Slowly I open my eyes, but squint when it's too bright. I notice I'm lying down on a bed and that someone is holding my left hand. Looking to my left I see someone sitting next to the bed I'm on and has their head laying on the bed. Since I'm squinting from the light, I can't clearly see who it is. My eyes finally adjust to the brightness and the person who is sleeping next to me is Minho. 'He looks so tired.' I take a better look at him seeing how he looks so innocent and peaceful when sleeping. 'He really does have a baby face. He looks like Yoogeun ha...so angelic.' Without even knowing it, I squeeze his hand that is holding mine. Doing that makes him stir a little, but luckily he doesn't wake up. I notice that some of his hair falls in front of his eyes, so I reach over with my free hand and brush his hair lightly away from his face. Minho's eyes flutter open from my touch and his big brown eyes look directly into my eyes. 

 

He sits up quickly letting go of my hand with a surprised and concerned look, "Kate-ah you're awake! Gwenchana!?"

 

I'm not really sure why he's so concerned, but I answer him, "Ne." 

 

All of a sudden, Minho leans over hugging me and smiling "I'm really happy to hear that." 

 

Even though I want him to still hug me, I'm completely confused, "Oppa...what's going on?" It's not until now that I finally take in my surroundings. This isn't my room, instead it's a white room and automatically I feel nervous. "Where am I?" I say a little more on edge. Minho places his hand on my shoulder and when I look into his eyes, I calm down slightly, but quickly I go back to my nerves when he answers. 

 

"You're at the hospital right now." I panic more after he says that. Going to the doctors makes me extremely nervous so being in a hospital is ten times worse. 

 

I look around the room again then back to Minho, "Wae!? What happened!?" He can clearly see me panicking so he gives me another hug and tries to calm me down. When he pulls back, I notice a slight bruise near his lip. I don't even notice I put my fingers to the bruise until he holds my hand. With this gesture I pull my hand back quickly because I finally realize all the actions he's been doing towards me and I look at him confused. 'Why is he acting like this? We were awkward just yesterday because of my mistake. So...why all of a sudden is he being affectionate towards me?'

"Don't you remember what happened?” I shake my head as a response. He sighs looking down at his hands, "You passed out after Jonghyun-hyung and I started fighting." 

 

"Mwo!? You two fought! Why did yo-" All of a sudden it comes back to me. I look down running through all of what happened in my head. 'I thought I was just dreaming!' When I lift my head back at Minho, I see him smirk. 

 

"From your expression, I'm guessing you remember now." he says to me. 

 

"I thought that it was all a dream. So...does that mean...Minho-oppa you really do-" Minho cuts me off by leaning over and giving me a surprise kiss on the cheek then holds my hand. 

 

"Ne Kate-ah. Saranghae." Hearing him say it for the second time gives me the same amount of butterflies as the first. By now, I've forgotten all about freaking out that I'm in a hospital all thanks to Minho. After my moment of bliss, I then go to the topic of what happened after Minho confessed. "Jonghyun-oppa neun eodi eh isseoyo?" He frowns when I ask this question and it makes me worry.  

 

"After you passed out, we immediately stopped everything and called an ambulance. Hyung was here a lot because he's so worried about you." He pauses for a moment and then continues, "...He's been feeling really guilty and beating himself up about what happened." I turn my head to look out the window to think. Even though I'm upset with how he feels right now, I can't help but feel anger towards him. 'I mean...even though what I did to him was bad. He let his emotions take over and when on a rampage. He hurt Minho causing a huge commotion for everyone and I got so stressed out from it all that I'm in the hospital.' By this point I'm at Jonghyun. My thoughts get interrupted now by hearing the door to the room open. When Minho both turn our heads to see who it is, in comes Onew, Key, and Taemin instantly smiling once they see I'm awake. 

 

"Noona! You're awake! Gwenchana!?" Taemin comes over to the right side of me quickly. 

 

"Ne Taemin-ah, gwenchana." His smile gets bigger once I respond. I notice he's hugging something, but I can't tell what it is since he's hugging it so hard. He notices and follows where my eyes are landed at. Once Taemin knows I'm looking at the object in his arms, his smile widens. His grip loosens and holds it up close to my face where I need to move back to see the object. 

 

"I brought Uyu with me because he was getting lonely and he missed you!" His voice sounds so cheery when saying that. I finally get a clear vision of Uyu and I smile snatching him into a big hug. I hear Taemin and the others chuckle from my child-like behavior.  

 

Once I finish hugging him, I hold it out in front of me on my lap "Uyu, mianhae. You must have been so lonely." I turn to Taemin, "Gomawo, Taemin-ah." I give him a tight embrace from my bed, and then he walks over to a seat in the room. It's now Key's turn to say hi since I see him approaching the side of my bed with a bowl in his hands. 

 

"My turn!" He states cheerfully and I chuckle. "Since the food here stinks, I made you some kimchi stew to eat. He places the bowl on the table beside my bed. He turns to me with a stern look, "You better eat it because I worked hard on making it."  

 

I smirk in response, "Ha, typical Key-eomma making sure his daughter is well fed." Key sticks out his tongue with the mehrong sound for effect. 

"Well, without me you wouldn't have a single decent meal every day and starve!"  

 

I laugh but its short when I notice that I'm the only one laughing and everyone else just has an awkward smile. I think I saw Onew nudge Key after he said that, but I'm sure I imagined it. "Arasseo, arasseo...gomawo Key-eomma." He joins Taemin taking a seat next to him. Minho still hasn't moved from his spot next to me and it still hasn't registered in my head that he loves me. I'll have to think about it another time since I see Onew come forward with a whole bunch of balloons that say "Get Well Soon" "Smile" and a few Hello Kitty balloons mixed in. Unfortunately, Onew doesn't walk to me with them gracefully because a few steps in and he trips on the long balloon strings. He's lucky though because he catches himself before his face meets the floor and keeps walking forward like nothing happened a few seconds ago. No one says anything and I try not to laugh. 

 

"Aish, once again it's the Onew Condition." Key of course speaks his mind and speaks for all of us and we all end up laughing, even Onew. He places the balloons a little away from my bed next to the table then comes over and hugs me. 

 

"I'm glad you're feeling better, Kate-ah." He whispers while hugging.me. We part from the hug and smile at each other. He walks to the other two, but just stands leaning against the wall since there aren't any more chairs. Jonghyun's not here and I don't mind it since I don't want to see him. 

 

The room turns silent and to fill it, I ask the obvious question, "So, when am I leaving?" The room stays quiet and when I look at all of them, none made eye contact with me. I feel my anxiety coming back, but try to stay and sound calm. "I mean, I just fainted and I'm now awake so most likely later today right?" Still no response from them and now I'm feeling worried. I feel Minho grip my hand again. I turn my head to him and before looking at me, he looks over to the others like he's asking permission to speak. Now his eyes finally make contact with mine and they're filled with concern, worry and 'Why does he look scared?' Before one of us can say something, we hear the door open and everyone's eyes dart towards that direction. I see an out of breath Jonghyun leaning against the door and looking around until his eyes land on me. 

 

"I got a text from Key-hyung. Kate-ah how are you feeling?" He walks over to me. He attempts to hold my hand but I move it before he can. Jonghyun's face turns to a mix of surprise and hurt with my action staring at my hand then up at me. I turn my head avoiding any eye contact. "Kate-ah?" He says quietly.

I don't say anything to him but instead talk to Key, "Key-oppa, can you please take him out of the room? I don't want to see him."  

 

"Kate-ah..." Is all Key says. 

 

"Jebal?" I ask him again. 

 

"Kate-ah! I-" Jonghyun gets interrupted when the door opens again. We all turn our heads, even Jonghyun does. It's a man I don't know, but from the white coat I can tell he's a doctor.  "Am I interrupting something?" The man asks looking around the room. Jonghyun then walks out of the room quickly not taking a glance at anyone. Key follows him to make sure he's ok. 

 

Onew finally answers the doctor, "Anio, you didn't interrupt us." 

"Ah, arasseo. How are you feeling now, Kate-ssi?" He walks over to me and stands right where Jonghyun just stood giving me a smile.

I politely return the smile, "I'm feeling really good. When do I check out?" As soon as I ask the question it gets quiet again and I see the doctor's face falter looking down at his clipboard.

He clears his throat, "Well, you didn't just faint. You had a panic attack and you out from lack of oxygen since you weren't able to breathe properly." I absorb what he's saying and nod. He continues, "The reason why you had the panic attack was from immense amount of stress." 'Makes sense because of the situation that was going on.' To my surprise the doctor’s face grows more serious and has more to say. "I know a little of the situation that happened before your panic attack, but that was not the main cause of the stress." Now I'm confused and look around to see everyone else's expression. They don't make any eye contact with me, even Minho even though he's still holding onto my hand firmly. 

"What else can the stress be from? I mean I am training and that is pretty stressful." I tell the doctor trying to make the atmosphere lighter. Key comes back into the room taking his seat next to Taemin again.

"Anio, that's not the reason. The main reason is lack of intake of food...starvation."

"Mwoaeyo!?" My eyes grow wide and I don't think my Korean is perfected because I feel I heard him wrong.

"We took a few tests and saw that your body is lacking greatly in nutrients. You may have an illness that is called anorexia." Every word coming out of the doctor's mouth makes me think he's saying lies. 

"Anio. Anio! That's impossible! I'm not anorexic!" I start getting mad at the doctor for accusing me of starving myself. "Guys you've been with me. Tell him that I don't starve myself and that I do eat." I look to the others with hope to put the silly diagnosis to rest, but when I see all of them still looking down with sad faces, my hope quickly diminish.

Key then stands up looking at me with sad eyes, "Kate-ah...I hardly see you eating my meals. Most of the food I would cook is still on the plate."

Before I can say anything Taemin speaks up from where he's sitting, "The time we were going to share a sundae, you let me eat most of it."

"I did it because you really wanted the sundae!" I can't believe what I'm hearing. 'Is this some sort of intervention!?'

"You've gotten skinnier pretty fast, Kate-ah."

"And we know you don't really go to the gym a lot." Minho adds to what Onew said. He squeezes my hand a little harder as if telling me to look at him. I do what he asks and turn my head to see that his eyes are filled with worry and concern.

"Minho-oppa..." I say breathlessly surprised he feels this way too.

"Kate-ah, you've been so tired lately and we all felt like something was wrong, but we didn't want to believe it. We don't want you to be sick and we're really worried about you."

I feel my eyes start to tear up, "M-Mianhae." Before I can say anything else, Minho pulls me into a hug and I let the tears fall. 

"Please...get better, Kate-ah, for us...for me." He whispers into my ear. I can't talk, so instead I nod my head. I hear footsteps and then I hear Onew talk quietly.

"We'll leave for now and come back later so Kate-ah can rest. Minho-ah you should probably stay with her." After that, the door closes and I hear nothing but my sobs and Minho's breathing. I feel his hand caressing my back and the other my hair. Slowly, I stop crying and sleep takes over me while still in his arms.

 

I find myself waking up but not in Minho’s arms, I’m lying back down on the hospital bed. I sit up quickly thinking he left, but then I feel a hand go to my shoulder. I turn to see that it’s him and he never left my side.

 

“Oppa? You stayed?” I mentally smack myself after asking the stupid question since it’s obvious he did.

 

“Ne, it looked like you were sleeping peacefully. How are you feeling?” he asks me giving me a tiny smile.

 

“I feel…well-rested.” I give him a smile back.

 

“Joahyo.” It becomes silent after his response. My mind then goes back to what happened before I fell asleep in his arms reviewing the whole thing. ‘Am I really…anorexic? I never thought I would ever have an eating disorder when I knew about them.’ Suddenly I feel embarrassed at another action that happened to be in front of Minho before falling asleep. My face quickly gets hot and I grab a pillow using it to cover and cool my face.

 

“Kate-ah? What’s wrong?” Minho sounds slightly worried from the sudden action.

 

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” I muffle into the pillow trying to sound as clear as possible.

 

“Yah! Tell me what’s wrong.”

 

I sigh and remove the pillow sitting up, “I said it’s no big deal. I’m just…embarrassed.” I know that my cheeks are still flushed and I try to look at anything else but him.

 

“Mwo? Wae?” My eyes fall over to him and I see he’s not worried anymore, but a little off-guard and curious.

 

I clear my throat a little turning away again, “Before I fell asleep…I cried. I don’t really let anyone see me cry so…”

 

“I know.” I snap my head up to meet his eyes. “When I saw you were about to cry, I hugged you because I had a feeling you didn’t want anyone to see you do it.”

 

“Chincha?” Is all I can say. He gives me a nod along with a comforting smile. I smile back, but then frown again. He gives me a questioning look, “Still…I cried in front of you. I don’t want to have to lean on you being so dependent. I never wanted you to see me vulnerable…weak.” He takes my hand and with his other, grabs my chin gently tilting my face towards his. Minho makes my eyes meet his and the gaze he has looks gentle reading that he cares.

 

“Gwenchana. You don’t have to be strong all the time; it’s ok to show weakness sometimes. I want you to be able to come to me if you’re upset because I want to help. Arasseo?” His voice is low almost in a whisper and it sends a tiny shiver up my spine with each comforting word. All I can do is nod without breaking my gaze on him. He looks satisfied smiling and before his hand leaves my chin, he brings my face closer and lifts his head up to give me a light peck on my forehead. Once he pulls away it’s quiet again.

 

“Minho-oppa.” I break the silence.

 

“Mm?” His attention is back on me.

 

I sigh, “Mianhae.” He doesn’t say anything but he has a sad expression and I have one too.

 

“Can you tell me why?” The way he says it, it sounds like he really wants to understand why. Sadly, I’m not sure how to explain. I look past him out the window trying to think of how to tell Minho.

 

“I…I don’t feel like I’m good enough.”

 

“Mwo? I don’t get it.”

 

I try to explain, “Well, all my life, I was overweight and when I was younger I was made fun of a lot. For a long time, compared to other girls, I thought I was so ugly and that I could never find someone.” I glance at him and he’s listening intently, so I continue, “It changed when SM accepted me. I thought “Wow, maybe I’m not bad as I thought.” Then all you guys, made me gain confidence slowly…but then I was getting suggested to have a nose job. That actually didn’t hurt as much as when after I got suggested to lose weight. It’s like, I went back to when I was younger and I wanted to do anything to not go back. I guess…I did anything to lose weight so I wouldn’t go back, so I can debut and…”

 

“And?” He asks me to continue.

 

“And…accomplish everything I worked hard to do.” It’s not what I was going to say before, but I don’t want to tell him so I change it the last minute. “I thought, if I didn’t eat as much along with my training, I could lose the weight quicker and when I saw it was working, I can just continue the method. The tiredness and feeling weak, I thought it was from just training too much.”  I hear him sigh that sounded like he’s mad. “Mianhae…mianhae.” I don’t have the guts to look at him because I feel so ashamed by my actions.

 

“Kate-ah.” I don’t look at him. “Kate-ah, look at me.” I move my head towards him hesitantly. I could see he looks frustrated.

 

He closes his eyes doing another sigh, and then looks me straight in the eyes, “I’m not mad at the fact at what you did…but I’m upset that you would think you’re ugly when you’re clearly not. You don’t have to change when you’re fine just the way you are.”

 

“Oppa, don’t start being cliché no-”

 

“I’m serious!” I tried to lighten the mood, but he got more upset. I stay quiet and he continues, “I’m also upset that you don’t come to any of us if you were feeling like that. We were worried about you, but we didn’t know how to approach you about it.” His expression softened and I feel bad about not thinking how they all felt, I didn’t think they noticed. “Please…take care of yourself and…” He grabs my hand, “Don’t doubt yourself, because you’re beautiful to me, and I have to I’ll make you believe it.” I can’t help but smile and finally I see him smile again.

 

“Gomawo. I promise to get better quickly. I have a feeling my debut is being pushed back again.” Just as I say that, Seunghye walks in.

 

“Minho-ssi, do you mind if I talk to Kate-ssi?” She says to Minho ‘Oh yea, I’m fine. Thanks for asking.’ Minho nods then walks out passing Seunghye.

She then walks over to me, but faces the window, “Well, you being in the hospital is quite bothersome. I talked to the head about this.”

 

I sigh knowing what she was going to say, “My debut is being pushed back again, right?”

 

She turns around to me now, “Anio, you won’t be debuting.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Learn some Korean~!

 

Jonghyun-oppa neun eodi eh isseoyo? - Where is Jonghyun-oppa?

 

Jebal - Please

 

Joahyo - Good

 

Um......I'M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been so long that I guess I accidently did a hiatus >.< You see...these past two months, I was training/practicing for the SM Global Audition that was on Fab. 18th (Let me know if you want to hear my experience and I'll post it in the next chapter). Plus, I was kind of without a laptop for a few weeks so I was trying to write on my phone which takes a while haha. I even had a bit of writer's block...aish. Anyway, I feel terrible and I give you permission to mentally flick me on my forehead. Once again...I'm so sorry! Thank you so much for staying with me! Btw...how have you guys been? Anything cool and exciting happen? Since you read my updates, I would also like to know a little about you :) Kk...I feeel a little rusty so I hope this was an ok chapter haha. Bye~<3