don't be mad at me, juseyoo..

Yunho’s surprised look is ridiculously obvious. Changmin comes to his office. That tall kid.. correction, he doesn’t look like kid anymore. He glows and daringly well composed.

      “I’m terribly sorry for disturbing your work.” Changmin calmly says. Yunho can’t help feeling that this young man has changed overnight. “I would like to meet my father if he is still here. I believe we have something to talk and solve.”

Yunho swallows back his saliva. What has Junsu done? What did Junsu say to make Changmin agree to meet his father?

      “Junsu told you to meet your father?” Yunho can’t stop himself from shooting the question.

      “I beg your pardon, sir? Junsu? No. He didn’t say a thing about my intention to meet my father today. He doesn’t know that I come here to see you now.” Changmin raises his eyebrow.

That’s impossible. Junsu knows, Yunho is confused. Junsu must know because yesterday Junsu agreed to help Mr. Shim meeting and talking with his son. Junsu said Changmin would meet Mr. Shim tomorrow, which means today. Yunho doubted Junsu could convince Changmin to do that but what he sees with his two almond eyes right now is indeed the body and flesh of shim Changmin, asking to meet his father.

      “Where can I meet him?”

      “I’ll call home. He’s staying in my house. You can use my office”

      “Can we meet outside? Your office is too formal and I don’t like your senior friend.”

      “Sure.” Yunho nods. He agrees with Changmin. His office is not comfortable for hearty talk and Rae Im is pissed off of being ignored by Changmin.

      “Can I call Junsu to come with us?” Changmin’s heart sets off nuclear firework mentioning the name. “It will make everything easier.”

      “I’m sure your father will be happy.” Yunho replies. Mr. Shim said that Junsu was a polite, kind and caring person. He had thanked Junsu profusely in Kim’s store yesterday. Meeting Junsu again will surely lift the mood better.

      “Where do we meet?”

      “There’s a rice cake shop in the south district that provides comfy space and warm drink. It’s located near-

      “I know where it is. Detective Park took me there once. He said it’s your favorite eatery.”

Yoochun said that? Yunho blinks.

      “Fine. Let’s meet there in a couple of hours.”

Changmin uses a payphone to call the Kim’s store. Junsu has a class or appointment in campus after work. Changmin calls store to find out whether Junsu is still there or he has left to campus. He could pick Junsu in his campus. He knows where Junsu’s department is and he is sure Junsu goes to the same building they went to on Changmin’s wish day.

      “Junsu is not working here anymore.”

Changmin nearly throws the phone in his hand from the shocking news.

      “What do you mean he’s not working there? He left for work this morning. He has morning shift. It’s Kim junsu, ma’am. He works in secti-

      “I’m sorry, um.. Changmin, right? He had resigned yesterday. It’s very unexpected. We’re all surprised at his sudden decision and thought it’s just a joke but he did resign. Yesterday was his last day working here. I’m sorry.”

Is this a joke? Because if it is, changmin can kill the joker. Seriously.

      “Ah wait, the manager would like to talk to you.” The friendly lady says. Changmin grips the phone tight. This is not happening. This is not happening.

      “Hello, Changmin?”

Changmin runs to GreyFair University. He jumps out of the bus and just runs as fast as he can to the big buildings filled with students, lecturers and people. He runs in rush, he has to find Junsu soon. Junsu has quit working. Jaejoong explained long about Junsu’s sudden resignation. The manager also told Changmin about two guests coming yesterday afternoon meeting and talking to Junsu. It’s Yunho! Jaejoong didn’t say who or mention names but Changmin instinctively knows it’s Yunho and his father. it! They went to see and talk to his Junsu. Changmin is beyond furious. Why did they have to drag Junsu in it? Okay, that can wait. Now he must find Junsu first. He called Hyukjae’s house. The lady receiving his call told Changmin that her son wasn’t at home. Changmin doesn’t have enough money to call hyukjae’s cell. He does the only option he has right now. Going to Junsu’s university and finding the man there. Damnit, Junsu. You are twenty two. You are not kid who has to listen and obey what people tell you to do. We made love last night, you started it. You let me make love to you. You made me believe that I need none and nothing else but you and today you quit working? Why? What for? Did they threaten you?

      “Kim Junsu?” prof. Rita eyes the red sweating slightly panting young man from long running. She is informed that a young man is insisting on meeting her. The security guards are holding the young man in the lobby of her office. She decides to meet the guest as she also has a class to teach in half an hour. “No. he has no schedule to meet me till next week.”

      “but he said he had a class or a meeting appointment with you, ma’am.” Changmin’s heart crashes.

      “oh. Another class maybe? I clearly remember he doesn’t have any appointment with me.”

That’s bad. Changmin doesn’t know where Junsu’s classes are. He must be looking really awful and screwed up because the lady professor smiles apologetically at him.

      “I’m on my way to the dean’s office.” She kindly says. “It passes the academic administration building. Why don’t you come with me and you can ask about Junsu’s class there. I’m sure they’ll help.” She offers.

Changmin thanks the lady professor several times. They walk to the said building and Changmin almost collapses on the floor when the staff says no class for Kim Junsu today. His long legs weaken and his inside burns because he senses something devastating hits him. Professor Rita can’t bear seeing the broken in held back tears look the young man is sporting. She pats Changmin’s shoulder softly.

      “Call someone you know. Perhaps Junsu is doing something with friends.”

Changmin only knows Hyukjae as Junsu’s close friend and he doesn’t have enough money to call the law student’s cell.

Professor Rita must have read his thought because she rummages in her bag and offers her cell to changmin a minute later.

      “Use mine.”

Changmin’s trembling hand takes the phone. He takes his note from his bag, searching for Lee Hyukjae’s number.

      “Hello? Who is this?” The background noise is unfamiliar to Changmin’s ears.

      “Um, Hyukjae. Is Junsu with you? Do you know where he is? I can’t find him in store and he’s not in campus either.” Changmin’s worried eyes and bitten lips make professor Rita feels more pity toward the young man.

      “Changmin?” Hyukjae questions the caller.

      “Yes.”

      “Err.. Junsu.. “ Hyukjae’s voice is eaten by the sudden loud announcement. Last call for departure 2098 flight to Swiss. All passengers please board now. Changmin’s heart freezes. What did he just hear? Flight to Swiss? Flight to Swiss? SWISS?

      “WHERE IS JUNSU??” Changmin screams uncaring about the administration staffs glaring at him and professor Rita who is startled at his loud shout. “HE CAN’T BE LEAVING ME. HE MUSTN’T. WHERE IS JUNSU?” Changmin slumps down on the floor, crying. Professor Rita quickly snatches her cell from Changmin’s hand. The young man has broken into heartbreaking cries. She tries to calm Changmin down as she speaks to the receiving end.

Yunho glances at his watch impatiently. It’s already four o’clock and there’s no sight of Changmin’s face in the shop. He huffs and sighs in frustration. Mr. Shim’s eyes have locked on to the entrance door since their arrival in the shop. He’s very excited when Yunho called home informing the man that his son is willing to meet and talk to him.

His phone beeps. Incoming new message. Yunho fishes the phone from his pocket and reads the new text. His eyebrows meet three seconds later.

      “Um, sir. I think we’d better go to Changmin’s flat. Something came up.”

      “GO AWAY!” Changmin throws a pan to Yunho and Mr. Shim. “GO TO HELL YOU TWO!! GOOO!!” He cries out loud. Yunho feels a déjà vu when Chae Rim threw object at him. The flat is in the same awful state as Chae rim’s. Things thrown and scattered everywhere on the floor. The wall is stained with colors and traces of crashed objects.

      “WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME? WHYYYY??”

Both men are at loss of what Changmin says. They use hands and any possible shield to cover their face and body from Changmin’s accurate shooting skill.

      “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE? WHY?”

      “Changmin..” yunho tries to say something.

      “IS ABANDONING ME AND MOM NOT ENOUGH? IS MAKING ME A DIRT NOT ENOUGH? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE JUNSU LEAVE ME? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE MY FATHER? WHY DON’T YOU JUST KILL ME??”

      “SHIM CHANGMIN!!!!”

      “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGGGGGHHH” the heart shattering cry is heard throughout the building. Audience has gathered in front of the flat’s door. Mr. Fujitsu is just standing, helpless. He does nothing to stop Changmin from destroying the flat. He lets Changmin break things because he understands. He understands what Changmin is feeling.

      “YOU!!” Changmin points his shaking finger at Yunho and his father. “KILL ME! NOW!! I DON’T WANNA LIVE ANYMORE! ISN’T IT WHAT YOU WANT?!”

      “NO! CHANGMIN! STOP! STOP!!” Yunho jumps fast and catches Changmin’s hand stabbing a knife to his stomach.

      “LET ME DIE! LET ME DIE! JUNSU LEFT ME!”

      “CHANGMIN! DON’T DO THIS!” Yunho is struggling hard to get the knife away from Changmin’s tight grip. “DON’T HURT YOURSELF!”

Mr. Fujitsu also breaks forward and helps the social officer getting the knife out of Changmin’s hand but the tallest one is strong. They struggle against Changmin’s pulling hand, aiming the sharp cutting metal on to his stomach.

      “GET TO YOUR SENSES, CHANGMIN!!” Yunho shouts hard.

The knife falls with a cling sound on the floor. Changmin’s and Yunho’s hands are bleeding. Yunho pulls the trembling younger man into his arms.

      “It’s alright. You can cry. You can cry all the way you want. Just don’t hurt yourself.” He hugs Changmin. The boy is shaking badly and Yunho can feel the sadness and indescribable hurt inside Changmin. Mr. Fujitsu breathes in relief. He kicks the knife far from them and turns around. The other man standing frozen in shocked look watches them in horror. His mouth opens and his eyes are empty. This must be the man Junsu talked about before he left this morning.

      “Sir, would you please come with me downstairs?” He greets Mr. Shim. “Let Mr. Jung calm Changmin down.” He takes the man’s hand and closes the flat door, dismissing the curious audience outside.

Changmin is crying ocean in Yunho’s arms. He cries his all tears out wetting Yunho’s shirt and shoulder.  They are somewhat sitting on the floor since Changmin’s legs give up their power to support the owner. Their bleeding hands are untended and Changmin can’t produce words anymore. He simply sobs loud and leaves Yunho guessing by himself what’s going on. Junsu left? Changmin said Junsu left him? That’s.. can’t be true. They just asked Junsu to talk to Changmin so the stubborn son would give the father a chance to meet and talk. That’s all. Asking Junsu to leave Changmin is one extreme request.

      “Tell me what’s going on.” Yunho pats Changmin’s shaking shoulders. “I can help if you tell me what’s happening. None asks Junsu to leave you, Min. We know you love him. We know he loves you.”

      “…He.. He.. Left..Me..”

      “But why?”

Changmin’s wet eyes with raining tears flutter shut. He doesn’t answer. He has no energy to explain. He just want to die. He doesn’t want to live anymore.

Two hours later, Yoochun finds papers amidst the littered thrown objects on the flat floor. Yunho has patched his scratched hand and Changmin is put to sleep (don’t ask how) in Yunho’s house. The papers have Junsu’s handwriting on it. Some of them are torn into small pieces. Yoochun has to rearrange the torn pieces so he could read them in order. Some others are crumpled in funny shape. Seems like Changmin stepped on the papers over and over because Yoochun sees shoes stamping on them. Four sheets of paper. Junsu’s letter.

To Changmin.

I’m writing this letter because I can’t say it directly to you. I can’t. I won’t be able to go if I have to tell you the reasons. You’ll be angry and your anger is one of my weaknesses.

I’m sorry, hero. I have to go.

My mother is sick. She is under intensive care treatment from cancer. She’s been suffering the illness for three years. She hides it from her husband and when they found out about it, it’s already late. She’s in dangerous stadium and she’s been staying in hospital for months. I never thought I would hear from my mother again after granny took me to Fortbax. I used to eavesdrop the calls my grandparents made to her just to hear her voice through the line. I haven’t had time to apologize to her properly, hero. I killed his son. I took away her most beloved person in the world from her lap. I caused her endless misery and limitless painful sadness. She is angry with me. She doesn’t want to see me anymore because my presence reminds her of Junho. She can’t look at my face because what she sees is the murderer of her son. I can’t find words to apologize to her and my father because no words suffice for what I had done. I deserve her wrath and punishment. I deserve her hatred and curses. Thus, I lived with my grandparents because that’s the only thing I could do to ease her pain.

I love my mother, min. We all do.

When I heard about her cancer, I nearly broke the store’s phone. Ji hyo told me that doctors predicted my mother’s life wouldn’t last longer than six months or less. A year is a miracle for her. I can’t let her go without saying proper apologize, can I?  She’s the woman who gave birth to me and Junho. She’s the woman who loved and cared for me with her life yet what I did in return was killing her beloved son. I must go and see her, hero. I must take the chance to express how sorry I am, how regretful I am, how much I love and miss her. I don’t wanna have another regret of not using my last chance seeing her beautiful face and holding her hands. She’s in England. It’s far from GreyFair. I don’t know how much money do I have to be able to go there so I meet my manager, handing my resigning letter and pack my things. He asked me many things and I have to be honest with him. He wanted to lend me his money again but I refused. I don’t know when I will come back. I don’t even know whether I can meet my mother or not. Ji hyo promised to help me but I have to go to Swiss first. She would take me to the hospital where my mother is treated.

I hope you’ll understand, Min. I hope you will forgive me for saying this.

Having parents is one of the best gifts our God grants us. Our parents risked and sacrificed many things in their life to have us, to raise us. They gave up their own benefits in life and worked hard to provide us for better life. Don’t you think you are a bit too much with your father? What your father did, leaving you, was nothing compared to what I did to my parents. He left your mother, sister and you for reasons you refuse to hear. What is so bad about listening to a father who had struggled to work things up better for us? He might make mistake. Father is human too. You once told me how awful it was to be unheard. You told me how painful it was when none listened to you. You used your fists to be heard. It didn’t help you, did it? It led you to bigger troubles. Now, you knew how your father feels when you reject him. He’s come far to GreyFair to meet you, his son, the one he used to play with and the one living proof of his love to your mother. He came with golden hope to be able to see and talk to you, to explain about his rushed decision leaving you. He’s not abandoning you, hero. No parent in the world is cruel enough to abandon their children without good reasons. I’ve been wanting to tell you that these four days but again, your anger is my weakness. I can’t see you angry with me so I keep silent.

I know it’s not my place to ask but would you please listen to your father? Listen to what he has to say with open heart and forgiveness like what you said I did to you. Welcome him like I opened my flat door to you. Give him a chance like Yunho and Ms. Trang gave you chance to fix everything. You will not solve anything by rejecting him. You have his eyes. The eyes filled with courage and spirit to conquer the world. You have those eyes from him.

Don’t worry about leaving our flat. You’ll stay in it till you decide to leave. I’m going to notify Mr. Fujitsu tomorrow that you are going to occupy the flat with your father till the rent is up and you decide to live somewhere else or till you find a better home for your family. It’s already rented for a year so you could stay in it till another three months before it’s overdue. I won’t be around to scold you anymore but I trust you to keep it well-maintained. You know where to go if you need anything with the leaking pipe or broken windows. You have Yunho’s number in case you need any help with social matter. You have detective Park’s number though I hope you would not bug him with crime case. You have Hyukjae’s number, just in case you need guidance to enter university or art course you’ve picked. You have the Kim’s store’s number too. I don’t know if it has any benefit to you. And you have your father.

Remember to do the laundry before you run out of clean clothes. Remember to pay for water and electricity bill before fifth day in every month. Don’t buy too many ramen. Buy more vegetables for your father. Clean your room, it’s messy most of the time. Your father might not like it. Don’t forget to close the tap. Don’t sleep with the door open. Wear your jacket whenever you leave flat. Don’t prank Yunho anymore. Listen to him well. Don’t tease Yunho and detective Park. We know they love each other but don’t ruin things. They are more matured than you and they know better what to do with their life. Don’t watch too much Jonghyun’s collection. You will work in Janghyuk’s store but no stepping to the back section till you are twenty one. Don’t skip meal time. Don’t sketch till late, you need sleep too, hero, and please, I know you can enter Andromeda art course if you try hard like you did in high school  exams. Don’t throw fist to people you love, you’ll regret it later when your anger dies.

Thank you for taking care of me these nine months. Thank you for trusting me to have your company. I could not give you the better days and the happiness you deserve. Thank you for giving me chance to love you.

I must go now, Min.

Take care, be well.

Love you.

Junsu.

P.S: I do like your Romeo Juliet version better. None died and people grew up. You will grow up too. You’ll meet people and life goes on like what you said.

Yoochun sits on the littered floor, eyes planted on the handwritten last page. Junsu did leave. He left his final exams next week to fly and meet his mother. That man left three years of hardwork in university when the final exam is just a week away and he can graduate soon after that. He left everything he has here to meet a woman who’s been ignoring and abandoning him yet he asked Changmin to live well with his father. Changmin tried to stab himself in desperation and devastated emotion after Junsu’s leaving. Changmin didn’t want to see the next day without Junsu. This poor man left his flat for Changmin and his father. It’s cruel fate. These two men have to be parted this way.

Yoochun folds the letter carefully. He shoves it into his jacket and he takes out his phone. He sends a text to Yunho.

Changmin stays in Junsu’s room for days. Jonghyun and Jinwoon come in turn visiting the brokenhearted friend to give company. The flat is cleaned and fixed. The father lives there tending his son’s hollow soul who hasn’t said a word and only stares at the ceiling of his bedroom. Changmin doesn’t eat or react to anything. He’s waiting. He’s waiting for Junsu to come home. He didn’t eat for two days when Junsu didn’t come home for ten days before and it worked. Junsu came home, hugged him and slept with him. He just needs to ignore food till junsu comes and hugs him. He won’t be angry at junsu. He won’t shout or nag or ask why Junsu left. He will not do anything stupid that might make Junsu leaves again. He sketches a lot. He draws Junsu on every white paper he can find. He paints Junsu on the walls. He begs silently to God to return Junsu to him. He has welcomed his father though he hasn’t spoken a word to him beside yeah, whatever and leave me alone. He collapses on the fifth day. Jonghyun and the father rush the weak man to nearest clinic. Changmin passes out for hours. He refuses to wake up if Junsu is not there. He chooses to sleep and abandons the stupid cruel world. Yoochun visits him at night after his duty ends.

      “He calls you hero, doesn’t he?”

Changmin ignores the detective, his eyes are closed. He just needs sleep.

      “One of the advantages of being a detective is the broad access to find a missing person.”

Changmin opens his eyes in a snap.

      “I’ve tracked the flights to Swiss six days ago and I found Junsu’s name in one of the passenger list. I don’t have friend there but I can use my badge to contact one of our affiliates in Swiss.”

Changmin sits up from his ward but the headache attacks and he has to lie back with a groan. Yoochun helps him sit up and offers the patient a glass of drink.

      “It will take time to locate him.” Yoochun pats the feverish patient. “Might take weeks or months.”

Changmin chokes. Words are winking on the tip of his tongue.

      “But you have to cooperate.” Yoochun smiles genuinely. He means what he says. “You have to wake up from your sorrow and mend everything.”

Changmin nods eagerly.

      “You’ll eat?”

The patient nods twice.

      “And listen to Yunho?”

Changmin blinks before nodding again.

      “No pranking or making my fiance’s life hard anymore?”

Changmin shakes his head. He begins to smile with his white capped dry lips.

      “Then you have my word, boy. We’ll find your Junsu.”

Changmin stretches his weak arms and hugs the detective.

      “You said you didn’t like hugging me.” Yoochun sneers. Changmin’s weak feverish body is light and fragile. The patient clears his throat three times, trying to get his voice back on track.

      “But your fiancé needs to see that.”

Yoochun quickly releases the slight hug and turns his body around. Yunho is standing in the door with crossed arms and narrowed eyes, accusing.

      “He’s trolling.” Yoochun explains as he pushes the patient back on the ward.

      “He’s sick, Chun.” Yunho walks in, lips pursed and eye glanced sharp.

      “It’s changmin. He’s sneaky and tricky.”

      “You are lucky it’s Changmin.” Yunho hisses. “We know he loves Junsu. If it’s someone else, you can forget you proposed me last night.”

/take cover/ chili is good, chili is good.