Raiinn.. where are yoouu? T.T

Changmin wants to hear it again. The most melodious meaningful three words. His ears need to hear it right. It’s not his own fantasy, right? Junsu said it to him? Can’t Junsu repeat it one more for him? Changmin isn’t only melted and goes boneless. He’s also flung high somewhere that looks like Junsu’s land. For short periods, Changmin’s soul trembles, touched and submitted to the man pulling him close and gently.

      “I break the rules.” Junsu gives up fighting his own feeling. His self barrier and thick wall crumbled when Changmin cried last night. He felt Changmin’s sincerity and true concern. The tears on his eyes raced with the blood running thin from Junsu’s nose. Changmin hugged and begged him to get hospital treatment. Junsu hates hospital yet Changmin’s shaking voice crying and pleading called deep into his heart. He gave up since then. He complied into the request this morning, knowing how miserable Changmin must feel for him. Hyukjae and Donghae’s presence explained why Changmin’s feet were dirty and why Changmin had such a mess morning look. He must have run here and there again. For him. Junsu forget when the last time he felt so cared and treated preciously by other people beside his late grandparents, Hyukjae and his family and Jaejoong. Those people care for him because they are somehow related to him either by blood, work or friendship. This Changmin cares more. This Changmin risks his heart, pure and loving him, for Junsu. He gave in because he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. “I mustn’t be involved more than third party assigned temporary guardian but I trespass it.”

      “I love you more.” Changmin slowly snakes his arm on Junsu’s back. Thin and warmer than usual. “I broke the rule long time ago.” He snuggles, feeling so happy and full of everything giddy and inexplicably sweet. “I’ll graduate soon. Next month! Don’t ask me to move out.”

      “Min.” Junsu’s fragile thin body shifts allowing Changmin to lean on him more comfortable. “I’m not someone you shall trust your love on. You have a long road ahead in your life. You are great sketcher. You can fly high and conquer the world. Everyone who ignores you will grovel and beg for your mercy.”

      “With you?” The tone is hopeful.

      “Silly nineteen years old easy romance.” Junsu smiles. The color has enlightened his white pale face.

      “But I want it with you.” Changmin pouts, unable to hide his happiness. “I’ll hire private doctor so anytime you fail my first wish, you’ll pay the fine twice greater.”

      “Your birthday wishes just last once, hero.” Junsu ruffles Changmin’s hair. “Don’t push your luck.”

Changmin needs to control all the crazy beats his heart is drumming.

      “You won’t tell me who hit you and caused this, will you?” Changmin reaches Junsu’s other hand and links his finger with Junsu’s. “I could guess but I won’t ask.”

Junsu doesn’t mind letting Changmin in further into his past anymore. He doesn’t talk about Junho casually to any people. Hyukjae knew after two years battling for Junsu’s trust. Ji hyo knew from the start. Detective Park knew after combing file after file, asking people in different city. Junsu will tell Changmin personally.

      “It was accident.” Junsu leans on his pillow and closes his eyes. “Ji hyo was happy I helped her buying things for her class project.” He breathes low. “She and her parents were spending a week holiday in our house. She bought a toy for me and kissed my cheek.”

Shoot. Changmin has heard it from Yoochun.

      “My twin mistook it as something else and he got angry. He lashed out onto Ji hyo. I tried to block him and explained that Ji hyo didn’t mean anything bad. He got angrier and hit me hard.”

      “On your head?”

Junsu nods slowly with closed eyes.

      “Ji hyo fought back. She hit harder and kicked sharper. I shouted at them to stop. I pulled my twin away to stop the ridiculous fight. Junho accidentally kicked me hard on my stomach with his new shoes.”

Changmin feels a fast raising black emotion surfaces through him.

      “He threw the toy Ji Hyo bought for me too. It crashed on my stomach again.”

      “And you got detention after that.” Changmin grits his teeth. Doctor said something about untended internal wound and cuts.

      “It was accident. We were in the first year of middle school. Easily provoked for something unimportant. You were too, remember? Fought people right and left.” Junsu opens his eyes and smiles at the made face.

      “None bothered to check your wound? You got hit on your head. Didn’t it bruise or bleed or what?” Changmin caresses the forehead. He’d been longing to do it from the second time he met Junsu. When was it?

      “I was taken to local clinic the day after when I got fever. Nothing serious. Junho was worse than me. He apologized and we were good again.”

Good thing that twin boy had died, Changmin swears inside. He should have had died sooner.

      “I didn’t feel bad headache or such. I started getting nosebleed when my grandparents took me to their house. I was worse than you back then. I fought and made troubles like it was my life’s destiny. My only reason to live. I made my old grandpa bow his head low to everyone in Fortbax. I was such a difficult teen. Like you, I didn’t trust adults. I didn’t trust anyone but my fist. None would hear or listen to me. None would believe my words.” Junsu’s softened gaze meets Changmin’s on fire orbs. “I had granny and pop who made me see and changed my life perception.” He smiles. “They accepted and loved me unconditionally. They forgave my stupid hollow unreasonable rage and I was changed. They were old but their hearts taught me the most essential things in life.”

Changmin’s fire is overcome by Junsu’s usual smiles.

      “I saw me in you, hero. When you asked me why I opened the door and tended your bruises without asking any question on why and how, I just did what my grandparents did to me. I saw my troubled teens days. I don’t want you to be angry at and hate everyone like I did.” 

Changmin needs to change topic fast. Like right now.

      “Does it mean.. I can hug you from now on? Like this?” Changmin hugs Junsu’s thin figure close.

Junsu goes stiff.

      “You don’t like it?” Changmin is disappointed.

      “I.. I don’t think..

      “Hyukjae hugged you.” Changmin sulks, still hugging Junsu.

      “He’s my friend. A very good and caring one.”

      “But you don’t object to his hug!”

      “Uhm.. because I don’t like him like I like you?” Junsu feels a sudden discomfort. Changmin is barely nineteen and has decided to be in love. He couldn’t…

      “Not fair.” Changmin complains. “And this.. I want to do this like..

He moves closer and kisses Junsu’s cheeks and forehead. He loosens his hug afterward because he wants to see Junsu’s reaction.

Junsu is staring at him, blinking, staring, blinking, staring.

Changmin grins and beams like sunshine in summer season.

      “I was told not to do physical contact till I reach twenty or till I graduate. Since I have broken the rule of not having relationship with my dear guardian, I might as well go for it all.”

Junsu is still staring. Stunned. Or shocked. Or both.

Changmin is thinking of kissing Junsu’s lips but.. it will be too much for one day. That’s too fast too. From the shock of seeing Junsu in nosebleed last night, to the morning rush calling the police station, calling, yoochun, calling hyukjae, bringing Junsu to hospital and the heavenly surprise of junsu’s words and kiss on Changmin’s hair. That’s more than the most challenging rollercoaster in the world.

      “My second wish.” Changmin leans again on Junsu’s thin figure, cherishing every moment of their newly founded love. “I want you to give me one day, 24 hours, being my Junsu.”

      “You shouldn’t do that.” Junsu finally reacts.

      “Eh, what? I mean, I beg your pardon?”

      “You mustn’t kiss me! Hugging is big no no and what did you do just now?”

      “But I want to!”

      “No!”

      “You said you love me.”

      “Can go without hugging and kissing!”

      “Hmpf!” Changmin pulls the thin man into his arms, hugging with full heart. “One last time.”

Yoochun comes after two when Junsu is sleeping after taking his medication. Changmin tells everything to Yoochun from the nosebleed to doctor’s diagnoses. The detective frowns and puts on serious face listening to changmin’s explanation.

      “He got hit hard on his head hence the frequent nose bleed?”

Changmin nods reinforcing the detective’s affirmation.

      “And detected sheer cuts in his gastric?”

      “Or colon. They can’t find the exact place yet. Junsu demanded to go home.”

      “I see. Did you ask Junsu about what happened in the lake?”

Changmin shakes his head negating Yoochun’s presumption. The detective doesn’t need to know the details.

      “You look too happy for someone whose beloved person fallen ill. Did I miss something?” Yoochun shoves his both hands into his jacket.

      “I’m just relieved.” Changmin holds back a smile. “So it’s clear that Kim Junho was drowned in accident caused by himself. Junsu is totally innocent from any accusations.”

      “We can say so for now.” yoochun can’t brush off the feeling of happy excited glowing Changmin. something must have happened. “This is my number. Keep it for emergency situation. Have you told Yunho?”

Changmin shakes his head.

      “I think Yunho has a right to know about Junho.”

      “I skipped school today. How will I tell Yunho without getting a long lecture?”

***

      “Hey Shim!”

Changmin dodges in reflex. He turns around and rolls his eyes at his two tall friends.

      “You playedtruant yesterday. Having fun?”

Changmin grins.

      “We shouldn’t ask, paw. Look at the bright neon implanted on his head.”

      “Shut up!” Changmin sticks out his tongue. “I need to see Ms. Trang to explain about yesterday. Can I borrow your notes?”

      “Ahh.. Hearts will be broken.” Jonghyun facepalms. “Let’s tell the hopeful girls and boys in school that Changmin is taken. His loss, our gain.”

Ms. Trang accepts Changmin’s explanation with an understanding smile.

      “Is he better today?”

      “Yes, ma’am.”

      “We are going to need your brother presence at parent-teacher meeting this Friday to talk about the exams and all. Would your brother be able to come on that day?”

Changmin’s face changes its bright shine into cloudy eerie.

      “I would tell Junsu about it.” He wants to scream badly in his homeroom teacher’s face that Junsu is not his brother. Never be one. Junsu is his.. err.. boyfriend? He swats away the thought because boyfriend sounds so dirty and low thanks to his aunt. Junsu is not Changmin’s boyfriend. Junsu is Changmin’s Junsu. Waayy higher, better and everything else than just boyfriend. His sun. changmin keeps on smiling all day all week in school. He anticipates the final exams in his best mood, inflicting curiosity from Jonghyun. Most students, 99,99 percent of it, are dreading that week but Changmin beams happier from day to day. He turns down every invitation to hang around after extra lessons end and packs his bag in a flash before running out of school gate in speed.

      “Junsu. What else?” Jonghyun shrugs. “Wanna bet how long Changmin can keep his mouth shut from spilling how great Junsu is?”

Yunho digests every piece of words Yoochun told him with a sting in his heart. He never thinks Junsu has such difficult past.

      “Twin complex?”

      “Confirmed. Mrs. Kim’s marital lawyer revealed one of the divorce triggers was the client’s denial of her son’s death and her son’s complex. The mother knew about Junho’s possessive tendency over Junsu but her love for Junho blinded her. She thought it was normal for twin to be possessive with each other.”

      “And the father?”

      “He didn’t know till Mrs. Song, Ji Hyo’s mother, talked to him about it. according to him, it was too early as the twins were just entering middle school. it was too late in fact. The different middle school opened his eyes wide. He tried to settle things without much fuss but Junho died.”

Yunho feels something creeps on him.

      “He died because of his possessiveness?”

      “We can safely assume so. Some closed source even said Junho tried to hurt michelle, the girl who confessed to Junsu. Junsu saved her and got hurt instead. He was punished for being the person begind the dangerous prank. Michelle stood up for Junsu. It enraged Junho more. the accident happened a week after that.”

      “But you said.. Junsu was raised by his grandparents.”

      “It seemed that mrs. Kim took the hardest blow by Junho’s death. She blamed junsu and screamed histerically that Junsu killed her son. She was in bad breakdown state and cried uncontrollably everytime she saw Junsu. Mr. Kim asked his parents to take care of Junsu till his wife was better and accepted Junho’s death as accident. His wife never got better. They argued endlessly and the twin’s name always mentioned. They ended up divorcing after two years of Junho’s death. The painful of losing a son and divorce took its worst toll on both of them. They left Junsu in the grandparents’ custody and never visited Junsu eversince.”

      “That’s.. cruel.” Yunho feels so sorry for Junsu.

      “It explains Junsu’s willingness taking care of Changmin and his polite mask. He’s making distance from people because of his past. Junho made him have nearly no friend for years. It must be hard for Junsu to make friend now.”

      “I see.” Yunho understands. “He comes to GreyFair to study. He is not interested in people’s businesses.”

      “And I heard he writes excellently. Prof. Rita is not an easy paper counselor to please with. Junsu has done his final paper under prof. Rita guidance and it only takes one semester. Most students spend at least two to conduct final papers.”

      “Like you.”

      “I was busy.” yoochun’s eyebrow furrowed.

      “Either partying or chasing girls.”

Changmin is much smarter and more agile than you, my dear social officer.

      “You need new shoes, Min. The pair you wear are too old and holey.”

      “It’s comfortable.”

      “It’s rainy season.”

      “It easily dries.”

      “Let’s buy new ones tomorrow after your school ends.”

Changmin pouts. Every new thing Junsu bought is always for him. Junsu hasn’t bought any new coat or shirt yet the thin man (gain three kilos recently thanks to Changmin’s persistent nagging of always eating with him) spoils Changmin with new school uniform, new school bag, and now new shoes? Isn’t returned love enough?

      “Where do you get the money?” Changmin interrogates. “You threw excuses not to go to hospital and you have money to buy new shoes?”

      “I went to hospital.”

      “Because we forced you. I mean the follow up thorough examination that the doctor recommended.”

      “I’m fine. see?”

      “My feet are fine too.”

      “I’m your guardian! You have to listen to me!”

      “Your guardianship expired when you said you love me.”

      “Fine. You could leave my flat now. I don’t wanna live with stubborn disproving stranger!”

      “Aahh.. Junsuuuuuu.” Changmin juts his lower lip.

      “Yes, stranger?”Jjunsu turns his back in purpose. “I’m sure you know where the door is. It is easy to find.”

      “Suuuuuuuu…” Changmin whines. “It’s two weeks more. Why buying new shoes?” He shakes Junsu’s arm, irritated by the fact Junsu wins over him.

      “You think you’ll walk or run around with bare feet after graduation?”

      “Buuuuuuttt..”

      “The door is there.”

      “Suuuu.. “

      “Ouch, my ear.”

Changmin stomps his feet hard on the floor. No hugging junsu, no kissing him and he must listen to this thin man. huh! What a life.

      “Wait till you must grant my second wish!” changmin sulks. “you must do everything I say for 24 hours.”

      “That’s three weeks ahead. I can change your mind.” Junsu snickers.

      “No way. I have written looong list of things I would command you.”

      “Shoes for now!”

      “OKAY!!”

Changmin must act normal around Junsu in public. That’s why he prefers staying home. He can bug and bother Junsu freely here. He doesn’t have to think about any possible social watcher or people’s whispers. Junsu keeps space from Changmin because he knows he has the responsibility with whatever occurrence might come between them. He doesn’t want to lose Changmin either now that he’s honest with his feeling and Changmin makes it worse with his cute pouts and spontaneous attitude. Changmin always steals short quick back hug whenever he has chances. Junsu is tired warning the excited student not to do that. He gives up after two weeks. Changmin’s pleading cute face is too hard to resist and be angry at. Changmin will purposely sit too close to him on the couch, using his sketch book as the cover for his action or he will land his long legs on junsu’s lap, grinning innocently when Junsu glares at him. he bullies Junsu to eat more too. His long sentences will rain out of his lips lecturing Junsu on how skinny Junsu is and how he hates hugging bones. (Why do you hug me if you hate my bones? Because I love you. Duh)

Changmin will screech about every little detail of his school days, invading their flat with his endless excited spirit of what happen today. (I sold three sketches. Wow. Who’re the buyers? Girls from junior classes. Your admirers? Yah! Junsu! are you conspiring with Jonghyun?) He shows his better scores (I got As. See? See? That’s great, hero. Huh? Just great? No gift? You’ve got gifts from your fans already! Yah! Junsu!) junsu will listens to the flailing Changmin spilling everything with a smile on his lips. Changmin got confessions (his face turned red when he told Junsu about it. Junsu laughed merrily seeing how annoyed Changmin was) Changmin beat Jinwoon in basketball. Changmin got scolded because of Jonghyun. Changmin had to write twelve pages of history note. Changmin was assigned to collect the class contribution for graduation party. Changmin this. Changmin that. He just listens. He loves listening to Changmin’s high and low voice when he speaks with eyes casted on him affectionately. He’s happy just by sitting in the kitchen or on the couch listening to Changmin’s long monologue show.

      “Jonghyun is crazy!” Changmin throws his book on the table tonight. “He hid in my school bag!”

Junsu nearly sprays his water. He coughs and quickly drinks some more, easing the sudden cough when he hears what Changmin just said.

      “?”

      “He really needs a new brain. Mr. Eric, our discipline teacher is very strict. He’s inspecting students’ bags during lunch break and he found in my bag.”

Junsu gapes.

      “Luckily, that basta** confessed to Mr. Eric before I broke his legs and arms and ms. Trang took my side so I was free from detention.”

      “Jonghyun brings to school?” Junsu gulps.

      “All the time. He’s been shoving me pictures and movies since I knew him.” Changmin makes a face. “Like my aunt wasn’t enough already.”

      “You watched them?”

      “Everybody does.” Changmin eyes Junsu. “Why? Don’t tell me you plan to meet Jonghyun and borrow his collection like detective Park did.”

WHAT?

      “Ouch! Junsuuuu.. it hurts.” Changmin rubs his shoulder. “What did I do wrong?” He complains.

Junsu says nothing. He crosses his arms.

      “You should focus on studying, not watching .”

      “I didnt watch all. Some of them are really disturbing.” Changmin juts his lips, feeling unjust for the sudden whack. “Jonghyun showed them to me. I don’t understand why some people love watching it so much. They pay Jonghyun a lot of money for one CD.”

Junsu finds no words to say.

      “You said it’s private and exclusive but some people taped it and sell it for public.”

      “Well..” Junsu rakes his brain for good retort. “Some people have different ideas.”

      “Whatever.” Changmin still pouts. “Ramen or soup?”

The final exams week comes. Changmin ties his shoelaces in good spirit. Everything is set ready for this week. He whistles humming unclear song and shoulders his school bag in wide grin.

      “I’m going.” He announces cheerfully. “I’ll try my best to beat all of the questions today.” He makes fist up hand sign.

Junsu ruffles Changmin’s hair fondly. Changmin scrunches his nose but doesn’t protest.

      “All the best, hero.”

      “Can I have a hug? For good luck charm?” Changmin tries.

Junsu laughs lightly and pulls the neat student ready for school into hug.

      “I love you.” Junsu kisses Changmin’s hair. “I know you’ll do your best.”

It’s the most powerful lucky charm in the world. Changmin hugs back tightly before running fast climbing down the stairs and flies to school.

Rae Im knocks Yunho’s office door. She enters with a piece of paper in her hand.

      “We just found him. Changmin’s father. Shim Cheon Geul. He’ll be coming to Greyfair soon.”

Yunho looks up seeing Rae Im’s triumphant’s expression.

      “he’s been in rehab these two years. He’ll be released next week and he said he’s ready to start anew. His rehab records are positive and he shows significant changes for better father figure. We need to tell Changmin soon about this good news.

I've warned you this fic progresses slowly. thank you for reading. i assume that by now everyone is aware thaT this fics is not betaed and all errors are proudly mine.