It's now July and I haven't really seen SHINee since they started work in Japan. Still, the guys called me any time they're free which I think is really sweet of them. However, I've conversed with all the members accept one, Minho. We had a fight before they all left and we were both being stubborn. After hanging out with Amber a week from when they left, she made me realize that I should apologize. So, why have I not talked to Minho for so long? It's because of fear, fear of the unknown. The night I was at the spa with Amber, I decided to call Minho, but when he picked up, it was a female's voice. He quickly picked up after out of breath and sounded cheery talking to the female. After hanging up right away, I just went back to sleep, but it was difficult to do when having questions and assumptions pop in your head. The next morning I didn't let Amber know because: 1) I didn't want to ruin the great day we had and 2) I didn't want to say anything until I had a clear answer.

Well, it's now the last week of July and still I don't have an answer. All I have is more questions and what I think the answers are that are not good ones. Minho was mad in the beginning, but after a few weeks, he's called me and tried to contact me through the other guys. Thing is, I do miss him, a lot, but before I press the receive button, my mind goes back to the night of the call and hearing that female's voice on the other end. I've been distracting myself by putting all my focus on practices, but that only works during the day, not at night. On a positive note, since SHINee hasn't been around, I've had the opportunity to meet some other SM artists. Girls Generation has come over to the building a few times and I was actually able to befriend Sunny, Sooyoung and Hyoyeon the most.

Also, Super Junior came by a couple of times and I was able to greet them. I've known about them before becoming a part of SM and they are definitely as odd as I thought, but they're really cool. Donghae, Sungmin, and Siwon I would say are the three I talked to more. The biggest moment by far was meeting BoA because I remember listening to her back when I was still in middle school. She came by the dance studio because she heard about me and I was definitely star struck, but after talking with her while she gave me some advice, I became comfortable. BoA is almost as tiny as me plus she is so down-to-earth and sweet. So, even though I've been SHINee-less, I was finally able to meet more artists.

Right now, I'm currently walking up the stairs to the dorm. It's taking a long time today because I got to my schedule late so as a warm up, Seunghye made me do 50 squats. 'I will never be late again. Ah! My thighs!' Finally, I enter the dorm with a big sigh of relief.

"I'm home!" I shout, but I quickly remember it's just me here once again. "Oh yea, I should be used to it now."

On another bright side of living alone for a while, I've learned how to cook for myself. 'When the guys come back, I'll make a huge feast for them all as a welcome home present. They'll love entering with the aroma of food lingering in the air.' Tonight I make myself something simple, kimchi stew, which at first I thought was difficult, but turned out to be really simple. I set up the table and bring the boiling bowel of stew there once it's done. Since it's so quiet with just me, I either turn on the radio or TV for background noise. I like eating in silence sometimes, but tonight I'm feeling like it's a radio night.

Halfway done eating, I check my phone for any updates, 'It's odd that I haven't heard from any of the guys in 3 days. I hope they're doing okay.' All that's on my phone is many unread Kakaotalk and voicemail messages, all from Minho. 'Even you haven't contacted me in 3 days.' I sigh and quickly finish eating my meal before it gets cold. Since it's late, I skip watching a bit of night TV, wash the dishes, and then get ready for bed. I lie down and stare at the ceiling, the time where every single thought I blocked during the day resurfaces and it's become a nightly routine now. 'I wonder exactly when they're coming back. It's been so long since I've last seen them, it feels like a part of me is missing now because I got used to being with the guys all the time.'

I grab my phone and check it one more time before deciding to fall asleep. I stare at picture of Minho with me that was taken at the zoo, where we both formed a heart together with our hands. 'Maybe I'm being ridiculous about this...but it's possible. I mean, what if a really cute Japanese girl swept Minho off his feet. Wait no...He wouldn't understand her. Anyway the woman spoke Korean to me so that means...it would be one of the coordi-noonas! I do remember meeting them all once and they were all so pretty. Plus, they're close to SHINee since they've been with them since debut. It makes sense that Minho and a coordi-noona could be together...it seems to be a better option for him too.' Once again I think myself into a bad mood before sleeping. Sighing, I plug my phone into my charger and then finally decide to fall asleep.

In the middle of the night, I wake up 70% still asleep because I think I hear a noise. After waiting for 2 minutes in silence to see if I hear it again, I go back to sleep. That ends quickly after 10 minutes when I feel something brush my cheek, but think nothing of it assuming some hair moved onto my face. I'm not fully awake until finally I feel someone kiss my forehead which freaks me out. I sit up quickly and switch on my light. I look up at the source of who kissed me only to discover someone I didn't expect to see for a while still, a tired Minho. He pulls back away from me with a blank expression. I'm staring at him speechless because it was the last thing I expected to see in the middle of the night.

Silence is still in the air until I finally try to fill it, "M-Minho-oppa?" It's the only thing I can say with my groggy voice right now, but apparently that's good enough for Minho. He reaches over and pulls me into a tight hug.

"It's so good to hear your voice again." He whispers into my ear while hugging me tighter. From him saying that, I just realized I haven't heard him speak in so long. '...It sounds foreign, but at the same time like he never left. I missed his voice.' I'm still confused and surprised wondering if I'm dreaming, so I stay still not hugging back. When a good solid minute passes, Minho finally releases me from his hug, but keeps a firm hold on my shoulders. He looks me straight in the eye with a serious expression on his face like he's trying to find the answer to the question he hasn't asked me yet. "Kate-ah?"

I'm still in a daze from the sudden appearance of Minho, but I try to shake myself out of it. "Minho-oppa? Are you really here or am I dreaming?"

My question breaks Minho's frown and it turns into a smile, "Aigo, maybe it wasn't a good idea to wake you up at 3 in the morning, but I missed you." He then gives my head a little flick, "You're not dreaming."

I put my hand to my forehead after his flick and it made the wheels start turning in my head. I blink a few times like my vision was blurry before, but now it's clear. 'Minho's really here.' Like a reflex, I lean over to hug him, it's now my turn. "You're back. I've missed you so much." I thought he wasn't going to hug me back like I did, but I slowly feel his arms wrap around me.

"Ne, I'm back." This hug lasts a bit longer than the one before and in the brief moment, I forget about the worries I have with him. As soon as the brief moment is over, I then remember why I haven't talked to him in so long and pull away from the hug.

I decide to first ask the obvious question, "Minho-oppa...why are-"

"Ani." Minho stops me, "We'll talk about it in the morning when we both get some rest." I just give him a nod to agree and he smiles. "I didn't want to wait to see you in the morning, but I had no intention of waking you up. Mianhae."

"Gwenchana." There's now just silence between us and then Minho stands up starting to leave.

He ruffles my hair smiling, "I'll see you in the morning. Jal ja, Kate-ah."

He starts to turn away and as a reflex, I grab his wrist. "Jamkkanman." Once again silence fills the air. 'Why did I just do that? Well...I don't want him to leave. It feels like if Minho leaves, he'll disappear and this was just a dream. I-It's not like we can sleep in the same bed...that's too much right now! Plus we're still technically in a fight. Still, this moment with him is too brief. I...oh gosh I don't know!'

My thoughts are interrupted when Minho's face appears in front of me. "Yah, Kate-ah...gwenchana?" I feel stupid now for making him worry when I'm just having a battle inside my head.

I quickly let go of his wrist and answer, "Ah, ne! Gwenchana...I'm still dazed and should go back to sleep. Have a good night's rest, Minho-oppa."

"Jinjja?" I nod to him with a small smile on my face.

He takes one more moment making eye contact with me before turning again to walk out of my room. Minho turns the handle to my door, and then turns to me once more "Sweet dreams."

After that he exits closing the door behind him. Falling back on my pillow, I let out a breath that I didn't know I kept in. I'm now staring at the ceiling replaying what just happened. 'He's back. I can't believe it. I mean, I didn't expect us to greet each other like that too.' I reach for my second pillow and plop right onto my face followed by a loud groan. 'How am I going to fall asleep again!?' I turn to my side now hugging the pillow and try to drift off to sleep. However, every time I close my eyes, I now see Minho's face from moments ago. 'I didn't expect him to hug me and smile. I thought he would be angry...' The image of his worried face when I spaced out pops up in my head. 'I forgot how caring he is. I ignored him for so long, but he was still concerned about me when I was just spacing out. I...definitely have to apologize to him.' I grip the pillow tightly, but I try to think of something positive and relaxing. Smiling, I replay the hug Minho gave me over and over in my head until I finally fall asleep.

After a few more hours of sleep, I wake up at around 7am. ‘No matter how many times I wake up early, I’ll never be a morning person.’ I quickly get dressed and when I exit my room, I pause in front of SHINee’s door. ‘I guess we’ll talk later, but I feel bad for just leaving. Minho is probably still tired so I’ll let him rest. Maybe…I should write a note?’ I go back into my room and grab a sticky note to write down a quick message, “Minho-oppa, mianhae. I have an early schedule today and I didn’t want to wake you up. I’ll see you later, ok? Hope you have a restful day. ~Kate” I’m not sure if I should write a heart because I’m still confused on how we are. The difficult part now is finding a place to put it where only Minho will see it and sadly I know where. ‘I guess I’ll have to embrace the ninja in me.’ I walk back in front of their door and take a deep breath before very slowly turning the door knob.

I try not to open the door too much since I don't want the light in the hallway to wake any of the guys out. As I looked at the sleeping lumps in the beds making quiet little snore sounds. I just stand there for a second and soak it in, 'This room has been empty for so long. I really missed them all.' I tip toe over the clothes that were thrown on the floor trying not to trip on any of them. Quickly I make my way over near Minho's bottom bunk bed and see him sprawled out on his back in a deep sleep. Even in that position his face still looks really peaceful from what I can see in the dark. At the foot of his bed, I look for his phone which is either in his bag or on the floor charging. Crouching, my hands feel for the phone and luckily it was plugged in to the outlet to charge. I grab the sticky note and place right on the screen. 'He checks his phone first when he wakes up, so I know he'll see my note.' I stand up, take one last look at Minho, and then quietly leave the room. As soon as I step out of the room and close the door, I grab my bag that I left outside of their door. Walking towards the living room, I hear something that sounds like mumbling. 'Wait...but I saw them all sleeping.' As soon as I walk into the living room, I see Key in the kitchen cooking.

"Key-eomma?" I say it to myself, but it looks like he heard me since he turns.

As soon as Key spots me, he walks over with a huge smile, "Kate-ah! It's so great to see you again!"

I shush him while returning his hug, "It's great to see you again too. The other guys are still sleeping so let's not talk too loud, ok?” He nods and then suggests we go outside to talk. I’m a little confused as to why we can’t just whisper in the kitchen, but I go along with it and follow him out of the dorm. We walk a few feet away from the entrance to our dorm until Key stops and turns towards me.  I was expecting a cheerful Key that I just saw greeting me, but I get an annoyed expression with a quick flick to the forehead. “Yah! What was that for?”

He rolls his eyes at me, “Pabo! Why did you ignore Minho-ah!?”

“Y-You brought me out here to lecture me?” I’m a little taken aback by the sudden topic.

“Ne, this is not something I could just whisper to you about.” The motherly side of Key is coming at me all at once and I’m not sure I miss it. I sigh and then he continues, “You didn’t answer a single call from him and reply to any of his texts. He told me what you guys were arguing about and you both are just so stubborn.  At any point did you think that he was doing it to try to apologize? I know you weren’t so busy to not be near your phone at all since you were talking with me and the rest of the guys. Plus, I can tell that there’s something more to this on your side of the story that you’re keeping to yourself.”

“Key-eomma.” I whine to him. It’s just way too early to get a lecture right now.

“Why did you ignore him?” He asks me sternly.

I bend down to pick up my backpack, “It’s not something I can explain right now, I’m running late for practice. Seunghye-ssi will make me do 50 push-ups if I’m late.” I start to walk past him, but then he grabs my shoulder to turn me around.

“Then just summarize it for me because I honestly can’t understand why.” He says this while looking at me straight in the eyes. I grab his hand and gently take it off my shoulder and put it down to his side.

I look away from Key and sigh, “Fear.”

“What do you mean?” From his tone he sounds confused.

“You told me to summarize it and I did. Key-eomma, I promise to tell you everything, but later, ok?” I turn my head back towards him to wait for a response. Key just silently analyzes me, like he’s trying to get something out of my expression and then just nods. With the confirmation, I turn back around and head for practice. ‘If I find it hard to talk about with Key, how will I do it with Minho?’

Thankfully, I’m not late so I don’t have to do the fifty push-ups that Seunghye would have made me do. Today it’s just a solo practice for me, meaning no instructor and just working on things I feel needs improvement. After about an hour and a half, I decide to take a break. Instead of walking to a seat, I plop down on the floor and lay down. ‘I will never be a morning person. Why can’t I have practice at night sometimes? I have so much more energy then.’ I close my eyes and enjoy the now quiet room that’s no longer filled with music blasting from the speakers. ‘Maybe it won’t hurt if I can take a tiny nap.’ Slowly, I allow myself to fall asleep, but then after about five minutes I feel my cheek getting pinched and pulled. I quickly open my eyes to see someone over me squatting next to me on my right.  To clear my vision to see who it is. I rub my eyes franticly and sit up.

Even before I see who it is, the person speaks, “Illeona, Kate-ah. I think you slept enough.” As soon as I hear the voice, I know who it is and turn my head towards him.

“Jonghyun-oppa, nice to see you again.” I say to him sarcastically and then yawn. “I only slept for five minutes before someone decided to pinch my cheek.”

He chuckles, “Aigo, but you looked so cute sleeping.” He reaches over and quickly pinches my cheek again.

“Yah!” Usually I wouldn’t mind someone pinching my cheeks, but never mess with me when I’m drowsy.

“What time did you decide to take a snooze?” Jonghyun asks me.

I don’t understand why he’s asking me, but I reply anyway, “Around 9am…wae?”

He takes his phone out of his pocket and show it to me, “It’s 11am now. You slept for 2 hours.”

“Seolma! Eoteokke? Wae?” I freak out from missing two hours of practice. It’s because Seunghye and my instructor will want to see what I’ve practiced for the day.

“Relax, you still have the whole day. You must have been pretty tired. Did you stay up last night?” Jonghyun asks me this while going from a squat to a sitting position.

My mind goes back to what happened in the middle of the night, “Well, not exactly stay up. I just woke up in the middle of the night.”

“Wae?” I can’t tell if he’s curious or just making small talk.

“Just because…” I leave it at that because I don’t want to talk to Jonghyun about Minho. It’s silent for a moment and I can tell that he has something on his mind. I decide to break the silence, “I’m glad you’re back, Jonghyun-oppa.”

He faces me and smiles, “Nado. It must have been weird being by yourself.”

“Ne, but I got used to it.” I say to him as a reply. Once again, it’s quiet between the two of us. I can still tell that Jonghyun is thinking about something. ‘Should I ask? What could it be about?’ I decide to just ask, “Jong-”

“Kate-ah.” Jonghyun interrupts me.

“N-ne?”

I can see him hesitate a little before talking, “You woke up in the middle of the night because you saw Minho-ah right?” I’m surprised by his question and like he read my mind, Jonghyun continues, “We all came back at the same time and he went straight to your room.”

“Ah, arasseo.” I’m not sure what to say as a reply, since he basically answered the question himself.

“How was it? Seeing him?” Watching him, I can tell he wants to know, but at the same time doesn’t want to talk about it.

“It was fine.” I tread lightly with my replies.

Jonghyun finally looks at me, “I know you guys were fighting, but why did you not talk to him when clearly he was trying to contact you?”

‘I guess they all want to know why.’ Instead of replying, I ask a question, “Jonghyun-oppa, why do you want to talk about this? I would think that you don’t want to discuss about Minho-oppa and I. I feel like you don’t really want to.” Jonghyun leans back with his hands supporting him from behind while staring up at the ceiling.

“It’s because…you’re both my friends. You and I dated for a bit, I was angry at both of you for a while, and I still have lingering feelings for you, but in the end…I want my friends to be happy. So, don’t feel weird talking to me about Minho-ah, because I’ll help you.” Jonghyun gives me a small smile and reaches over to ruffle my hair.

I smile back at him, “Gomawo, oppa.”

“Munje obsseo.” He smirks this time.

“Well, Key-oppa also asked me the same question and thinking about it, I think I’ll let you guys know after having a conversation with Minho-oppa.”

Jonghyun gives me a nod, “That’s fine by me.” He then stands up and stretches, “Did you have any breakfast?” I shake my head, “Bap meugero kaja.” Standing up, I agree that grabbing a bite is a good idea. We exit the dance studio and walk down the hall towards the entrance of the building. Usually near the entrance, there’s a receptionist desk for any visitors who have appointments for anyone. Most of the time when I enter the building, I make small talk with the receptionists because I would think it gets a bit boring sitting at the desk all day. I glance over to see the woman who is there every day answering calls and see she’s on the phone. ‘Hm, I was going to ask if she would like any coffee, but she’s busy. I’ll get her one anyway.’ Before leaving the building with Jonghyun next to me I hear someone call my name.

“Kate-sii!” Jonghyun and I both turn around to see it’s the woman that is on the phone. She waves telling me to come over, “Kate-sii, there’s someone on the phone for you from New York!” My heart stops and I then hear her talk on the phone again, “I’m sorry, but who is this?” 

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Learn some Korean~! ^^

Seolma! - Now way!

If you need a refresher on Korean words or phrases that I defined in the past, feel free to ask me.  

Hello! So, things have been hectic for me...and the Korean Entertainment world. From changing my major to my brother now engaged and preparing a wedding. From the whole Sulli situation to Onew having surgery to Park Bom's drug scandal to Taemin having a solo! Give me your opinions on anything (respecting each others opinions) or share news about anything! I love reading what you guys write~ Tell me how you guys have been! I honestly missed writing and it how I keep doing a hiatus, I try not to...*sigh*. I'm grateful for you guys staying subscribed and waiting patiently for an update. I even saw that I got some new subscribers while I was gone...welcome and thank you!! Ah! Part of the reason why I wasn't updating because this summer, in my spare time...I've been using my art skills to try and make my story a manga! I have no idea how long it will take, but I want to at least try out one chapter to see how it works. I definitely appreciate manga artists...so much time and detail for it. Plus, I'm doing an updated main poster since SHINee's looks changed in my story. That will be out next update which I am planning on having by this weekend. I'm actually in school waiting for my next class (first day back meh) and I've been writing the next chapter. I will make use of my breaks to write. FIGHTING! Hm, do I have anymore to say? I miss you guys!!<3