he is indeed everyone’s most loved and favorite employer. He’s kind and helpful to the employees regardless their positions and ranks in the store. The store where Jaejoong chooses to work is always the leading one compared to the other three branches.

      “Have a seat, gentlemen.” Jaejoong sits back on his chair. “Junsu and I are going through some clauses proposed by my acquaintance's agency.”

 

 

Mr. Shim wears his jacket. He is going to Mrs. Tiffany to tend her garden. He meets Junsu in their living room tidying up newspapers and used cups on the table.

      “I’m going.” He zips his jacket to its fullest end. “I’ll go drinking with friends later after the garden is done.”

      “Will you have dinner at home, please, … Dad?” Junsu is still awkward addressing his husband’s father as dad but the oldest man in their house insists.

The father smiles in understanding. He knows why Changmin loves his ex guardian so much. Behind the politeness façade, Junsu is warm and attentive to people he cares. His son in law always gives him company when the father has his meal despite the odd timing. The father and son rarely eat meal together but since Junsu came to their house, eating is never alone anymore. It’s such refreshing changes to the static-like relationship between Mr. Shim and Changmin. When they happen to have dinner together, Junsu would initiate light conversation among them and brings light chuckles and wide smiles on their faces. Changmin will be more playful around his father’s presence and Mr. Shim would throw one or two jokes that lead pinkish color on Junsu’s cheeks. Changmin loves seeing Junsu’s beaten expression from his father’s jokes. Scratch that. He loves everything about Junsu.

      “I think I’ll have dinner outside tonight, son.”

      “but, dad..”

      “One of my fellows is celebrating his daughter’s acceptance in university. Free dinner for our group. All we can eat and drink till we drop. Don’t worry.” He pats Junsu’s shoulder gently. “I might go home very late. Don’t stay up waiting for me. I bring my spare key.”

      “Dad..

      “Going.” The father is nearly sneering. He exits their house humming happily. Life is finally better. All those wasted years are gradually paid cent by cent. His biggest mistake abandoning his family and children starts to gain forgiveness from his son. He knows he has lost his wife and daughter for good but God still grants him a son to at least giving him a chance of redemption.

Junsu watches Mr. Shim’s back view as the father leaving and humming in cheerful mood. He wonders how his own father is. He never hears a thing about Kim Dong Wan since his grandparents’ funeral. Is he healthy? Is he happy? Does he eat well? Does he have good companies? He kind of misses his father.

 

Changmin gives a surprise hug on Junsu’s slim waist. The startled man almost twists and breaks Changmin’s bones as his reflex defense but Changmin’s so well recognized laughter and breaths blown onto his nape abort Junsu’s counter attack.

      “Don’t do that, Min.” Junsu half pants from the surprise. “I don’t like to be touched without warning.”

      “I know, Suuuu..” Changmin lifts Junsu’s light weight up from the floor, teasing. “Can’t help it. You are too distracting.”

Junsu makes grudge noise of disapproval.

      “Meet Jaejoong today?”

      “Let me ….

      “Like the proposed contract?”

      “SHIM CHANGMIN!”

      “Kim. I’m married to you.”

      “STOP! Stop!”

      “Don’t want to.”

      “KIM CHANGMIN!!”

Changmin laughs and loosens his hug.

      “Don’t kiss me like that here. Your father lives with us!”

      “This is my house, Shim Junsu. I do what I want and what I need to do to my husband. Period.”

      “Bragging much, eh? And you said you hate show-off people.”

      “I show off just in front of you.” Changmin sticks out his tongue. He lets go of his hug but leans his chest on Junsu’s back. “I get two weeks to practice my drawing skill. Alejandro orders me to take part in his collaboration exhibition with association of South East Asian artists. Sounds like mega cut for Andromeda’s promotion army.”

      “Drawing?”

      “I’ll start with drawing a sleeping Junsu.”

Junsu pinches Changmin’s arm.

      “Ouch!”

      “You drew food a lot in high school!” Junsu pushes his pouting husband rubbing the pinched arm. “Start with that.” He turns around and heads to the kitchen.

Hoho. Changmin hasn’t told Junsu who he drew the most.

 

      “Mama Lee invites us for dinner this Friday.” Junsu places a larger bowl of chicken stew in front of Changmin. He adds more chicken stripes on to changmin’s rice portion too out of habit. Changmin’s eyes widen, silently disapproving at Junsu’s habit placing more dish on his plate than Junsu’s own one. Ever since Changmin forbade him working when they left GreyFair, Junsu used the same excuse to force indulge his husband taking more portion than him. “You’re working for both of us. You must eat better.” Was his excuse when they were in EdgeBank. “You use physical force to carry and deliver farm crops to far market. I just help a little in a nice comfy grocery store.” was his excuse when they stayed in ShadeCut. He wonders what his husband’s reason for now. They live in a small modest house; some parts of it are still under construction. Changmin goes to Andromeda only on Tuesday and Thursday because he has to keep an eye on his stubborn husband. Junsu is strongly banned from doing any outdoor work (everyone agrees. Yoochun did a well done job depicting Junsu’s nosebleed condition on the way back to GreyFair. His last medical check (Junsu threw a fit at it) states Junsu needs (Changmin reads it as must) proper rest, good nutrition (Junsu bit Changmin’s arm when Donghae explained the suggested what to and what not to eat) and regular monitoring over his intern cuts. For both of his brain and gastric system.

      “What do you think?” Junsu takes his seat.

      “Sounds fun. Only both of us or she invites other people too?” Changmin lifts his plate and bowl to be exchanged with the ones laid in front of Junsu. Junsu’s opened mouth seeing what his husband is doing gets a meaningful smirk from Changmin.

      “Why do you swap your shares?” Junsu stands up, intending on getting back his well arranged plate and bowl. Changmin stands faster and pushes Junsu down to sit back on his chair.

      “Sit and eat up!” He orders.

      “Min..

      “You owe me a lot, remember?”

Yes. Junsu remembered Changmin’s broken look when he opened his eyes after meeting Junho in his sleep. Changmin was crying soundlessly wetting Junsu’s cheek and collar. Junsu didn’t realize what’s happening. He remembered he fell asleep after Yoochun took over the steering wheel. He was pushed to the back seat to get his rest. He remembered pecking Changmin’s hair before he sat on the back seat beside Jonghyun. He was a bit dizzy from too much driving and too much thinking on how to fix things. He leaned aside because he didn’t want to take more space needed by Jonghyun. He closed his eyes and met Junho. Why was Changmin crying? What’s wrong?

      “Don’t ever do this to me anymore, Junsu. I beg you, please. Don’t scare me like hell!”

Junsu couldn’t find his voice as soon as he needed to ask what’s going on. Changmin’s miserable look and wet eyes were invading his most concern. He wanted to get up from.. bed? Not car? Were they already in GreyFair? Did he sleep that long?

      “Min.. are you alright?”

He was pulled to a warm embrace. Changmin was sobbing lowly hugging him like a toddler hugging his most precious belonging.

      “Eat more.”

      “I’m human, hero, not machine.”

Changmin curls his lips and nose.

      “Eating too much is bad.” Junsu reaches Changmin’s hand. “Don’t use that face, please.”

      “You promised you’d do everything I say for a year!” Changmin fakes an irritated look.

      “I vowed to do anything you want for the rest of my life when we married, Min.”

      “But you still throw rain and ocean of excuses not to go to have your wound examined.”

      “You also vowed to listen to me, hero.” Junsu lightly smiles. Changmin is truly forever nineteen in Junsu’s eyes.

      “I listen to you all the time.” Changmin is annoyed for real this time. How to win over Junsu? “I didn’t punch that Cho’s face. I went to clinic just for a simple light fever. I stayed home to rest and let you go working. I ate more than you. I wore new shirts you bought for me. I did-

      “I love you.”

      “You always say that whenever I try to make you listen to me!”

      “um.. am I not allowed to say it anymore? I love Kim Changmin?”

      “YOU!”

Junsu laughs seeing Changmin’s angry face.

---------

     

      “What are you writing?”

      “Nothing.”

      “Nothing means occupying my working room for hours?” Changmin’s folded arms emphasize his complaint of being ignored. “Not even send a text.”

      “I thought you will work till late.” Junsu leaves his desk and walks approaching his husband. He smiles and lands a greeting kiss on Changmin’s jaw. “Don’t want to interrupt my husband’s creative hours.”

      “Excuses.” Changmin rolls his eyes. “I met Cho Kyuhyun today.” His hand is held loosely by Junsu.

      “Did he say anything to you?” Junsu pulls Changmin to sit with him on the couch in their living room.

      “I didn’t give him a chance. I sped off after hearing someone mentioning his name.” Changmin sits facing his husband. “Don’t tell me you are going to greet him if you happen to meet him.”

      “I will.” Junsu nods.

      “Thanking him?” Changmin raises one of his eyebrows.

      “Apologize, maybe.”

      “Huh?”

      “I made you using him to go to Alastair. He must be very upset when he realized you tricked his sincerity to see me.”

      “Why you? It’s my fault. I should be the one apologizing but he said those awful words to you so we are even.” Changmin pouts.

      “Because I’m your husband.” Junsu’s fingers play with Changmin’s longer hair end. “Anything you do, I have half responsibility on it.”

      “You are not my guardian anymore, Suuuu..”

      “Never was.”

      “What? What do you mean?” Changmin demands.

      “Dad said he’d have dinner outside again.”

      “Junsuuuuuu….” Changmin whines. “You haven’t answered! What do you meeaaaannn? Never be my guardian whaaaattttt???”

How couldn’t I see you as nineteen, Kim Changmin?

 

 

      “Welcome to Giffest Art exhibition.”

Junsu bows his head slightly at the man in suit greeting him. Mr. Shim is standing next to Junsu, bowing his head lower than Junsu. He feels a bit out of place since he knows nothing about art and he is wearing a complete outfit of one fine branded suit. Junsu chose it for him.

      “Thank you.” Junsu replies politely. “um.. this is Mr. Shim’s father.” He introduces his father in law to the man. The man smiles and extends his hand to shake.

      “You must be Max’s husband.”

Junsu’s cheeks go a bit warm. He shakes the man’s hand formally.

      “I’m Alenjandro Suarez. Max’s ex instructor and senior advisor here. Have a look. Your husband’s paintings are awesome. People are praising left and right on them.”

Junsu thanks the friendly man again before he excuses himself and his father in law to take a look around. He holds Mr. Shim’s hand to ease the father’s discomfort being in the middle of such festivity. They meet Jaejoong and gummy (VVIP invitation), Yoochun and Yunho (VIP invitation), The Lee family (VVIP), Jonghyun and his beautiful date (Junsu likes the nice sweet girl), and Jinwoon and his friend. They make fun of Changmin’s paintings because they know well it’s all Junsu in disguise though Junsu denies it to no end (it’s a library corner, jinwoon! Oh yeah? Why do I see you among the books? You write, right?). Yunho is shining with happiness seeing one of Changmin’s paintings. It’s his shelter for homeless children and people. Yoochun points at their figures in the painting after five minutes close examination. Yunho takes a second better look and indeed, he finds two back views that funnily look like a detective and a social advisor standing side by side smiling in joy. Gummy spots his husband’s half painted figure in the library painting. Jaejoong almost jumps when he recognizes the typical sweater suit he wears in the painting. The Lees are pictured in one painting called ‘homemade’ while Jonghyun and Jinwoon are found amidst the students in ‘spirit to learn’. The father is specially portrayed as himself in one self portrait. Mr. Shim beams at the painting. No title pinned under the framed painting but he knows it’s him. The garden implies further at what he does. Changmin chooses his father as gardener than as cleaning service.

      “Where’s Max?”

      “Meeting the important guests?” Junsu shrugs. He hasn’t seen Changmin since he arrived at the exhibition.

      “He sent invitations to the Wang too.” Hyukjae informs. “I met your fiance’s man in the entrance.”

      “Jiro?”

      “Not your fiancé, dolph. One of his men. Aaron or something.”

      “Eh? Where’s he now?”

      “Duno. I haven’t had chance talking to him. Did your husband invite your aunt?”

      “Who? Oh.. you mean mong ji.” Junsu chuckles. “Yes, he did. Too bad, MongJi couldn’t make time to come here.”

      “I’m so curious of her.”

      “She’s really nice person.” Junsu smiles.

      “Yeah. I bet she is.” hyukjae nods twice. “Donghae said you have to get your monthly check next week.”

      “Do you have to rub it everywhere that you married a wonderful doctor?” Junsu groans. His friend laughs at Junsu’s suddenly turned sour face.

      “Face it, dolph. You have to go or I’ll tell Changmin.”

      “Why are you so noisy?” Junsu pushes the lawyer playfully. “Go lecture someone else, monkey.”

      “I think I’ll do just that.” Hyukjae smirks when he sees who is coming to Junsu. “Mom wants to take picture. You’d better do it.” He winks and leaves Junsu.

Picture? Oh right. Mrs. Lee wants to have Junsu’s picture displayed on her wall next to his second son’s picture. He is considered family by the Lee.

Junsu catches the hand circled over his waist fast. He’s about to spin and throw the hand’s owner on the ground when he recognizes the warm scent tickling his sense.

      “I told you not to touch me without warning.” Junsu hisses in slight irritation. “This is public place!”

      “I thought you’ve learned by now that the only person doing this to you is your husband.”

Junsu pulls Changmin’s hand so that he can face the tall man in perfectly shaped suit. Changmin looks extra ordinarily good tonight. His hair is groomed and styled well enhancing his sharp facial features. The suit he wears is cut and accentuated Changmin’s hard labor worked out body. The fabric hugs Changmin’s long legs like running water on a still river.  He smells nice too. Junsu can’t hold the bursting proud inside him. This nineteen year old man (for Junsu) is his husband. Beautifully handsome inside out.

      “How do I look?” Changmin grins seeing Junsu’s eyes checking him out in appreciation.

      “Um.. good?” Junsu answers half heartedly.

      “Just good?” Changmin is disappointed.

      “Extremely good.” Junsu’s genuine smile says thousand real meanings than his words. Changmin gets the message. He beams and locks their fingers together.

      “You look dazzling.” He comments. “Dad told me you picked his suit for him. Thank you.” He leads Junsu to one aisle on the right section of the exhibition hall. “I want to show you this.” Changmin stops in front of one clothed in blue cashmere painting. “Just finished it this morning.” He uncovers the square frame and reveals half of one large painting to Junsu. “It’s not for sale. I painted it for you.”

It stuns Junsu. It’s him writing something on what looks like a mini wooden table. He wears light crème sweater and looks very concentrated on the task.

Changmin flips the covering fabric out to fully expose the whole painting. The one sits facing Junsu in the painting is Changmin. He is watching Junsu writing. His both fists are on the table supporting Changmin’s chin. They are in their old flat. Junsu recognizes the background setting. It’s in their old living room. Junsu can see the doors of Changmin’s bedroom and his bedroom behind their backs. He catches parts of their old kitchen view too.

      “I repainted black and blue into one.” Changmin squeezes their holding hands. “The old ones were ripped and destroyed so I did my best to repaint them for you since it belongs to you from the start.”

People walk passing the newly revealed painting behind them. Eyes turned admiring the freshly painted picture. It’s simply eye catching since the background colors are only black and blue. From its thickest shade to its lightest one. Simple but amazingly beautiful. Even for common eyes.

      “You drew us.” Junsu finally produces words after several long minutes.

      “I did.” Changmin stares at his husband. Does Junsu like it? “I painted us as silhouette in the old black and blue paintings. Jonghyun knew instantly it was you and me when I sketched them so I blurred us.”

Junsu is still staring at the painting without blinking.

      “I should ask your permission first.” Changmin starts to fidget. “Err.. Do you mind?”

Junsu averts his gaze to his tall husband.

      “You never have to, Min.”

      “Do you like it?” Changmin sounds expectant.

Junsu shakes his head slowly.

      “No?”

Changmin is surprised when Junsu suddenly hugs him. It’s usually him hugging Junsu in public. In school, in park, on the bus, in Lee’s residence, in Kim’s store, almost everywhere. Junsu asked Changmin not to hug him anymore before they confessed to each other, remember? Even after they dated and married, Junsu rarely hugged Changmin in public. He put manner first before many things. But now..

      “Junsu?” Changmin calls the man he loves softly. He hugs back not minding more eyes watching them. “Like it?”

      “I can’t find right word.” Junsu confesses. He’s so filled up with everything of Changmin. “Like or love is not even half close to what I wanna say.”

Changmin kisses his husband’s hair. He knows. Junsu’s heartbeats tell him directly what the man hugging him feels.

      “How about thank you?” He whispers. The rest of the world seems to fade around them. Junsu is warm and loving him in such acceptance Changmin also blame words not to be there to describe how blissful he is now. “Or I love you?”

The hug loosens and they smile to each other. Changmin never knows Junsu’s eyes can shine that heartfully bright. They spark with flaming stars. It’s just painting. Junsu has been giving him the world. It’s nothing compared to what Junsu gave him. Trust and company when no one cared. Roof and bed when he was lost. Heart and love when he was lonely. One painting and Junsu is this happy? Jiro Wang bought those luxurious house and car for this man who looks so irresistibly kissable and inviting. Was Junsu that happy too?

      “I haven’t given anything to you.”

Kidding, Junsu?

      “You can start with going to see Dr. Donghae next week.”

      “I will.”

      “Eating more without complaining.”

      “Doing it.”

      “Not throwing cruel pranks like the car one.”

      “Will not.”

      “And being greedy most of the time.”

Junsu leans closer and locks their lips in one slow surrender kiss, sealing his answer. Changmin kisses back, too busy being content and happy to care about their surroundings.

      “Like this?” Junsu pulls out yet his lips stay close to Changmin’s.

      “Very much like that.” Changmin looks back with rapid beating heart. He is kissed in front of invited guests and visitors of his first exhibition for public. What could be the greater gift?

      “Thank you for drawing us.” Junsu caresses Changmin’s jaw. He, too, drops his usual self cautious guard in public. Changmin has given him another most precious gift beside Changmin’s unconditional love to him. Junsu has never thought that there will be better granted wish than Changmin’s presence in his bitter life but again, Changmin proves he’s wrong. “Those days, our flat, you and everything else that time are my most cherished treasures.”

 

      “Shouldn’t they move somewhere else?” A voice complains. “I know they are married, in love and all but this is public place, mind you.” The man rolls his eyes. “Cinema is built for obvious reasons.”

      “Go tell them that, Sungmin.” Kyuhyun dares.

      “And got punched by several *****rd? No. thank you, Kyu. I know that JJ gang quite well.”

      “You are good at martial art. Jonghyun and Jinwoon are merely street minion fighter”

      “Haha. I am but I have brain too.” Sungmin pouts. “Why are we coming to this boring event again? Your company isn’t in the collaboration, is it?”

      “Someone sent a personal invitation to me.”

      “Who? Max? Aren’t you two in good term for kumite or something?”

      “No. That one hugging and kissing Max did.”

Sungmin’s eyes widen. He takes second better look at Junsu who is now chuckling and encircling his hand over Changmin’s waist. That man? Max’s husband?

      “He apologized personally.” Kyuhyun recalls the afternoon when he met Junsu. “I gotta say he’s nice person. He delivered the invitation in person and told me to drop by if I wasn’t busy.”

      “You ripped out Max’s paintings and he apologized?”

      “Well.” Kyuhyun snickers. “I’m here now, aren’t I? Consider this as my good intention to start anew.”

      “Good for you, Kyu.”

Good for you too, Sungmin, Kyuhyun smirks.

 

Changmin doesn’t tell Junsu he sneaked and read Junsu’s draft in the computer. He was taken aback when he read what Junsu wrote there. No, not the story or article draft but one hidden file under random application name that Changmin accidentally clicked. He was about to close the window pop up when his eyes caught one typed word. Junho. He copied the file to his work flash disk and opened it the next day in his office pc. He didn’t mean to pry or what. He was just looking for some ideas to paint something for Junsu as a gift. He read the draft and turned to rock for the whole day. He printed and pinned it on canvas when he repainted Black and Blue painting. He remembers every single word written there because it was.. Junsu.

 

Junho.

We are twin. Always are. We were born from the same parent and raised under the same house. I know you love me and you know I love you too though we have different perception of our bond. You always told me that you are the only person who could make me happy and the only one who will always be with me no matter where I am, what I do or whom I meet. Mom loves you more than me. Dad trusted you more than me. The teachers only had you in their eyes. People and friends only listened to what you said. You gave me tiny corner to grow and see my place in the world because everywhere I went; it’s always you there first than me. I didn’t mind. You might be manipulative and mean but you were also lovable and understanding. You stood for me when mom put me on detentions for mistakes I did. I love you for that. For being my kind brave twin who protected and looked after me. But, I hate it when you started hugging me too close. I hate it when you claimed my lips as yours. I hate it when you sneaked into my bed at night and forced me to share a bed with you. I couldn’t sleep all night because you hugged me too tight and you kissed me too much. I told you to stop. I pushed you till you were thrown out on the floor and got hurt.

I hated you so much for corrupting my mind with things I didn’t wanna know and see. Things I shouldn’t have seen as kid. We were just twelve or thirteen yet you showed me things too far for our age. I hate you for making me feeling dirty with what I saw. You told me it’s fine. It’s only can be done with you. You would never let anyone else come to me with bad intentions.

And then I killed you.

I was so angry. I was so enraged at the world and everyone. I hated you so much but when you left, I lost everything dear in life. Mom and dad got divorce. Grandpa and granny passed away. I was alone all the time without you. I was carrying unforgiven sin of killing my own blood and your curse of always hurting people I meet. I lived alone and refused people to be close to me but to a few people like MongJi and hyukjae. They know what I did and still accept me. They forgive my sin when I couldn’t forgive myself.

Changmin broke through your curse, Junho.

I don’t know what he saw in me when he openly told me he loved me. I was none but a murderer yet he denied it on and on that I wasn’t. I told him the truth yet he threw it out of the window. He stayed and reached out for me. For the first time after you’re gone, I started to forgive myself. I started to feel love again. Different love. It’s love like what grandpa and granny showed me. He trusted me. His courage set me free to see that I’m worth of his love. He took care of me. He healed me with his acceptance. I did my best to keep him safe and sound. I love him not because he was there giving me company when people look away but because I simply love his honesty. He’s young and brave. He could conquer anything standing on his way. I love him so much that I can’t bear his tears and anger. He returned the world when I wasn’t a murderer to me. He pulled me out of dark emptiness and enlightened my days like morning sunrise. I can’t thank him enough for that. It’s too much already and yet he still gave me his most precious belonging. I didn’t deserve it, Junho. He’s too priceless. I couldn’t take him but he insisted. I turned greedy after that. I took too much from him and hurt him afterward. Yes. I hurt him. I hurt the only one I truly love. You know what? Not only he forgave me for what I did, he also saved me from another sin I almost made. I was lost after hurting him. He led me back to the path I should walk on. He even left everything to be my company walking on that path. You don’t know him but one thing I confidently say to you now is I will never leave him. You could wait for me there to go together with mom and you. You could persuade me with heaven and all but no. I choose Changmin. I choose my husband. I love mom. I love you but I love him most.

He said I took him in to my flat and took care of him.

The truth is, he took me in to his world and took care of me.

When I opened the flat door for him, it’s not me taking care of him. It’s him healing, loving and making me the Shim Junsu I am now.

If I have to go meeting you later, I’ll be seeing you not as your twin, Kim Junsu to kim Junho. It will be Shim Junsu, husband to Kim Changmin. He is my home and he is who I belong to.

 

Changmin keeps the printed paper in his work case. Donghae said Junsu’s internal wounds are too old and too late to be treated properly. It will take long time to cure his nosebleed habit. Changmin doesn’t mind to exchange whatever he has for Junsu’s well being. After knowing what Junsu really feels for him, he doesn’t mind exchanging his life for Junsu.

 

 

      “Junsu?”

      “Hm?”

      “If your draft is done, will you allow me to read them first before it’s published?”

      “Silly.” Junsu gently tweaks Changmin’s ear. “Who said anything about book? I just write some small reviews.”

      “No books?”

      “No.” Junsu shakes his head. “There are millions better writers out there struggling for their writings.”

      “You wrote one in Singapore.”

      “I didn’t.” Junsu sharpens his eyes. “It’s Jiro’s dirty work. Why would you think any publisher waste their money publishing such crappy children story? Wang’s name. Enough said.”

      “Jaejoong said it’s good. If Jaejoong said it’s good, it’s good.” Changmin curls up closer.

      “Nice try.”

      “I really wanna read your writing.”

      “Read the newspaper.”

      “Can I read the draft, please?”

      “No.”

      “Stingy!”

      “I don’t write any stuff but reviews. You ban me from work.”

Maybe Changmin should take after Jiro’s dirty tricks. Copying any of Junsu’s writing and showing it to Junsu’s agency. Hmm.. Confirming with Hyukjae first, of course.

      “Sleep, hero.”

Changmin smiles. He knows the reason why Junsu gives him that nickname.

      “Not greedy tonight?”

      “Sleep!”

      “Ouch.”

Junho, you can wait till hell freezes. I will not let Junsu go from me. He makes me the man I am today and I promise you this. Even if Junsu goes, I’ll be right next to him holding his hand. It’s Kim Changmin’s promise.

      “Love you, Junsu.”

      “hmm…”

      “No loving me back?”

Junsu giggles. He writes the answer on Changmin’s forehead with his finger.

Shim Junsu loves you more.

 

------------------------------------------------ Le Fin-----------------------------------------------------